Goals for 2023 - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

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Zug
Posts: 666 | Thanks: 358
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Goal: Find a wife
Age: 41
Motto: Strength before weakness

Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:08 pm

If a girl wants to go full bratty and experience the fantasy of being overpowered, fine. You *HAVE* to communicate more than just a safeword before hand. HAVE TO. You need her to explain her hard limits, and you're going to have to dig for this and ask explicitly. It is not sexy or erotic in anyway to do this. You need to her to repeat the green/yellow/red/<safeword> to you and what they mean. You need to protect yourself, especially if they're inexperienced and don't even know what they actually want. It is too easy for it to go too far.

You cannot do this in a public place in a car as a first time (that was completely idiotic). You need to make sure she actually CAN and WILL use her words. I'll get her to repeat what green/yellow/red/<safeword> means again in the middle of the act. Make sure she is actually capable of using them. There's some women who just whisper it inaudibly or just won't say anything for any reason because <insert past trauma>. Those are hard dealbreakers, they're incapable of looking out for their own interests, and I can't read minds.

It is best to use a lot of dirty talk and psychologically dominate her as well. Dominating through only force is less erotic, and becomes gross quickly. Set the psychological frames through the dirty talk. Once that is done, make her beg for you to do what you want to do anyway. Force her to say it again, then again louder, then again even louder. Make her beg. The psych stuff is more powerful than pure force anyway. Make her a participant in her own fantasy. It gets her buy-in to everything and protects you if she decides to feel regret later. Everything you described is like textbook example of how to end up getting arrested. All the legal risk is on YOU, not her. You are the one responsible for leading the interaction and make sure it doesn't become something either of you regret.

I'm not judging anyone for their kinks, but CNC/rape fantasies are a logistical nightmare for the guy. You're taking on incredible risks playing with those. I don't see anyway you can do it with someone you've never met in a way that won't lead to you traumatizing each other to some degree. Re-read your story, you two didn't have any good communication, didn't know each other well, and you can see that this was traumatizing both you and her.
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pancakemouse
Posts: 1769 | Thanks: 1053
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Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 33

Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:13 pm

I wouldn't call it a rape fantasy, more that she's a "Level 3 brat". I think I wrote about this on @Aku's log. I've been with a couple girls like this. In order to initiate sex, you have to "checkmate" them, which means physically overpowering them into submission.

The description of her hurt to read. I'm glad you've decided to screen harder. No more fat chicks, no more country bumpkins, no one that uses filters. You're an attractive guy, and attractive guys have standards.
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Holden
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Goal: Rotation
Age: 28

Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:28 pm

Since you tagged me: I hate bratty girls in general and I was going to say "use a safeword" but then I read you actually did try that. If they're not game with using safewords, I just go. You're not obligated to have sex with girls, yes even if you just drove 1 hr.

This entire report is like one huge trainwreck man. Hard to even know where to start but you seem to get what went wrong.

I can't give any advice on "bratty" girls because to me it always comes across as a convenient excuse for the girl to act like a bitch. So as soon as they drop hints in that direction I just tell them "that won't work for me" and if they don't change their tune I'm out of there. That includes when they text me that they're brats.
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klondike
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Goal: Drop to 205lbs
Age: 35

Fri Jan 06, 2023 11:27 pm

Brats are one thing, it sounded like she wanted to re-enact the trauma of her uncle fucking her when she was 8, or something.

With super crazy girls like that, there’s no way to get frame—because her insanity has the frame. Best to avoid honestly.
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AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
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Name: Mario
Goal: Coach
Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Sat Jan 07, 2023 7:37 pm

There are some good comments before mine that I encourage you to read well and go with a couple of questions.

Second, you are confusing a bdsm play with sex. I know the two are tied together tightly (see what I did there) but CNC doesn't have to be necessarily lead to a sexual intercourse after. Although if you find a partner that finds CNC interesting, I suggest you stay away from these until you learn the basics and understand what bdsm contracts are.

