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- Chapter 1 – Introduction
- 1.1 – Girls Who’ve Had a 3some Before, vs Girls Who Haven’t
- 1.2 – Everyone is Probably Going to be a Bit Nervous (Including You)
- Chapter 2 – Two Girls You’re Already Seeing
- Chapter 3 – A New Girl
- 3.1 – Your Girl + Her Friend
- 3.2 – Your Girl + a New Girl You Found
- 3.3 – Your Girl + a New Girl She Found
- Chapter 4 – Key Takeaways
Chapter 1 – Introduction
Alright, you little 3some-seeker! In Part 1, we covered how to find girls to have a 3some with, what to say, and how to get things started. Now we’ll dive deep into the actual meetup.
I’ll be talking a bit about having a “date” here – but when I say date, I do not mean a full-on, really long date. For the most part, long dates aren’t necessary with 3somes. For most 3somes, you’ll already know one (or both) girls, and you’re all meeting up knowing full well that sex is on the table. This isn’t a traditional dating situation.
So a short date (if you choose to have one at all) is really just a formality, and is only really needed if one or both girls are super nervous. You meet in public, hangout for a tiny bit until both girls are comfortable coming back to yours, then go back and have some sexytime. But most of the time you’ll find girls are comfortable with just meeting in public, introducing yourselves to each other, then immediately walking to your apartment.
This guide assumes you have your own apartment/place. If you don’t, that’s something you should work on; read this and also read this. In the case you don’t have your own place, you’ll have to get creative – eg ask both girls if either of them have a place you can all use.
1.1 – Girls Who’ve Had a 3some Before, vs Girls Who Haven’t
If one (or both) of the girls have had a 3some before, cool – she’ll know what to expect and she won’t be as nervous. In many ways, this will make things easier.
If you haven’t had a 3some yourself but one (or both) of the girls have; awesome! Use that as an opportunity to ask a bunch of questions about what it was like for her, what she liked/didn’t like, what she would change, etc. It’s a good opportunity for you to learn and get a feel for what it could be like. Not to mention, you’ll get some good feedback on what she enjoyed vs what she didn’t.
But you’ll likely find most of the girls who want to have a 3some with you are doing it for the first time; and many of them have never done anything with a girl before. In that case, they’ll likely be pretty damn nervous. Which leads me to…
1.2 – Everyone is Probably Going to be a Bit Nervous (Including You)
We’ll cover the topic of nervousness and how to deal with it more in Part 3. But for now – don’t focus on being perfect or being smooth or having “the best 3some ever”. Because no matter your experience level, you’re probably going to be a bit nervous, and some parts of the 3some may be a little awkward or uncoordinated.
That’s certainly how my first 3some went. I tend to get pretty nervous about a lot of things, and I was pretty god damn terrified about my first 3some. I’d built it up so much, I’d wanted it for so long, and it had been my number 1 mission for many months at that point. I put a lot on the line to make it happen, and I had a lot of expectations. Needless to say, I was nervous as hell.
The day of the 3some, I ended up pacing back and forth in my apartment for hours, full of so much nervous energy I literally couldn’t sit down. I had to channel that energy into something… so I cleaned my house for hours and hours and hours and hours, just staring at the clock, willing it to hurry up so we could get the damn 3some over with. But for all that nervousness (both girls were even more nervous than I was); it ended up being a really fun night.
You probably won’t be as nervous as I was (as I said, I had really built the 3some thing up; I’d been trying for months at that point). But if you do feel those butterflies in your stomach, go easy on yourself – you’re supposed to be a bit nervous before your first 3some. It’s probably something you’ve been thinking of for ages, it might be something you never thought you could do. It makes sense you’d be nervous.
Even now, I’m still a tiny bit nervous before a new 3some – even though most of the time I’ve already had sex with both girls separately. Don’t get me wrong, we’re talking only 1% of the nervousness I felt the first few times. But there’s still a small sense of, “I hope this goes well” or “I hope both girls like each other” or “I really hope this is fun.” And I’ve had plenty of 3somes – you likely haven’t. Cut yourself some slack, and remind yourself: “It’s ok if I suck at this the first time.”
