Hannan’s Log | GLL’s Lone Club Program

[hannangame]

I’ll give you the tldr first

-Got very drunk at a Intern party
-I was closed off because I felt embarrassed and hurt when people made jokes about a story I
had told them.
-Then I got high
-Saw the girl intern I liked flirt with someone else
-This made me angry
-Went to sleep at the hosts house
-Couldn’t sleep cause I was thinking about the girl
-Woke up, everyone was leaving
-I was still pissed so I tried to drunk drive
-Others interns restrained me and stopped me,
-Everyone is mad at me and I need help


Yesterday at a game night with all the interns I got very drunk and made a fool of myself.
I am afraid that my reputation, my relationships, and my full time opportunity to work at the company where I was interning, have all went to shit.

I was overly eager for alcohol and people made fun of me for that, and it made me feel bad and I drank more.

My ego gets hurt when people make fun of me and I generally don’t take them well. Like other people get made fun of too, I just don’t know how to joke back when they do. I can either be aggressive or silent.

I might just have to practice.


At a certain point the girl I liked and whom I was closest to seemed to like the host.

It was their first time hanging out and she seemed to talk to him more than me, this made me jealous and in a bad mood.

I’ve been rock climbing with her and got a membership a while back with her. But I guess she sees me as a friend.

Then my edible hit while I was very drunk.

Seeing her so close with another guy pissed me off and at this point I was so fucked up that I couldn’t really speak coherently, I was also so emotional so I stayed silent for a while.

I told the host that I needed to sleep so he took me to a room and I went to bed, i kept thinking about the girl and went back to check in on everything.

At this point everyone one but me and host were leaving the house to go back home.

I tried to drunk drive home because I didn’t want to stay at the house anymore.

People had to physically restrain me and take my keys away.

I made one of the others girl cry cause for some reason she talked about astrology and I was like astrology is bullshit. (She is very upset with me now and I feel like she might report me to HR)

They asked me why I wanted to go home and I was like I just want to.

I didn’t verbally say what was bothering me, the people thought it was a discussion about religion we had earlier.

I was upset at someone saying haram, haram, over and over again since I was Muslim.
He was saying that as a joke but I didn’t like it.
I told him I didn’t like it and he stopped but I let it go on for too long, cause I don’t know how to respond to jokes. This wasn’t the thing bothering me.

In my head I was pissed about the girl liking the other guy and not liking me.

They eventually as a group had to drive me home because I would not stop resisting until I had my way.

Someone drove my car, and someone took another car and dropped off the person who drove my car home.

Now I feel like all the interns hate me, I fell like they will spread shit about me, I feel like I might get fired.

What the fuck do I do?

I feel like a complete fucking loser ruining so many things in one day.

The reason I’m posting this on here is because it was related to my mindset with this one girl.

[Tragedy]

For sure you need to take full responsibility for what happened and how you behaved.

So:
1) Try to heal the social situation in the most humble way and without finding excuses for your behavior, and you better mean it. Even if it was due to alcohol it's still your fault for having drunk that amount of alcohol. Full responsibility. You might also find some nice gesture appropriate to the situation and the person (offering lunch, helping on something...)

2) Identify the issues that brought you to this bad result (alcohol, drugs, ego, whatever..) and come up with a plan on how to solve those issues for them to stop happening again. For this you might require someone's help.

[Zug]

You're young and stupid still, and made young and stupid mistakes. This is the process of growing up. This is what its supposed to look like, big failures and big lessons leading to big changes. Identify all the mistakes you made and why, write them down, make a list. This is one time where dwelling on failure is useful. Understand this is what it feels like when you act like this. Then remember that the next time you're in a similar situation.

You telling a girl Astrology is bullshit, then chewing a guy out for saying Haram multiple times is a very clear cut example of both cognitive dissonance and lack of social skills. I'm not insulting Islam, but I'm sure you realize many people in the West view Islam like you view Astrology. How can you demand respect for your beliefs while insulting others? It doesn't work that way. If you take your faith seriously, then understand you are a representative of your religion. You actively represented your beliefs in the worst light possible. If you want people to respect your beliefs, then they need to see you being smart, disciplined, happy, productive, and socially integrated. They need to look up to you, not be embarrassed.

