Girl asked if I had a girlfriend, how should I have respounded?

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Sin Silver
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:39 am

I went out last night for a couple of drinks and had a really good time. As I'm walking home through a park, I pass some people partying on the monkey bars. They looked like they were having fun. As I was in a good mood and had that social momentum going, I decided to go join them.

It was dark out, but I quickly counted five of them. Two guys and a girl playing on the monkey bar, and another couple lieing on the ground close to one another, probably snogging. I had a go on the bars and started chatting with the clear alpha male of the group. Me and him got along like a house of fire, and I felt like I was starting to build up momentum with everyone.

Eventually, we moved to another part of the park. I got a look at the couple who where on the ground, she was much more attractive than him, so I sussed they weren't actually making out. She turned out to be the alpha males sister, so I quickly figured I was the most attractive and available person there at the time.

After a few more shots, I'm sitting backwards on a table, with my legs wide apart, when she came over to me. I was quite drunk at this point so I couldn't remember exactly how our exchange went.

I remember being quite flirty. I remember I grabbed her by the small of her back to pulled her closer to me, and at one point she told me that she had found the sun glasses she was wearing in the park, so I told her they where mine and stole them.(It seemed like a confident thing to do, and an excuse for more physical contact).

Eventually, she up and asked me, 'Do you have a girlfriend?' to which I spontaneously replied 'I have many girlfriends'. Sadly, the tone changed quite quickly at that point. She started asking 'why would you say that' etc etc, but I figured I lost my chance, so I didn't press.

I said it because it felt like the cool, cocky thing to do at the, time. I've never actually been asked that by a girl before, so i didn't have a prepared respounce.

Why did she say that? What should I have done? Any feed back would be appreciated.
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:49 am

I'm always just honest - it's way easier. And empathetic.

eg "I'm seeing a few girls right now, yeah. If that's not something you're into, I absolutely understand - I'm not gonna push you to do something you're not comfortable with. But if you're happy to see me, I'm happy to see you."

The reason she had such a negative reaction was you were a bit of a dick about it (you were very blunt and "crass") - you were completely uncaring towards how she might feel. No empathy at all. (I know that's because the question caught you off-guard).

You'll also find this happens a lot less (as in, never) if you're more upfront about the fact you're seeing other girls. As I wrote about here:
http://killyourinnerloser.com/honesty-is-an-ideal
Andy / Australia
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Sin Silver
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:00 pm

Thanks for the honest feedback. It's was the first time I've been asked that, and I was stuck between messing around and being honest..
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:22 pm

Yeah man God knows I've been there before. Don't stress about doing anything "wrong" - this is all just a learning experience. I've had 20,000 conversations that could have gone so much better.
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MattsCrib
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:33 pm

Sin Silver wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:00 pm
Thanks for the honest feedback. It's was the first time I've been asked that, and I was stuck between messing around and being honest..
That hits hard :D I know what you mean lol. It's the typical "is this alpha enough?" mindset that never got me anywhere ("should I say this?", "does this break TRP rules?" etc.)

Just don't give a shit. Will you get less results? Maybe. Will you be more content overall for being honest? I would. Maybe if you're a psychopath/sociopath, you wouldn't care, but what helped me was literally being completely, utterly honest.

Weirdly enough, the first results I got about a year ago (haven't had any after that, covid and stuff) was because I "gave up" in a sense - "I mean, I'm genetically inferior - even if I'm a 6 out of 10, I'm not a chad, so there's no way anything will work. I can do absolutely ANYTHING and It wouldn't matter" - and then it hit - I can do ANYTHING. I can say anything, do anything (as long as it follows my own morals), feel anything - nothing matters right? So with that "idgaf" attitude, girls started noticing me, friends started telling me that I'm way more positive etc.

The shitty thing about it was that once I got a girl, I clinged to her (oneitis), which in turn made me fearful again lol - "I want a relationship, but is it even worth it if I got her and then she cheated on me?" (bare in mind that two girls in a row wanted to cheat with me, which made me kinda feel bad). I was even paranoid of a girls mouth smelling weird because now looking back, my brain is absolutely determined it was because she had just sucked a dick - I mean, really brain? That girl you kissed 7 months ago had a weird smell in her mouth because she had just sucked a dick? Even though she was absolutely head over heels with you?

Long ramble, just don't give a shit how you respond :D Do whatever you feel like in the moment - don't overanalyze girls too much. Focus on things that are important to you that you CAN control.
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Wifty
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:35 pm

@MattsCrib Getting one itis that soon is the sign you lack options with women and to address that you need to talk to way more girls.


https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/f ... format=amp these are the fundamentals to getting laid. You can Focus on maxing out your look.
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MattsCrib
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:29 pm

Wifty wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:35 pm
@MattsCrib Getting one itis that soon is the sign you lack options with women and to address that you need to talk to way more girls.


https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/f ... format=amp these are the fundamentals to getting laid. You can Focus on maxing out your look.
I'm one of those boring "i want a relationship" kind of guys :D The girl who I got "oneitis-d" was one that had a boyfriend (first boyfriend, been together for 5 years, long distance, young girl, you get the deal) so I could've banged her but literally chose not to. There was another girl who was also dtf, but I rejected her (she also had a boyfriend, but it was apparently an open relationship. I've seen the boyfriend flirt with other girls etc.).

