No More Mr. Nice Guy Notes and Actionable Insights

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SIGMA_1234
Posts: 440 | Thanks: 143
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2020 9:13 am
Goal: Nomad Income & Pussy
Age: 24
Motto: Action > Perfection

Sat Oct 17, 2020 3:25 pm

I forgot the General Self-Improvement section of the forum exists. I placed my notes from reading No More Mr. Nice Guy in my log, so I decided to put it here, too. But I'll do something different; I will put some actionable things for me, in addition to the notes I wrote. Wrote this in a text file on my PC but maybe other guys would also want actionable things to keep themselves accountable to change from being a "nice guy". Doing this helps me retain the information better.

-) Nice guys aren't as nice as they think they are. They are consciously or unconsciously manipulating everyone else with "nice" behaviors to get something in return.
-------) I read somewhere that women are actually more excited to meet "bad boys" because if they do something sophisticated or productive (like writing a poem or running a business), it comes off as more sincere to them. Whereas if they meet a nice guy, they feel like he's fake and being nice because of ulterior motives.
Action: research more edgy styles I can use in fashion. Start to be self aware when I am behaving in a way that I am using my "nice" behavior to manipulate others and lie my way around them.

-) Seeking approval from others is one way nice guys compensate with their perception that they aren't enough. The only person they need to be pleasing, really, is themselves. Once you learn to please only yourself, it will help with your sincerity in interacting with everyone else.
Action: The only person I should please is myself. I always thought I was a low maintenance guy because "it's a virtue to want less", but after reading the book, I realized there are a LOT of things I want: a good body, a good income, a good dating and sex life, a good lifestyle, good pictures of myself (toying with the idea that building a decent IG following on the side if it's a good idea), and time to learn new skills in my downtime. I want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but these are things I want in my life. I am working on income, but I am starting to be self-aware of my other needs and wants.

-) A nice guy needs to make his needs a priority; they have the tendency to give to others without fending for themselves first, resulting in giving from emptiness and always with strings attached. One reason why they're like this was because there were times in their childhood where their needs aren't met properly, leading to them believing their needs don't matter. Once they get their needs met, they can get to see the world as full of abundance and see that others are happy to help them meet their needs.
Action: be more vocal about what I am feeling (in proper situations) and my needs and wants. What I have done so far: say to my date (if the situation is right) I am disappointed that we didn't fuck, but I respect her decision, tell girls I find them sexy in real life but I am still happy with a normal conversation (I really do) while I sexually touch them.

-) Fostering healthy male relationships is important for recovering nice guys. This helps you see what healthy male behavior is, you will have your social and emotional needs met by men, not by women. Allowing you to give less fucks about how women will react.
Action: The only outlet for my male interaction needs is only met in KYIL and a GLL chat group I am a part of. I need to more consciously make more male friends from this point on, in real life.

-) Nice guys have a very strong belief everything needs to be perfect for him to be happy. Therefore, he wants everything to be perfect, and even done 100% right in the 1st try. This leads to a lot of pressure and procrastination. One word to cure it: surrender. Life is supposed to be chaotic and a playground of creativity and learning. By letting go of control, they can accept the imperfections of the world. They should also believe they can "handle anything life throws to them".
Action: big struggle because I was a top grad at uni by somehow being a control freak. Will start to let go of things I can't control and accept life is a chaotic playground to grow in.

-) Nice guys have the tendency to attract people who need fixing, which isn't a good strategy when looking for a long-term relationship. Some traits they need to have/ need to be working on to be a good fit:
------) Passion.
------) Integrity.
------) Happiness.
------) Intelligence.
------) Sexual assertiveness.
------) Financial responsibility.
------) Commitment to personal growth
Action: this is a good cheatsheet to refer to when I decide to get in a serious relationship. Not in the serious phase yet.

-) If you want to be sexual with a woman, you have to be comfortable with your sexuality.
Action: be more comfortable being sexual around girls I find attractive through compliments. Tell my friends and family if I find a girl attractive. Tell friends and family if my certain goals involve attracting hotter girls.

