This is hilarious. I could’ve written this post myself because this is exactly what I’ve gone through. You can read through my log all about it.
I experienced the same thing you did - sex with a lot of girls, dating, PUA, etc. and not once did I have taken a genuine liking to a lady. I mean I did like them, but not enough to pursue a genuine relationship/connection. Then I got back into dating and met a girl I just couldn’t get outta my head.
Just like you I HATED the feeling of not being in control of my emotions and berated myself for allowing myself to have feelings for a girl. I’ve never been in this position because I’ve never been a relationship. Then I spoke to friends and they couldn’t understand my dilemma. They would say things like, “you really like a girl…why is it bad that you constantly think about her?”.
You’re not an emotionless robot immune to being enamored, infatuated, or in love with someone. You’re a human being with emotion and feelings. You have found someone that you genuinely want to pursue. Of course this frightening…you’re now in a position where you feel powerless and are not in control.
Accept and embrace how you feel. This is what life is about. This is a good thing. Now you know there are women out there that will excite you and make you feel ALIVE. My advice? Pursue her. See where things go. Get to know her and actually take a risk. Even if it doesn’t work out now you know more about yourself.