I want a long-term partner with the endgoal of raising a family. I've never been adventurous - although, this may change when I get options. But yeah, I lack options due to not only the reason that girls don't like me - I'm really picky and live in a small-ish town, which means that there... really aren't that many to choose from lol (although I've lived in 4 major cities in my adult life, since I was 16, and haven't gotten laid. Had options, but due to bad luck, lack of skill or just me rejecting them - it hasn't happened yet.)

I'm better off looking for a 5, maybe 6. That girl was a solid 7, so oneitis was inevitable. It doesn't mean that I can't go for hotter ones, but like I said, I'm one of the "I want a pretty girl not a hot girl" type of guy - the 0.1% that is looking for the 0.01%
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Wifty
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:57 pm

You rationalize a lot.

And do not take yourself seriously. I understand because I had similar.

Your beliefs are truly messed up. It's no "bad luck".
Fact you reject girls Imo is you trying not to get hurt emotionally when other girls may indeed reject you.


Now i may be wrong. But I believe that if your priority was to get a girlfriend you would already be in relationship.

Also, with such scarcity mindset very easy it would be to sit in a relationship with a girl which is not compatible with you.

I Also believe you have high standards and this is a defense mechanism, again to not be rejected. I've been there.

You should get in bigger town, yes.


If you believe I am wrong, try it yourself and then report : go ask this month 50 girls for their number or a date. You don't need to have sex with them, only walk up to them and ask for number/date.

Report if you feel differently.




Also, what are your goals, why are you here ?
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MattsCrib
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:59 pm

Wifty wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:57 pm
You rationalize a lot.

And do not take yourself seriously. I understand because I had similar.

Your beliefs are truly messed up. It's no "bad luck".
Fact you reject girls Imo is you trying not to get hurt emotionally when other girls may indeed reject you.


Now i may be wrong. But I believe that if your priority was to get a girlfriend you would already be in relationship.

Also, with such scarcity mindset very easy it would be to sit in a relationship with a girl which is not compatible with you.

I Also believe you have high standards and this is a defense mechanism, again to not be rejected. I've been there.

You should get in bigger town, yes.


If you believe I am wrong, try it yourself and then report : go ask this month 50 girls for their number or a date. You don't need to have sex with them, only walk up to them and ask for number/date.

Report if you feel differently.




Also, what are your goals, why are you here ?

I'll post a response in my own thread.
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chado
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 6:51 pm

@Sin Silver these are the kinds of situations that stick with us. We always think, "what if?" But what you need to be thinking is "where is the next girl i'm going to try to fuck?" and go approach her.

At the end of the day, as Chris from GLL says "do what you want." There was no right answer in that situation. The right answer is to talk to more girls. These types of situations become irrelevant when you get more experience as you realize there are 10 billion things out of your control and it comes down to you looking good, talking to more girls, and pulling the trigger when the moment comes.
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Sin Silver
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Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:27 pm

chado wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 6:51 pm
@Sin Silver these are the kinds of situations that stick with us. We always think, "what if?" But what you need to be thinking is "where is the next girl i'm going to try to fuck?" and go approach her.

At the end of the day, as Chris from GLL says "do what you want." There was no right answer in that situation. The right answer is to talk to more girls. These types of situations become irrelevant when you get more experience as you realize there are 10 billion things out of your control and it comes down to you looking good, talking to more girls, and pulling the trigger when the moment comes.

You’re exactly right mate. I had a great night last night. I just want to make sure I analyse and learn from my mistakes.

That was my first proper night out since lockdown started, so I’m hopeful for the future. I’m out again tonight to try again.
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l0vebone
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Thu Aug 06, 2020 6:35 am

Yah bro, honestly its pretty much useless to look back at these kinds of interactions. Completely pointless actually. Just make sure you're staying true to yourself and your principles, and that should be all you have to worry about.

Here's a little story:

If you look at my get laid log, I wrote a post recently about a girl I talked to, and we only had a 30 second conversation, and I got her number. It was literally 3 sentences maybe back and forth and then me asking for her number.

Whats funny is, that just before that, at the same grocery store, I approached an asian milf and she gave me the "I have a boyfriend excuse." I had a feeling so I said "so?" and she kept on standing there talking to me, which was a clear sign that I've gotten before through experience that means whatever she just said doesnt matter and I should continue talking to her, but I didn't. For some reason I awkwardly stopped talking to her, and like 10 seconds after the fact I realized what just happened.

Now I haven't been approaching girls lately (maybe like 10 a week including weekends, before it was probably 100) and I was rusty, which is why I didn't capitalize, because honestly this girl was really fucking hot. And along with not approaching a lot, I lost one of the most important things that come with that: caring about a single interaction. In my prime it wouldn't even have registered in my mind what happened, I would already be thinking about the next girl.

Luckily I have that experience from doing thousands of approaches where I quickly came back to my senses. Like it was almost instantaneous, I thought to myself "okay why do I care that I did the wrong thing again?"

OP you seem to have an overthinking problem, which is why I suggest going out there if your goal is to get laid and doing mass approaches. You will never think about any single interaction again, and you will realize that the world will still turn if you say some awkward/creepy/calibrated shit.
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