Now let's go to the most important point (beware, when I comment on things I usually sounds harsh, but I'm not trying to belittle you, I want to make sure you get my point across)

You are doing all possible mistakes that an apprentice Dom could do when entering a BDSM situation.

1) You aren't taking your time before hand to understand exactly what the other person wants and/or really want and rushing things just to "do it". Doing bdsm require time and being relaxed, while reading your report the only thing I could tell is that you just wanted to smash and feel dominant.
2) You are doing things unsafely. both for you and for the other person: what if by doing this the cops show up because someone tipped them off? don't get me wrong, I don't say you shouldn't get "frisky" with having sex in a car - one thing it's a quickie that both of you want, one thing is doing certain things with a complete stranger that could potentially end up hurting you or her both physically (I get an idea you don't know how to choke properly and to read when it's too much) and or emotionally ( think if your parents are at dinner and they get a call from the PD saying you are being detained of rape charges)
3) Why are you doing this? I get an understanding that you really didn't like the girl too much and you didn't get even a small bit of connection with her,. I understand you are young (22?) so a lot of things are being "meh who cares, I just wanna fuck" but BDSM and testosterone fueled sex desires need to be separated.
There is a difference with having "rough sex" and doing "bdsm" - as a Dom you are a "service provider" - to provide pleasure to your submissive, here I could get the impressions that this was your baseline mindset- Am I correct?
4) safe words are agreed beforehand not during a play. what I see here there is a constant brake of scene and character. One second you are this dominant guy that is going to fuck her rough and the moment later this insecure guy that has to check (not that it's bad especially since you are at the beginning of this journey, I'm speculating in my head on how things went)


Let's talk about Brats for a second because there is HUGE misconception online.
Andy did a fantastic video in describing the Bratty behaviour - where Brats usually use token verbal resistance or light challenging to get their pleasure (Th Dom flip her over and spanks her ass for being a bratty girl) or to receive the discipline she craves ( she doesn't get to please you and gets ignored for her behaviour)

Being Bratty is used these days as a trojan horse to smuggle toxic trait behaviours or to disguise confrontational/ passive- aggressiveness. Without having more details I cannot tell exactly what is this situation although I have a few ideas
When you win her over, there is only compliance and submissiveness, if she plays silly games or "mess with your head" to see if you would "have it your way" it's probably the biggest red flag and you should do what you have done. Pull up your pants and drive her home. Play games are for play PARTNERS.

The mental mindset that you'd are asking is "This is me and this is the boundary, you flow in it but if you step outside, I'm out and this ends right away" to me it seems like you need more to work on yourself to draw more clear boundaries.

I don't think you should see this person again unless she is willing to commit to an open talk before doing things a little bit more "advanced"
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
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AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
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Name: Mario
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Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Sat Jan 07, 2023 7:45 pm

pancakemouse wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:13 pm
You're
more than attractive guys and standards - DOMS are in control and set the boundaries, for others but firstly to themselves
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
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NightRoller
Posts: 271 | Thanks: 79
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Get Career Job, Move
Age: 23
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Location: Bumfuck Rural US
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Mon Jan 09, 2023 5:42 am

I wish I'd seen this video Andy made about Bratty girls so I could have known more about what to expect and how to make a good interaction happen...
https://youtu.be/I2gIo8rC-KI
Regardless, this was not a good point for me and left me in a bad headspace.


This post will be long but you all gave me a lot of value. I've read and ruminated on each of these and aim to learn from my mistakes here.


Zug wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:08 pm
If a girl wants to go full bratty and experience the fantasy of being overpowered, fine. You *HAVE* to communicate more than just a safeword before hand. HAVE TO. You need her to explain her hard limits, and you're going to have to dig for this and ask explicitly. It is not sexy or erotic in anyway to do this. You need to her to repeat the green/yellow/red/<safeword> to you and what they mean. You need to protect yourself, especially if they're inexperienced and don't even know what they actually want. It is too easy for it to go too far.

