Crimson‘s Journey to Self-Love

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Jan 06, 2023 2:13 pm

Changed the name of the log, following @Squilliam‘s ✌🏾 name change. It has a more positive tone now.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Adrizzle
Posts: 493 | Thanks: 176
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2021 2:41 am
Goal: Take Action
Age: 32

Sat Jan 07, 2023 9:34 am

Adrizzle wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 10:48 am
I’m understanding that I should apologize to my father?
I don’t know. Are there things that you feel sorry about and want your parents forgiveness for?

The story is a story. For me the overarching theme is that there is never too far that you can go that you can’t come back from. There is no “sin” or bad things that is so bad that you don’t deserve forgiveness. Your parents and God will always want you back.

For me I am the literal prodigal child in my family. I have an older brother. I was the only child that got in trouble with the cops, did drugs, caught with girls in my room had the worst marks in school etc. When I was 25 I got fired from a very “prestigious” finance job and broke up with a girlfriend of 4 years.

I went home one night and told my parents everything that I was sorry for. Man I mean everything drugs, stealing, girls, cheating, porn, lying, dishonesty, anger, envy. Everyone of my parents rules I broke.

I was fully prepared for my parents to tell me to pack my shit and leave. They have another son they don’t need the fuck up. They forgave me for everything and it’s hard to explain it’s like they were joyful, happy.

I’m getting off topic.
I think the story is about how there is nothing in the world that you can do that will not be forgiven.
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Crimson
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Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
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Location: Germany

Sun Jan 08, 2023 5:44 pm

Adrizzle wrote:
Sat Jan 07, 2023 9:34 am
Adrizzle wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 10:48 am
I’m understanding that I should apologize to my father?
I don’t know. Are there things that you feel sorry about and want your parents forgiveness for?

The story is a story. For me the overarching theme is that there is never too far that you can go that you can’t come back from. There is no “sin” or bad things that is so bad that you don’t deserve forgiveness. Your parents and God will always want you back.

For me I am the literal prodigal child in my family. I have an older brother. I was the only child that got in trouble with the cops, did drugs, caught with girls in my room had the worst marks in school etc. When I was 25 I got fired from a very “prestigious” finance job and broke up with a girlfriend of 4 years.

I went home one night and told my parents everything that I was sorry for. Man I mean everything drugs, stealing, girls, cheating, porn, lying, dishonesty, anger, envy. Everyone of my parents rules I broke.

I was fully prepared for my parents to tell me to pack my shit and leave. They have another son they don’t need the fuck up. They forgave me for everything and it’s hard to explain it’s like they were joyful, happy.

I’m getting off topic.
I think the story is about how there is nothing in the world that you can do that will not be forgiven.
Oh wow, that’s powerful. Deeply appreciate your vulnerability!
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
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Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:05 pm

Parents can be a tricky one.

My situation was challenging as FUCK, and I navigated some absolutely nightmare-level mental and physical health problems.

They didn't really get it. It utterly broke my heart, and putting myself together again, alone, in the dark, whilst damn near at the limits of my sanity, that is the stuff of your worst nightmares.

It happens for a reason, and the person it forges, and the depth of that persons soul, spiritual power, and possibilities of consciousness far outweigh the pain endured, IMO.

My basic core truth I learned navigating a very insane background:

-If you're not good for yourself, you're not good for anyone
-Be SELFISH: your healing must take precedent. Let everything else be what it is for a while. Family, friends, all that. Smile and let it be. What really matters is getting yourself right and building the foundation for life.

To be successful, you will need physical as well as mental health.

Without these, you won't have the foundation, and you'll be trying to fire a canon from a canoe - it's a poor foundation, and the shot will be sent into the void. Nowhere.

Jordan Peterson did some very useful study on high performers. When it came to the males, they had very high levels of function, energy, and could work flat-out without really too much negative emotion, for years.

You need to be very fuckin biologically and emotionally robust for the game of success, man.

For yourself, I think your journey right now is a HEALING JOURNEY.

I think the basis of your goals should be nailing many months of excellent sleep, in bed at 10, up at the same time each morning.

I think you'll need to spend a certain level of time reconstructing your psyche through reading the books Andy recommends, reading his articles (and GLLs), and watching Andy's videos. Daily, in some form. Can be 30 minutes - doesn't matter. The change happens in the subconscious.

I think your diet will need to be solid, you could explore some basic biohacking and wellness building (sunrise/sunset watching, grounding if possible, cold exposure, some fasting if possible).

Resistance training and cardio.

Otherwise, just sleep, LEARNING/reading, mindset work, and stuff like meditation may be the platform for your rebuild.

I did this for years, man, when I was in deep inner turmoil, really fucked up and unable to function, I did 3hrs of breathwork a day, lots of cardio, lots of study and mind work.

