Lessons learned from "bratty" uncommunicative girl - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

Post Reply
User avatar
pancakemouse
Posts: 1075 | Thanks: 531
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 32

Fri Nov 18, 2022 2:46 pm

By the way, since you're a logic-cel/engineer-cel like me, you might enjoy this product:


I got it as soon as I made it a goal to optimize sleep two weeks ago and I love waking up every morning and getting my sleep report, without the need to wear a clunky ring or watch. Best $120 I've spent in a while.
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Sat Nov 19, 2022 6:46 am

Update November 17, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Gym+35 min on treadmill ☑️
Calories: 1688/2200 ☑️
Sleep: 5am-2pm (9 hours) ☑️
Weight: 148.9
Notes: This was a trippy day. I woke up super late and had a date planned where I was supposed to drive and see a girl, but she hadn't texted me back and I was sure not going to drive to meet her if she wasn't replying on the day of. (I made a similar mistake in the past where a girl stopped replying after we were trying to make plans... maybe a story worth telling at some point, but it was back when I was yet a virgin (and quite desperate at that moment)... not much to learn from I think.)
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Sun Nov 20, 2022 5:53 am

Update November 18, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Ran 30 minutes, walked another 20 + swing danced☑️
Calories: 2117/2200 ☑️
Sleep: 3 am - 12:30 pm (minus 9-11) ❌ (7.5 hours) ❌
Weight: 147.0
Notes:
Was focused on getting my homework and such done before a break in the assignments; then messed around and stayed up late instead of going directly to bed after finishing this. But the sleep is a work in progress, as is my physical abilities.

I do feel some guilt that I haven't done any cold approaches Thursday or today (Saturday), but missing a week or two of going out isn't going to hurt me much if I'm continuing to focus on improving myself and will get back out there soon anyway.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:17 am

Update November 19, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: 30 minutes running + 30 minutes walking ☑️
Calories: 1965/2200 ☑️
Sleep: 2:30 am to 10:30 am ❌ (8 hours) ☑️
Weight: 147.7
Notes:
1 lay today, moving the count on my last goal from 3 to 4. Few things of significance to say; she wasn't very inspiring, was quite fat (pictures can be deceiving), she drove a long way so I didn't want to let her down but I'm going to have to text her soon. I took a long time to escalate (literally the entire run of a certain movie), partly because I didn't feel comfortable and didn't take initiative, but when I finally did say "hey, sit closer" she did quite happily. I need to give myself permission to be more assertive and dominant. I got to try the tease with the vibrator where I have her hold it on her clit until she's close, then I take it off, and did that a few times, and I'd love to try that with a skinny girl who actually engages with the sex. This girl felt like a beached whale, and now I understand the meaning of "starfishing"--though to be fair, she did reach up and kiss me occasionally---but I'm realizing more and more this isn't the kind of experience I want to replicate, satisfying my sexual base need with the bottom of the barrel (physically--she was sweet but very mild and even-keeled personality-wise). Oh, one final thing of note: this was a lay that precipitated from Badoo, with the girl driving over an hour to my place and come hang out with me. I never anticipated I would actually get a girl to come over from either one of those factors, much less both at once.
I planned to go out, but the date with the above girl lasted 4.5 hours and by then it was after 10 pm, my cutoff for the latest I would allow myself to go out (for sleep purposes).


Update November 20, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Gym workout, plus 20 minutes on the treadmill ☑️
Calories: 3704/2200 ❌
Sleep: 2 am - 10:20 am ❌ (8.3 hours) ☑️
Weight: 148.0
Notes:
Got some symptoms of a cold.
Had a date planned with a girl, texted her the day of but didn't properly "confirm" (as @Manganiello pointed out to me in a separate chat) after she "liked" my message. Went out to the bar and chilled, then after getting tipsy bought some fast food and cookies and somewhat sabotaged my diet after what would have been a pretty awesome day of eating to satisfaction without eating an abominable amount of calories. Commercial cookies are really easy to ingest. My homemade protein ones are much better for staying full. I need to lean into the latter.
Also, with the added sleep improvements and plentitude of protein, I bulked up a little (shirts fit a little tighter, nice!). I attribute this to, as mentioned, better sleep, plus hitting the gym regularly, plus drinking 3-5 casein protein shakes a day (I was using it for diet to keep me full without eating, but it had that other useful effect). I'm also a bit slimmer this week than the past few weeks.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:48 am

Plenty of things to catch up on and update here. I wrote some of them down already, just haven't updated and filled in the gaps.