You cannot do this in a public place in a car as a first time (that was completely idiotic). You need to make sure she actually CAN and WILL use her words. I'll get her to repeat what green/yellow/red/<safeword> means again in the middle of the act. Make sure she is actually capable of using them. There's some women who just whisper it inaudibly or just won't say anything for any reason because <insert past trauma>. Those are hard dealbreakers, they're incapable of looking out for their own interests, and I can't read minds.

It is best to use a lot of dirty talk and psychologically dominate her as well. Dominating through only force is less erotic, and becomes gross quickly. Set the psychological frames through the dirty talk. Once that is done, make her beg for you to do what you want to do anyway. Force her to say it again, then again louder, then again even louder. Make her beg. The psych stuff is more powerful than pure force anyway. Make her a participant in her own fantasy. It gets her buy-in to everything and protects you if she decides to feel regret later. Everything you described is like textbook example of how to end up getting arrested. All the legal risk is on YOU, not her. You are the one responsible for leading the interaction and make sure it doesn't become something either of you regret.

I'm not judging anyone for their kinks, but CNC/rape fantasies are a logistical nightmare for the guy. You're taking on incredible risks playing with those. I don't see anyway you can do it with someone you've never met in a way that won't lead to you traumatizing each other to some degree. Re-read your story, you two didn't have any good communication, didn't know each other well, and you can see that this was traumatizing both you and her.
Lessons learned here:
1. DON'T DO R**E FANTASY GIRLS
2. Don't be dumb, if she wants to be bratty move it somewhere private
3. "Communicate more before". Lean towards the overcommunicating rather than undercommunicating.
4. Practice verbal domination.
5. If you feel like you "have to" use force, stop. You're doing something wrong and need a break.
6. Be cautious around brats (ensure thorough communication) and hard stop on uncommunicative girls.

pancakemouse wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:13 pm
I wouldn't call it a rape fantasy, more that she's a "Level 3 brat". I think I wrote about this on @Aku's log. I've been with a couple girls like this. In order to initiate sex, you have to "checkmate" them, which means physically overpowering them into submission.

The description of her hurt to read. I'm glad you've decided to screen harder. No more fat chicks, no more country bumpkins, no one that uses filters. You're an attractive guy, and attractive guys have standards.
Lessons learned here:
1. She was a brat that was more than I could handle, though it hurts my ego to admit.
2. Checked out that blog. That and Andy's video make me open to the idea of brats again, but as before---it must have strong communication.
3. I will need to be more honest with myself on the actual date. Maybe something like 30 minutes in, I check if I actually would like this girl, would want to see her again. And if she's fat or definitely different from the pictures, I'll look at my watch (connecting the observation with my planned action) and say, "hey, this was fun, but I'm not feeling the chemistry. Let's end this here." or something along those lines. (The major drawback is that all girls in my state use a filter of varying degrees, most use it quite strongly so I can't use that for a screen-out without losing all potential girls (though I do need to focus on in-person).

Holden wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:28 pm
Since you tagged me: I hate bratty girls in general and I was going to say "use a safeword" but then I read you actually did try that. If they're not game with using safewords, I just go. You're not obligated to have sex with girls, yes even if you just drove 1 hr.

This entire report is like one huge trainwreck man. Hard to even know where to start but you seem to get what went wrong.

I can't give any advice on "bratty" girls because to me it always comes across as a convenient excuse for the girl to act like a bitch. So as soon as they drop hints in that direction I just tell them "that won't work for me" and if they don't change their tune I'm out of there. That includes when they text me that they're brats.
Lessons learned here:
1. This experience was like those books we had to read in high school, where it got bad, then you hoped that was it, then it got worse. The culprit was my insufficient screening and being too "unpicky" and too caught in the moment. I'm tempted to edit my original post but have decided to leave it up for now for future guys to learn from my mistake and near-miss.
2. Once again, I need to communicate more. After hearing what good, healthy bedroom brattiness looks like, I think I'd like to try it... but nothing as harcore as this and only with a very communicative partner (as this one was decidedly not).


KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 10:01 pm
Zug wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 8:08 pm
I'm not judging anyone for their kinks, but CNC/rape fantasies are a logistical nightmare for the guy. You're taking on incredible risks playing with those. I don't see anyway you can do it with someone you've never met in a way that won't lead to you traumatizing each other to some degree
This. Since you asked us for advice, here it is: don't ever do a CNC/rape fantasy. That's what I call "destructive sex", rather than "constructive sex". We're here to improve ourselves and the people we're around, right? I can't guarantee a CNC/rape scene would hurt you/her (I can't know the future) but it's definitely playing with dynamite.

I think there are some things in life you never need to explore. If you ultimately decide to try it, you're an adult and I can't tell you what to do - but know that I wouldn't recommend it, most guys here probably wouldn't recommend it, and it's a legal, moral and ethical grey area (as Zug said, how do you know you won't traumatize her and yourself?)

But the only question that really matters is: "Do I believe doing this help me move towards the person I want to be?" That's a question only you can answer - not us.
Lessons learned here:
1. Avoid the CNC and CNC-adjacent fantasies. Talk to a girl about what she likes and dislikes. If she wants to be coy and won't cooperate with making it so it doesn't feel like a minefield for me (trying to maximize her pleasure without overstepping some boundary myself), then odds are that girl is not a good fit for me and I'll zip myself up and end the date there.
2. Yes. Constructive sex is the goal. I want win-wins, and say so to most of the girls I see at some point to try to screen for the girls open to making win-wins.
3. Some advice RedQuest told me in a private chat applies here: Feel free to take risks, but don't do something risky without fully understanding the risks. In this case, that pertains to anything close to a r*** fantasy.

klondike wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 11:27 pm
Brats are one thing, it sounded like she wanted to re-enact the trauma of her uncle fucking her when she was 8, or something.

With super crazy girls like that, there’s no way to get frame—because her insanity has the frame. Best to avoid honestly.

Lessons learned here:
1. Be extra alert for a girl's potential craziness or trauma. If she seems to have a bad background, it may be more risky to do anything kinky or fun while maintaining mutual enjoyment. Screen hard. Avoid the people who seem socially inadjusted, especially girls with few female friends.

AskTheDom wrote:
Sat Jan 07, 2023 7:37 pm
There are some good comments before mine that I encourage you to read well and go with a couple of questions.

Second, you are confusing a bdsm play with sex. I know the two are tied together tightly (see what I did there) but CNC doesn't have to be necessarily lead to a sexual intercourse after. Although if you find a partner that finds CNC interesting, I suggest you stay away from these until you learn the basics and understand what bdsm contracts are.

Now let's go to the most important point (beware, when I comment on things I usually sounds harsh, but I'm not trying to belittle you, I want to make sure you get my point across)

You are doing all possible mistakes that an apprentice Dom could do when entering a BDSM situation.

1) You aren't taking your time before hand to understand exactly what the other person wants and/or really want and rushing things just to "do it". Doing bdsm require time and being relaxed, while reading your report the only thing I could tell is that you just wanted to smash and feel dominant.
2) You are doing things unsafely. both for you and for the other person: what if by doing this the cops show up because someone tipped them off? don't get me wrong, I don't say you shouldn't get "frisky" with having sex in a car - one thing it's a quickie that both of you want, one thing is doing certain things with a complete stranger that could potentially end up hurting you or her both physically (I get an idea you don't know how to choke properly and to read when it's too much) and or emotionally ( think if your parents are at dinner and they get a call from the PD saying you are being detained of rape charges)
3) Why are you doing this? I get an understanding that you really didn't like the girl too much and you didn't get even a small bit of connection with her,. I understand you are young (22?) so a lot of things are being "meh who cares, I just wanna fuck" but BDSM and testosterone fueled sex desires need to be separated.
There is a difference with having "rough sex" and doing "bdsm" - as a Dom you are a "service provider" - to provide pleasure to your submissive, here I could get the impressions that this was your baseline mindset- Am I correct?
4) safe words are agreed beforehand not during a play. what I see here there is a constant brake of scene and character. One second you are this dominant guy that is going to fuck her rough and the moment later this insecure guy that has to check (not that it's bad especially since you are at the beginning of this journey, I'm speculating in my head on how things went)