Stop inviting girls you have a sexual or romantic interest in on platonic activities under false pretenses. This is lying, both in word and action. Have some courage and make your intent known in the future. This is what leads to the bullshit you went through and being placed in the friend zone. You need to risk rejection for the possibility of success.

Stop letting your emotions control you. You felt stupid and embarrassed at the house, that's why you wanted to go home. You were willing to risk your life and other lives solely to partially assuage your feeling of embarrassment. Get your emotions under control. Stop being controlled only doing what you feel, start doing what you THINK is correct.

Your ego is hurt when people make fun of you because YOU realize you are not living up to who you could be. When they ridicule you, it RESONATES with you because it is TRUE. There are two elements to dealing with this. The far more important one is to stop acting in ways that make you look bad in your own eyes. Start living up to your ideals and when people make fun of you it slides off because its so obviously meaningless.

There is a social skill element to dealing with jokes at your expense, or the Haram statements, etc. Calling people out into a hard confrontation is a last resort. Clever use of light humor, wit, and clever reversals is far far more effective and socially calibrated. When you social roadblocks with strangers and mild acquaintances, calling out bad behavior is not a useful tool. That requires a pre-existing relationship and informal social contract to ever be effective, and even then light humor is far more effective. Calling people out is a last resort. If you're too much of a pussy or unskilled to be able to do subtle call outs with humor and wit, and instead sit there in silence just stewing, then you've abdicated the right for formal callouts imo.

[hannangame]

I’m also worried since this was a work environment, do you think I’ll get fired?

It’s my first ever internship in my field, I’m also someone who isn’t old enough to drink legally.

I’m the president of the intern organization, I think the girl who I told astrology was bullshit (not the girl I liked) might make me step down or something privately.

But she was also the girl who supplied the alc and weed to me, so she might not.

We planned to meet in 2 days to talk it out, but she also said she wanted someone else there to be with her, when she talks to me. Idk what she intends.

[Squilliam]

I’m also worried since this was a work environment, do you think I’ll get fired?

It’s my first ever internship in my field, I’m also someone who isn’t old enough to drink legally.

I’m the president of the intern organization, I think the girl who I told astrology was bullshit (not the girl I liked) might make me step down or something privately.

But she was also the girl who supplied the alc and weed to me, so she might not.

We planned to meet in 2 days to talk it out, but she also said she wanted someone else there to be with her, when she talks to me. Idk what she intends.

Nobody can tell you if you're going to be fired. I would say it's not likely, especially if the girl supplied drugs. That rules out any possibility of her going to HR or something like that. And in general, companies don't really want to fire people. It puts them at risk for lawsuits and in general is just a huge hassle. Firing is a last resort.

The girl probably wants someone else there just as a witness in case there are any false claims made about what happened in the meeting. Or maybe she is shaken up by your behavior and feels slightly unsafe around you. I wouldn't fixate on the reason, it's not important.

You're young. Mistakes happen. Let this be a valuable lesson. Before I quit drinking I had numerous instances when I was around your age where I behaved recklessly and in some cases I had to actually make phone calls apologizing to people the next day. It's embarrassing and sucks, but eventually it'll be in the past.

I've heard about this kind of stuff at my employer. I worked an internship at the same company last summer, there were some parties/drinking events. But those were hosted by the company, not by interns. It sounds like this was hosted at an intern's house or something?

In general you shouldn't be getting recklessly wasted at this kind of event. It's an intern event of professionals, not a frat party. Granted, this does sound more casual than my case because it sounds like a house party as opposed to a company organized event. But regardless, I think a lot of this behavior wouldn't be acceptable at a normal party either. Really getting so wasted that you do shit you regret is not good in any context.

It being work related just adds insult to injury. I personally live by the idea that you shouldn't intermingle your professional and personal lives. Some may disagree but I personally live by this.