Recent stuff I want to get out of my head:
-Just set up my burner phone Hinge. Tried to use my phone's number to start a tinder profile on my pc, but forgot to use a "private" browser tab and might have just ruined my chances of using the number for Tinder. Going to see if I can get any matches on Hinge first, waiting a few days and seeing how it goes over the weekend. Going to ensure I didn't get shadowbanned or something.
- Maybe if I wait 90 days the phone number will be clear in Tinder to use? But I don't want to risk using Tinder on this phone with the same number if it's potentially blacklisted and they'd block me after collecting all of my info (thus requiring a lot more time and work to reset)
- Going to wait a full week before considering paying for anything on Hinge. I'm not even using the "Hey X, you're sexy. I'm Y. I'm looking for something very specific on here." line in full, swapping out sexy for cute/adorable/other words instead. I want to avoid being a potential spammer if at all possible. Not sure how anal I should be about it. Maybe I should consider commenting on something genuine but societally acceptable instead?
-Have a date planned for tomorrow with a girl hotter than any I've been with before. She has an onlyfans and a thirst Instagram, but our conversation has all the signs that she's genuinely interested in me with man-to-woman frame, not "I'm going to try to please this beta guy and ask him for money" frame. My theory, if she shows up, is that girls, even ones with lots of options, want to have a strong masculine guy who "gets it" and "does it well" from time to time. I'm excited but holding back potential neediness.

The short version of the other stuff yet to update, more details to come in the future:
-Saw Nerdy Nympho again when she hit me up. Awesome. Gave me a story to tell my grandchildren (armpitgasm).
-Met 2 girls on the same day when I headed back to university. Both were fat or fat-ish, only one was somewhat attractive (one was bald), both were pretty boring, but both put their heads on my dick. 2 more notches.
-Had calls with both RedPillDad and TheRedQuest; it's always great to talk with them and hear their insights. I keep a journal of the ones I can remember to write down during the calls.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:49 am

As for sleep/diet/fitness, the latter two are stagnating while the first one went to sh*t as soon as I got off break. Homework hit me like a truck. Been watching too much youtube and wasting time playing with my phone, so decided to cut that out for at least the rest of the month to detox (reading books is more fun anyway).
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
Hedon
Posts: 28 | Thanks: 21
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2022 7:21 pm
Goal: Lays + Income
Age: 26
Motto: Make your own luck...

Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:56 am

NightRoller wrote:
Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:49 am
As for sleep/diet/fitness, the latter two are stagnating while the first one went to sh*t as soon as I got off break. Homework hit me like a truck
Hey bro had a look through your log but couldn't see if you had a particular sleep routine. A few things I'd recommend to maximise sleep quality are:

- 0.25mg Melatonin 45 mins before lights out
- 12.5mg-25mg Mk-677 45-60 mins before lights out (Growth Hormone secretagogue so should have physique benefits additionally)
- Black out sleep mask to cover eyes completely
- If noisy where you are then some high quality ear plugs
2023 GOALS

- 40 new hookups
- Maintain $4k+ monthly income remote & prepare to scale into Agency
- 83kg 12% Bodyfat
User avatar
pancakemouse
Posts: 1075 | Thanks: 531
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 32

Tue Dec 06, 2022 4:22 pm

NightRoller wrote:
Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:48 am
-Just set up my burner phone Hinge. Tried to use my phone's number to start a tinder profile on my pc, but forgot to use a "private" browser tab and might have just ruined my chances of using the number for Tinder. Going to see if I can get any matches on Hinge first, waiting a few days and seeing how it goes over the weekend. Going to ensure I didn't get shadowbanned or something.
- Maybe if I wait 90 days the phone number will be clear in Tinder to use? But I don't want to risk using Tinder on this phone with the same number if it's potentially blacklisted and they'd block me after collecting all of my info (thus requiring a lot more time and work to reset)
Match Group apps terms of service allow them to retain data longer than 90 days. By the way, you can use services that will text you to verify on Tinder for like $3. When I was still on apps in 2021 I was using one called PingMe, not sure if it still works.