Let's talk about Brats for a second because there is HUGE misconception online.
Andy did a fantastic video in describing the Bratty behaviour - where Brats usually use token verbal resistance or light challenging to get their pleasure (Th Dom flip her over and spanks her ass for being a bratty girl) or to receive the discipline she craves ( she doesn't get to please you and gets ignored for her behaviour)

Being Bratty is used these days as a trojan horse to smuggle toxic trait behaviours or to disguise confrontational/ passive- aggressiveness. Without having more details I cannot tell exactly what is this situation although I have a few ideas
When you win her over, there is only compliance and submissiveness, if she plays silly games or "mess with your head" to see if you would "have it your way" it's probably the biggest red flag and you should do what you have done. Pull up your pants and drive her home. Play games are for play PARTNERS.

The mental mindset that you'd are asking is "This is me and this is the boundary, you flow in it but if you step outside, I'm out and this ends right away" to me it seems like you need more to work on yourself to draw more clear boundaries.

I don't think you should see this person again unless she is willing to commit to an open talk before doing things a little bit more "advanced"
I'll take "harshness" over candycoating. Thank you for this. I won't be seeing this girl again.
Lessons learned here:
1. You're more of a beginner than you thought. Your inner game increased alongside your ego, but you still don't know much about how to "do bdsm" well. The way to improve is by talking/communicating MORE.
2. I had too much of an unexpected time constraint and did not plan sufficiently accordingly. I need to be more time-aware, and not try to push the envelope if it's not going to happen--even when I think there's a "sliver of a chance".
3. There is a lot more risk involved to stretching my comfort zone than I realized. If something is new to me, I need to COMMUNICATE with my partner, or else end the interaction.
4. Yes, I am young. Yes, I should learn how to bring a woman into bed for sex. No, that doesn't mean having sex with girls I could go either way on. And if I honestly lose attractiion for a girl over the course of a date, I should end the date. That's the behavior of a man who respects himself enough to have boundaries.
5. I already want to bring me and my partner pleasure. I should lean into that more, and focus on making it a constructive, healthy pleasure rather than a destructive, unhealthy one. Pleasure doesn't have to have a drawback. It should be beneficial and grow us both.
6. Safe words are something I should discuss beforehand with anyone I'm going to do more than light choking or hair pulling with--and this will be dependent on me learning their preferences BEFORE getting into it. Which points to... COMMUNICATE MORE
7. There are good examples of how to deal with bratty behavior, studying them and emulating them is much healthier than trying to work it out on my own. Don't "turn to the dark side" and "feel your anger" NightRoller. It's not worth it for the cost to your dignity and the potential damage to both you and your partner.
8. I did do one thing right, but I did it late. Learn to watch for red flags, and zip up those pants if there are warning signs.
9. Again boundaries are important to have. If someone starts disrespecting me or I feel tired during an interaction or annoyed, I will choose to end the interaction. And cultivating a mindset where I hard-respect my own boundaries as well as my partner's is something to practice from here on.



I'm not going to pretend that I can somehow internalize all these lessons and start doing them perfectly right away, but now I can focus on them and realize their importance, make them a habit.