Without that, I'd never have been able to do this stuff.

Andy was always the next level for me. I was motivated to fix myself and get ready to come on KYIL, because I knew I had lofty goals and would have to really heal myself so deep, through high level action.

I could do that, because of the many years of healing that came before.

I call this "platform building".

Want to know why people achieve at the highest level, really? They function and perform highly, and have a good baseline of mental and emotional health. Getting there is a process. You can also do a lot whilst still healing - I was still very fucked up during the Phoenix Project, but I was far, far beyond crisis level mental health.

You need to heal for a while, bro, and just work towards being really well in mind and body. Sleep, meditation, really dialling these things in.

I like the message and approach this chap advocates, I found him by the time I was well to be honest, but I think his thoughts on deep healing are wise:






It's advice I need to take myself, but if I could do it all over again, I'd really nail this and dial sleep in, meditation, diet, and just keep absorbing positive content (read the books Andy recommends, watch his videos and read his articles, daily).

All will be well, dude.

I was recovering from coming from hell itself from my early 20s til I was 29, man.

I went ALL IN and moved to London at 29, dude.

I am on my way to becoming a massive success in life, fella, I'll get it ALL: great women, money, brand/fame, and then wifing up the best gal I can find and producing many little Ravis.

Time is irrelevant, it doesn't really exist. What does, is you undergoing your process. And just allowing healing to take place.

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:41 pm

I went to the hospital and told them that I can’t stop hurting myself.

They were very caring and professional.





Anyways, they send the doctor in and he asks me questions. In summary I told him that I hurt myself when I get really angry as a form of punishment and that I have bad grades and a persistent feeling of emptiness.

He asked wether they were any family members who acted noticeable psychologically. I told him that my father gets really aggressive and I tell him about me running away.

He says that it’s starting to make sense and I should call a psychiatrist or psychologist. “It’s important for you to talk. Everything from the inside has to go to the outside” he said.

He told me that based on all the things I’ve said it seems like I either have an anxiety disorder, a social media addiction or a personality disorder.

He asked wether I want to stay in the hospital. I’m hesitant, since I have to go to school. He says “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, call someone first and if you really feel like you just can’t do it anymore, promise you come here, ok?” I promised.





Very interesting. I would definitely say that psychotherapy would be good to figure out what’s going on.










My mom

She saw my referral to to a psychotherapist (I’m not sure what made her go into my room). She questioned me about it. I did not say a word. I understand how worried my parents must be but…

…unfortunately I’m quite sure that telling them ANYTHING about my mental health will only make things worse, since they have no idea about anything related to that.

And since people can only do what they know, they would probably respond with “keeping me busy” and “keeping me out of my room” or something like that (which might be helpful, who knows).

Since I was silent my mom did all the talking. She said: “If I leave this room and you haven’t talked to me I’m going to assume that you’re an adult that can take care of himself, I did everything I could” and some other stuff I can’t even remember even though it just happened.



Note:

It feels like I’m going insane, I keep hitting myself!

TOP PRIORITY FOR TOMORROW: Find a psychiatrist or psychologist!




TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Last edited by Crimson on Sun Jan 08, 2023 9:05 pm, edited 4 times in total.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
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Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:48 pm

Good.

Medical professionals are trained in allopathic medicine, have to follow a framework, and give things names, labels, and so on.

People aren't their labels. Nature doesn't care about labels.

I had all sorts of labels. There's shit I've only shared on Andys coaching group which I wouldn't write about here.....

And yet, the human spirit can heal, totally and comprehensively. Everything can be overcome.

I have been in the wellness space for 12 years. I've seen BLIND people learn to see again, the deaf learn to hear.

I myself was a housebound agorophobic who may be on his way to becoming a true underdog success story......

The quacks will say what they say, they will push their pills, and that's their job. All they did was break my entire physiology down so I had to go back to nature to build it back up....but I was stuborn and thought I knew the answers, lol.

Psychotherapy is good. Talking is good.

Pills, and psychiatrists, less good.

Been there and done it. Years doing that shit. A lot of time wasted.

The real doctor is the one that lives in your own head. The best healers are the big 6

Image

It took many many years, and thousands of pounds spent, to learn that the shit that can totally transform you and heal you costs basically fuck all....

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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MakingAComeback
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Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:54 pm

Everyone who delelops mental health problems thinks they're going insane, dude.

This is just what happens in HIGH ANXIETY

I had this FOR YEARS

Go find dr claire weekes
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
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Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:54 pm

Everyone who delelops mental health problems thinks they're going insane, dude.

This is just what happens in HIGH ANXIETY

I had this FOR YEARS

Go find dr claire weeks on youtube

Watch over & over

-Watch the sunrise
-Grounding/Earthing
-Seafood (brain recovery)

Try the above for 30 days. I don't think you know how much you can recover with these alone.

