Crimson‘s Journey to Self-Love

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:57 am

natedawg wrote:
Thu Nov 03, 2022 10:38 pm
This isn’t a simple matter, so I don’t have much to contribute. I’m rooting for you, brother.
Thank you, I’ll get through this eventually.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:52 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Fri Nov 04, 2022 12:22 am
Hey mate, good on you for opening up about this, I love how courageous you've been. A lot of people wouldn't have made the post you made; takes balls.

"I’m quite scared and embarrassed though."

Hey, that's ok. I'd probably be feeling the same way. We're all here for you, so keep posting, keep sharing, and most importantly keep taking action (looks like you've already been doing that). One of my current coaching clients overcame his own self-harm stuff; I'll get him to reach out to you and offer you some (free) coaching if you want to talk. I'm also here if you want to talk to me - right now I'm still offering those $150 30min calls, but I'll do it for you for $50 USD (let me know if you can't afford even that, and we'll figure something out). I'm happy to talk about it; I've coached a few guys who self-harmed (Imogen also self-harmed for a long time with her bulimia and other things). Might make you feel better to talk about it with people who definitely won't judge you. If that's something you want, send me a DM.

Either way - if not me, definitely take up my coaching client on his free coaching offer when he reaches out to you. Either way, you're ok mate. Everything is ok, I promise.

Book recommendation for you: Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Read it as soon as you finish You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought.
After that, I agree Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a great read. I wouldn't necessarily recommend The Rational Male next; it's a solid book, just isn't a happy, feel-good motivating book, and I can't really agree with a lot of his mindset on women. Still worth reading; maybe just not as a priority right now.
Thank you so much, Andy. I would love to get on a coaching call with you’re coaching client and you.

I’ll definitely answer him once he reaches out to me, I’ll send you a DM about you’re 30 min. coaching call today as well, thank you very much for lowering the price, I for sure have $50 USD.

As for the books, I’ll do as you said and finish YCATLOAT first and then move on to Byron Katie.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Thrice
Posts: 477 | Thanks: 296
Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2021 8:33 am
Name: Mohamed
Goal: get laid
Age: 32
Motto: GO GET SOMETHING FUCKING DONE
Location: Italy

Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:02 pm

Crimson wrote:
Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:49 pm
I’ve just hurt myself, I cut my left forearm with a razor (very shallow) and then hit that spot repeatedly. It started bleeding a little and is now a bit swollen.
This is a symptom of borderline personality disorder
Looking for a hardcore accountability partner👇🏽

viewtopic.php?f=17&t=2052
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:35 pm

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Fri Nov 04, 2022 8:34 pm
When we do the call, bring the big list of answers you wrote (this one: http://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/vi ... 3a2#p41726 )

Bring that to the call, we'll talk through all of it. I'm fine with it being more than 30 mins mate, it's probably gonna go a lot longer than that. I'm looking forward to chatting with you.
Alright, I will bring that list, I’ve just message you. Again, thank you so much.

I’m looking forward to the call as well.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:15 pm

Thrice wrote:
Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:02 pm
Crimson wrote:
Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:49 pm
I’ve just hurt myself, I cut my left forearm with a razor (very shallow) and then hit that spot repeatedly. It started bleeding a little and is now a bit swollen.
This is a symptom of borderline personality disorder
Interesting, I guess I can’t know if I have it until I got diagnosed for it.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:36 pm

@goldfish, you’re advice came in clutch today.

I got an intense urge to cut myself (or at least hit myself) today, but then I remembered the frozen bottle.

I was right by the refrigerator at that moment, so I grabbed the bottle and put it on my head. After that I did the breathing exercise you’ve told me about.

The urge didn’t completely go away, but I didn’t end up hurting myself, thank you.


Here’s the frozen bottle btw:
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Drama
Posts: 108 | Thanks: 166
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2022 2:21 am
Name: Dave
Goal: Get on top of my shit
Age: 30
Motto: Most men live lives of quiet desperation

Tue Nov 08, 2022 2:25 am

Crimson wrote:
Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:49 pm
Self-Harm
Mate, I'm really, really sorry to hear about this.

I don't have much advice to give and I don't think any advice from us here on the internet will really help. You need to get professional help.

All I can say is that those who know the darkest depths of hell appreciate the beauty of heaven when they see it.
Goals 2022:

90kg BW @ 10% BF - 87/90 @ 12%/10%
Fuck a 9
Earn 500K- 66/500
User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Thu Nov 10, 2022 9:16 am

Drama wrote:
Tue Nov 08, 2022 2:25 am
Crimson wrote:
Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:49 pm
Self-Harm
Mate, I'm really, really sorry to hear about this.

I don't have much advice to give and I don't think any advice from us here on the internet will really help. You need to get professional help.

All I can say is that those who know the darkest depths of hell appreciate the beauty of heaven when they see it.
Thank you man, Did a coaching call with the coaching client of Andy and I have one with Andy coming up as well.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Wed Nov 16, 2022 3:34 pm

Coaching Call #1 (With the Coaching Client of Andy)

I’m finally coming around to posting the lessons I’ve learned in the first coaching call (This was a week and a half ago):

•Acknowledge/Adress the root cause behind your Self-Harming.

•Don’t be too hard on yourself regarding the deadline of your goals.

•You only fail when you quit.

•Reframe the deadline of your goal not as a day of failure (if you don’t achieve your goal) but as a opportunity to reflect on your progress so far.

•Regarding the days where you do nothing at all: Ask yourself if you had the intention of doing something. As long as that intention is there, you’ve made progress, even if it’s only psychological.

•You don’t have to fix your mental-health completely. Remember GLL: You just have to get to that above-average level and that will be enough.