One final lesson learned here:
Shut the ego up and take the advice of others. It will hurt your pride. But people will tell you when you're in the wrong, and point you to better paths that will be more healthy for you and those you interact with in the future. Be thankful for the advice. Be glad others care enough to correct you.

And I am genuinely strongly grateful for your input on this. I will work to internalize and act on these lessons moving forward.
Goals: See this post
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Laycount: 28 --- In 2023: 12 (as of May 03'23)
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pancakemouse
Posts: 1769 | Thanks: 1053
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Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 33

Mon Jan 09, 2023 1:25 pm

All girls in your state use filters? I thought you lived in a college town. Surely there's some non-lower-class girls around. Another reason to stay away from the non-Big 3 apps.
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AskTheDom
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Name: Mario
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Mon Jan 09, 2023 5:06 pm

the way you handled feedback and self awareness it shows me you in for a great ride my friend
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
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Brother_Tucker
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Age: 34
Motto: My life is awesome, what's your excuse?

Wed Jan 11, 2023 11:30 am

There is some incredible advice here from everyone.

These kinds of responses is what makes this fourm a valuable resource that will help people improve.

I think the other guys covered everything you needed to hear so I will throw in something else for you to consider. I've said this a few times on the forums, but most guys here are not ready for first date lays. Especially when you start to lean into BDSM. If you don't have the ability to spot huge red flags and walk away from a situation immediately, then you need to slow things down. I would advise to aiming for second date lays. Use the first date to scout if this girl lines up with what you're looking for. The second date can be the Netflix and chill date. If you're going into BDSM, get used to talking directly about it before you dive into it. My usual go to while they have a glass of wine in hand at my place, is to say "we need to have a safety talk first". Here I discuss the colour system (red, yellow, green), ask them their safe word or assign them one. Ask them if they are asthmatic or have any trauma I should be aware of (I make a joke that if I'm choking them, I need to make sure they are having a good time and not a asthma attack). I ask if they have any hard boundries that they don't want crossed. Then I say, I won't spoil all the surprises, but know that you're in good hands and you can stop things at any point with no judgements at all. Then I say "for this session you can call me sir or daddy". Then I ask if they understand, when they say yes I say "yes what?" This will immediately tell you what they are comfortable calling you while you transition into the bed room and move the frame of the interaction where you want it to be.

My retention has always been really high because I take the time to make sure she gets what she wants in a safe environment, while I get someone who will isn't going to cause me problems. You are leading the encounter with comfort before moving into being dominant.

If the girl cannot communicate during this safety talk, don't do BDSM with her. @KillYourInnerLoser wrote an article or it might have been a video about people who are shitty subs. I would recommend reading/watching that as it will help you learn how to read a girl, before you get into a difficult situation.

You're taking accountability and are learning to improve. Keep at it and things will get easier.
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Manly Cockfellow
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Wed Jan 11, 2023 5:18 pm

@NightRoller, really happy with how you responded to the feedback from @AskTheDom, @KillYourInnerLoser, @Holden, @Zug, @pancakemouse, and @klondike

These guys gave you great advice and it seems like you're open to it and planning on using what they said to guide you in the future.

Since you tagged me in the initial post, all I have to add is this:
in my experience, brats and girls that tell me they are dominant or bitchy become super submissive the more I take on the role of a "daddy", by showing them and communicating to them that there is no pressure to have sex or do anything they aren't ready to do, and by showing them that I am patient, caring, competent and trustworthy and that while she is with me she doesn't need to worry about anything other than pleasing me and being my good girl
(and it's like @AskTheDom said, if she doesn't eventually start acting submissive and feminine I don't get upset, I just turn my attention to either something else I'm working on or to a girl that does act the way I prefer).

