"Failure to Launch" - How to Overcome Feeling and Being Like a Manchild?

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SIGMA_1234
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:01 am

Hey guys, I've shared this in a separate Telegram group, but I would like to ask this forum about this, too.

While I am sending my resumes and doing web design work, I cannot shake the feeling that there is this fear/ inertia in me that is keeping me from pursuing things like a madman and excel like I used to in uni. This is impacting my ability to work, so I decided to do a bit of reading about it.

Then, I read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... stuck-home

This article described a phenomenon called "Failure to Launch", basically describing early to mid-20s men unable to kickstart their life by getting a job/ starting a business and moving out of home. The case study of that article is someone who is 25 but didn't finish college and is just lazing off in the couch of his parents smoking weed.

Contrast that to mine (also will add brutal honesty): I am gonna be 25 (holy fuck) this November. No drug problems. I graduated with flying colors at uni; but I think I am scared of what a job/ business entails is completely different from a student. And I am still struggling to differentiate from my student persona to put on my big boy pants. I think what contributed to this, too, was that I became an unwilling bum for a year when I wasn't clear of what I wanted to do for a career, yet, and I think that contributed to my life inertia, too. Maybe that's because I did so well at uni, that I never thought about my next step and plan after graduating, so maybe another reason I bummed out, too.

Reading that article, I can see it's designed to book a call with the psychiatrist linked there, so I just got the information only. But the condition he described really resonated with what I feel right now. That article (and a few others linked inside) noted that these men:

-) are afraid of competition ("what if someone is better at my job than I am? I'm not good enough and I'll just be replaced")
-) are afraid of failure ("what if I got my place and I fail and move back at home again? what if my venture fails? what if no one really wants to hire me because I came from an elite uni and we have a reputation of being enititled?")
-) are afraid of success ("what if success isn't what it's all cracked up to be? what if I really don't like this and I just get responsibilities I don't like?")
-) avoidant/ aversive to stress (work stress, business stress, etc.)
-) too sheltered in childhood and unwilling to explore the real world (grew up in an upper middle class family, everything provided. Why move out?)

The article also included nonsense (still true but not affecting me as it should) like less job opportunities and tougher economy, but that's not stopping me because I am doing web design work, helping in the family business, and submitting resumes to keep myself busy. Also getting laid on the side; a bit tougher because I have to screen more girls but there's enough wanting to meet me. But these 5 bullets are what I am struggling and keeping me from "launch", per se. And I believe this will keep me from firing in all cylinders in money, getting laid, and independence.

What I am doing right now:
-) article states that doing something is better than nothing. Thankfully, I broke my bum spell by sending resumes again and starting my online business.
-) matching with girls in Tinder and Bumble. Maybe some flirting and opposite sex interaction will inspire me to compete and be a better man.

I am really doing my best to sort out my mindset. I want to be in peak mindset and performance when lockdowns lift. I am sick of staying in my condition. If any guys can share tips on how they transitioned to being independent from being college students, it will definitely help. A mix of tips and a healthy slap of reality and tough love will be appreciated.
Last edited by SIGMA_1234 on Wed Nov 04, 2020 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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MILFandCookies
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:36 am

I was this guy.

I was the "failure to launch" guy until I was 22. In a really weird way since I was kicked out when I was 15, but my parents exerted control over me through proxies until I was 22.

What got me fired up was a therapist that clicked with me 110% and helped me heal and take responsibility for myself.

I don't know if that's your path or not. For you, moving out will be a huge step and might trigger your fuse to "launch."

Either way, it should be your #1 focus right now.
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SIGMA_1234
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 6:26 am

joe_ronimo wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:36 am
What got me fired up was a therapist that clicked with me 110% and helped me heal and take responsibility for myself.
If it's alright to share, what were some of the problems he walked you through and some steps he made you go through to get over this?
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Personal Goals:
-) 12% Body Fat
-) 10 books/ online courses
-) Move out of home
-) (Optional) HSK 6 Level Mandarin
-) System to work ASAP, without getting distracted.
-) Upgrade wardrobe w/ basic mandatory guy fashion items
-) 4 FWB

$ Goals:
-) US$1k/ mo nomad income
-) US$5k/ mo nomad income

Personal Habits:
-) 1800 cals/ day
-) NoFap

Business:
-) (0/5) Local Business Websites Made Before Int'l Client Outreach
Luke95
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 9:02 am

joe_ronimo wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:36 am
In a really weird way since I was kicked out when I was 15, but my parents exerted control over me through proxies until I was 22.
That sounds awful. I got kicked out when I was 23 myself and I never felt more fear the few months before I got kicked out. I've always been grateful that it didn't happen sooner, though. I hope you got some help from family (outside the parents)!

btw Sigma, it is much easier to feel masculine / motivated when you live on your own. Maybe not so much with the pandemic, but life is much better! Also, much harder to be "too sheltered" for example.
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SIGMA_1234
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 10:10 am