New photo is killing it, by the way!
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Wed Dec 07, 2022 10:08 am

Hedon wrote:
Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:56 am
NightRoller wrote:
Tue Dec 06, 2022 8:49 am
As for sleep/diet/fitness, the latter two are stagnating while the first one went to sh*t as soon as I got off break. Homework hit me like a truck
Hey bro had a look through your log but couldn't see if you had a particular sleep routine. A few things I'd recommend to maximise sleep quality are:

- 0.25mg Melatonin 45 mins before lights out
- 12.5mg-25mg Mk-677 45-60 mins before lights out (Growth Hormone secretagogue so should have physique benefits additionally)
- Black out sleep mask to cover eyes completely
- If noisy where you are then some high quality ear plugs
You're right, I haven't made a dedicated plan for it yet. Those are all good points, but none of them are going to solve my biggest hurdles to getting sleep:
- Getting my homework done during the day
- Cutting out escapist Youtube watching, video game playing, etc. throughout the day instead of doing homework
- Minimizing my clubs/activities to the most efficiently fulfilling activities
- Setting a hard-line bedtime to get in the shower by

I fall asleep like a rock 99% of the time because I'm always exhausted and rarely get quite enough sleep in a night as of recently. Melatonin not (yet) required, though it'll come in handy when I start going to bed at 10 pm instead of 5 am.

I'm grateful for the input!
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Wed Dec 07, 2022 10:17 am

pancakemouse wrote:
Tue Dec 06, 2022 4:22 pm
Match Group apps terms of service allow them to retain data longer than 90 days. By the way, you can use services that will text you to verify on Tinder for like $3. When I was still on apps in 2021 I was using one called PingMe, not sure if it still works.

New photo is killing it, by the way!
Thanks for the compliment!

I'm going to have to try the PingMe thing soon, maybe set up (yet another) dating app slew with perhaps (yet another) phone and email. I'm not sure if your account can be spotted for being on the same device, but I worry that's the case. And I'm also unsure about internet--need to get out more and stop by some coffee shops to use wifi instead of doing it from the same room I set up profiles with (before they got banned), because of potential IP catching.

Hinge isn't getting any results after 2 days. Staying patient, going to put to the test whether I've been potentially shadowbanned or have a viable account that I can get matches on. It's finals week so girls are stressed out, but I 100% know most of the hotter girls using dating apps are using Tinder and Hinge.


Speaking of dating apps, met with a 6 who looked like a 7 in pictures (big tits, sexy wide hips, relatively small butt/waist with some chubbiness that didn't show on her dating profile) from Hily of all places (which I consider a very sub-par app). +1, and maybe I should write an article about how to use these low-tier apps and squeeze what little chances you have from them, at a higher cost to your time and sanity than using T/B/H usually.
I was more excited to meet her than I had been for any other girl to date, partly because she's a pretty fantastic self-photographer and knows how to look good for the camera (an improvement over most of my past encounters...). Also found out she has an onlyfans. I laughed at my younger self who would have gone for the OF (or, more likely, looked up their pictures free somewhere on the web) but really, even the streamers and OF girls just want a dominant guy in their lives. She hasn't texted back since she left, so while I think I gave her a great time and had a good one myself, I'd put it at a 20-60% chance she does see me again.
And the Nerdy Nympho told me she doesn't want to see me, this was the second time she's said so. Time will tell if she ends up coming back or not, but she's super hot/open (talkatively and sexually) in the bedroom, but anytime else she's harshly cold/closed. As The Red Quest and many others say, "chicks are random". Disappointing, but I just had a great sexual experience and can still imagine the feeling of OF girl's meatslit on my meatstick and smell her perfume, so I'm not too broken up over it.