•Use the slight-edge: If there is an action that you want to take that you feel overwhelmed by, ask yourself: „Can I do this?“. If the answer is yes, ask yourself: „WILL I do this?“, If the answer is no, break that action down until you also answer that question with a yes.

•You are allowed to change your goals (This doesn’t make you a hypocrite), as long as you’re working on SOMETHING.

•Relax, you will eventually get laid (Remember GLL).




A lot of this seems to boil down too: „Don’t be too hard on yourself.“ (Feel free to correct me if I haven’t interpreted this correctly). This shows me that I haven’t been my greatest ally.

I will post this both in my progress log as well as in my mental-health log, as these lessons are both dating and mental-health related.


Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Wed Nov 16, 2022 11:15 pm

What I did today:

Read a couple Pages of that book about learning CBT. I’m at the part right now where they’re explaining what CBT actually is and why it’s often used by therapists.

The book describes CBT‘s Motto as: „The way you think, is the way you feel“.

Meaning, if I can change my thinking for the better, I will start to feel better as well. I haven’t gotten to the part in the book where the explain how to do that yet though.




Regarding my mental health, I’m really struggling. Kinda feels like I’m going insane. I’ve relapsed on cutting and hitting, but nothing crazy. It also seems as though I’m kinda enjoying the downward spiral my life is taking right now.

I’ve said that I might need to get professional help in my progress log as well, I will have that coaching call with Andy first though.

I don’t want to be a victim, but throwing my hands up in the air and screaming „I’m depressed, and I’m this and I’m that, so I can’t change for the better!“ is very tempting. Especially considering the fact that it frees you from all responsibility.

I’m not planning on acting this way, it’s just a fantasy. Taking control of my life, overcoming my mental issues and going on to have the sex life of my dreams makes for a way cooler story anyways.

Note:

I’ve started drawing and making music as an outlet for negative feelings/Self-Harm urges ect. I’m not doing it as consistently as I would like, but I’m doing it. Drawing below (doesn’t exactly scream hopefulness, but I guess it’s a form of self-expression)


Note 2:

Made a key chain based on Sisyphos (Greek mythology). For those that don’t know, he was punished by the Gods to push a boulder up a hill, but everytime he’s about to reach the top, the boulder rolls back down and he has to do it all over again. For eternity.

I like to believe that he somehow found meaning in this seemingly meaningless, futile activity. That’s what I want to be like. No matter how meaningless life seems, I want to keep walking up the hill.

TAKE ACTION

Crimson
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My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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klondike
Posts: 298 | Thanks: 118
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2022 12:58 am
Goal: Drop to 205lbs
Age: 35

Fri Nov 18, 2022 3:46 am

In addition to joining the rest of the guys here in wishing you well, I want to say you have a very interest ing hand! Very good, sharp lines for someone unpracticed. You should definitely pursue this further.
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sat Nov 19, 2022 11:52 pm

klondike wrote:
Fri Nov 18, 2022 3:46 am
In addition to joining the rest of the guys here in wishing you well, I want to say you have a very interest ing hand! Very good, sharp lines for someone unpracticed. You should definitely pursue this further.
Thanks a lot! I’ve always loved to draw, but I haven’t been doing it regularly. I’ll try my best to make it a habit.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Nov 20, 2022 10:08 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Sun Nov 20, 2022 6:05 am
Crimson wrote:
Sat Nov 19, 2022 11:52 pm
I’ve always loved to draw, but I haven’t been doing it regularly. I’ll try my best to make it a habit
Every time you draw something, that's gotta be worth at least 20 karma points. It's doing something you love to do, which will make you smile - and every smile (including your own) has to be worth at least a few points.
Yes, you’re right. I will keep that in mind while assigning the karma points.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Nov 27, 2022 10:58 pm

Had a rest day today. Andy advocates for that, having a day of the week where you just chill out. Mine will be Sunday (God rested on the 7th day as well, so I’d like to do the same thing). There’s a difference between „chilling out“ and being unproductive though, which is what I did (as in just laying on the couch watching YouTube).

I’ve been thinking about my inability to do simple things. Go to school, brush my teeth, shower, clean my room, study, send out my resume ect.

Just the basic stuff that you need to do to function in society (as a student). I don’t want to make myself seem special and I recognize that a lot of people deal with these issues but is it really normal?

Only way to find out is to get professional help.



Things I’ll do tomorrow regarding this issue (posting this for accountability):

-Talk to school counselor (specifically about me skipping school and my current bad grades)

-Make an appointment with my doctor


Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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natedawg
Posts: 879 | Thanks: 221
Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2022 11:45 pm
Goal: Social Life
Age: 35
Motto: Whatever you do, don't quit.

Sun Nov 27, 2022 11:04 pm

Crimson wrote:
Sun Nov 27, 2022 10:58 pm
Had a rest day today. Andy advocates for that, having a day of the week where you just chill out. Mine will be Sunday (God rested on the 7th day as well, so I’d like to do the same thing). There’s a difference between „chilling out“ and being unproductive though, which is what I did (as in just laying on the couch watching YouTube).

I’ve been thinking about my inability to do simple things. Go to school, brush my teeth, shower, clean my room, study, send out my resume ect.

Just the basic stuff that you need to do to function in society (as a student). I don’t want to make myself seem special and I recognize that a lot of people deal with these issues but is it really normal?

Only way to find out is to get professional help.



Things I’ll do tomorrow regarding this issue (posting this for accountability):

-Talk to school counselor (specifically about me skipping school and my current bad grades)

-Make an appointment with my doctor


Crimson
One day at a time brother. Rooting for you.
2023-2024 Goals

Year 1: Pg 1-42

"As long I don't quit, I can't lose." - Alex Hormozi

**Feeling lost/unmotivated? Read this:viewtopic.php?p=48007#p48007

** Trust in the process Andy laid out for me: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/11913966
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