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
User avatar
MakingAComeback
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Sun Jan 08, 2023 6:58 pm



On feelings of "going mad" in anxiety disorders
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Tue Jan 10, 2023 10:41 am

@MakingAComeback I took in everything that you said, thank you very much. I’ll build a couple of cornerstone habits out of the things you said and document it in my progress log.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Wed Jan 11, 2023 4:10 pm

Progress in finding a Therapist:

Made a couple more calls and there was a psychotherapist who answered. They took my information and the therapist will call me.

I also scheduled a first session with another therapist today for next week. She’s female, I’d rather talk to a male therapist, but I have to take what I can get right now.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Mar 05, 2023 6:38 pm

Expressing my pain:

I feel like I’ll never amount to anything. I take one step up and I’m immediately dragged downwards. Or I let myself get dragged.

I’ve been holding everything in for so long. Now I feel all alone. I see everyone around me getting ahead and it feels like I’m left behind. I don’t see an end to the pain I’m feeling. I just want it all to end.

„I can always commit suicide tomorrow so what can I do with today?“





Got a therapy session tomorrow. Also reached out to my school counselor.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Mon Mar 06, 2023 11:16 am

Making a Plan:

I heard something about crisis intervention from a therapist on YouTube. He said that you have to focus on the known variables when in crisis, meaning the immediate threat/obstacle.

My immediate threat is that I want to kill myself. But I obviously don’t really want that, I just want the pain to end. But that’s not possible, because life is inherently painful/ suffering.

So naturally, the goal is the reduction of pain.





So, what in my life right now are the main sources of pain?

•School
•My parents
•Myself


What will I do/ did I do to reduce the pain from these sources?

•School: Made an appointment with my school counselor. I will ask her about the possibility to take a leave of absence from school to focus on my mental health. If that’s not possible, I may have to consider quitting school altogether.

•My parents: Today my dad told me that he will call child protective services on me if it continues like this. I will make a post on the baby steps I need to take to move out later.

•Myself: Get therapy and teach myself CBT


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Thu Mar 09, 2023 9:41 am

Update post

On Monday I had that group therapy session about depression. Other participants are min. 12 years older than me, but it was still good to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same thing.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship in kindergarten that started last week Tuesday. I only went that day and then I quit. My parents think I’m still going, but I’m really just in the library. Told my teacher I’m quitting and we met yesterday.

They asked why, I told them I’m suicidal. They were really understanding and seem like they really want to help me. They asked wether I ever considered hospitalization, but I’m not to keen on that because it would mean that I have to repeat this semester.

So my teacher told me to make another appointment with my doctor and be insistent on finding a way to get a therapy spot quicker. Also got another meeting with my Teachers on Friday where we’ll discuss what to do about my mental health and academic future.

I also loaned out the book about CBT again, currently reading that.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
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Age: 32
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Thu Mar 09, 2023 12:58 pm

Crimson wrote:
Thu Mar 09, 2023 9:41 am
Update post

On Monday I had that group therapy session about depression. Other participants are min. 12 years older than me, but it was still good to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same thing.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship in kindergarten that started last week Tuesday. I only went that day and then I quit. My parents think I’m still going, but I’m really just in the library. Told my teacher I’m quitting and we met yesterday.

They asked why, I told them I’m suicidal. They were really understanding and seem like they really want to help me. They asked wether I ever considered hospitalization, but I’m not to keen on that because it would mean that I have to repeat this semester.

So my teacher told me to make another appointment with my doctor and be insistent on finding a way to get a therapy spot quicker. Also got another meeting with my Teachers on Friday where we’ll discuss what to do about my mental health and academic future.

I also loaned out the book about CBT again, currently reading that.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Just focus on you and your healing bro

Do you understand much about healing itself?

The Mind & Body are interlinked. They support each other.

There are many ways to heal, and in healing, you'll accomplish everything else.

Key is to be well.

Again, I sound like a broken record, but I still have 12 years of research and deep experience in healing and saved myself from the depths.

The basics matter a lot.

Watch the sunrise

Practice earthing

Consume DHA daily (very important for mental health, sick brains often are inflamed)

Cold exposure

The Mind: Meditation, therapy, visualisation, reading, inner work and inquiry

SLEEP: You must be in bed at 10pm if you're in need of healing dude.

Keep working...........Keep attending therapy, also, start reading Letting Go, in fact, just read through Andy's book reccomendations

I watch & read a lot of Andy's content. I consider this medicine for the mind. It keeps me healthy and supports my healing. 2 hours of watching Andy, on a healing journey, is time well spent.

It's not all TAKE ACTION BRO. It's also, mental and emotional health dude.

There are many paths up the mountain, happiness is the foundation of true life success.

Goals achieved in misery are in fact failure

R
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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