The Best Mentality for Dealing With Flakes and Ghosts

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Squilliam
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:05 pm

AskTheDom wrote:
Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:03 pm
You work hard to have sex, they have to work hard to have your affection and your feelings - seems fair to you?
There is no sleep over unless really really late and no activities together the day after.

I understand that telling a man that has been in the desert for a week that water isn't that special, but every time you find desperate or going against principles that you agreed are best for you before, I'd just like to suggest to reflect a second on it
I mean, in all fairness, I didn't have to work hard to have sex with her that time. She literally wanted to direct to house. Also tbh on the 1st date, it was late, so that's why I let her sleep over. Then on the next day I actually didn't hang out with her. It was a different story on subsequent dates.

I get the point that you're trying to make though. If she didn't put out within a few dates then my behavior would've definitely been different.
Last edited by Squilliam on Thu Jan 05, 2023 3:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Zug
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:10 pm

Recommending abundance to guys suffering from chronic ghost/flaking is low-key hilarious. Abundance definitely can help, but abundance mentality doesn't seem to be as useful for some. Highly attractive women tend to be high in neuroticism, and they have more abundance than any non-celebrity male could achieve. Not all elements of having abundance are under your direct control, while your reaction to getting ghosted or flaked on is.
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AskTheDom
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:15 pm

Fake abundance will never work for the simple fact that "feeling" like a millionaire doesn't work - You don't know how ti feels like (and your subconscious knows that you are faking it)
You get an idea of how it should like based on the idea that you have, but you don't feel it and it will always be "fake"

What I'm saying @Holden is not that people shouldn't have a "fake it till you make it mentality" when approaching and the seduction phase ( clinginess and needy are off putting) - It's a mental reframe to look at flakes for the average guy.
You will see if you take DG seriously that the initial barrage of rejection and flakes send very quickly your "abundance" mentality to the bleachers if you don't reframe it in your mind correctly
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Manganiello
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Wed Jan 04, 2023 4:19 pm

[EDIT: UNLOCKED THIS]

Locking this.

This is too much theory now.

Discussions like this have their value, but it's starting to spin over the same themes.

(Anyone who disagrees about locking this can DM me and I'll open it up if what theyre saying makes sense).


I actually think most people have a point here. But the readers will have to decide what outlook is the most productive for themselves.
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Manganiello
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Thu Jan 05, 2023 3:34 am

Alright guys. I'm unlocking this.


REASON:
I'm used to inexperienced guys going on and on about theory that's either totally inaccurate or detracts from people actually putting in the work.

So I made the decision to lock this from that lens, when in reality there was actually a valid discussion from some of the more experienced guys with differing points of view. Which in itself is actually very valuable.


--

Tagging all the guys who posted in this thread.

Also if you guys have any comments regarding locking threads like this, lemme know. Its not a perfect system, and we're basically just trying to make the forum a better place.

@Zug
@Holden
@pancakemouse
@Squilliam
@AskTheDom
@colgate
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@Crisis_Overcomer
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AskTheDom
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Thu Jan 05, 2023 2:26 pm

Thanks @Manganiello

But I think, you can lock it...we have said pretty much all that is needed to say from all camps and we would grind to fine sand all points.
Both arguments have been presented, so inexperienced guys can read this one up and decide what is their best approach.

Again, as someone with 1000+ cold approach daygame sets, I've seen the best way to deal with this is a @pancakemouse described, and it's the same for other guys that i know who have more work in dg done than me
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kratjeuh
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Thu Jan 05, 2023 3:25 pm

Holden wrote:
Wed Jan 04, 2023 10:18 am
"Just assume she doesn't like you and will replace you soon with a better man"

What a way to go through life.

The way to not care about flakes is to have lots of sex with attractive women.

If I have a threesome planned with two slim hot 20 year olds I'm not going to cry because a 26 y/o from Bumble cancelled a date or stopped replying.

I do agree with the old PUA advice, somewhat echoed here, that said "always fuck her like it's the last time you'll ever fuck her."

I also don't agree with the hypergamy idea.