Been noticing a bit more swagger in my walk and a lot more IOIs from girls as I walk around on campus, 2 things: 1. it's an awesome circular cycle, and now that it's begun in earnest I'll get more and more confidence/swagger and more looks along with; 2. I need to capitalize on it more... when I'm not sleep deprived.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Mon Jan 02, 2023 7:50 am

Been focusing on school, getting more sleep, and occasionally studying some guys who are near the top like Karisma King, A.G.Hayden, and Coach Kyle. Also been trying to stay off Youtube besides that.
Got off track when it comes to diet, been "lazy logging" the past couple weeks. Keeping the habit to use the MyFitnessPal app though and making plans to have a stronger diet plan when I'm back out of my parents' house---a place with a kitchen/dining room always overflowing with chocolates and candy within arm's reach on tantalizing display. Will also help me practice budgeting if I make a meal plan I can stick to.
Also, caught Covid around two weeks ago, so couldn't go to the gym, and snow/mud ruined all my potential walking/running plans. I'm lucky to have a treadmill, a pull up bar, and some 8- 15- and 20-lb dumbbell weights---not been as consistent with getting my "home workouts" in but been getting 2-3 per week, treadmill 3-4 times a week. Covid knocked me off my feet after a stressful semester end, but I got back on track and never fully fell off the wagon. These habits are stronger than I realize; my body wants to run and lift heavy things and feels weird if I don't for too long.
Started a non-game 365-day project for a skill I want to improve. I'll make a thread here (to avoid doxxing myself with people who aren't seriously on this forum): viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1849

And as I did before, when at my parents' house for Thanksgiving break, I went hard on the sub-par apps, this time filtering in a few of the photos @MILFandCookies and I got during a photoshoot in November(?). I still need to write up/post the full review, because he was awesome to work with and it's definitely helped having good photos on apps/Instagram (even if my family and family's friends think it's goofy to have nice clothes IRL and professional photos on a dating app). Got two new notches in the backseat of my car as a result of building a process, which I also need to write a post about.

Also, I wrote up a summary post of my lays, learns, and upcoming goals. You can read that here: https://nightrollergame.wordpress.com/2 ... irst-year/
By the way, after I'd seen the Nerdy Nympho girl I loved a second time, she said she doesn't want to talk/meet again. She was super cold when I saw her in person at a dance, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I hope to re-open her again sometime, we will see what the future holds. She's fickle. "Chicks are Random."
I came a long way in 2022. A lot more progress than I expected. A significant part of that is thanks to RedPillDad's coaching, TheRedQuest's blog, Andy's stuff, @pancakemouse 's suggestions, @MILFandCookies 's photoshoot, and this community here (as well as a few private group chats), not to mention so many more.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
pancakemouse
Posts: 1075 | Thanks: 531
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 32

Mon Jan 02, 2023 2:22 pm

Welcome to the "banged a pregnant girl" club, you wonderful degen. And what's funny is that I'm reasonably sure we did it in the same city (or at least state)!

You should definitely write up something about how to use some of the non-mainstream apps.
User avatar
MILFandCookies
Posts: 688 | Thanks: 316
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2020 12:29 am
Name: Joe
Goal: $10k+/month
Age: 29
Motto: Chart. Your. Own. Course.
Location: Austin, TX/World
Contact:

Mon Jan 02, 2023 3:23 pm

NightRoller wrote:
Mon Jan 02, 2023 7:50 am
Been focusing on school, getting more sleep, and occasionally studying some guys who are near the top like Karisma King, A.G.Hayden, and Coach Kyle. Also been trying to stay off Youtube besides that.
Got off track when it comes to diet, been "lazy logging" the past couple weeks. Keeping the habit to use the MyFitnessPal app though and making plans to have a stronger diet plan when I'm back out of my parents' house---a place with a kitchen/dining room always overflowing with chocolates and candy within arm's reach on tantalizing display. Will also help me practice budgeting if I make a meal plan I can stick to.
Also, caught Covid around two weeks ago, so couldn't go to the gym, and snow/mud ruined all my potential walking/running plans. I'm lucky to have a treadmill, a pull up bar, and some 8- 15- and 20-lb dumbbell weights---not been as consistent with getting my "home workouts" in but been getting 2-3 per week, treadmill 3-4 times a week. Covid knocked me off my feet after a stressful semester end, but I got back on track and never fully fell off the wagon. These habits are stronger than I realize; my body wants to run and lift heavy things and feels weird if I don't for too long.
Started a non-game 365-day project for a skill I want to improve. I'll make a thread here (to avoid doxxing myself with people who aren't seriously on this forum): viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1849

And as I did before, when at my parents' house for Thanksgiving break, I went hard on the sub-par apps, this time filtering in a few of the photos @MILFandCookies and I got during a photoshoot in November(?). I still need to write up/post the full review, because he was awesome to work with and it's definitely helped having good photos on apps/Instagram (even if my family and family's friends think it's goofy to have nice clothes IRL and professional photos on a dating app). Got two new notches in the backseat of my car as a result of building a process, which I also need to write a post about.

