My strengths and weaknesses

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d00m
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Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:55 am
Name: Aaron
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Age: 26
Motto: Leave them better than you found them

Fri Jan 22, 2021 5:42 am

Following up on the call to action from the recent podcasts. I'm just coming up with these off the top of my head and its hard to precisely delineate where one trait ends and another begins because almost all of them are very closely related. I could spend weeks (months) thinking through this but that leads me to my first weakness

[*]overly analytical- i didn't exactly know the word for this but basically i'm extremely analytical and I can go back and forth on things indefinitely, constantly weighing the pros and cons of every possible action. this makes it extremely hard to make decisions and I'm basically never satisfied with anything I do. Its as if I have to convince myself to be satisfied. In a lot of ways I suppose this is a potential strength but I feel like up until this point it has been a hindrance. A related component of this is an inability to allow myself to be in the moment. A couple of months ago when I finally got my first date I did end up making out with the girl (first kiss btw) but although I enjoyed it a lot, it didn't feel like it was real. I was analyzing the situation, seeing how she responded, was she into it or not, thinking about if this was really happening. I didn't even close my eyes until I forced myself to do so. I was completely detached from the experience, its like I was watching myself from outside of my body. It gets worse though. Last month I was finally about to get laid, I had a girl in the back seat of a car - naked, wet and willing and yet my dick wouldn't get hard. I was enjoying myself but I wasn't able to switch my brain out of analytical mode. I think there were some other factors at play but this was definitely part of it.

[*]lack of self confidence- pretty self explanatory, i don't think I'm worthy of achieving anything or that I'm worth a damn. I still find it a little difficult to believe that I'm actually attractive or interesting or that girls are actually into me

[*]neurotic - closely related to the previous two. I take everything personally and even the slightest missteps feel like the end of the world. its especially hard having this kind of mindset when you're a musician/artist but I guess that's just par for the course

[*]cowardice - I am basically scared of everything. well more specifically i'm afraid of failure and rejection (see the previous weaknesses). given that there is a huge potential for failure in just about anything worth doing it starts to become clear why i never got laid or really even tried to talk to girls for this long

[*]result oriented - I find it difficult to commit to anything or see things through to the end because I focus completely on the end results. If I try something and I'm not immediately an expert I feel like a failure. Also when taking on large projects I tend to get caught up in how much work there is to do and how far I have to go and get completely overwhelmed by this and just quit

[*]poor communication- im really bad at showing my feelings or just talking with people in general

now for some strengths

[*]carefree spirit - I know, know I just said Im overly analytical and neurotic but in general I'm actually a really relaxed and easygoing person. i really just exist in my own little world and i think people find it endearing, also I never really take anything too seriously so I can put others at ease in tense/stressful situations

[*]childlike innocence- kind of goes along with the first one but I just like the fact that since Ive had a pretty comfortable middle class life with both my parents, close relationship with my siblings etc I havent really become jaded or world weary. im not naive to the fact the world is a cruel, shitty place its just that im not all that affected by it and i think thats a pretty nice aspect of my character

[*]sense of humor- you wouldm't guess by this post but im actually pretty fuckin funny. well I think so anyway and I like that about myself

[*]natural born performer - i know a lot has been said against the whole idea of 'performance' and its been described as being opposed to just being your authentic self, but I am a natural born perfromer. Im a musician, I like being on stage. I like going out and dancing like no one's watching only to have everyone watching me and then be so inspired that they start dancing too. I like to be the center of attention. Performance is intrinsically valuable to me and Im good at it. Its how I relate to people and I'm just fine with that

[*]aspirational - I'm not exactly sure how to describe it but I'm unhappy with my unhappiness. I know there is so much more that I could achieve in life and Im making efforts (now matter how small) to achieve those things. I feel like everything thats wrong with your life is your fault but that also means that everything potentially great in your life is a result of your actions as well. its not just random dumb luck and its not just something that is for other people. i also feel like there's potential in everything. its kind of a silly example but i literally look at broken down cars and see amazing works of art restored to their former glory and running like new again. not only that but i have a vision of all that hard work that would go into to making that a reality. idk how to explain it im just really keen on the idea that things that are broken can be fixed and made even better than before
Thebastard
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Fri Jan 22, 2021 10:08 pm

Sorry to hear about what happened in that car man. The same thing in slightly different circumstances caused me to lose my first lay.

More self-awareness is only a good thing and navigating where to go from here is a lot easier. Certain traits like neuroticism need to be managed as I don't believe you can permanently change those traits to any great degree. You can only manage them with experimentation and practice.

Just to check, you aren't addicted (or recovering) from porn addiction and presumably your hormonal profile is optimal (or not bad)? I am sure at your age it is fine but just wanted to bring up anything that comes to mind that might be helpful somehow.
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User avatar
d00m
Posts: 18 | Thanks: 11
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:55 am
Name: Aaron
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 26
Motto: Leave them better than you found them

Sat Jan 23, 2021 3:27 am

Thebastard wrote:
Fri Jan 22, 2021 10:08 pm
Just to check, you aren't addicted (or recovering) from porn addiction and presumably your hormonal profile is optimal (or not bad)? I am sure at your age it is fine but just wanted to bring up anything that comes to mind that might be helpful somehow.
yeah getting my test levels checked is definitely on the agenda I just haven't gotten around to it. and its kinda expensive and I dont have health insurance, there are at home tests that are pretty cheap and available at the local store but those use saliva instead of blood so idk if that will really be useful for me. and yeah i guess you could say i am recovering from porn addiction. i used to beat it 2 times a day just about every day but i kinda moved on from regular porn and graduated to cam girls...but thats a whole other story. i think thats a big part of it but im also considering the fact that maybe im just not that attracted to these girls
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