[Tragedy]

100% agree with Squilliam. I would also add something related to the meeting itself:

The frame you are going to have for it, is going to have a big influence on the frame she will give to the whole situation. In other words, her interpretation of the event is still probably flexible and will be influenced by how you will behave and look in front of her.

Try not to transform it into a meeting with a person who took your family hostage. Therefore not panicking (as it seems you are doing right now), being chill, polite and, more importantly, genuinely sorry. Leave your fear at home.

Listen her carefully without interrupting and make sure you understand her reasons.

You can definitely explain about the reasons that pushed you toward that behavior, as long as you add that you understand that they are not justification and you understand your faults. Don't push any blame on her and also, if I were you, I wouldn't use words related to substances or illicit behaviors. We don't know if they are going to record what you say, so better safe than sorry. Make things understandable for her without using very explicit words. Things like "I was feeling very bad due to what we ate and drunk" or something on that line.

Try to look like a kid who stole a candy and it's very embarrassed about it, i.e. to look harmless. Also I woudn't communicate your great fear of getting fired unless she brings it up.

Super sorry + very harmless + understanding her & be willing to improve.

[hannangame]

I’m back in college after taking a break to do a internship over the summer and fall.

I’m in a men’s org and had a date party.

I cold approached 10-15 women, got 4 numbers and set up 2 dates.

They both ended up flaking.

Now I feel like a loser.

I was texting them and I was feeling so good and confident about myself but then one said she couldn’t come and one stopped responding.

I had one for a lunch date on Friday, and one as date party date later in the night.

Now I didn’t get to go to lunch or my date party.

They both flaked.

I feel very bad and don’t know why I got flaked on.

This was my first time cold approaching girls and trying to set up dates.

I finished the AA program a while ago and since I was back in college I started approaching some girls.

I go up to them ask them for their name, and tell them I thought they were cute and I want to take them out on a date.

Sometimes I have a longer convo but not past a few minutes, that may be why I am got flakes.

I am also wondering if it’s my text messages.

I will attach my messages and I hope y’all can tell me if it’s that.


Also I went to clubs yesterday met a old friend group and one of the girls was clearly into me.

She was touchy. I was touchy but never made a full move, I always kept in the realm of plausible deniability. Or at least I think.

One of our friends ask if I was flirting with her.
And I told him not really.

But I wanted to. I was scared of the consequences.

I also find it a hard to time approach people if people I know are nearby.

Like I’m afraid of people I know, but in front of strangers I’m fine.

I really wish I made a move. So advice on this would be so helpful.

I feel so jealous in the clubs I see these hot girls getting with guys. I feel so bad.

I need help tbh.

I started CrossFit to get a better body so let’s see if that helps.

But as of right now I kind of feel hopeless.

These flakes and seeing hot girls with other guys I knew from campus (I talk to a shit ton of people tbh, I can socialize, but deeper convos, and maintaining friends is hard for me) made so so fucking jealous and feel bad.

Okay so I’ll attach the two messages of the girls I texted and got flaked by. Please let me tips!

Girl 1: meghana

Girl 2: priya who flaked the party

Pictures are ordered down to up (view the bottom most picture first and work your way up)

[hannangame]

So I’ve already done GLL’s approach anxiety program, and can approach girls on campus and call them cute.

I’m gonna keep approaching women on campus but try to have longer conversations and see how that works. Currently I’ve been just having short ones, that’s just “ur cute” name, “ I wanna take you out on a date” number if they’re willing.

I was so used to approaching as drills that I kept it short.

I realized that they are more prone to flake if I don’t build more up. Correct me if I’m wrong.

So I’ll keep approaching, but modify a little bit.

Another thing.

I finally turned 21 last month, and have started to go out to bars/clubs

I realized I have a new problem, going out alone.
I went alone for 1-2 days and found it kinda hard.

1st day I met friends already at the bar, (I know tons of people on campus) and just hung with them.

The group was me and a gay guy and 4 girls,

One of the girls was hitting, even the gay guy mentioned that I was flirting with her.

I told him I wasn’t, but I was kinda reciprocating, but I didn’t take control and escalate more. I could have, I didn’t. I was just scared. I think because I didn’t want people knowing I hit on her (our mutuals).