Also, I wrote up a summary post of my lays, learns, and upcoming goals. You can read that here: https://nightrollergame.wordpress.com/2 ... irst-year/
By the way, after I'd seen the Nerdy Nympho girl I loved a second time, she said she doesn't want to talk/meet again. She was super cold when I saw her in person at a dance, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I hope to re-open her again sometime, we will see what the future holds. She's fickle. "Chicks are Random."
I came a long way in 2022. A lot more progress than I expected. A significant part of that is thanks to RedPillDad's coaching, TheRedQuest's blog, Andy's stuff, @pancakemouse 's suggestions, @MILFandCookies 's photoshoot, and this community here (as well as a few private group chats), not to mention so many more.
Hell yeah man! It's my pleasure. Working with you was fun for me too. I'm so glad your photos working out for you.
pancakemouse wrote:
Mon Jan 02, 2023 2:22 pm
Welcome to the "banged a pregnant girl" club, you wonderful degen. And what's funny is that I'm reasonably sure we did it in the same city (or at least state)!

You should definitely write up something about how to use some of the non-mainstream apps.
Welcome to the club @NightRoller. I fucked a pregnant girl while her husband watched a while ago... one of those "let's do it just to say we did" things haha. Don't intend to do again - I kept anticipating he would punch me in the face, but of course he didn't since he wanted it to happen as much as his wife did.
I've helped > 100 guys get laid on dating apps.
📸🔥 Dating App Photographer - I'll get you laid, click here: https://www.DatingUnchained.com/ 🔥📸

P.S. I don't like MILFs, just the name ;)

Goal 1:
• Build + maintain $10k+ profit/month

Goal 2:
• Cut some fat to get abs again

Goal 3:
• Start having threesomes with my gf
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Thu Jan 05, 2023 4:09 am

Edited my profile picture at the recommendation of another blogger, given I'm not going to be coaching here in the short term and I could potentially face doxxing given how my blog nightrollergame.wordpress.com links to this forum thread on occasion.

Jerking off too much, sapping my energy. "At parents' home" is not a good environment for improving (or avoiding backsliding for that matter). But I will re-add "quit masturbation" to my to-do list. I can be turned on without having to release it. It feels more powerful, beastlike. Plus it's a bit of extra motivation to find a girl in need of domination time.

Eating like shit. Again, environment. My self-control is also shit, and while I am trying to "work on it" (don't really know how), I need to identify that being in a house where candy chocolate is on the dinner table and lines the kitchen and pantry is not healthy for me in the long run. In the future, once I graduate college, I need to get out of here asap.
Plus I get constantly ragged on by my parents for such things as:
-Having a poor sleep schedule, and any night that I stay up past 10
-The fact that most of my daily work/activities besides exercise and piano use/require "electronics" e.g. phones/computers
-Any hint that I'm spending time texting girls for reasons besides being friends
-Trying to use online speed-dating (i.e. with PlayingWithFire on Youtube) to improve my social skills and crap flirting skills
-Not helping around the house enough/working on myself instead of helping the family
-Not having my career already in order/not having done graduate school applications
-My choice of shirts (and the idea that if you wear a band shirt, that necessarily means that you represent that band and all they stand for) and clothing in general (I'm the only one in my family who looks half-decent on any given day... which explains why at the beginning of this thread I was getting compliments in college looks-wise despite @pancakemouse being baffled at it)... everyone dresses in Midwest dress, i.e. no sense of style to be seen
-My dad has next to no social life outside of a few church things, and thus has little conception of what it's generally like to raise kids in the current age, and he has no one to talk to besides my mom about whatever frustrations he has... so he has no idea how to talk to me or my brothers about the habits he doesn't like in any way besides "You vs Me". I keep trying to change it to "you and me" but keep getting one-way lectures (I'm over 4 years into adulthood Dad!)
-My dad sees physical labor, e.g. chopping wood to heat our house, as the only way to exercise, and thus his arms are much flabbier than mine and have next to no muscle. I keep trying to get him to go to the gym with me.

