I feel like I have to choose between my life or my career.

[Sin Silver]

I’m 35 a year old Post Doctorate Research Assistant, looking to move out of academia, and into a full time industrial role. I have been in my current position for over 4 years, and I feel I have reached the development limitations of what I can achieve in this role and have been struggling to move find a new role for the last 6 months, despite me spending a lot of my free time and holidays job hunting and attending interviews.
A bit of background to me, I have learning disabilities, which have always limited me. I struggled a lot of them in high school, and it wasn’t until university that I learned to take responsibility for my myself and my life, and tried my best to turn it around. I went from being bottom of my class to above average. MY results where far from remarkable, but I was very proud of what I’ve done and what I achieved.

I then went on to do a PhD in Semiconductor and Nanotechnology, which has pushed my down the path of research and science, and whilst my results were unremarkable, and I am proud of what I achieved.
After graduations, I decided to leave Academia as I wasn’t the stability and permanence of a industrial role. I was job hunting for a few months, but I managed to get my first job in an ideal role after only a very short interview process.

Unfortunately, that role didn’t turn work out well. I made a few critical mistakes in the early days of the role, and I was unable to mentally recover from it. I was very depressed and anxious at work, and just before the end of my probation, I was asked to leave.

I moved in with my parents and was job hunting again for 6 months, before starting my second job. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to keep up with the training programme they set for me when I joined, and I was asked to leave after 6 months.

I was on the job hunt again for 6 months, before getting a role at a local university as a post doctorate researcher, and despite my original plan to not go into academia, I found myself back in there.
This job was within commuting distance of my parent’s house, so I decided to continue live with them when I began work. It sucked to loose so much personal freedom, and it killed any chance of a relationship, but with all the money I have been able to save, it have been able to bank enough to deposit a house.
For 2023, I set myself a lot of goals I was to achieve, and a huge part of this involves finding a new job, moving away and buying my own place.

The main problem is after failing my first two jobs, and sometimes feeling like I am barely scarping by at this one, I am not very confident at the idea of starting a new role. Therefore, I want to look for a job that’s only 2-3 hours away from where I currently live. That way, if something goes horribly wrong at work, I have a strong support network to turn to. I don’t want to be in the arse end of Scotland having a massive panic and not having a support network nearby.

My job searching starting at the being of 2023 was slow, but after March, It started to pick up. Since March, I’ve had four face to face final stage interviews. The two I was most hopefully for gave me stella reviews, but unfortunately, they didn’t hire me. I was incredibly depressed for a month after this from sheer disappointment, but I have kept up the job hunt. Unfortunately, I am not getting any hits at all at the moment, and I am concerned I have burned up all the job opportunities in my local area. I can wait until the same companies to announce they’re rehiring, but I can’t see why they’d rehire me the second time, if they didn’t the first.

I am looking at jobs up and down the country right now, but not with half the enthusiasm I did these previous roles. If they were in my area, I would be all over them, but the idea of having to move away from my friends, my family, and everything I have built these last couple of years is scary and not at all attractive. On the other hand, if I sit here and wait for a job in the local area, I have no idea how long I will be waiting, and I’m scared I’m just wasting my life away not doing anything right now.

[Wnyhg]

Therapy.

There are apps on the App Store than do a good job of circumnavigating the mental hurdles some of us establish for ourselves especially those with Asperger’s and dysgraphia etc.

In order for an employer to set appropriate accommodations for someone with learning disabilities, they need to know what they are. Have you been diagnosed? Did you bring these up in interviews and follow up conversations. Empathy is severely lacking in the workplace, the threshold for a company is going to be someone who is vested in getting ahead and puts the time in, “ as a team member”. I’m assuming you’ve not been officially diagnosed or have been but have developed low self esteem that is impinging on your success to get ahead. You want to succeed but you’re getting in your own way.

Frequent meetings with the supervisor, feedback, and setting a routine for the work that is done and that needs to be done for the next day needs to be established. Basically handholding.