Lol I thought the Approach anxiety program would take away all fear. But no. I am still scared of sexual stuff maybe because I’ve only fucked one girl and got head from 2.

The next morning I jerked off alot, beating myself over not fucking her and taking the shot.
It was fun tho.

2nd day I met a lot of people too, talked to people. Met friends that I knew previously. And had a lot of fun. I think it was because before getting to the club/bar street I asked randoms getting there a question of the week. Talked to a few women but not enough and didn’t hit on them hard.

I might do a question of the week every time I go, and just have fun with that.

Though both days I didn’t pull, maybe because I was too sacred to hit on girls

I then for the third day started to use GLL’s guide on how to go out to club/bar ALONE.

It was easy to do, but trying to hold eye contact with a girl for 3 secs was hard, bc they would simply not hold it.

Anyways I also went to country bar and danced with girls. But I sucked and would tell the girl that before I started. And I think that just messed with my head. Next time I’ll tell them I’m new to this, keeping it honest but not being self-deprecating is the move.


After that I did the first day of the program and another bar/club. But then I started having really bad time. Like I didn’t hit on any women. Or even talk to that many people.

It was the worst out of all three days, idk why.

The next day I jerked off so much, and didn’t get out of bed till like 5pm.

Which is today.

Next time I will try to do the day and hit on women.

I plan on going clubbing 3 times a week, until I finish the program.

I don’t know if GLL’s Lone club program is worth it.

I think I could approach women now, but I’m not sure. I barely started to approach women for real also. I finished the aa program and stopped for few months. And starting back up again now.

GLL said not to skip stuff but I feel as though I can skip the first week.

I HOPE SOMEONE REALLY ANSWERS THIS, but should I skip ahead?

[MakingAComeback]

Good work G, and I will answer your questions, but first

Take a step towards me

Can you upload an avatar of yourself? You can blur the face if you want. But I have to see you, as a human, on that avatar.

Thanks,
-Ravi

[hannangame]

I Weigh around 200 pounds at 6ft .

Doing CrossFit right now to lose weight.

I can send people pictures of my face privately but kind of weary to show people who haven’t posted at kyil at all and could try to extort me bc of my face tbh. (That’s not you btw)

[PinchePendejo]

I’m sure you’ll be fine skipping the beginning portion of the AA program. Honestly you can get away without doing some of the more silly drills like the banana phone, flexing like a beach dude, or the who is your daddy drill. Although I do look back on those fondly I really don’t think they were necessary.

You can probably go from compliments > “I like your style, you look cute” > “you’re cute” > “you’re cute, I’m X” > “you’re cute, im X *handshake*” > real approaches…quickly. You’ve done the program before so things will come back quickly as opposed to starting from 0.

As for night game…if you can daygame then you should be able to nightgame better than the average dude. Maybe there will be a period of getting over the intimidation factor of night game. Also what happened to me is that the AA program programmed me to have quick interactions and full blown conversations were a bit nerve wracking. However that’ll quickly go away as soon you have more.

It’s a process. You’ll be great at opening women, find out your conversations are shitty because you run out of things to say. Or worse the set is going well and you’re like “oh shit what now?”. Or you’ll want to eject on the set and end up self-rejecting. Or you start getting more conversations, but they’re platonic and you end up getting lots of “nice to meet you! Bye!”. Just like the AA program do things that stretch your comfort zone with whatever sticking point you have.

[Squilliam]

I HOPE SOMEONE REALLY ANSWERS THIS, but should I skip ahead?

IMO don't do the AA program if you are able to approach.

I never did the AA program. I did maybe one day of drills. And I've done some asking for directions as a warmup.

I found personally after doing ~200 approaches, my AA was permanently reduced, even when I stopped for months.

Don't get me wrong, I still don't think approaching is easy, but I don't think the AA program is necessary, especially if you're already capable of approaching.

Another reason I don't like the AA program is, I feel like you are just exposing yourself to the same level of risk for no reward. The girls who would give you bad reactions from a normal approach will probably more or less react the same way if you ask them some stupid question.