Goals for 2023 - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

[NightRoller]

Update October 9th, 2022 (Sun)

• Approaches: 1
  • Said hello to a cute girl in the gym, was honest about my nervousness, pretty tired but asked her out. She turned me down based one not wanting a relationship/being on a celibacy pledge, but complimented me on the confidence (ironic!).
• Physical activity: Hit gym for 35 minutes. Made sure to get sore from each exercise
• Calories: 2,323/1650
  • Had one of Greg Douchette's protein ice cream today too. Ate too many nuts and toppings with the ice cream, which sent me over calorie limits BUT ALSO left me feeling super-bloated and gassy all day and for 3/4 of my gym workout.
• Notes: Stayed up super late setting up dating apps and doing reading homework. Running on 2.5 hours of sleep writing this. About to take a nap on 10/10. Not much seems to be coming from the apps, but I've got one potential lead. I worry about being shadowbanned as well.
• Been feeling unmotivated and bad recently. Probably has something to do with poor sleep + watching 2 episodes a day of cartoons + procrastinating homework + not feeling like I'm going out and talking to girls as much. In the past few days I've felt better about how much exercise I've been doing and how easy it is to keep going at it now (compared to, say, a month ago), but the scale still says I'm 5 lbs over where I started and I'm going to keep on trying to make improvements so I can feel like I look good for myself, for impressing my family, for impressing my friends, for impressing girls, and in general to feel like a powerful, able guy who is strong instead of following the American trend.
• Probably should search the forums for mental and habit stuff for losing weight, gaining muscle, and the headspace stuff for finding "what I WANT" as opposed to "what I THINK I want".

[natedawg]

Update October 8th, 2022 (Sat)

• Approaches: 1
  • Said hello to a cute girl in the gym, was honest about my nervousness, pretty tired but asked her out. She turned me down based one not wanting a relationship/being on a celibacy pledge, but complimented me on the confidence (ironic!).
• Physical activity: Hit gym for 35 minutes. Made sure to get sore from each exercise
• Calories: 2,323/1650
  • Had one of Greg Douchette's protein ice cream today too. Ate too many nuts and toppings with the ice cream, which sent me over calorie limits BUT ALSO left me feeling super-bloated and gassy all day and for 3/4 of my gym workout.
• Notes: Stayed up super late setting up dating apps and doing reading homework. Running on 2.5 hours of sleep writing this. About to take a nap on 10/10. Not much seems to be coming from the apps, but I've got one potential lead. I worry about being shadowbanned as well.
• Been feeling unmotivated and bad recently. Probably has something to do with poor sleep + watching 2 episodes a day of cartoons + procrastinating homework + not feeling like I'm going out and talking to girls as much. In the past few days I've felt better about how much exercise I've been doing and how easy it is to keep going at it now (compared to, say, a month ago), but the scale still says I'm 5 lbs over where I started and I'm going to keep on trying to make improvements so I can feel like I look good for myself, for impressing my family, for impressing my friends, for impressing girls, and in general to feel like a powerful, able guy who is strong instead of following the American trend.
• Probably should search the forums for mental and habit stuff for losing weight, gaining muscle, and the headspace stuff for finding "what I WANT" as opposed to "what I THINK I want".

First off, CONGRATS on approaching even though you were nervous dude! Those little moments build your courage. Pat yourself on the back!

As for the lack of motivation, I'm looking at your goals and wondering if all of these are realistic by 2023? I see you met your approach goal, but not the others. Maybe it's worth revisiiting those and revise them into something smaller?

[pancakemouse]

[*]Notes: Stayed up super late setting up dating apps and doing reading homework. Running on 2.5 hours of sleep writing this. About to take a nap on 10/10. Not much seems to be coming from the apps, but I've got one potential lead. I worry about being shadowbanned as well.

You're not shadowbanned. You just have poor photos, as pointed out by me after the last ones you posted.

[NightRoller]

NightRoller wrote: ↑Tue Oct 11, 2022 4:31 am
[*]Notes: Stayed up super late setting up dating apps and doing reading homework. Running on 2.5 hours of sleep writing this. About to take a nap on 10/10. Not much seems to be coming from the apps, but I've got one potential lead. I worry about being shadowbanned as well.

You're not shadowbanned. You just have poor photos, as pointed out by me after the last ones you posted.