Luke95 wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 9:02 am
btw Sigma, it is much easier to feel masculine / motivated when you live on your own. Maybe not so much with the pandemic, but life is much better! Also, much harder to be "too sheltered" for example.
Yeah for sure. I really, really want to fire in all cylinders in my web design business while the whole world is still somewhat in a standstill, so I can finally get a running start when things get back to normal.
SIGMA_1234 wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:01 am
-) are afraid of competition ("what if someone is better at my job than I am? I'm not good enough and I'll just be replaced")
-) are afraid of failure ("what if I got my place and I fail and move back at home again? what if my venture fails? what if no one really wants to hire me because I came from an elite uni and we have a reputation of being enititled?")
-) are afraid of success ("what if success isn't what it's all cracked up to be? what if I really don't like this and I just get responsibilities I don't like?")
-) avoidant/ aversive to stress (work stress, business stress, etc.)
-) too sheltered in childhood and unwilling to explore the real world (grew up in an upper middle class family, everything provided. Why move out?)
I will sound like a whiny bitch, but I am just really afraid of these. It's just not making me operate at 100% capacity. Especially since I never really worked properly all my life, especially since I screwed up my internships. I need to find a way to get the fear off of competing and failure. Also pretty scared of stress too, so I need to fix that, too.
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Personal Goals:
-) 12% Body Fat
-) 10 books/ online courses
-) Move out of home
-) (Optional) HSK 6 Level Mandarin
-) System to work ASAP, without getting distracted.
-) Upgrade wardrobe w/ basic mandatory guy fashion items
-) 4 FWB

$ Goals:
-) US$1k/ mo nomad income
-) US$5k/ mo nomad income

Personal Habits:
-) 1800 cals/ day
-) NoFap

Business:
-) (0/5) Local Business Websites Made Before Int'l Client Outreach
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creepo
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 11:26 am

You need to start cold approaching and getting incessant rejections man, that will make you a beast in any area you pursue trust me on this
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MILFandCookies
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Wed Nov 04, 2020 12:08 pm

SIGMA_1234 wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 6:26 am
joe_ronimo wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:36 am
What got me fired up was a therapist that clicked with me 110% and helped me heal and take responsibility for myself.
If it's alright to share, what were some of the problems he walked you through and some steps he made you go through to get over this?
She. And she's a Rogerian non-directional therapy practitioner so she didn't walk me through shit. Just gave me the space and acceptance I needed to heal and find my own path.

It's what I needed. Doesn't do the same for everyone.
Dating coach, Tinder photographer. I'll get you laid, message me 👌

P.S. I don't like MILFs, just like the name ;)

Money MAIN FOCUS:
• Build photog. biz to $10k+/month
• Track expenses
• Pay myself first (10% of all income)

Companionship:
1-3 fwb. Sex 3+ days/week. Have a 3some

• Swipe Tinder every day
• Approach when easy
• Cut to 145, upgrade photos

Other:
• Publish 1 Youtube vid/day through 2021
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SIGMA_1234
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Thu Nov 05, 2020 4:31 am

creepo wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 11:26 am
You need to start cold approaching and getting incessant rejections man, that will make you a beast in any area you pursue trust me on this
Just my grandma and family is keeping me from approaching girls. But it seems to circle back to getting my own place :/
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Personal Goals:
-) 12% Body Fat
-) 10 books/ online courses
-) Move out of home
-) (Optional) HSK 6 Level Mandarin
-) System to work ASAP, without getting distracted.
-) Upgrade wardrobe w/ basic mandatory guy fashion items
-) 4 FWB

$ Goals:
-) US$1k/ mo nomad income
-) US$5k/ mo nomad income

Personal Habits:
-) 1800 cals/ day
-) NoFap

Business:
-) (0/5) Local Business Websites Made Before Int'l Client Outreach
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Mr Available
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Sat Dec 05, 2020 8:33 pm

TL;DR :"When in hell keep marching"

I think this has a lot to do with the education system as well as your overall environment.

I went to a very good high school and even though I have a college degree in a STEM related subject every job I've had a freshmen in high school could do. The education system is set up so you obey orders, not so you can run a business and therefore run your own life. One associate of mine never finished college and he told me months ago he cleared 10K for the week with his business.

For your environment you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around. It's ruthless but take note of people that support you and those that make snide comments behind your back. For that reason I don't hang around certain family members. I'll admit sometimes I can guess people are saying I'll never accomplish anything but jokes on them, I clearly must be a threat to their standing in life (yet another reason why you must cut losers out).

I get tired of people making excuses for why they fail (I'm a woman, the President ruined me, blah blah blah). People that don't have a growth mindset settle for average and high quality people aren't attracted to average. Schools reinforce "failure" is terrible but when you're striving for greatness "failure" is only a roadblock.

Aaron Cleary claims people don't take you serious until you're 35, which I kind of agree with.

But at the end of the day you have to keep marching on with your mission.
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