The girls will also likely be nervous (I’ve literally never met a single girl who wasn’t nervous before a 3some). I covered this in Part 1: When a girl tells you she’s nervous (or, you get the sense she is – they all will be the first time), tell the other girl. As in, tell Girl #2, “Girl #1 is really nervous”. Girl #2 will say, “Oh gosh, me too! Tell her to please not be nervous, I’ll be very nice to her, I promise.” Then you can show Girl #1 what Girl #2 said, making her feel a lot more relaxed.
Here’s what Immy has to say about our first 3some:
The first threesome was with my friend from high school and I was beyond nervous. In the days leading up to it, when I had saw Andy I was neurotic, worrying about every possible thing that might go wrong. I went back and forth about whether I wanted to do it, and ultimately Andy reassured me that everything would be okay.
Maybe you could say that doesn’t count because she was my friend, and was an exceptionally nerve-wracking experience. I which case, the next threesome was where Andy introduced me to a girl we called ‘Clown’ girl. The night I met Clown girl, she was running late which drew things out and left me even more time to get anxious and worked up. The whole day I was stressed and uptight, worried if she’d like me, or if things would be awkward or if I wouldn’t really enjoy it, or any other one of the hundred benign things.
I practically begged Andy to let me have some drinks beforehand to calm down. (I actually forgot how dysfunction I used to be, relying on alcohol to calm my nerves all the time). We walked a couple of loops around the block to kill time before we saw her and I have no doubt I was clutching Andy’s arm with a racing heart the whole time we waited. My nerves stayed at a high the entire time we walked back to Andy’s apartment, when we sat and talked on the couch, and kept up until the point we actually started having sex.
In contrast we don’t drink too often now, maybe a glass of wine on the rare occasion when we meet a new girl but it’s never a necessity, and more of a nice little addition. I might get a little nervous 10-30 minutes beforehand when I meet girl for the first time but that’s about it. It’s a very different experience now. I’m okay with the fact that it might be awkward or weird at some point, because I’ve learned from experience that people are nice and it won’t matter.
And here’s what another girl texted me the morning before our first 3some:
Another example from a girl Immy and I are still seeing now:
If girls are nervous, just remind them it’s totally normal to feel a bit of nerves. Remind them you’ll all just have a bit of fun and fool around – there’s no pressure or expectations. Remind them you will be taking the lead; all they have to do is enjoy it and have fun.
You can also tell her you are nervous too – especially if you haven’t had a lot of (or any) 3somes. “Don’t stress, I’ll be honest – I’m fucking nervous too.” Awesome, now the two of you (well, the three of you) are on the same team and can deal with the nervousness together. A lot of girls get really nervous then start to feel like maybe it’s only them who’s nervous – if you show her that you and the other girl are also a bit nervous, she’ll feel a lot better.
And so will you.
(Again, we’ll talk more about dealing with nervousness in Part 3.)
Chapter 2 – Two Girls You’re Already Seeing
If you’re bringing together two girls that you’re already dating and have already slept with separately, then you don’t really need to have a date. You’ve already banged them both – all you need to do is introduce them both to each other, go to your apartment and have some fun. You can safely skip this entire part and jump straight to Part 3. Most of the content in this part is for when you only know one of the girls, and the other girl is new.
You can have a date with the two girls you’re already dating if you absolutely really want to – but it’s not required. You already know what both girls are like, you’ve already shown them each other’s photos, and they already like the look of each other (and they both already like you, obviously). The 3some is all but guaranteed at this point. There’s not really any point having a long date – you may as well just invite them both to your place and have a drink/chat for a bit and then have a 3some. They already both trust you and trust your judgement.
That said, if you wanna go to a bar for an hour and have a drink first before heading back to yours, go for it. It’s your life; do what you want to do.
Chapter 3 – A New Girl
Here we’re talking about when you already have a girl you’re seeing, and then either you or her bring in a new girl.
3.1 – Your Girl + Her Friend
If it’s a girl you’re already seeing, and she brings along her friend/another girl she knows – they already know each other so you can usually just get them both to come to yours and have a drink.