I may have poor photos relatively. Perhaps objectively. But the fact remains I was getting more likes and matches on Tinder with those old pictures, about 3-4 weeks ago before I deleted it, than some of those old ones with some new ones (and some old fillers), that being (if memory serves) something on the order of 7-15 likes per week from mostly non-gold/platinum members. Now this week is sitting at about 6, all from the starting 36 hours, which would be ridiculously low for even my starting couple days 3 years ago (when I was a total nerd with the shittiest pictures ever).
And that discrepancy is the reason I'm suspicious. This isn't Miami or California, this is the Midwest in a college town with a glut of nerdy guys and girls who can't take pictures to save their lives, and where very few model-like people exist. On a non-T/B/H app last night I got asked if I was even real (yes, I had a fully filled-out profile... seems everything beyond TBH is pretty much dead/useless in my area, tbh).
Both fortunately and unfortunately, it's not a binary of "getting tons of matches" vs "getting no matches". It'll shift towards the former as long as I go faster than the attractiveness inflation in my area though.

First off, CONGRATS on approaching even though you were nervous dude! Those little moments build your courage. Pat yourself on the back!

As for the lack of motivation, I'm looking at your goals and wondering if all of these are realistic by 2023? I see you met your approach goal, but not the others. Maybe it's worth revisiiting those and revise them into something smaller?

Thanks! and I think it's somewhat linked to that. Those goals were somewhat arbitrarily decided before knowing what I'm capable of... and I'm still not sure what I'm capable of. I don't want to reduce them in case I might still make all of them by their respective deadlines, and I'm mostly working towards all of them (except losing weight for abs... that one has been a struggle). But I really need to think (as Andy's YT videos often mention) about what I really want, and delve into the why and the why-why of it. Find what I truly desire, then seek to satisfy that.

[NightRoller]

You're not shadowbanned. You just have poor photos, as pointed out by me after the last ones you posted.

Update/Correction: I'm not shadowbanned, and all of the photos I have on the app are poor. But more importantly:

IMG_1070.png

imagejonio0.jpg

...which means that the $100 I spent on Tinder to get 6 months is 99% down the drain, and I'm also banned from Hinge and several other apps. I guess I was following the Tinder texting guide too closely, or something.

My first instinct is "woe is me! A huge market and avenue for success, ripped out of my hands! Whatever shall I do!" But looking at it logically, I'll follow up with an inquiry as to why my account was banned and to see if I can reverse it.
Truly, I can only think of 3 reasons why they'd ban me:

• I used some of the same pictures as well as the same phone number as I used before I deleted the apps. It's like they're doing an UNO reverse card on me or something, and they don't like either the pictures or the phone number/email.
• I used the texting guidelines, varying things up between "hey" and "hi" on openers, and sometimes added more variation, but maybe it wasn't enough.
• Someone might have just not liked me saying "hey, you're sexy." Or maybe multiple people. I'm not sure what to do about that.

To be sure though, this increases the importance of taking new pictures, if I can't recover this account. Getting a new phone/number will be a pain though if I follow that avenue. I don't have the time to deal with it though. Not this week, not next in all likelihood.
Sounds like my cold approach skills are going to get some further honing, beyond what I anticipated. Those goals won't be quite so far out of reach after all.

[pancakemouse]

Two further steps:

1. Match Group have an arbitration process that can be kicked off by sending a letter to their legal department. See more in section 15 of the Terms of Service.

2. There is some evidence that filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau will cause the apps to take a closer look at your case.

[NightRoller]

Update October 10th, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: 11
Only ran on 4 hours of sleep, was hitting up girls like a madman without setting that as a goal, just while going around the day.
Physical activity: Hit run for 25-30 minutes
Calories: 3,602/1650
Weight: 148.2
Notes: Stayed up super late the night before and night after this day. Oh, and got banned on tinder (and Hinge by proxy). Going to take it up with Tinder and/or Match because it's pretty ridiculous, I bought 6-month Platinum only to get shadow banned within the first hour or two and total banned in 3 days. Tinder can't be trusted.
[/quote]

[klondike]

It's not a huge deal and not worth the time to pursue. You can buy a burner phone for $30, make free new email addys, then use Starbucks wi-fi to make new accounts they'd never be able to trace.

[NightRoller]

Update October 11th, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0
Tired as heck; tons of homework. Have texted a few girls, worth a little more than nothing.
Physical activity: None
Calories: 2577/1650
Weight: 145.6
Notes: Stayed up late yet again. Need to cull this habit, but swamped in homework and it's hard to just do the bare minimum on assignments to the point I'll actually catch up. But I need to. And I want better/more sleep again.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing


EDIT: Also had an awesome call with RPD. Identified a few of my sticking points and some encouragement. Losing weight is hard. "Embrace the suck." Keep taking action, which is rare for guys my age. And to be patient.