[One way to screen for more sweet, submissive, eager to please girls is to say something like:
"I am looking for a good girl who's greatest pleasure is pleasing her daddy",
in your initial conversation]

@KillYourInnerLoser made a great point in the video as well about the difference between being playfully bratty and being a bitch. If she playfully says no with a smile on her face when I tell her to come her or take her clothes off, I will chase her and pick her up and gently body slam her on the bed, or lightly place my hand around her throat and say "what did you say", or wrestle her down and spank her a little, but if she's just straight up mean or rude and isn't even acting flirty and like she wants to have sex with me then I don't reward her with my attention and my physical and psychological domination.

Easier said than done, I know, but you'll get there.

And like I said, I'm very impressed with how receptive you've been to the excellent feedback you've received.

Keep it up and you'll be better than all of us by the end
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NightRoller
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Name: Graham
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Location: Bumfuck Rural US
Contact:

Sat Jan 14, 2023 11:40 pm

Thank you guys again for the feedback.


Recently, I've been having issues with being on my phone too much and not getting my to-do list done, along with the daily/semidaily things of hitting the gym, playing piano every day, doing 20 minutes of cardio, studying Japanese, and eating healthy choices for food.

Been on my phone far too much, especially the "poor" dating apps in my area that have become addictive time-sinks that I open impulsively. I've gotten numbers from many of them at this point and have a couple notches from them, but they're not helping me move towards my goals in the short term.

Maybe I'll mute everything but bumble for a month or two. Girls on the "bad" apps as I think of them aren't anyone I owe anything to anyway.
And I need to restrict the time I spend texting as well.



But for this sleep issue where I'm going to bed at 2-5 am instead of my target midnight (and having to make my wakeup time in the morning later as a result, offsetting me from the natural circadian rhythm:

At midnight, my target bedtime, I (NightRoller) will either go to bed directly...

...or I will come to this thread and write the following:
-It is my bedtime
-I am not going to bed now because I will be doing "X things" that MUST be finished before I go to sleep.
-I did not finish "X things" earlier in the day because of ___ reasons (what was I doing that kept me from being on schedule?).
-I will be going to bed at ___ time instead.

I am doing this to build the habit of such journaling/bed habits because I worry if I did it in a private journal, I would not be able to keep up the habit without this accountability at the start, though I plan to transition to a paper-and-pencil journal eventually.
Goals: See this post
Skill-based 365 project
Laycount: 28 --- In 2023: 12 (as of May 03'23)
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NightRoller
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Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
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Age: 23
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Sun Jan 15, 2023 10:12 am

Most ironically, I end up having to write this tonight because I got booty-called by a Milf from Badoo. I'm not sure if I want to keep counting or not, but this would be #17 and the first of the year for me.

It is far past my bedtime.

I did not go to bed because I was working on homework late and simultaneously checking apps , because I had been checking them compulsively all day. I got, at 11:30 pm, what amounted to a booty call from a newly divorced, late-20s, and very horny mother, so after working out details I drove an hour to hers (I can't wait to get out of my current state... or my "(my current state) mentality"... and say "if she can't cum to me and she's farther than 15 minutes, I'm not going to hers"). Used the opportunity to listen to some podcasts on the way there and back.

She had a very bad room setup for any kind of kinky activities (bedroom was right next to living room with two kids sleeping on the couch), that was the sneakiest I've ever been and the quietest mutually enthusiastic sex I've ever had. I didn't get much of a good view of her from her app photos, so this was a (pretty stupid) gamble, but her tits were massive as were her hips. She was kissing me and pulling me onto the bed almost right from the moment she closed the door behind me. One of her very young kids interrupted us two or three times, citing their feeling of being scared (that felt the opposite of lovely, maybe a little bit icky to me while I was around the corner behind a door, wondering if the kid saw me and was feeling unsafe). I learned how to hide well. Even so, we did eventually do the vanilla 3 basic positions (missionary, doggy, cowgirl), before I couldn't hold it and aimed to go hard and deep for the last few seconds that I was hard. Cuddles, gave her a back massage, and then she distracted her child while I snuck out the door. She was cute and very enthusiastic, a kinky screamer when she has the chance, but I'm not willing to see her more than once every few weeks.


