I don't give a shit about my primary goal...help?

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ronan1990
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:44 pm

I set a primary goal for 2022 to earn €6k per month, but three days into the year, I've realized how little I care about it. It's not motivating me to seize the day, get out of bed, and get to work. I'm not sure if this is some pandemic-induced apathy or a wider issue with setting bad goals. I guess I'm looking for advice on this.

For further context, I am self-employed and I work remotely. In 2021, my primary goal was to earn €3500 per month after years of paltry earnings and barely surviving. I achieved that goal, which was nice, but it didn't exactly make me happy or turn my life around. The rewards from my work are pretty much entirely monetary. I don't feel any great passion for it, but I don't feel a passion for any kind of work really.

I set other smaller goals for 2022, such as reaching 10% body fat and increasing my lay count by 2, but I am struggling to feel motivated to achieve these either. If I was to really admit to myself what the biggest issue I face in my life is, it's isolation, not low income or a slightly pudgy abdomen. I'm just an incredibly isolated person in work, in my hobbies, and in my woman life. I complain about isolation, yet I only ever feel any desire to interact with people after I drink a few beers, so that's why I didn't set any goals to specifically address isolation.

In summary, I don't really know what the fuck I want. It's like I'm setting goals that merely just mimic what I see on corners of the Internet like this. In the same way the average person might chase goals that society at large convinces them they want, such as a certain career, I chose goals that aren't authentic to me; they are authentic to people that own or frequent forums like this or Good Looking Loser. I see guys slaying it with women and think, I should try to increase my lay count because that'll make me happy. I see pictures of six-pack abs and think, I should want this. I read about location independent income and think, that needs to be me.

I'm 31 years old and completely lost. Nothing feels authentic to me. No goal feels really worthy of jolting me out of bed to get to work with any sort of zest. I lack the elusive life mission that drives so many successful men. My current self-employed work is not my life mission, but I don't know what is despite years of analyzing and trying to figure this shit out. The older I get the less clear I become.

I'm going through the motions every day feeling lethargic and thinking it's all a fucking pointless waste of energy. I don't give a fuck about the clients I work for or the work I do for them, all I want is to finish the project and get their money. I'm lost guys, and I need direction.
Last edited by ronan1990 on Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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MakingAComeback
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:50 pm

Low dopamine creates apathy

Low dopamine creates a total lack of passion

To build yourself into a goal crushing machine, you cannot have a physiology and a brain/nervous system that is stuck in a low energy state

To be beyond motivated, you need to charge your biological battery, reclaim your highest capacities, and go on the attack

Wellness was the road for me

To start getting direction when you're fucking lost, you need to start watching the sunrise. Please watch this video from brain surgeon and quantum biologist Dr Jack Kruse



You have to get to the point when you want success BAD.

It will come over months. Raise your dopamine and you will get back into the fight.
POSITIVE SELF TALK

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ronan1990
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:55 pm

MakingAComeback wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:50 pm
Low dopamine creates apathy

Low dopamine creates a total lack of passion

To build yourself into a goal crushing machine, you cannot have a physiology and a brain/nervous system that is stuck in a low energy state

To be beyond motivated, you need to charge your biological battery, reclaim your highest capacities, and go on the attack

Wellness was the road for me

To start getting direction when you're fucking lost, you need to start watching the sunrise. Please watch this video from brain surgeon and quantum biologist Dr Jack Kruse



You have to get to the point when you want success BAD.

It will come over months. Raise your dopamine and you will get back into the fight.
Thanks for your reply. You could be onto something with the dopamine thing. I became a porn addict aged 14, and despite learning about porn addiction when I was 21, I've continued the habit, albeit with less intensity, over the last 10 years. This porn addiction is coupled with general Internet addiction. I spend hours every day reading the news or browsing Reddit. Maybe my brain is just fucking fried. I work online so I find it very hard to disconnect. I do wake up and walk every day and get some sun, but it rarely brings me any pleasure. All I ever think about is how much of a sad loner I am having to go for a walk on my own.
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pancakemouse
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:59 pm

Yes, this is the problem with setting a goal that's just a number. Money is a bullshit scorecard by which many people choose to measure success in life. It's meaningless.

Figure out your happiness, joy, and how you will serve those most in need -- money will come secondary to that.

I know this sounds like a platitude, but I'm not you, so I can't figure out what you'll enjoy. For me, it's been mastering skills, making friends, traveling, enriching the lives of others, and helping bring people out of poverty and sickness.