When my MLTRs/high-end FBs break up, it's not because they've found a better guy than me. They always leave me for guys who are objectively worse looking than me (and judging by appearances, don't fuck nearly as good) but they promise them monogamy and at some point they'd rather nail down a less-desirable guy and be mono than keep sharing the 'alpha'.

In fact, when they leave, they leave because they're butthurt that I won't commit to them and other guys at my SMV won't commit either so by definition they have to settle for a lower SMV dude. Is that hypergamy?

When they end up back in my bed after 10 months when they break up with their boyfriend, is that hypergamy? Or when old plates text me "I like my boyfriend but he doesn't fuck like you do", is that hypergamy?

I was a bit down when Vocal Girl 'broke up' with me, it seemingly came out of nowhere (in hindsight it didn't - I pushed the threesome question too much despite her resistance and she finally realized I would never commit to a girl who wasn't open to threesomes with me, so she left) but I knew that she'd back sooner or later and 10 months later I was fucking her again and hearing all about how she missed me/my cock.

Nympho Girl 2 had to delete her Tinder because her phone would literally crash every time she opened the app. Now she always drives 2+ hours to my place (and has to lie to her parents about it) to come see me. She texts me obsessively to the point where I have to regularly ignore her which only turns her on more because none of the other guys on her IG ever ignore her. She texts me stuff like "I have to admit it hurts a bit when I see you post Stories with other girls." She has 10k Instagram followers but obsessively checks if I watched her Story.

Caught an old MLTR from years ago accidentally liking a Facebook post of mine that was 4 years old (she was stalking my profile.) Playfully called her out on it and tried to get her to come over and she told me "you know I want to, but what would I tell my bf lol?"

I'm just trying to make a point with real examples here that, god forbid, girls might actually like you.

I don't see the point of trying to get good with girls only to go through life with the mindset of "they don't actually like me."

This is a really weird post to me. Girls reject everyone and they're hypergamous so the rare time I get my dick wet, I consider it a bonus! Thank god that this girl fell through sheer luck through the alpha cracks! But best assume it won't last long!

Is this how winners think?
This would be the perfect advise BUT 99% of men will never this level no matter the work they put in.

If the girl is above 7/10, I will never be the hottest guy she fucked. The fact that you can confidently say that you don’t care a girl leaves because she won’t find a guy with hoger SMV means you are ridiculously lucky with your genetic potential.

As for the average guy who is going bonkers hard to reach his potential, the advise given by pancake is the way to go. I agree with Zug that keeping a little bit of feeling is good, especially if you ever want to consider dating some longterm or marrying someone
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Squilliam
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Thu Jan 05, 2023 4:40 pm

kratjeuh wrote:
Thu Jan 05, 2023 3:25 pm
If the girl is above 7/10, I will never be the hottest guy she fucked. The fact that you can confidently say that you don’t care a girl leaves because she won’t find a guy with hoger SMV means you are ridiculously lucky with your genetic potential.
I think he was saying she won't find a guy with higher SMV that is willing to commit to monogamy. I'm sure for casual sex she could absolutely find hotter guys.

That being said, I would be extremely surprised if Holden's face was not top 5-10%, given his results.

But I'll shut up now because this blackpill theory stuff just makes me want to jump off a bridge.
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Manganiello
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Thu Jan 05, 2023 4:59 pm

This is getting a bit too Blackpill.

Go put in the work.


And watch this...

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Thu Jan 05, 2023 7:47 pm

Agreed with Manga - as ever, we can focus on action as a precipitant of success, but I would like to add an angle on what my action & work taught me about empowering ways in which we can access abundance through internal, as opposed to external, means.

Abundance can go beyond things like attraction and sex. Abundance can be a level of consciousness, a state of mind.

We evolve with our thinking, because there is part of us that does not want us to suffer, and is working on realising our greatest good for us.

When I used to look at attraction and sex from a perspective of gathering the lays and working towards 'abundance', which I understood as being able to get sex with new girls regularly, funnily enough, I often ended up in the dungeon.

Why is that?

I was focused on the external results.

