How Do I Get Over Missed Opportunities?

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SamJ_
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Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:27 pm

So as some have probably seen I'm trying to start cold approaching. I've done 2 approaches in the last 4 days, first one was a joke but got me excited to keep trying. Did another one two days later and had a great interaction for several minutes that ended up in me getting a girls snap. The next day I didn't do any approaches but I said hi to every stranger that walked by to try to keep myself "warmed up" socially. But today I found myself really in my head, hesitating to even say hi to most girls, then walked past a really pretty girl and didn't say anything (she was in a conversation with someone else), and I've just been sad and mad at myself for the last 2 hours, and completely unproductive. Like now that I know I can actually approach, the pain of not doing it is so much worse and I can't even focus on my personal obligations (work, school, etc.), Idk, I need some way to keep this fun like it was at first so I stay motivated. I guess I'm taking it too seriously. Part of it is that I feel like I have a reputation to protect around the small college campus that I was at. All you guys who live in big cities have it EASY, I honestly know if I lived in a city of 500,000+ people I would approach 10 times every day minimum with no difficulty
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Crypto
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:51 am

You just have to realize that more opportunities will arise man. Especially when it comes to attractive chicks. Beauty is common, it isn't rare at all.

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SamJ_
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Goal: Approach every day
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Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:04 am

Crypto wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:51 am
You just have to realize that more opportunities will arise man. Especially when it comes to attractive chicks. Beauty is common, it isn't rare at all.
Yeah you're right. I've been taking it too seriously right now. just gonna have fun with it from now on and forget about this one
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Crypto
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:16 am

SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:04 am
I've been taking it too seriously right now
There is nothing wrong with that either but relaxing a little, having fun and enjoying the process can't hurt. Anither way to look at is this. Yes you missed the opportunity, but in missing that you also added to the desire to get better at cold approach, which can only help in the future.

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Toast
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:54 am

I would say the emotions you are feeling are part of the process of learning how to deal with missed opportunities. Its good to be hard on yourself since it will motivate you to do better. Cold approaching is a numbers game. Try and think of solutions to be able to increase the number of approaches. Idk how far away the nearest big city is from you, but I was driving 45 min away to the best spots so that I could get higher number of approaches.
Small Goals :
165lbs Body Weight

Big Goals:
[ ]10 cold approach lays 1/10
[ ]Get laid 5 times by the end of 2021


Completed:
175lbs Goal!
Beat AA by March 30

Toast's AA Log
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=517&p=9840#p9840
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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:56 am

Toast wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:54 am
I would say the emotions you are feeling are part of the process of learning how to deal with missed opportunities. Its good to be hard on yourself since it will motivate you to do better. Cold approaching is a numbers game. Try and think of solutions to be able to increase the number of approaches. Idk how far away the nearest big city is from you, but I was driving 45 min away to the best spots so that I could get higher number of approaches.
I agree although I think I have to move on quicker from mistakes. I'm working on a masters degree and super busy and I can't just sit around being hard on myself for 2 hours. It's just not productive and in the past it has never done me any good. I'm 2-3 hours from a big city unfortunately.
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l0vebone
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:06 am

SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 1:04 am
Crypto wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:51 am
You just have to realize that more opportunities will arise man. Especially when it comes to attractive chicks. Beauty is common, it isn't rare at all.
Yeah you're right. I've been taking it too seriously right now. just gonna have fun with it from now on and forget about this one
if youre new to it you should be taking it way to seriously
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Toast
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 4:36 pm

SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:56 am
I agree although I think I have to move on quicker from mistakes
Its a good thing that your thinking about how to solve problems. I'm sure the solution will come to you eventually. Be it either to learn to kick yourself in the ass and approach no matter the situation, or find a way to approach more girls in your spare time while working on your degree.
Small Goals :
165lbs Body Weight

Big Goals:
[ ]10 cold approach lays 1/10
[ ]Get laid 5 times by the end of 2021


Completed:
175lbs Goal!
Beat AA by March 30

Toast's AA Log
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=517&p=9840#p9840
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joe_ronimo
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Wed Apr 28, 2021 4:49 pm

SamJ_ wrote:
Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:27 pm
So as some have probably seen I'm trying to start cold approaching. I've done 2 approaches in the last 4 days, first one was a joke but got me excited to keep trying. Did another one two days later and had a great interaction for several minutes that ended up in me getting a girls snap. The next day I didn't do any approaches but I said hi to every stranger that walked by to try to keep myself "warmed up" socially. But today I found myself really in my head, hesitating to even say hi to most girls, then walked past a really pretty girl and didn't say anything (she was in a conversation with someone else), and I've just been sad and mad at myself for the last 2 hours, and completely unproductive. Like now that I know I can actually approach, the pain of not doing it is so much worse and I can't even focus on my personal obligations (work, school, etc.), Idk, I need some way to keep this fun like it was at first so I stay motivated. I guess I'm taking it too seriously. Part of it is that I feel like I have a reputation to protect around the small college campus that I was at. All you guys who live in big cities have it EASY, I honestly know if I lived in a city of 500,000+ people I would approach 10 times every day minimum with no difficulty
a) start planning a move to a bigger city

b) journal about your emotions. The way to get over emotions isn't to get angry at them, it's to feel them, process them and move on. Plus distract in the meantime too.

c) keep hitting on girls
Pussy 25% focus:
2-3 fwb. Sex 4+ nights/week. 1 3some/week

• Dating apps
• Perfect body - stick to diet and workout schedule
• Threesomes

Money through Passion 75% focus:
Build Passion Unchained

• Make enough for expenses with photog. before runway runs out
• Build photography biz to $10k/month
• Pulish 1 Youtube vid/day through 2021
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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Wed Apr 28, 2021 6:56 pm

