Dealing with "rejection"

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W G
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Age: 23

Wed Jan 04, 2023 2:35 am

Hi,

I'm having a hard time dealing with the bad outcomes when I cold approach. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting good results (1 phone number each 5 - 7 approaches) the problem is my mental state once they didn't reply back or they flake a date with me. The fact of having multiple girls not replying or simply not texting back after my first message is killing my confidence and makes me feel terrible.

Another issue it's me refreshing IG messages/text messages every 1 hours to verify if they texted me back, and it got to a point where it's distracting me from other tasks I have in my life.

My question is: How I can relax more when girls don't text me back and stop taking it so personal where it affects my self worth?
I know the answer is "approaching more girls" but the more I do it the more discourage I get once I just get hurt from it.

Stats: English not my first language, just moved to a new city in the States 10 months ago and have only a few friends. 2 months on AA program 2 months cold approaching (around 150 girls) 20 phone numbers, 2 dates, 2 flakes, 0 laids (from cold approaching)

Thanks in advance
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pancakemouse
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 3:03 am

I just published a post about this that would be perfect for you: The Best Mentality for Dealing With Flakes and Ghosts
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Sonofagun
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:28 pm

Unfortunately I'm not sure it ever goes away.
I've been chasing girls consistently for 6+ years now and if I find them attractive I still get over-invested in whether they reply or not.
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Fuckboy Aspirant
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Wed Feb 01, 2023 9:18 pm

Hello mate, how is it going? I just saw your other thread on your cold approach stats and I think this is all very common in the beginning of one's journey doing cold approach.

I am, by no means an advanced practitioner but I've learned a thing or two in the past year.

First things first, there's nothing wrong with your stats. CA is hard, especially nowadays. Other guys telling you they have better rates, they don't, they're lying (I think I said something like 10:1 LAY, which is laughable), or they just don't approach enough and are talking through their hats.

You might have noticed but most people in this forum have quitted approaching a long time ago so they're not qualified to give adviced on this matter.

Second, you have to understand that the ghosting, the flaking and all that has nothing to do with you in like 99% of the time. It's just female nature. Most girls aren't available/won't be receptive and that's normal and expected.

It's not your looks or anything like that most of the times. You'll see that as you gain experience that in many approaches where the girl seemed interested (sometimes overly) she will still ghost, and sometimes girls who aren't and you pushed anyways will follow through. The length of your convos are also irrelevant. It's just timing.

I've talked to plenty of guys who (actually) approach and they all have similar experiences, from quite good looking guys to below average. Same thing on average.

Just understand that these girls would have done that regardless of who's doing the approach, the manner, and so on. It's not personal, it's not you.

Aside from that, you just have to keep going and not quit, and naturally you'll build that thick skin that will help you not take it personally and also not get over-invested on these girls.

Especially if you're approaching consistenly in decent volume, checking your screen constantly to see if girls are replying is something that won't even cross your mind.

Trust the process and if you feel like you can hit me up as well, good luck.
"A man is never wrong, doing what he believes to be the right thing."

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Sonofagun
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Mon Feb 06, 2023 7:04 pm

Fuckboy Aspirant wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 9:18 pm
Hello mate, how is it going? I just saw your other thread on your cold approach stats and I think this is all very common in the beginning of one's journey doing cold approach.

I am, by no means an advanced practitioner but I've learned a thing or two in the past year.

First things first, there's nothing wrong with your stats. CA is hard, especially nowadays. Other guys telling you they have better rates, they don't, they're lying (I think I said something like 10:1 LAY, which is laughable), or they just don't approach enough and are talking through their hats.

You might have noticed but most people in this forum have quitted approaching a long time ago so they're not qualified to give adviced on this matter.

Second, you have to understand that the ghosting, the flaking and all that has nothing to do with you in like 99% of the time. It's just female nature. Most girls aren't available/won't be receptive and that's normal and expected.

It's not your looks or anything like that most of the times. You'll see that as you gain experience that in many approaches where the girl seemed interested (sometimes overly) she will still ghost, and sometimes girls who aren't and you pushed anyways will follow through. The length of your convos are also irrelevant. It's just timing.

I've talked to plenty of guys who (actually) approach and they all have similar experiences, from quite good looking guys to below average. Same thing on average.

Just understand that these girls would have done that regardless of who's doing the approach, the manner, and so on. It's not personal, it's not you.

Aside from that, you just have to keep going and not quit, and naturally you'll build that thick skin that will help you not take it personally and also not get over-invested on these girls.

Especially if you're approaching consistenly in decent volume, checking your screen constantly to see if girls are replying is something that won't even cross your mind.