Been flaked a lot on by girls, including #15 from my summary post who I really wanted to see again before I went back to university. So it goes. Not like I have the testosterone for a good sex session anyway.

Having a hard time getting the stuff I put on my calender done.

I'm pretty tired (mentally), so this turned more into a rant post.

If there's one thing I'm doing right, it's that I've been consistent with keeping up my 365 project. (You can find the link to my YT log there)

Let's keep on rolling.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 186 | Thanks: 60
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Build social skills
Age: 22
Motto: Win and help win
Contact:

Fri Jan 06, 2023 7:23 pm

Feeling a bit disoriented right now. Confused, inexperienced, bewildered.

Some background:
I met this girl that said she was into bdsm/being submissive.
All of her photos had filters on them to some degree, but I thought they were okay enough to ensure she was cute enough to meet.
We matched the day before yesterday or the day before that, chatted a bunch over text (about 8 screenshots in total), set up a hangout for yesterday, and I found out she was an hour's drive away.
I'd done that once before, and had hated it, but she was cute enough that I decided it was worth it to have my first sexperience of January.
I had a meet with family scheduled for 7, and figured I could just barely fit it.
Well, she wanted to go to a lingerie shop that, it turned out (on the date), was a 50-minute drive away from her house (and ~30 from mine, ironically). She couldn't drive because she didn't have a car (one of the big problems of trying to date girls younger than/as old as me outside of a city with public transport).

The date stuff/more important context:
She texted that she planned to be very naughty/bratty on our date. In my head I was like, "okay, whatever, I've talked with "bratty" girls before".
I arrived, and she was skinny (good) but had horse teeth/crooked teeth/yellowing of teeth and smelled like she didn't brush, plus lived in a trailer (bad) and her face was definitely not as pretty as it had looked in any of her pictures (bad). My mind: "okay, we can go on this date but I'm not going to put up with much".
She seemed very shy at first, and I found out she was an adrenaline junkie (illegal street racing, invited to innumerable (>500) parties since she was ~13, her friends were all scared to ride in the passenger seat with her, she didn't believe in slowing down around turns, etc. etc.). Parties, racing, and borderline illegal things were just about all she talked about.
We get to the store, me feeling glad that I got her to open up a bit. We kiss before leaving, her breath is bad and her kiss is mediocre despite her claims that she's a good kisser. Walk around a bit, walk around to a men's section, she keeps telling me "I don't know what to pick. I don't know what to choose" and kept acting like I should give her my input. (It was my first time in that kind of store, so I had no idea but would have been glad to give input if she had a question about something. But she wanted me to choose something for her.) Eventually figured out she was used to the guy (she only had 1 female friend older than 10, mostly hung out with guys) making all the decisions.
We don't buy anything, even though she kept telling me to "buy something" and I kept refusing saying "nothing struck me as something I needed". Very weird kind of behavior, very awkward. The whole time we were in the mall she was very quiet, not very talkative, only really saying "yeah", "no", "not really", or suggestions about where to go in next.