Bring it out in the open, I’ve gone back to employers and been congenial enough for them to tel me what’s wrong with me and to gain some knowledge, I left an impression. I’ve also gone back to those who showed interest in order to prep myself for the actual job I was going to accept and that is to realize I’m a loser and someone with a work ethic no one can match and my issues are somewhat insurmountable and need time to correct. There are many ways to do understand this and honestly I’ve been out of the game for awhile so I can’t even suggest anything and because I decided to eventually work for myself.

I most definitely made a fool of myself; in the process I learned more about myself and everything than I would have working for someone else.

I am a troublemaker, I make a decision and I follow it sometimes superseding supervisors and bosses. I was told, take it one step at a time and not to aggravate those with more political prowess. Fuck that. I still think this way and I’ve always been correct in my decision making. Unfortunately, you get fired pretty quickly even those you appease the powers that be.

Your chosen therapist can be a mentor and/or there has to be an organization that assist with someone with your type of learning disability.

Don’t do this alone. You’re not special and others have gone through what you’re facing right now. Find them and learn from them.

You shouldn’t be distinguishing between career and life. Sooner or later there’s going to be a relationship, personal or professional. You do not want this disability or your perceptions of it getting in the way. I’m just writing to kill two birds with one stone. Your career issues are the same as your life issues.

I think what I wrote might be incorrect, harsh or presumptuous. Believe me, when I fixed my psyche and hurdles, my confidence went through the roof. I’ve stumbled many, many times. Doing my own thing with help fixed what was wrong and radiated everything right. Everyone saw it except me.

My .02 cents

[Zug]

You don't provide enough details on how you got asked to leave the first two jobs. You have fix whatever caused that. Two in a row doesn't sound like a coincidence. Strongly get the impression you're not sharing critical details here. Getting asked to leave a job like this is a huge red flag, most companies hate having to do this and only will when there is a critical issue.

Waiting around for a job to magically open up in your area so you can start a career in a good but niche field is a big mistake. Also, since you're in a niche field, its very possible your previous 2 job losses have ruined your prospects in your region. You need to grow a pair and move anywhere an opportunity presents. Address the reason you failed at the first two jobs first.

I think you should move away just so you finally leave the nest, self actualize more, and become more independent. Its real hard to grow up without doing this, many small details are giving off man-baby vibes in this post. Not saying this disparagingly, but it comes through multiple times. Also, all that talk of only applying to jobs within a couple hours drive so you have a safety net, just in case you fail again....yikes. That is not a winning mind set, this is legit planning + believing you'll fail.

First - You really, really, really need to determine exactly why you failed at those first two jobs. If you don't know, or can't admit it, then call your former coworkers and/or boss and ask them to provide feedback on why they think you failed. If you don't address this first everything else will be useless.

[AskTheDom]

You don't provide enough details on how you got asked to leave the first two jobs. You have fix whatever caused that. Two in a row doesn't sound like a coincidence. Strongly get the impression you're not sharing critical details here. Getting asked to leave a job like this is a huge red flag, most companies hate having to do this and only will when there is a critical issue.

Waiting around for a job to magically open up in your area so you can start a career in a good but niche field is a big mistake. Also, since you're in a niche field, its very possible your previous 2 job losses have ruined your prospects in your region. You need to grow a pair and move anywhere an opportunity presents. Address the reason you failed at the first two jobs first.

I think you should move away just so you finally leave the nest, self actualize more, and become more independent. Its real hard to grow up without doing this, many small details are giving off man-baby vibes in this post. Not saying this disparagingly, but it comes through multiple times. Also, all that talk of only applying to jobs within a couple hours drive so you have a safety net, just in case you fail again....yikes. That is not a winning mind set, this is legit planning + believing you'll fail.

First - You really, really, really need to determine exactly why you failed at those first two jobs. If you don't know, or can't admit it, then call your former coworkers and/or boss and ask them to provide feedback on why they think you failed. If you don't address this first everything else will be useless.

This 100%

It's a huge red flag when someone is asked to leave before probation - the kinda of "let's stop him to make any more damages" red flag.