How Do I Get Over Missed Opportunities?

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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:06 am

RogerRoger wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 1:19 am
Be the man girls get wet thinking they might get approached by them. Dressing nerdy is not the way to go unless you're after a very small niche.
Yeah I agree. I guess calling myself nerdy was exaggerrating, I just meant I primarily dress casually in jeans and t-shirts/sweatshirts.
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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:18 am

joe_ronimo wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:13 am
Definitely work on your fashion and your body.

As for groups I call out the elephant in the room and say “I’m going to be an asshole and interrupt y’all for a moment... [turn to cute girl] you’re really cute. I won’t keep you from your friends but let’s grab a drink. What’s your number?”

That’s the basics. I do more complicated shit when I want to have fun or be more socially calibrated but that’s just a bonus.

This YouTuber filmed me chatting up girls here in Austin. I hit on a girl in a group of friends at 8:05:

A bonus with groups is make all the girls feel attractive, but your girl feel especially attractive. Girls tend to be empathetic and want their friends to feel good. You get tons less cockblocks this way.
Ok thanks. And thanks for that video, you seem really good at it! I assume you had a lot of practice prior to that? I think I need to work on my voice inflection and stuff like you, my voice is kinda deep and too monotone sometimes
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joe_ronimo
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Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:47 pm

SamJ_ wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:18 am
joe_ronimo wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:13 am
Definitely work on your fashion and your body.

As for groups I call out the elephant in the room and say “I’m going to be an asshole and interrupt y’all for a moment... [turn to cute girl] you’re really cute. I won’t keep you from your friends but let’s grab a drink. What’s your number?”

That’s the basics. I do more complicated shit when I want to have fun or be more socially calibrated but that’s just a bonus.

This YouTuber filmed me chatting up girls here in Austin. I hit on a girl in a group of friends at 8:05:

A bonus with groups is make all the girls feel attractive, but your girl feel especially attractive. Girls tend to be empathetic and want their friends to feel good. You get tons less cockblocks this way.
Ok thanks. And thanks for that video, you seem really good at it! I assume you had a lot of practice prior to that? I think I need to work on my voice inflection and stuff like you, my voice is kinda deep and too monotone sometimes
That all comes with time, and confidence. I've found focusing on being clear and comfortable and relaxed makes my voice and body language perfect, rather than focusing on my voice and body language directly. I've had practice but that doesn't mean at all you can't do it too!
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User avatar
SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:32 pm

joe_ronimo wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:47 pm
SamJ_ wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:18 am


Ok thanks. And thanks for that video, you seem really good at it! I assume you had a lot of practice prior to that? I think I need to work on my voice inflection and stuff like you, my voice is kinda deep and too monotone sometimes
That all comes with time, and confidence. I've found focusing on being clear and comfortable and relaxed makes my voice and body language perfect, rather than focusing on my voice and body language directly. I've had practice but that doesn't mean at all you can't do it too!
How many cold approaches had you done before this video? Just curious
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Toast
Posts: 486 | Thanks: 407
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 12:31 am
Name: Devin
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 28
Motto: The Time to Hesitate Has Ceased
Location: SF/ Bay Area

Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:28 pm

SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 6:56 pm
In fact I saw the same girl in the same place I had seen a few weeks before, and thought about how much I would regret it if I pussied out, so I did a full approach, but there was also no one else around and watching, and I just happened to think of a good way to start a conversation. But in normal situations, apparently I have a bigger fear of public embarrassment than I do of regret. Apparently I just haven't wanted to approach badly enough in the past. I get self conscious pretty easily and (evidently) fear embarrassing myself and somehow need to find a way to fix this naturally. When I'm drunk I am the exact opposite, too little in the way of self-consciousness, I have no shame and say absolutely cringeworthy shit without any concern for how it is received. Somehow I need to find a middle ground naturally.
You just need to approach more girls to get rid of these feelings. You're still a baby right now learning how to walk. Once you approach 100 girls I'm sure that these feelings will have subsided a bit. Nobody's perfect in the beginning and changes do not happen immediately. Its all a work in progress.