We get naked/I get confused & frustrated/the stuff I'm very troubled about:
We go back to my car, I say hop in the backseat to chat some more (similar to the past 2 lays I got while stuck at my parents' house--the backseat is a bench seat whereas the front seat has an annoying divider), then I did some flirting, she was giving me the eyes and leaning in like she wanted to kiss while I demonstrated some of my back massage skills on her shoulders, neck, and light tugging on her hair (a handy escalation habit for seeing if she's into hair pulling). We start kissing, then making out, and I start getting our clothes off piece by piece. When I reach her boobs, they're bigger than they looked (she looked an A or B cup, was at least a C) but very saggy/not supple/no spring to them.
At some point we're both down to our underwear and she's been compliant this whole time, not showing any brattiness, she's barely talked at all when we've gotten in the car (even when I asked what she was into, she would stay quiet or say enigmatically "you'll find out").
Then at some point, either when I mention something about her not being bratty or when I shifted off to get a condom ready and handy or when I found she was ticklish, she started being noncompliant about me touching her boobs, kissing her, massaging her clit, etc.
I get her underwear off and finger her at some point. She's trying to push away my arms and stuff in a play-fighting way, not something I'm used to, I keep trying to ask her if she likes/doesn't like something or ask what she wants/likes and she keeps giving me no helpful verbal answers, only moaning and that beautiful pose of her jaw going slack and eyes widening when I massage her clit just right. She also sometimes moves my hand
She gets progressively more forceful with her arms and legs, turning away from me and trying to grab my arms. I take it as a game because she's being playful, but then my alarm goes off. I set that alarm for when we should leave and take her home so that I could get to my family on time, but I had some leeway in the alarm so I shut it off and go back to trying to pin her arms above her head. She taunts me saying "I'm stronger than you" and doesn't respond to me when I try to make a safe word to make sure I'm not choking her too roughly (I still can't tell, after trying it on 5-8 different girls, how tight/rough is too much/just right/too little), says stuff like "you think you're going to distract me like that" when I kiss her (I SHOULD HAVE SAID "yes, you guessed exactly what I had in store... and it's working *wink*" but I replied "no" and said something logical about us both enjoying it).
At this point I'm getting annoyed, we only have a little bit of time before I need us to go. I should have said so right when my alarm went off, but I was too caught up in the moment. I actually notice myself choking her hard out of emotional frustration and not just with the intent of pleasing her, and at that point back off from it because I don't want to be getting angry, that kind of combative frame is not what I want sex to be.
I think I can still try to pin her arms, take off my underwear, and get the condom on, but I don't know how to "get her" to start being submissive and stop this behavior she calls "bratty". I get her arms to a position where I'm able to hold them both with one of mine, and she starts whining that her arms hurt/are starting to cramp. I tell her to use the safe word I suggested before if she's really wanting me to stop. She resists and insists that her arms hurt and she wants me to stop, acting like a child, I repeat that she should use the safe word and repeat it for her and wait until she uses it before I let her up. This felt very dark for me. This girl was not responding in a way to where I could tell what she wanted or not. What I knew of as "bratty" behavior was all verbal, I thought they were supposed to be submissive in bed? And it made no sense to me that she should start being non-verbally "bratty" in the middle, telling me she's "won", telling me she's stronger, etc.
(By the way, if I was smart or took a moment to think, I would have used my tank top to tie her arms. Maybe I could have posed it like a fun challenge: "I'll tie your arms up with this knot and this shirt, and if you let me tie it up like this, then if you struggle out of this knot I won't be allowed to use this knot or this shirt again." And then used my childhood knowledge to tie a square knot around just above her wrists to avoid injury but keep it difficult for her to struggle out of. Then if she struggled against it, and found she couldn't get out of it, and gave up, I could then use that time to please her body and stuff myself.)
I could pin her arms down and wrestle her legs open with my legs, and rub her clit with my knee, but besides that it seemed like we were at an impasse. I realized that I didn't think I could do anything to "beat" her without resorting to physical pain/forcing/beating to distract/disable her for long enough. I still had my underwear on, hadn't opened the condom, and at this point wasn't even hard anymore. This wasn't sexy. This wasn't fun. This was just frustrating.
She was struggling as hard as she could to keep me from touching any of her privates or spanking her. She even slapped my face lightly but repeatedly at one point in our interlock. It felt like she was taunting me to have my way, and she was having fun closing herself off from me and trying to have me chase. She definitely enjoyed any time I sucked on her breast or fingered her down under, her lack of verbal communication didn't cut off the physical, primal signals I got from her. It felt like she wanted a r*pe fantasy. She seemed to want me to force my way with her. She wanted me to be so dominant and dangerous that I took what I wanted from her. She'd tried bdsm and being bratty before (I learned before and reaffirmed after), so she must have been used to a much more primal, aggressive kind of sexual dance with guys I'd term "roughnecks" (for reference, she left most parties she was invited to a. when the vibe dropped, b. when the police arrived, or c. when people started pulling out their guns).
And then as all these thoughts were going through my head, it was dark enough outside that I noticed a security vehicle patrolling (yes, we were doing this in the backseat of a vehicle with untinted front windows in the middle of a public parking lot of a mall) with its lights flashing and going slow, and me feeling very much like this was getting close to r*pe territory, and thinking how from an outside point of view it could look like someone was getting beat or forced sexually and how easy it would be for her to claim I was abusing her or doing something nonconsensual (and she seemed unhinged enough to be unpredictable in how she'd answer). And on top of that, I looked at the clock and could see already I would be late to the dinner my family was putting on to see me off before I left for school, and didn't have time to waste on this ridiculousness.
Then, she either challenged me for something and I said "no, I think I'll get my pants on instead" and rolled off and started putting my pants on to show it wasn't just a bluff, or while still underneath me she said "I'm thirsty, let's go get coffee" and I replied the same and got my pants on. Either way, she seemed disappointed, but started putting her pants on too and repeating that she was thirsty and "let's go to Starbucks" and "let's go get coffee", whining like a kid.I'd half-hoped by freezing her out she would get needy enough to have sex that she would open herself up to me, but no, she was too used to following the guy's lead completely and not going for what she wanted nor expressing herself better than a child.
No matter, I replied to her that "no, only good girls get coffee, you were too bratty" as a teasing way to say no, and when she kept whining on about it I firmly said the (somewhat childish) safeword to show I was serious (and to be honest, quite tired of her shit), and said, "no, I'm late enough already, hop in front, we're taking you home."
We got our clothes on, then I took her home. I didn't talk much. I didn't try to rationalize my decision or thinking, as much as I wanted to. I tried to sort out my thoughts and why I was so upset at her. Why couldn't she just have some point where she could say I "won" and she could give in without me having to strangle her or something??? Why did she have to be so difficult when we would both enjoy it more if she let me in and submitted to it? I couldn't understand or justify her behavior as something I could understand as just "bratty", and it was during this drive that I realized she probably did have a r*pe fantasy and wanted me to fulfill that for her, though she was showing some bratty traits.