-) They mention that focusing too much on being a good lover (i.e.: really making it a goal for the woman to cum first before you do) can harm your ability to have sex. You being disconnected from your own pleasure as a result of that will also harm your ability to have sex. Good sex occurs when two people focus on their own pleasure, passion, and arousal, and stay connected to those same things in their partner. All of these dynamics allow good sex to unfold in unpredictable, spontaneous, and memorable ways.
Action: Noticed this when I met my last few dates. I focused too much on their pleasure to the point I sometimes can't get hard. Now, I start to make myself feel good first before I make them feel good. Added bonus of me being more passionate sexually.

-) The nicer the guy, the darker the sexual secrets he has.

-) The no. 1 thing that keeps guys from achieving their life, career, and goals of their dreams:
------) fear
------) the need to do everything right the first try
------) wanting to do everything by themselves.
------) self-sabotage
------) deprivation/ scarcity thinking
------) being a "victim"
-) How to solve those^
------) A conscious decision to face fears.
------) A conscious decision to not settle for mediocrity.
------) A conscious decision to make my own rules.
Action: be more contrarian in my choices and take risks. An example is choosing to start my online business, rather than focus 100% attention on job seeking. Need to give this my all because this won't leave my mind if I don't do it. it's scary, but I will never be 100% happy if I didn't start this.

"With the discovery of your true self comes unlimited freedom. Freedom to be just who you are.

Freedom to stop seeking approval. Freedom to start getting what you want."

Hope this inspires other people to pick up this book and maybe commit to change themselves from a nice guy to something better. Definitely mandatory reading for all nice guys out there.
Recovering "Nice Guy"

Goals:
-) Job applications: 5/week
-) Make $$$ before lockdowns lift/ a COVID-19 cure is developed
-) US$2k/ month nomad income from a developing country

COVID-19 Specific:
-) Weekly "gym" routine using resistance bands

Journey to Location-Independent Online Business Owner
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Radical
Posts: 461 | Thanks: 284
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:02 pm
Goal: 100 lays
Age: 27
Motto: Take drastic action
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Sat Oct 17, 2020 4:14 pm

I dont know how much this is gonna help you dude but its your journey

It comes across a bit too much like what Andy is talking about in here: https://killyourinnerloser.com/alpha/
Current Shit: I have to upload 1 video a day to youtube for 365 days

Fuck you Andy (jk love you)
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Crisis_Overcomer
Posts: 131 | Thanks: 104
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:25 pm
Goal: Earn $5,000/month
Age: 31
Motto: Motion beats meditation

Sat Oct 17, 2020 9:05 pm

SIGMA_1234 wrote:
Sat Oct 17, 2020 3:25 pm
-) If you want to be sexual with a woman, you have to be comfortable with your sexuality.
Action: be more comfortable being sexual around girls I find attractive through compliments. Tell my friends and family if I find a girl attractive. Tell friends and family if my certain goals involve attracting hotter girls
My hack here is to do a lot of touching. There are times where I dont really like a girl but do something I call kino barrage, where I touch her a lot. I, do it mainly to maintain the habit of touching. It works so well that the girl either will get turned on ( if she likes me) or she'll wanna leave (if she doesnt like me).

Im not sure if Andy has an article, but if you Google good looking loser how to escalate, you'll find the article that got me started.
Main goal:

I Will Live Stress-Free In A Nice, Central Apartment By August 2021

Secondary goal:

Completed on 30/8 - I will get laid once, in the next 2 months
I'll upload a video on Youtube for 30 days straight

365 Days Project

Send one email per day to my English list

Days so far: 11/365
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Aloofus
Posts: 49 | Thanks: 41
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 1:30 pm
Name: Justin
Goal: Help men
Age: 38
Motto: Acta Non Verba

Mon Oct 19, 2020 3:49 pm

@SIGMA_1234

I really like NMMNG though I didn't do the actual exercises as much as had the realization that some of that stuff exists. I think eliminating covert contracts and pursuing your needs were definitely the most important things there!
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