I did basically the same thing for my first 3some – we met in public (this girl was nervous and not comfortable coming straight to my place; fair enough). We went to a liquor store and bought a bottle of wine, and walked straight to my place together and drank it. Then we all fucked the living shit out of each other.
If the new girl is super nervous, she might ask to go grab a drink/coffee/etc first. In that case, don’t have a really long date – that’ll literally just be a waste of time and it’ll prolong the nervousness for all of you.
Just hangout the 3 of you for an hour at the absolute most, then at some point say, “Hey let’s get out of here and go back to mine.” If she’s still nervous, just tell her – “Don’t stress, we’ll go slow and see what you’re comfortable with – no pressure. How does that sound?” Most girls feel a lot better as soon as you make it clear you’re not going to pressure them, and you’ll let them have the final say as to what they’re comfortable with.
If you do have a mini-date like this (coffee/drink for an hour or so) – remember you don’t need to do anything special. She’s already at least entertaining the thought of fucking you and your girl, or she wouldn’t even be out on the date with you. Remember, she’s already seen your pics and already thinks you’re at least attractive enough to meet. So just like I said in my Tinder Guide, you don’t need to be smooth, or charming, or “win her over”, or do anything special. Just hangout for a bit, accept the fact you’ll all probably be a bit nervous, and give yourself permission to be a bit awkward.
And don’t overthink the date itself. If you go to a bar/cafe, sit wherever you want to sit. If you want to sit next to the new girl and have your main girl sit opposite you both, do that. If you want to sit next to your main girl and have the new girl sit opposite you both, do that. If you want the two girls to sit next to each other (opposite you), do that. None of it even remotely matters; she already likes you and your girl to some extent, remember.
As for what to talk about: that doesn’t matter either. Go read: What to Talk About on Dates. Scroll down a bit in that article, and you’ll see I have a few examples of stuff you can talk about. You can also talk about sex if you want to; or don’t if you don’t want to. Again, none of this really matters; the only reason you’re on the date is if she/you/your girl are a bit nervous and just want to hangout a bit before you have the 3some. You’re all already attracted to each other, or you wouldn’t have even met up. The date is really just a formality.
As for touching in public: I personally never touch the new girl while at the bar/cafe; it’s just not necessary. Do it if you want to, or don’t do it if you don’t want to. Again, she already likes you both if she’s even willing to meet up with you. You’ll have plenty of chances to touch her when you’re back at your place and she’s more comfortable and there aren’t strangers around to make her even more nervous.
Bottom line: It’s easiest to meet in public, introduce yourself to the new girl and then all go back to your place together (with a bottle of wine if you want). But if she’s too nervous to do that and wants to have a date, keep the date short; the date is just a prelude to sex.
3.2 – Your Girl + a New Girl You Found
In this case we’re talking about:
- A girl you’ve already had sex with; plus:
- A new girl you haven’t had sex with yet.
We’re not talking about 2 girls you’ve already had sex with (that’s covered above).
In the case of a girl you’re sleeping with + a new girl you haven’t slept with, there’s multiple ways of going about this. For the most part, it depends on what the new girl is comfortable with (and also what you want to do).
Sometimes, you’ll find the new girl is more comfortable meeting just you alone first – without your main girl there. Sometimes the two of you will just have a date together (coffee/drink), with no sex. Once she’s comfortable meeting you first, she can then meet you + your girl, and you can have the 3some.
In that case, just have a normal date – do everything I wrote in my Tinder/online dating guide (but skip the sex bit – unless you want to bang her first).
If you do want to bang her alone first (before the 3some) – do the same thing as above. Follow my Tinder guide and have sex with her. Then the second time, meet her with your main girl for the 3some.
Or, all 3 of you can have a normal date together, in a bar/cafe/etc. You can hangout for an hour, get to know each other, then invite her back to your place. Use the same line as above: “Hey, we should get out of here and go back to my place”. It doesn’t really matter what you say. Some girls will say yes. Others might be too nervous and will want to wait until the 2nd or 3rd date before having a 3some. That’s cool; there’s no rush here. Just hangout for a bit longer, walk both girls back to their cars/the train/etc, and meet up for the 2nd date and see if she’s ready to have the 3some then.