Is there anything in your life that has made you happy in the past? Do you have any passions? What's the most fun you've had while doing something?
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AtlantisGuy
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:05 pm

I think I know perfectly what are you talking about. You are in a better position than me (I earn way less than you, I also hate my job, I am not happy with my relations with woman...) but I get that the main point is what you say about isolation. One thing that is very important is that if you work remotely, as it is my case, you have to make some activities where you can do things with people with similar interests to you. In modern world we are used to socialize in the workplace. I hated that because before the pandemic I didn't worked remotely and I am not interested in small talk with my workmates and in fact I didn't usually have made friends in workplace with some great exceptions. But at least it you have to work to the office you have to socialize and that is good. In the last two years I have experienced remote work, and it is better in some things but people like you and me with a tendency to isolate themselves have to be careful.

And of course the pandemic is very important, but sadly we have to focus in things we control. So I would tell you that, instead of searching your life purpose, you should begin to do things that you like and meet new people in these activities.
"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you have to do it every day, that's the hard part. But it does get easier."

PROGRESS LOG: https://www.killyourinnerloser.com/foru ... =40&t=1034
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MakingAComeback
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:07 pm

I've worked with a few people and gotten results using the approaches I advocate, and for me, chronic internet usage is always the thing that has killed the drive and ambition of people I've helped.

This does go deep, it involves hormones, body and brain oxygen, and neuraplasticity.

Building a winner out of a dude who is lost AINT EASY.

But it CAN BE DONE.

Wellness can help man, but it's on you.

Blue light destroys dopamine, kills melatonin, ruins sleep, and then over time the mitochondrial colony is REKT.

When dopamine is low, you become totally fucking stuck

I understood the science and it was the biggest lightbulb moment of my life. I, like you, used the internet a lot and this is what killed my brain for many years.

See the sunrise daily if you want to turn your life round, see the sunset, wear blue blockers indoors, and change all your screens to nightshift

I did this hardcore and now I am healthy and beyond motivated, this year I am moving away from this stuff a little, but will return next year when I am hopefully in a relationship and working on biz


"The best way to avoid procrastinating is, to begin with, some action. People with lower dopamine levels are chronic procrastinators. They also tend to be creatures of habit. If you’re stuck in your past, you go forward in reverse and nothing changes. Your past should never touch your future when dopamine is optimized. Ironically, as we age past 45 years old, dopamine levels drop because of an enzyme MOA-B. Enzyme MAO-B exhibits fluorescence emissions when it is excited at 412 nm. This is in the blue range of light. Surprise. Blue light not only destroys DHA but it also simultaneously destroys dopamine levels in our eye, frontal lobe, and brainstem if we allow it. We may delay, but time never does, it marches on as light continues to interact with our lattice in our eyes. As we age we know dopamine levels drop, but few people understand why. You need DHA’s electrons and the sun’s UV light to make optimal dopamine levels from tyrosine. When you lose dopamine in your eye clock you begin to lose biologic time; you get sick quicker and your age quickly and you die sooner. The best clinicians among us cannot stop time, but we figure out how to slow it."
-Dr Jack Kruse

This advice is not for weak hearted men, it's for people who will break themselves off to be successful. You have to be a hard bastard to make this shit work. So I don't blame anyone if it's not for them.

But once you make it work and your mitochondria start rejuvenating, it's game over

Just some thoughts, do whats best for you.

MAC
POSITIVE SELF TALK

GOALS 2023:
(1) MONEY: £3k Per Month W/ My Passion Biz, IronWill Accountability & High Performance Coaching
(2) Muscles: Building Physique Towards Adonis Ratio
(3) Mindset: Develop My Mentality & Inner Being
ronan1990
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:10 pm

pancakemouse wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:59 pm
Is there anything in your life that has made you happy in the past? Do you have any passions? What's the most fun you've had while doing something?
Good questions.

As far as what made me happy in the past, the only times I remember feeling actually happy on a day-to-day basis were the first time I was in love, aged 18, and then 6 years prior to that when I had plenty of friends in primary school.

As far as passions go, I like to travel. I've gone on plenty of nice solo trips, but there was always the downside of isolation on those trips because I lack any social bones in my body. One of the main reasons I like to travel is to try different foods from other cultures.

I like to read books, but it's another solo hobby. I am interested in football (soccer) and UFC. I taught myself acoustic guitar and piano during my 20s in an attempt to make the most of my isolated tendencies, but I gave up on advancing my skills in them after becoming competent at the basics.