I did not finish my homework earlier today because I felt chained to my phone. I kept it open and kept responding to messages instead of drawing a boundary on my time. Tomorrow, I will not keep my phone open and text on dating apps during time I dedicate to working.

I will be going to bed at 5:30 am instead.
Goals: See this post
Skill-based 365 project
Laycount: 28 --- In 2023: 12 (as of May 03'23)
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NightRoller
Posts: 271 | Thanks: 79
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Get Career Job, Move
Age: 23
Motto: Win and help win
Location: Bumfuck Rural US
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Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:41 am

It is past my bedtime of midnight.
I was not going to bed a t that time because I was completing dishwashing, my daily piano, and doing laundry.
I did not finish those things earlier in the day because the cooking I planned for the day took a lot longer than expected, and I was listening to podcasts the whole time instead of focusing. I also took longer at the store so did not have time to do much of the other things I really wanted to focus on today. Edit: next time what I can (will) do is take 5 minutes to plan out what recipes I'm going to do when, then execute on that plan and finish a few hours quicker. I can (will) also target only necessary groceries instead of considering the "optional" things as "mandatory" alongside genuinely important things. Finally, if I see that laundry or dishes would put me later than midnight, I can (will) save them for the next day instead.
I will be going to bed at 3:00 instead.
Goals: See this post
Skill-based 365 project
Laycount: 28 --- In 2023: 12 (as of May 03'23)
User avatar
NightRoller
Posts: 271 | Thanks: 79
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2022 3:06 pm
Name: Graham
Goal: Get Career Job, Move
Age: 23
Motto: Win and help win
Location: Bumfuck Rural US
Contact:

Tue Jan 17, 2023 6:33 am

It is past my bedtime of midnight.
I was not going to bed at that time because I was texting girls and working on homework I could have saved for tomorrow morning.
I did not finish those things earlier in the day because of watching youtube videos. Next time what I can (will) do is observe that nothing I have remaining is due tomorrow, so I should sleep and rise early tomorrow to work on it instead of staying up later.
I will be going to bed at 1:30 am instead.


In other news, I had a coffee date with a hot Swedish teacher from a few schools away. She seemed pretty open-minded, but while we made plans during the date to hang out with wine at mine and talk about things we couldn't say directly, she flaked within 1 hour of our decided time saying something came up, not elaborating on what happened or suggesting another time besides "another time." My schedule is fairly full with homework and a few dates already, so it'll be some time before I could see her again but she was very attractive to me, thin, does yoga, dresses smartly but attractively. I met her on Badoo, which for a very low-volume app has resulted in a significant number of dates/lays over the past couple months.

Also have a couple girls booty-calling me from my hometown area, but I won't return for a couple weeks and they're not offering to drive down to me. They're all 4-6.5s by what I can tell anyway (of the girls I haven't had a first date with).

Also been texting a girl who lives a few hours away who seems very desirous to have me visit her--but because of a (genuine) disability (which I can't reveal) she can't drive to me. We have plans for Friday, which is a bit tricky for me due to other arrangements but I can make it work. She's flaked once before because of the loss of a pet, but we'll see if she does this time--if that happens I'll drop her because of the high time cost despite the sunk cost I've made in investing in her, but she seems attractive and I like the sound of her voice and her eager but submissive personality, and right now it's a very solid lead where she seems to have me and my (apparently very attractive) voice in her head all day. (That sounds kind of scammy on second glance, but to clear up that possibility: she is not talking in the aggressive, assertive, "asking questions and always feigning horny desperation or unrealistic sexual openness then sudden caution" talk that scammers employ, plus she lives on a college campus and has a genuine instagram--our main mode of communication. I could cite more info but most of you probably know how to identify a fake/scammer/blackmailer by now.)
Goals: See this post
Skill-based 365 project
Laycount: 28 --- In 2023: 12 (as of May 03'23)
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