In the real world, women are a multi variate, and are complicated, but certain truths are self evident: there’s different levels of attractiveness in this world, some of us may have external selves which are not everyone’s cup of tea, but of course may be beautiful inside, and hence may not be able to have the flow and sort of ‘conversion’ if you like that one may seek.

....AT THAT stage of their development.

Attractiveness is malleable, subject to change, and can be improved over a time horizon, and it stands to basic principles of logic and reason that with an increase in attractiveness, communications, masculinity, vibe, and game, every male can hope very justifiably and rightly for a better day.

It will just unfold IN TIME. And with time, there will be joy, happiness, love and passionate sex. It is inevitable.

So how do you best manage that whilst keeping a sense of positivity?

….It’s still a road, and when traversing a road that is, in and of itself, a multivariate, the stories we tell and the doubts we have are prone to flare, because if it was simple, you’d not think twice. You don’t doubt your ability to lift a pen, and you as such have no fears over your ability to do it.

Because I found getting the sort of sex life I’d like quite arduous, it inevitably would become tiresome and then eat away at me, and pull me down into lower states of mind, lack, scarcity, and then the lowest levels of consciousness indeed.

That happened again and again, but for myself, and I can only share my experience, I kept working on myself at every level, and began to see things differently as I healed and grew more in my mindset, and my own healing which I do via transparency.

There is a way to turn the ‘negative’ into positive, and help get out of the dungeon: abundance can be thought of in different ways.

Abundance can be an ecosystem of internal value, positive emotions, and self love, appreciation, and belief in the goodness of the human animal, in fighting for a better world, in believing that a reduction of the world’s suffering is possible through the shining of one’s internal light.

When a certain value in oneself is held, and internalised through self improvement, you find joy in little things, feelings of success bloom within you, and I think this does radiate into our relations with women and subsequent ability to get great experiences alongside them.

The true prize is sinking into our deep masculine core.

The true prize is our state of mind, the sense of entitlement, the sense that, yes – I am enough, I deserve good things, and if I do good for myself and others, SUCCESS IS INEVITABLE!!!!

That is where deep internal abundance can flourish.

When one loves themselves, and when one truly appreciates the goodness and beauty that is within themselves, YOU CANNOT BE DEFEATED. You will bounce back and win, every time.

This approach to abundance is one I came to after almost 1.5 years of absolutely full-on, deep, hardcore self improvement, 1000+ day game approaches in this time, 100+ dates, 9 lays, and endless, endless work on myself.

All approaches are valid, and what Pancake says is valid for him, Holden’s take valid for him – we are all individual men, but my truth to you all my brothers, is that anyone on the self improvement journey is a force for good in this world and will always get my love & respect.

MAC
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natedawg
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Fri Jan 06, 2023 2:58 am

@pancakemouse I agree with this 100%. Even in my own journey, what I find is helping me most is just simply letting go of what I can't control.

I can't control when I'll get a text back.
I can't control if they ghost.
I can't things coming up in their lives that cause them to ignore me
I can't control another human being.

All I can control are my inputs, and my time is best spent focused on that. Doing the work to get better so I can to realize my potential to see what results I am capable of after doing enough work.

Even with the cold approach, sure it stings when things don't go my way the majority of the time, but it's certainly teaching me lessons that I think go far beyond the game of attraction.
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Fri Jan 06, 2023 3:59 am

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference
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Manganiello
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Fri Jan 06, 2023 4:08 am

september wrote:
Fri Jan 06, 2023 3:59 am
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference
Pretty much everything that needs to be said.
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Sonofagun
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Mon Feb 06, 2023 7:23 pm

There are 2 ways to avoid having to experience this:

A) Improve your looks / status or wealth to the point where you have so many options that it doesn't matter.
B) Go for girls that are the same or slightly lower SMV than you. They won't flake on you as much.

That's it.

The problem is that we're generally chasing girls higher up the SMV ladder, and thus the process is wrought with emotional turmoil.

If you do either of those things you won't experience anywhere near as much emotional pain.
Talons
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Mon Feb 20, 2023 1:48 am

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Last edited by Talons on Fri Oct 06, 2023 8:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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