Hawkins Cold Approach Report

Post Reply
User avatar
Hawkins
Posts: 38 | Thanks: 47
Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2022 3:56 pm
Goal: Relationship
Age: 27
Motto: Show a little faith, there's magic in the night

Sat Jun 25, 2022 10:49 pm

Hey, I'm Hawkins. I've recently begun taking some actual action after lurking on this site and forums for a while. I considered posting when I began, but thought, far better to speak after I have some actual actions to show and discuss. Well now I have at least something, which I would like to both celebrate and discuss. Current subject: Cold Approach

I'm 26 and had never approached a stranger in an attempt to show romantic/sexual interest EVER. The most that could possibly be said was to kind of awkwardly hang about cute girls in college classes or the like and sort of talk in a vague platonic way in the dim hope that it might turn into a date eventually. That strategy worked about as well as you might expect.

After spending far too much time making excuses and watching YouTube videos on the subject, I finally decided, fuck it. I'm so damn lonely it hurts, and cold approach can't possibly be any more painful that staying this way. So I made up my mind to actually begin cold approaching. And, largely to my own surprise, I actually did it! I didn't feel it necessary to go through the AA program because, though I'm certainly an introvert, I have enough social skills to go up and make small talk with people without too much trouble. I spent years waiting tables and I think the experience beat at least most of the social anxiety out of me. The trick was to go talk to pretty girls (a hurdle for sure. they intimidate me) and to make it clear that I'm showing romantic/sexual interest in them. I basically took the standard advice given here, and made my approach very simple and direct. Having something of a script to follow eases a lot of the anxiety and get the point across with no confusion.

My basic approach format has been this:
"Hi! I know this is kind of random but I saw you sitting over here and I thought you were really cute! I'm Hawkins!"
-attempt to shake her hand-
Then of course I get the lovely lady's name, ask where she's from, what brings her to this particular place, etc. Basic small talk.
After a minute or so of small talk:
"Well hey I don't want to take up your whole afternoon. Would you like to get a coffee sometime?"

And that's basically it. I ask for coffee because I don't drink alcohol (actually not coffee either, but those places always serve tea). I have done exclusively daygame because, like I said, I don't drink and I don't much like bars/clubs. They're environments where I don't feel comfortable, even without the added stress of hitting on girls. So far, all but one of my approaches has been at a park here in town, with the other being a girl who was sitting on a bench downtown.

To date I've managed 5 approaches over a period of approximately three weeks. Yes I know that's very few, but her, considering the fact that I had managed precisely zero in the previous 26 years and change, I'm going to be happy for my progress. Today I managed two in a single afternoon, which also feels like a small step to celebrate. I'll outline each approach briefly below.

GIRL ONE: Probably the cutest of the girls so far. She was maybe 5'6" with short hair. Very petite and very cute. She was sitting on a park bench reading a book and looked up as I passed. I took the leap and asked what she was reading. We exchaged names and I told her I thought she was cute. We talked for a minute. She was a tennis player and a student at the local University. I asked if she wanted to get a coffee sometime, and, in one of the greatest surprises of my whole damn life, she said yes! I got her number and we set up a date to get coffee. I was half stunned to silence and half over the goddamn moon. I was even more surprised when a few days later, she actually showed up and we went on the date! (I could write about the date elsewhere. This is my approach report. The short version is that I thought it went very well up until the end when I asked to hold her hand and she said no. I texted her asking for a second date a few days later and was politely told no thanks. That hurt like bloody hell, but c'est la vie.) I couldn't believe my first ever approach turned into a date with a cute girl. It was a good confidence booster.

GIRL TWO: This approach was maybe a week later. Being shot down by girl one for the second date hit me like a brick wall and it took me a few days to pick myself back up. This girl was the one I didn't meet at the park. She was sitting alone on a bench downtown. I sat at a nearby bench for a minute or so, trying to work up the courage, and eventually just did it. I went up and did my approach basically right on script. I asked if she was alone or with someone and she said she was actually waiting for her husband. I said thanks but in that case I'll leave her to her waiting. She was very polite and kind. She thanked me for coming over and actually complimented me for doing so. While it was disappointing, it was pretty easy to take because of how kind she was, and the fact that her having a husband felt like a genuine thing, not just a way of getting me to go away. It was especially nice to receive a genuine compliment for doing something that was hard and stressful for me.

GIRL THREE: This girl was probably as cute as Girl One. Definitely close. She was sunbathing in the park, laying on a blanket. She looked really athletic, which is definitely my type. I walked up and did my approach, and she seemed really caught off guard. When I extended my hand for a handshake she didn't take it, which felt like a rejection right off the bat, but I was already talking to her so I continued. This was definitely the longest approach I've done. It definitely wasn't forever, but it was two or three minutes of small talk. When she reached for her backpack and pulled out a book I got the message that I was being politely dismissed, but I shot my shot anyways and asked if she wanted to get a coffee. She said no, and that she was "just vibing" right now and not looking for any relationship. I said thanks anyways and we parted. I was bummed because she was very cute, but it had seemed really from the outset that she just probably wasn't interested.

GIRL FOUR: light blond hair, freckles, and distinctive sunglasses. This girl was standing outside one of the attractions in the park looking at her phone. Unlike previous approaches, I didn't hesitate with this one. I just saw her and approached immediately, which feels like a victory. She was friendly and kind. I asked if she was with anyone and she said she was actually looking for a friend. I was getting kind of antsy impatient vibes from her, and so I cut the small talk short and asked if she wanted to get a coffee. She actually said yes, but immediately said something else and before I could ask for her number she wished me a nice day and hurried off. What I suspect happened is that she was there with her boyfriend (I saw her and a guy walking around a few minutes later) but was too caught off guard and flustered to say so.

GIRL FIVE: After Girl Four I took a few minutes and sat to listen to a band that was playing in the park to try and gather myself. It occurred to me that I had managed to approach the Girl Four with essentially zero hesitation, and maybe I could actually manage two in a day, which felt like a milestone. I decided I wasn't leaving the park until I managed it. It didn't take long before I saw another girl sitting down nearby, and I thought here goes. I told myself I'd walk by and if she was cute I'd say Hi. I walked by and she was decently cute so I did it. She seemed very caught off guard, and I think the actual physical body language of the approach might have been somewhat off. She also didn't shake my hand. Regardless she was polite, and in the first few bits of small talk she mentioned she had a fiance. I said thanks anyways and left.

So there we are. Five in three weeks, including two in one day (today). It's a small number, but it's shown me I'm capable of it and that it can legitimately lead to dates. Girls aren't terrifying, and they aren't rude even when they seem clearly not interested. I need to get the numbers up, I need to figure out how to make myself talk to girls who are actually doing things. I haven't managed to stop a girl who is walking or jogging for instance. I also would like to learn to talk to girls who aren't alone. Girls are rarely without at least one friend around, and interrupting them feels like a major hurdle to me. I may at some point try night game, but as I said that's rough because I don't like nightlife activities and I'm not sure I would be super interested in a party girl anyways. I appreciate any thoughts, advice, or opinions anyone has to share!
Post Reply