Or, some girls will be totally cool with coming straight to your place along with your main girl, and jumping right into the 3some. (I still always prefer to meet girls in public first and walk straight to my apartment – that way you know she’s not a catfish.) You can also grab a Starbucks/coffee takeaway and take them back to your apartment. My girlfriend and I have done this a few times – eg this story and this story.
The point is – it doesn’t really matter what you do. Everything works. Just see what the new girl is comfortable with; after all, she’s the one with the most reason to be nervous (she’s meeting two new people). That can be very intimidating. Be real with her, ask her what she’s cool with, and go with the flow. Things will go much smoother – and everyone involved will have a much better time – if you empathise with the new girl and appreciate the fact she’ll be the most nervous. (Of course, show some empathy to your main girl too).
3.3 – Your Girl + a New Girl She Found
If your main girl went out and found another girl (eg on Tinder/Hinge) for you both to bang together, your options are basically the same as above.
Often, the new girl will be much more comfortable meeting just your girl first, alone (without you there). My girlfriend has done this a couple times. Sometimes they’ll just have a “friendly date” and not have sex or anything, and then meet you the next date and have the 3some then. Or sometimes your main girl will meet the new girl and have sex with her, just the two of them. My girlfriend did this once, and enjoyed it.
Or, you can get the new girl + your main girl to meet each other for a bit first, and then you join them after half an hour or so. That way the new girl will much less intimidated because she gets to meet 1 person at a time. My girlfriend and I did this once – the new girl was too intimidated to meet 2 people at once, so I just joined them after an hour when she was already comfortable with my girl.
Or, all 3 of you can have a normal date together, in a bar/cafe – my girlfriend and I have done this a couple of times. After a bit you can invite the new girl back to your place – she’ll either say yes, or say she wants to wait til the next date, just like above.
Or you can invite her straight to your place (or meet in public first and walk back together). Quite a few of my 3somes have gone this way.
All of these options are equally as good. It depends on what you like, what you enjoy – and what your main girl and the new girl are comfortable with.
Chapter 4 – Key Takeaways
- For the most part dates are just a formality if one (or both) girls are really nervous. Dates are not mandatory if everyone’s comfortable going straight to your place.
- The girls are most likely going to be nervous. Just empathise with them, tell them there’s no expectations – you’ll all just meet and have a bit of fun. I’ll cover this more in Part 3.
- You’ll probably be nervous too. Give yourself permission to be a bit awkward and clumsy and not smooth – especially if it’s your first 3some. Again, I’ll cover this more in Part 3.
2. Two Girls You’re Already Seeing
- If you’re already having sex with both girls separately, you really don’t need to have a date at all. They both already trust you; you can invite them both to your place (or all 3 of you meet in public and walk to your place).
3. A New Girl
- Play this by ear; depending on what both girls are comfortable with.
- All 3 of you can meet in public and walk straight to yours. Grab a bottle of wine if you like, or don’t; doesn’t matter either way.
- Or all 3 of you can have a short date together. After an hour at the most, say, “Hey let’s get out of here and go back to mine.”
- Or one of you (you, or your girl) can have a date with the new girl alone for a bit, then the 2nd person can join.
- Or you (or your girl) can see the 2nd girl alone 1-on-1, without the other person joining. Either have sex with her 1-on-1, or just have a date 1-on-1 (no sex). You’ll meet up again for the actual 3some next time.
I’m already working on Part 3 – we’ll cover the actual 3some itself, including dealing with nervousness, how to initiate the 3some (making a move), what the sex will be like, and a bunch of fun sex tips you can try out together. I’ll also include 5 really detailed stories of past 3somes, including ones I haven’t written about it my usual Storytime articles. Stay tuned!
Any questions? Ask them in the comments below, no matter how big or small the question. I’ll answer everything, and will edit this guide to add in any extra information that comes from your questions.
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<- Part 1: Finding the Girls