How does it feel to consistently do things that scare you/things your first instinct tells you to avoid?

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sundleboro
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Fri Feb 19, 2021 7:04 am

I'm a pretty "neurotic" guy, like a lot of us here probably. I've been doing the AA program. To get through it, you have to be willing to consistently face adversity (real or imagined) every day. That's the whole point. I've taken this approach to other things in my life too in the last year, where I try to do things that I avoid. I've only recently gotten serious about it, committing to the AA program for sure. To be honest, I'm mainly doing the AA program to face up to myself and this urge to avoid things (besides wanting more social freedom). For an extreme example, I was in a really bad place once where I wouldn't leave my college dorm room during the day just to avoid my suite mates seeing me because I hadn't talked to them in like weeks despite rarely leaving my room.

I've come a very long way since then. I have a great job, great salary, great car, but I still feel that avoidance urge.

Recently, I've taken it up a notch. Doing the AA program, doing chores I need to do, taking steps towards my career goals... It feels like I'm constantly in a state of discomfort. I've heard and read many times, here and in other places, that a life where you do things you want to do unfettered by neurosis/anxiety/etc. is one where you become comfortable with this discomfort.

So for those of you who have consistently done what's uncomfortable, done what's hard... How does it feel? Do you still feel that unsettling feeling in your chest/wherever when you do "uncomfortable" things? Or does the idea of doing uncomfortable things truly get comfortable after doing it a lot?
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dashedhopes
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Fri Feb 19, 2021 7:30 am

It gets a bit easier.

If you're comfortable, you're not progressing.

I try to internalize that and realize that being uncomfortable, anxious and scared is part of growing and becoming a better version of yourself.

I did the whole AA program and no matter how easy some of the drills became, it was still difficult to go up to a girl and talk to her.

I do these pranks and they're still difficult to do, no matter how often I do them.



In terms of life and my career, I have daily struggles and anxious thoughts like I'm going to fuck something up but that's part of having a good job. You have more responsibility and one fuck up could cost the company thousands and sometimes tens of thousands of dollars.

Think of lawyers who defend people in court. You fuck up in there, your client could go to jail or have to pay millions of dollars.

That's why they get paid a lot of money.

But then you look at a dishwasher at a restaurant, who gets paid less but could literally go to work stoned and could still function and do their job well.

To the point of how much easier does it get. You just get desensitized to these fears and anxious thoughts. It gets easier/you get used to it.

It's part of life and you need to realize that and internalize it.

If you look at someone first starting the AA program:

Asking for the time, your fear might be at like a 6/10 or 7/10 cause they haven't gone out of their comfort zone much.

My fear of going up to a girl in the grocery store and getting her number might be a 6/10 or 7/10 cause I've done tons of things to put me outside my comfort zone.

A lawyers fear of going into the court room of a high profile case might be at a 6/10 or 7/10 cause he's done a bunch of those cases in the past.

Hope this answers your question some what.

Grats on taking care of your life and getting things in order. It's a pretty cool feeling when that happens.
27 years young.

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Wifty
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Fri Feb 19, 2021 1:37 pm

Have you completely completed the AA PROGRAM ?
If so how much time did you complete it.
If so how many drills a day did you do aka around how many girls did you approach each day ?
If so, what was the frequency you did these drills, rather every day, 5 days a week, 2 days a week...?

And do you regularly and consistently talk to girls and try to get laid now ?



Because if you do regularly face this kind of discomfort and most of the time act on your real desires aka overcome your discomfort most of the time, I guess you would not even wonder about this whole discomfort thing, you would simply be riding and riding.
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Manganiello
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Fri Feb 19, 2021 5:20 pm

sundleboro wrote:
Fri Feb 19, 2021 7:04 am
So for those of you who have consistently done what's uncomfortable, done what's hard... How does it feel? Do you still feel that unsettling feeling in your chest/wherever when you do "uncomfortable" things?
Of course it's not like you stop feeling human emotions after awhile.

My experience is that you just get used to the feeling or discomfort. It's like you realize its just a natural consequence of taking action with something on the line. The feeling is still there, but you don't feel it as "there's something wrong" because im uncomfortable, it becomes more or a "there's something right" because im uncomfortable.

I get nervous when I go weeks without discomfort. It's like theres a signal that goes off in my head that "says hey man you're not growing enough right now" and then I feel anxious about the idea of settling.


If you're looking to grow and maximize your potential comfort is enemy #1. It should be purged from your life.

I remember first having consultations for my biz and being nervous like 10/10. Now it's almost nothing. Like boring actually. So it does go away to a large extent when you do something enough times. But if I sat there doing the same consultations for the rest of my life, I'd be bored, average and settling. And that in itself would really bother me.



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