[natedawg]

Update October 11th, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0
Tired as heck; tons of homework. Have texted a few girls, worth a little more than nothing.
Physical activity: None
Calories: 2577/1650
Weight: 145.6
Notes: Stayed up late yet again. Need to cull this habit, but swamped in homework and it's hard to just do the bare minimum on assignments to the point I'll actually catch up. But I need to. And I want better/more sleep again.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing


EDIT: Also had an awesome call with RPD. Identified a few of my sticking points and some encouragement. Losing weight is hard. "Embrace the suck." Keep taking action, which is rare for guys my age. And to be patient.

These 'ugly' days matter too. Just keep on moving ahead.

As for the weight loss thing, I totally hear you there. I literally have to stay around ~2k to ensure I lose weight. What helps me is eating most of my calories early in the day, so I can taper off in the late afternoon, and be done eating by 7:30pm (my cutoff point). Have you noticed any trends around when you tend to eat the most?

[NotChicken]

what kind of venues are you cold approaching at?

[NightRoller]

Update October 12th, 2022 (Wed)
Approaches: 1 (nightgame)
Physical activity: None
Calories: 2175/1650
Weight: 146.2
Notes: Stayed up late. Had a decent day of work. Pushing to get trained as a bartender.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===================
Replies:

These 'ugly' days matter too. Just keep on moving ahead.

As for the weight loss thing, I totally hear you there. I literally have to stay around ~2k to ensure I lose weight. What helps me is eating most of my calories early in the day, so I can taper off in the late afternoon, and be done eating by 7:30pm (my cutoff point). Have you noticed any trends around when you tend to eat the most?

Thanks for the encouragement!
I notice I eat the most in the last third or fourth of the day. I'm unsure about setting a time limit for eating because of my variable daily routine and bedtime, but I agree that if I could enforce it, it would be an excellent idea. As I'm writing this, I just finished a snack of about 600 calories or so, and I ate about 800 since dinner (and dinner set me at just over my daily limit goal). I wish I could tell myself not to eat after a specific time or specific meal, but so far I have had difficulty telling myself "no" or giving myself a hard limit. Because I wake sometime between 8pm and 1am every day, it's hard to say when the last meal of the day will be. Maybe I should make dinner my cutoff though, it sounds like a good idea.

what kind of venues are you cold approaching at?

Usually on campus, or on the streets of my town. Sometimes inside the gym or in a classroom hallway, but usually ouside.

[NightRoller]

Update October 13th, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 1 bubbly girl, at the gym
Physical activity: Hit the gym
Calories: 2057/1650
Weight: 148.0
Notes: Stayed up late using non-mainstream, waste-of-time dating apps that are unlikely to get me much progress

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

[NightRoller]

Mega Update (compilation of delayed updates):

Update October 14th, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran
Calories: 2597/1650
Weight: 146.1
Notes: Stayed up late again, until 7:30 am Friday night just trying to finish math homework. I hate arbitrary deadlines and my own recent procrastination.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===

Update October 15th, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: 0, but +1 notch
Physical activity: None
Calories: 1735/1650
Weight: 146.8
Notes:

• Stayed up late again, this time until 8 am.
• Got a notch from a girl who was significantly fatter than her tinder pictures. I still need the practice and wanted to have fun with the magic wand, and she was dressed sexily, so I brought her up, chatted for 10-20 minutes, asked how long it'd been since she'd last been kissed, teased and riffed and connected over that (can't share how without sharing revealing details), then we started making out.
  • She was a much better kisser than Miss Plump, her lips were plush and she was happy to open her mouth wide and make out. She'd texted me at 2 am after I'd first got her contact in August and she'd been too busy with life stuff to meet up. Must've been super horny, even ordered her own uber here and to get home. Reminds me of what Andy quoted from Mark Manson about "fuck yes or no".
  • But she was a biter-kisser with her upper teeth, and the next day I was sore and raw in the area she'd gnawed my lip. Teeth clicked and clacked. She was super grabby during sex, wanting to be embracing me and making out the whole time. It was kind of funny to me, but I was conflicted between "being the dominant one and not just doing what the girl wants to do" and "doing more of what it seems like she wants".
  • She leaned up several times to kiss me, didn't really enjoy the vibrator much because it got too sensitive for her, but said she wanted me inside her with her body language so I pulled on a condom, asked her to move to doggy, made a false start on her rectum and changed condoms, then we switched back to missionary and I found the right spot. I was worried of losing my erection the whole time, barely avoided going soft when I put the condom on, but once I was inside, it was good. She knew how to clamp and/or angle her chubby body so that I could actually go deep, felt much much better than Miss Plump from a month ago. She said it felt really good with me inside her, and I had a hard time lasting 2.5-5 minutes or so before going. Then some cuddling and talking before she left in her uber, and I didn't get to bed until around 8 am. I slept until about 3:30 pm to get some amount of rest, canceling/postponing a lukewarm date that would take an hour drive to get to and a very-on date that would take 3 hours to get to, one-way.
• One of the guys from here in a sub-group told me to stop overeating, so I aimed to hit my goal for once. I didn't feel a big need to eat breakfast and mostly kept the meals small in the first half of the day. It was the second half where I lost momentum and ate too much PB2 and nuts and stuff for snacking when I wasn't hungry in the evening. I got close to my goal in the end though. I remembered that I didn't need to eat and could instead have plenty to drink, plus had a bit of wiggle room left after dinner because of eating less in the morning.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===