About public embarrassment, it is tough to break through that mental barrier, but at the end of the day who cares when your ultimate goal is getting laid. Your interaction in the day is like a speck of dust in someone's memory. Nobody out in the world honestly will remember if you acted like a fool. You are generally the only one dwelling on the embarrassing moments. People out in public generally don't pay anyone any attention outside of their own little bubble. So its fine to embarrasses your self.

I also agree that you should fix your style. Working on how you look will have a huge impact on the way you feel about approaching girls, and how they react. If you look and feel good it will have an effect on your approach.
I always point people to https://thehatfish.com/ for a great beginners guide to dress.

Also basically everything you have said is what the AA program works on. Feeling self conscious out in public, embarrassing your self, approaching groups, hesitation, etc. All of this stuff comes from a lack of social freedom, and approach anxiety. Since you're already out there approaching girls I'm not sure if you need to do the program, but I will always encourage people to do it. It not only teaches guys to feel comfortable approaching, but also helps with breaking out of the social norms and doing things that may be perceived as weird as a new normal.

Some key pointers I learned on my journey are:
Set time restrictions to motivate your self
Approach the first girl you see regardless of the situation
Have mini goals to over come
Small Goals :
165lbs Body Weight

Big Goals:
[ ]10 cold approach lays 1/10
[ ]Get laid 5 times by the end of 2021


Completed:
175lbs Goal!
Beat AA by March 30

Toast's AA Log
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=517&p=9840#p9840
User avatar
SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:53 pm

Toast wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:28 pm
SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 6:56 pm
In fact I saw the same girl in the same place I had seen a few weeks before, and thought about how much I would regret it if I pussied out, so I did a full approach, but there was also no one else around and watching, and I just happened to think of a good way to start a conversation. But in normal situations, apparently I have a bigger fear of public embarrassment than I do of regret. Apparently I just haven't wanted to approach badly enough in the past. I get self conscious pretty easily and (evidently) fear embarrassing myself and somehow need to find a way to fix this naturally. When I'm drunk I am the exact opposite, too little in the way of self-consciousness, I have no shame and say absolutely cringeworthy shit without any concern for how it is received. Somehow I need to find a middle ground naturally.
You just need to approach more girls to get rid of these feelings. You're still a baby right now learning how to walk. Once you approach 100 girls I'm sure that these feelings will have subsided a bit. Nobody's perfect in the beginning and changes do not happen immediately. Its all a work in progress.

About public embarrassment, it is tough to break through that mental barrier, but at the end of the day who cares when your ultimate goal is getting laid. Your interaction in the day is like a speck of dust in someone's memory. Nobody out in the world honestly will remember if you acted like a fool. You are generally the only one dwelling on the embarrassing moments. People out in public generally don't pay anyone any attention outside of their own little bubble. So its fine to embarrasses your self.

I also agree that you should fix your style. Working on how you look will have a huge impact on the way you feel about approaching girls, and how they react. If you look and feel good it will have an effect on your approach.
I always point people to https://thehatfish.com/ for a great beginners guide to dress.

Also basically everything you have said is what the AA program works on. Feeling self conscious out in public, embarrassing your self, approaching groups, hesitation, etc. All of this stuff comes from a lack of social freedom, and approach anxiety. Since you're already out there approaching girls I'm not sure if you need to do the program, but I will always encourage people to do it. It not only teaches guys to feel comfortable approaching, but also helps with breaking out of the social norms and doing things that may be perceived as weird as a new normal.

Some key pointers I learned on my journey are:
Set time restrictions to motivate your self
Approach the first girl you see regardless of the situation
Have mini goals to over come
Thanks. I think that's a good suggestion about mini goals. I said I wanted to do 100 approaches by my 25th birthday, but I should probably be setting weekly minimum goals as well. I will have to think of some.
User avatar
Toast
Posts: 486 | Thanks: 407
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 12:31 am
Name: Devin
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 28
Motto: The Time to Hesitate Has Ceased
Location: SF/ Bay Area

Fri Apr 30, 2021 12:36 am

Weekly minimum goals definitely sound like a good idea to me. I was going to implement something similar my self.
Small Goals :
165lbs Body Weight

Big Goals:
[ ]10 cold approach lays 1/10
[ ]Get laid 5 times by the end of 2021


Completed:
175lbs Goal!
Beat AA by March 30

Toast's AA Log
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=517&p=9840#p9840
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