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Lonely_Rottweiler
Posts: 119 | Thanks: 115
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2021 2:38 am
Name: Raph
Goal: Have a stoic mindset
Age: 24
Motto: Fall forward

Thu Jun 09, 2022 4:36 pm

Brothers

I have A LOT of missed opportunities when approaching women because of the excuses I make in my head when I see them, and after a few minutes, when they're gone or when I'm lying on my bed, I feel bad about myself for being a coward.

so I'll list the excuses in my head and prove wrong these common excuses, and maybe I can cold-approach them better:

-She's on her phone
-She has a friend with her
-Earphones
-She's too beautiful
-She's alone, and I may look like a creep
-She looks uninterested in a conversation
-She has already seen me twice, and she might think I'm a stalker
-She looks younger/ older than what I'm interested in
-Tattoos
-Colored hair
-She looks busy
-She must have someone with her around here
-Cigarette/ Vape- I'm not repulsed, but I absolutely think that they're so cool
-Fuck, what was I supposed to say?
-There are too many people in this place
-She looks like my ex, and I'm afraid of a restraining order
-She's walking way past the speed limit
-Looks like she's waiting for a taxi/ cab, and I might disturb her
-I'm with my cousins. it would be too scandalous to approach a woman in front of my cousins
-I can't approach from behind
-Waiting for the "right time," i.e., a good conversation starter
-"What if I want to escalate with her how do you do it?"- I didn't even approach her yet
-Wearing a crop top, sports bra or anything revealing- them not me
-They have kids with them
-Zero or too much eye contact

I can cold-approach but only to a certain degree. Consider it as a tune-up on my cold-approach "skills," maybe?
Goals for 2023:

Travel out of the city by myself or with friends:
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Read new books
How to get along Difficult people by William J. Diehm

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pancakemouse
Posts: 1769 | Thanks: 1053
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 33

Thu Jun 09, 2022 4:44 pm

Lonely_Rottweiler wrote:
Thu Jun 09, 2022 4:36 pm
Brothers

I have A LOT of missed opportunities when approaching women because of the excuses I make in my head when I see them, and after a few minutes, when they're gone or when I'm lying on my bed, I feel bad about myself for being a coward.

so I'll list the excuses in my head and prove wrong these common excuses, and maybe I can cold-approach them better:

-She's on her phone
-She has a friend with her
-Earphones
-She's too beautiful
-She's alone, and I may look like a creep
-She looks uninterested in a conversation
-She has already seen me twice, and she might think I'm a stalker
-She looks younger/ older than what I'm interested in
-Tattoos
-Colored hair
-She looks busy
-She must have someone with her around here
-Cigarette/ Vape- I'm not repulsed, but I absolutely think that they're so cool
-Fuck, what was I supposed to say?
-There are too many people in this place
-She looks like my ex, and I'm afraid of a restraining order
-She's walking way past the speed limit
-Looks like she's waiting for a taxi/ cab, and I might disturb her
-I'm with my cousins. it would be too scandalous to approach a woman in front of my cousins
-I can't approach from behind
-Waiting for the "right time," i.e., a good conversation starter
-"What if I want to escalate with her how do you do it?"- I didn't even approach her yet
-Wearing a crop top, sports bra or anything revealing- them not me
-They have kids with them
-Zero or too much eye contact

I can cold-approach but only to a certain degree. Consider it as a tune-up on my cold-approach "skills," maybe?
The only ones I think are valid reasons not to approach are:
-She's on her phone
-She has a friend with her
-I'm with my cousins. it would be too scandalous to approach a woman in front of my cousins
-I can't approach from behind
-They have kids with them

The following are just personal taste:
-Tattoos
-Colored hair

And the following are low probability, but still worth doing as a beginner:
-She looks uninterested in a conversation
-She has already seen me twice, and she might think I'm a stalker
-She looks younger/ older than what I'm interested in
-She looks busy
-She's walking way past the speed limit
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notAndy
Posts: 110 | Thanks: 67
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2022 8:03 pm
Name: Mo
Goal: Prioritize sleep
Age: 31
Motto: Every great life has a great renunciation

Thu Jun 09, 2022 4:48 pm

About half of your excuses I understand because I had (still have some) them myself.

I am biased but my short answer is: Do the AA Program. I think many of your excuses are due to a lack of exposure and by doing the program you circumvent many of your worries and can focus on tackling your other points. You might even want to dedicate certain days to, let's say, exposing yourself to women with tattoos. That way you get over your fear of talking to inked girls without the extra pressure of doing "real" approaches.

During the program:
  • You're not hitting on anyone.
  • You are doing "a thing"/playing a character.
  • You don't have to "know the right thing to say", you just have to follow the drill.
  • If she asks, why you are talking to her, just tell her that you're doing a social disinhibitioning program/experiment (most people are really supportive).
  • You do the drill and leave, no escalation involved.
Lonely_Rottweiler wrote:
Thu Jun 09, 2022 4:36 pm
-Wearing a crop top, sports bra or anything revealing- them not me
Try wearing a one yourself, you'll feel like the man :D

Good luck
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AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2022 7:16 am
Name: Mario
Goal: Coach
Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Thu Jun 09, 2022 6:25 pm

These are pretty much all weasels stemming from your AA and wrong mindset.
What's wrong if you approach a pretty girl in front of your cousins? are you afraid people will know you try to have sex? and if she rejects you, well who cares what other thinks?
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
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PinchePendejo
Posts: 209 | Thanks: 74
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2021 3:01 am
Name: Bryan
Goal: Be better
Age: 32
Motto: Be consistent
Location: Los Angeles

Thu Jun 09, 2022 6:54 pm

It's really crazy how creative our mind comes up with reasons NOT to do something that frightens us. This is just AA and fear speaking to you. Only way to get over it is to simply do it.
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Crisis_Overcomer
Posts: 1017 | Thanks: 720
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:25 pm
Goal: Earn $5,000/month
Age: 33
Motto: Motion beats meditation

Fri Jun 10, 2022 11:25 am

This thread is mental masturbation man. You want us to use logic to prove your emotions wrong? Not gonna happen.

Either start the AA program or high volume approach in whatever situation feels comfortable. I do the latter and have gotten laid.

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