Update October 16th, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Short sprint
Calories: 3806/1650

• Ate out with friends, ended up going to Red Lobster and was just around my calorie limit, then accepted an invite for ice cream. This was the "good" ice cream with all the toppings. I realized I barely tasted the ice cream itself, because it was cold, it was more the texture and then the sweetness and savory-fatness of the toppings that made it "tasty" and as a result detrimental even in the small size I ordered (I count it as a win that I did only order the small size, as I was quite tempted to go bigger).
• Then also ate some PB2 and peanuts when I was back in my room, trying to transition to doing homework but more letting myself watch cartoons, and then eat while watching, instead of getting the stuff to do my work and leaving my room which has all the temptations.
• I came up with an idea to do a "food survival challenge", wherein I can only eat what's in my fridge right now, what I can buy with my remaining campus cafeteria money (mostly fruit and vegetables to fill in what I'm missing from the other options), what I get from doing work (and the leftovers I sometimes collect there), some of what I have in my closet and shelves (mostly peanuts, dried beans, dried rice, PB2, protein powder, smart pop popcorn, and a couple of bars of 95% dark chocolate), and a half of a pizza I already made plans with a friend to order tomorrow (Tuesday). The idea is to ration what I have and try to survive a certain length of time. I haven't done the math of what I should target for, but I think I could definitely go at least a month. My recent eating plans/diet strategy was to take things day by day, but it didn't push me to look to the future and future consequences. This challenge would correct that. It might be a Totally Stupid Idea, but I'm kind of stoked. Maybe I could make it last until Xmas break. I think I could. I want to.

Weight: 148.4
Notes: Stayed up late, until 3, better than previous days.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.


Going to make a post about what I put my energy, motivation, time, etc. into because right now I think I'm focusing on or allowing things I don't care about so much and I want to explore the problem in a pseudo-journal self-talk setting in a way others might also benefit from. Look forward to it.

Edited my profile image to not be go garish. I'm fat right now. Doesn't mean I have to make it untasteful for everyone who sees my comments.

[NightRoller]

One more small thing:
(Edit: it is no longer a "small" thing)

I found out from my manager that "they're not hiring or training bartenders" right now. He told me in the kind of parental tone that suggests that this is a fact that was "decided" and that I should not inquire about it again.

Naturally, I'll ask about it again. I want to have some concrete goalposts to shoot for that would allow me to start doing bartending training.

Either way, I do need to start putting my "feelers" out to see if anyone else is hiring and what my prospects would be for becoming a bartender elsewhere. It seems my chances are slim here, and I'm not a fan of waiting for the corporate ladder to clear up for me to move up (as some of my coworkers told me to do, as well as not worrying about it so much and building teamwork with the rest of the crew--I won't stop worrying, because I have a goal, I'm driven, and on top of that I'm already working on building teamwork, and this guy criticizes me a lot in a way that makes me feel defensive). I should look around for not only bars, but also restaurants (ideally with cute potential coworkers). Maybe I'll spend some Friday after class literally just spam-approaching a bunch of restaurants that have bars as part of their dining experience and ask about how much they need bartenders/security people/hosts, or anything but kitchen staff, and open up my prospects. One of my greatest levers to getting what I want is my ability to "nope" out and go somewhere with better job prospects, even if it pays less, because that'll help me get my foot in the door faster.