Trust the process and if you feel like you can hit me up as well, good luck.
There's a lot of truth to this, but guys are responsible for their results as well. You can't blame it all on women.
Women are indeed flakey, but if you make an impact in your approach, and really attract her, and say and do the right things, she WILL want to see you again. But, conversely, if you are having boring conversations with girls, or conversations that are too short, or you just lack charisma, then you can't expect girls to reply - and a lot of guys unfortunately fall into that camp - they walk up and have a 2 minute interaction with a girl, do a ton of technical things wrong, and then get butthurt that the girl doesn't reply.

'Game' does exist. It does matter what you say. It does matter how you stand. It does matter what vibe you present to the girl, etc. Women are flakey indeed, particularly the higher SMV they are, but it's often the guys' fault that they don't reply as well.
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Sin Silver
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Mon Feb 06, 2023 7:16 pm

My advice is to try and have more going on in your life that you can draw confidence and self worth from.

You will eventually with time and experiance learn not to take rejection to seriously, it feels like a massive blow when you don't have a history of success.

In the mean time try to have other methods of self improvement that build your self confidence and self worth that you can fall back on when you suffer rejection.
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Fuckboy Aspirant
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Tue Feb 07, 2023 1:55 pm

Sonofagun wrote:
Mon Feb 06, 2023 7:04 pm
Fuckboy Aspirant wrote:
Wed Feb 01, 2023 9:18 pm
Hello mate, how is it going? I just saw your other thread on your cold approach stats and I think this is all very common in the beginning of one's journey doing cold approach.

I am, by no means an advanced practitioner but I've learned a thing or two in the past year.

First things first, there's nothing wrong with your stats. CA is hard, especially nowadays. Other guys telling you they have better rates, they don't, they're lying (I think I said something like 10:1 LAY, which is laughable), or they just don't approach enough and are talking through their hats.

You might have noticed but most people in this forum have quitted approaching a long time ago so they're not qualified to give adviced on this matter.

Second, you have to understand that the ghosting, the flaking and all that has nothing to do with you in like 99% of the time. It's just female nature. Most girls aren't available/won't be receptive and that's normal and expected.

It's not your looks or anything like that most of the times. You'll see that as you gain experience that in many approaches where the girl seemed interested (sometimes overly) she will still ghost, and sometimes girls who aren't and you pushed anyways will follow through. The length of your convos are also irrelevant. It's just timing.

I've talked to plenty of guys who (actually) approach and they all have similar experiences, from quite good looking guys to below average. Same thing on average.

Just understand that these girls would have done that regardless of who's doing the approach, the manner, and so on. It's not personal, it's not you.

Aside from that, you just have to keep going and not quit, and naturally you'll build that thick skin that will help you not take it personally and also not get over-invested on these girls.

Especially if you're approaching consistenly in decent volume, checking your screen constantly to see if girls are replying is something that won't even cross your mind.

Trust the process and if you feel like you can hit me up as well, good luck.
There's a lot of truth to this, but guys are responsible for their results as well. You can't blame it all on women.
Women are indeed flakey, but if you make an impact in your approach, and really attract her, and say and do the right things, she WILL want to see you again. But, conversely, if you are having boring conversations with girls, or conversations that are too short, or you just lack charisma, then you can't expect girls to reply - and a lot of guys unfortunately fall into that camp - they walk up and have a 2 minute interaction with a girl, do a ton of technical things wrong, and then get butthurt that the girl doesn't reply.

'Game' does exist. It does matter what you say. It does matter how you stand. It does matter what vibe you present to the girl, etc. Women are flakey indeed, particularly the higher SMV they are, but it's often the guys' fault that they don't reply as well.
Guys are definitely responsive for their results, but not when it comes to whether she's willing to meet up with you/be receptive or not.

I'm not trying to ease his burden, in fact it's much more appealing saying there's a magic trick he can do and boom, his stats will increase. There's not.

You do have a good and plausible point, but as I said, as you experience with approaching, you really see it doesn't matter. You'll have "meaningful" and "exciting" 20 minutes conversations, she'll ghost/not follow through just the same.

Meanwhile, you approach a girl and she seems uninterested or even creeped out in a 30 second small talk and she turns out to actually go on a date with you and hookup (if you're have your shit together and know how to capitalize it).

Sometimes you reopen a girl who rejected or ghosted before and now she's available.

Same deal with things you say or not. Again, appealing, but matters very little. Presence and all that stuff we tend to overanalyze, most of the times they won't even recall what you even said to them in the initial approach.

It seems ludicrous to me to believe you'll be any less of a stranger for talking to her for 15 minutes instead of 2.