But I was too weak/inexperienced/in my head to give her something like that. AND, she was not communicating at all about what she liked beyond the coy "you'll find out" and the obvious things like guiding my hands up to her neck, moaning when I played with her nipples/clit, etc. Well, joke's on her, guess I never quite found out.

I realized what I've done in past sexperiences is largely only "soft/light" bdsm and that I really have little idea of how to make (and I hate that phrase but don't know what else to say, she wants me "to make her" submit) her give in and enjoy it submissively when she wants it intense like that. I knew losing my temper wasn't an option, nor was giving into her frame and saying "yes, I am the pussy. You are stronger than me. You win. etc." but I didn't have a good frame for a third option. Maybe someone like @Holden or @Manly Cockfellow knows more about how to act in this situation to turn it into something more fun for both parties and bring the girl to a place of submission, but I have no idea.


I'm vowing not to drive to a girl who's an hour away or more again. It's not worth it at all based on my past experiences. They end up being fat, unsightly, unhinged, damaged, poor communicators, in a very bad place financially, all the sorts that I don't want to get mixed up in. I want a nice girl who's got some modicum of social intelligence, and that's nary impossible to find in the country around my area on dating apps OR in person unless I put myself into the "religious dating for one-time-marriage pool" and sign myself up for 5-10 years of misery, divorce, kids, logistical nightmares, and all that other crap that's bound to happen in this modern era. I need to move to a big city ASAP once I graduate college.

I think I like gentle sex or very communicative bdsm/rough sex, as a note for myself for the future. I've been using the bdsm template to help polarize for girls interested in actually meeting me, but it hasn't led to much good besides Antiques girl, who was also slim and submissive at first (and had a similar open-mouth eyes-light-up expression to me rubbing her clit... thin girls seem to enjoy clit-play more?) and became even more submissive as it went on, but who was willing to cooperate and talk at least a little bit and even say when I was going a little too hard with the fingering. I want sex to be more like that, a cooperative win-win, not one person taking from the other. I don't like a "winner-loser" kind of story to the sex. At the end of it, I want us both to be satisfied.

Edit: I haven't sent a reply to this girl, nor has she sent a reply to me either. We didn't talk during the car ride back to hers much at all, but at the end I said it was fun but she wasn't very communicative, and left it at that. I'm not sure if I want to see her again, and I'm not sure what to send to end things or keep things open, but I do want to send something that leaves it open to her to ask me what she can do to improve herself/work on (I type this honestly, realizing how conceited and selfish it sounds, but maybe there's a better alternative now that I've put my desire into words).
Last edited by NightRoller on Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Goals:
Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by Jan. '23
Failed
Become a bartender by Jan. '23
Deferred

Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by Dec. '22
Failed
Approach 100 people in bars: Oct. '22
Complete: [108/100]
Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until Jan. '23
Complete: [11/10]
Post Reply