The most fun I've had while doing something would probably be playing soccer, watching live soccer matches, white water rafting in Thailand, a boat party in Budapest, trekking in northern Vietnam, camping alone atop a mountain in Northern Thailand, and a water park I went to in Tenerife.
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SpongeBob
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Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:02 pm

ronan1990 wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:44 pm
I set other smaller goals for 2022, such as reaching 10% body fat and increasing my lay count by 2, but I am struggling to feel motivated to achieve these either. If I was to really admit to myself what the biggest issue I face in my life is, it's isolation, not low income or a slightly pudgy abdomen. I'm just an incredibly isolated person in work, in my hobbies, and in my woman life. I complain about isolation, yet I only ever feel any desire to interact with people after I drink a few beers, so that's why I didn't set any goals to specifically address isolation.
ronan1990 wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:10 pm
As far as what made me happy in the past, the only times I remember feeling actually happy on a day-to-day basis were the first time I was in love, aged 18, and then 6 years prior to that when I had plenty of friends in primary school.
I think you gave the answer you're looking for here. You say that's your biggest issue. Therefore, it should be your primary goal. You need to dig deeper as to why you don't feel any desire to interact with people, while feeling so down because of your isolation.

IMO you need to tackle your social/love life. We are social creature, and life is a bit meaningless if we can't share the moments (good and bad) with people that are close to us (like in the movie into the wild)
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DiiiieInnerLoser
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Tue Jan 04, 2022 11:04 am

Not sure if "earning x amount per month" is a healthy goal. People get paid according to the level of demand, not according to their level of skill. Chess grandmasters and professional musicians have immensely high levels of skill, but they don't earn lots of money unless they're top 10 in the world. Not their fault.

If you're depressed, there are lots of free behavioral tools for that nowadays. One of them is getting sunlight at sunrise, like the other guy said. That is strongly advocated by a lot of neuroscientists. For example, check out Huberman's podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2D2CM ... 7giW1n3LIg
ronan1990
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Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:44 pm

^ I get plenty of light early in the day, I take vitamin D...none of that makes a difference. Maybe my brain is fried or I'm just a depressive personality.
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Crisis_Overcomer
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Tue Jan 04, 2022 1:08 pm

You seem to be like me. I want certain things but I lose enthusiasm when I turn them into goals.

What has helped me was to think in terms of skills.

Take for example sex. I want to get laid more but I want to do it a certain way (with cold approaching) So, I focus on building the approaching skill and know sex will come with it.

Or making good money. The skills I want to develop is being focused while ignoring bright shiny objects, creating sexy offers to my audience, and become an effective communicator. I know that when I sharpen those skills, making money will come naturally.
ronan1990 wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:44 pm
I'm just an incredibly isolated person in work, in my hobbies, and in my woman life.
That's me right there. I can stay home for most of the day, without a problem. Eventually I'll want to go out for a walk or something, but nothing crazy.
ronan1990 wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:10 pm
The most fun I've had while doing something would probably be playing soccer,
Why not search for guys who play soccer near you?
MakingAComeback wrote:
Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:07 pm
I've worked with a few people and gotten results using the approaches I advocate, and for me, chronic internet usage is always the thing that has killed the drive and ambition of people I've helped.
Dude, I hope you're putting everything you share with people in a doc that you'll repurpose later. You seem to know your stuff and you should publish a book or e-book at some point.
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MakingAComeback
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Wed Jan 05, 2022 9:44 am

Crisis thank you bro, I do save some saved for sure, and in 2023 when finding me a wife and making $$ is the focus there will def. be info products and I will seek to follow your example as you are the man when it comes to this shit. I have researched health and function optimisation for fricken years and I also love this shit - transformation through wellness and self improvement is a true passion for me.

MAC
POSITIVE SELF TALK

GOALS 2023:
(1) MONEY: £3k Per Month W/ My Passion Biz, IronWill Accountability & High Performance Coaching
(2) Muscles: Building Physique Towards Adonis Ratio
(3) Mindset: Develop My Mentality & Inner Being
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pancakemouse
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Wed Jan 05, 2022 1:50 pm

ronan1990 wrote:
Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:44 pm
^ I get plenty of light early in the day, I take vitamin D...none of that makes a difference. Maybe my brain is fried or I'm just a depressive personality.
Have you seen a psychiatrist? Major Depressive Disorder exists. It's just a chemical imbalance that can be treated safely and easily.
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Zug
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Thu Jan 06, 2022 8:42 am

I'm not a mind reader, but I think you stated your goal pretty clearly. You don't want money, status, or lay count. You want social connection, group identity, and to feel like you belong. You need to pursue the goals that matter to you, its impossible to force meaning. I don't think you get to decide what you find meaning in anymore than you get to decide what you find attractive.

The quickest way to jump start this that I can think of are meetup groups, group classes, crossfit, mma gyms, sports, political activist groups, group counseling, and nerdy group hobbies. You're probably going to feel apathetic about all of those due it feeling inauthentic to start. I don't see anyway around that, you're going to have to force it to start. You have to start somewhere. Pick a few, put yourself out there, then start saying yes to any and every activity people offer. Set some minimum threshold per week.
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