Also if you understand this is external to you (not personal) there's no need to be butthurt when they ghost. I don't get butthurt for this reason either. It's more like "ok, one less unreceptive girl in the line until that receptive umpteenth girl"
Last edited by Fuckboy Aspirant on Tue Feb 07, 2023 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"A man is never wrong, doing what he believes to be the right thing."

My cold-approach log: viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1525

Achievements:

1000 approaches ✓
1500 approaches ✓
2000 approaches ✓
Move-out ✓
10 lays ✓
15 lays ✓
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caico11
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Tue Feb 07, 2023 2:19 pm

I agree with @Fuckboy Aspirant. All this talk is no necessary. Even with tinder you can get some dates while asking girls directly to hang. In my experience, it is not that your rate will increase but you will waste less time with time wasters. I am not worried on girls flaking on me on tinder because I am so direct about hanging out that most stop responding. The same happens with ca. The girl will only feel same with you after months of talking. I had fbs that didn't feel comfortable with me on the first few dates. Is it my fault? They had problems with ex boyfriends. If we are always trying to optimize things where there is no need to do it you will feel like you deserve to be spanked because some bitch ran away after you said she was cute... probably, she was molested and it isn't your fault or something to be thinking about
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caico11
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Tue Feb 07, 2023 2:37 pm

@Sonofagun charisma is not related to girls giving up their pussy. They are well known giving it to hot dumb guys who don't know how to pronounce their name and are boring. Better to just keep approaching and feel entitled. Personality is good only if she wants something long term and she probably will forget she laughed off your jokes if she is hot enough(society has a high range for women nowadays)
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pancakemouse
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Tue Feb 07, 2023 6:06 pm

caico11 wrote:
Tue Feb 07, 2023 2:37 pm
@Sonofagun charisma is not related to girls giving up their pussy. They are well known giving it to hot dumb guys who don't know how to pronounce their name and are boring.
Appeal to extremes.

Just because the top 1% in looks can get laid without much charisma doesn't mean the other 99% do not need it. (It also doesn't rule out that the top 1% wouldn't do better with more charisma).
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caico11
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Sat Feb 11, 2023 10:01 pm

@pancakemouse this whole community is about being above average. If you are not you need to be a cuck to girls consider fucking you. I am not saying I am top 1%. And frankly it is not needed. Men are always trying to make it harder. "You need to be top 0.0001%". You just need to be hot enough and the girl is down.
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AskTheDom
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Sat Feb 11, 2023 10:55 pm

caico11 wrote:
Sat Feb 11, 2023 10:01 pm
@pancakemouse this whole community is about being above average. If you are not you need to be a cuck to girls consider fucking you. I am not saying I am top 1%. And frankly it is not needed. Men are always trying to make it harder. "You need to be top 0.0001%". You just need to be hot enough and the girl is down.
What you describe is finding yes girls, or stone flipping for the OG's, which if I recall it is your game style

nothing wrong with that, simply pointing out that we are veering from "how to deal with rejection" to " which side is better to stop from, left or rigth"? type of debate
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Sisyphus
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Sat Feb 11, 2023 11:17 pm

caico11 wrote:
Sat Feb 11, 2023 10:01 pm
@pancakemouse this whole community is about being above average. If you are not you need to be a cuck to girls consider fucking you. I am not saying I am top 1%. And frankly it is not needed. Men are always trying to make it harder. "You need to be top 0.0001%". You just need to be hot enough and the girl is down.
I see you're repeating talking points from GLL. I wonder why it's oftentimes the looks part that's repeated over and over.

What about sense of entitlement, swagger, edginess?
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
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caico11
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Sun Feb 12, 2023 8:00 pm

@Sisyphus
Being hot is a passive thing you can use it for your sense of entitlement but you can get it from another sources. Like, I noticed that after I sorted my financial, social problems I get more sense of entitlement out of it too. But all I am saying is that this community certainly has a ton of above average guys that diminish their status and for this reason thinks they need to compensate with other stuff. I am currently working on my body(seeing a nutrionist and personal trainer to take better gym photos since December 22) and my sense of entitlement grew based on that. But you can be a guy that is fitter, have more money and lose to a homeless guy because he made it work on the right time. All I am saying is don't be too hard on yourself we are progressing slowly and we will get there.
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caico11
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Sun Feb 12, 2023 8:05 pm

@AskTheDom frankly "yes girls" are the only ones I went out with. And maybe girls gave me a hell of work to "maybe" dates. One thing that I noticed and I talked to @Fuckboy Aspirant about this is that once I got two decent photos on tinder the quality of women increase which lead me to believe that if I get better pics(showing abs - douchebag persona) I can get better dates with better girls. Usually, attractive girls are the "maybe" girls for me but it once were average chics too so I am progressing. But I want to hear your view or experience on this. You can send me a private message if you want
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