Toast wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 4:36 pm
SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:56 am
I agree although I think I have to move on quicker from mistakes
Its a good thing that your thinking about how to solve problems. I'm sure the solution will come to you eventually. Be it either to learn to kick yourself in the ass and approach no matter the situation, or find a way to approach more girls in your spare time while working on your degree.
I mean I've figured out the solution already in some sense. In order to approach my fear of regret has to be greater than my fear of public humiliation/embarrassment. That did in fact happen last Sunday as I wrote about in my log. In fact I saw the same girl in the same place I had seen a few weeks before, and thought about how much I would regret it if I pussied out, so I did a full approach, but there was also no one else around and watching, and I just happened to think of a good way to start a conversation. But in normal situations, apparently I have a bigger fear of public embarrassment than I do of regret. Apparently I just haven't wanted to approach badly enough in the past. I get self conscious pretty easily and (evidently) fear embarrassing myself and somehow need to find a way to fix this naturally. When I'm drunk I am the exact opposite, too little in the way of self-consciousness, I have no shame and say absolutely cringeworthy shit without any concern for how it is received. Somehow I need to find a middle ground naturally.
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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
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Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:55 pm

joe_ronimo wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 4:49 pm
SamJ_ wrote:
Tue Apr 27, 2021 11:27 pm
So as some have probably seen I'm trying to start cold approaching. I've done 2 approaches in the last 4 days, first one was a joke but got me excited to keep trying. Did another one two days later and had a great interaction for several minutes that ended up in me getting a girls snap. The next day I didn't do any approaches but I said hi to every stranger that walked by to try to keep myself "warmed up" socially. But today I found myself really in my head, hesitating to even say hi to most girls, then walked past a really pretty girl and didn't say anything (she was in a conversation with someone else), and I've just been sad and mad at myself for the last 2 hours, and completely unproductive. Like now that I know I can actually approach, the pain of not doing it is so much worse and I can't even focus on my personal obligations (work, school, etc.), Idk, I need some way to keep this fun like it was at first so I stay motivated. I guess I'm taking it too seriously. Part of it is that I feel like I have a reputation to protect around the small college campus that I was at. All you guys who live in big cities have it EASY, I honestly know if I lived in a city of 500,000+ people I would approach 10 times every day minimum with no difficulty
a) start planning a move to a bigger city

b) journal about your emotions. The way to get over emotions isn't to get angry at them, it's to feel them, process them and move on. Plus distract in the meantime too.

c) keep hitting on girls
Thanks. I don't particularly like huge cities, but a bit bigger would be nice. I guess I could even travel to a different town to practice once in awhile
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joe_ronimo
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Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:14 am

SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:55 pm
joe_ronimo wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 4:49 pm


a) start planning a move to a bigger city

b) journal about your emotions. The way to get over emotions isn't to get angry at them, it's to feel them, process them and move on. Plus distract in the meantime too.

c) keep hitting on girls
Thanks. I don't particularly like huge cities, but a bit bigger would be nice. I guess I could even travel to a different town to practice once in awhile
If your goal is to get over anxiety, sure.

If your goal is to get laid, traveling to another town could be shit for logistics. You'd get more results moving to a larger city. It's a good goal to start planning for.
Pussy 25% focus:
2-3 fwb. Sex 4+ nights/week. 1 3some/week

• Dating apps
• Perfect body - stick to diet and workout schedule
• Threesomes

Money through Passion 75% focus:
Build Passion Unchained

• Make enough for expenses with photog. before runway runs out
• Build photography biz to $10k/month
• Pulish 1 Youtube vid/day through 2021
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SamJ_
Posts: 135 | Thanks: 42
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Approach every day
Age: 24
Motto: If you wait until you're ready you'll wait forever

Thu Apr 29, 2021 1:08 am

joe_ronimo wrote:
Thu Apr 29, 2021 12:14 am
SamJ_ wrote:
Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:55 pm


Thanks. I don't particularly like huge cities, but a bit bigger would be nice. I guess I could even travel to a different town to practice once in awhile
If your goal is to get over anxiety, sure.

If your goal is to get laid, traveling to another town could be shit for logistics. You'd get more results moving to a larger city. It's a good goal to start planning for.
Those are both goals for sure. How have your results been approaching girls in groups that are having conversations? That's a pretty common scenario for me and often why I chicken out. Like today I saw 4 girls in a group sitting on something outside, one was super pretty but she was in a pretty focused conversation and honestly looked pissed off lol, so I didn't approach. Also I look and dress like more of a nerd than you (if that's actually you in the pic) so that probably wouldn't help my chances either in that case, and I feel like I'd be an annoyance
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RogerRoger
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Thu Apr 29, 2021 1:19 am

Be the man girls get wet thinking they might get approached by them. Dressing nerdy is not the way to go unless you're after a very small niche.
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joe_ronimo
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Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:13 am

Definitely work on your fashion and your body.

As for groups I call out the elephant in the room and say “I’m going to be an asshole and interrupt y’all for a moment... [turn to cute girl] you’re really cute. I won’t keep you from your friends but let’s grab a drink. What’s your number?”

That’s the basics. I do more complicated shit when I want to have fun or be more socially calibrated but that’s just a bonus.

This YouTuber filmed me chatting up girls here in Austin. I hit on a girl in a group of friends at 8:05:

A bonus with groups is make all the girls feel attractive, but your girl feel especially attractive. Girls tend to be empathetic and want their friends to feel good. You get tons less cockblocks this way.
Pussy 25% focus:
2-3 fwb. Sex 4+ nights/week. 1 3some/week

• Dating apps
• Perfect body - stick to diet and workout schedule
• Threesomes

Money through Passion 75% focus:
Build Passion Unchained

• Make enough for expenses with photog. before runway runs out
• Build photography biz to $10k/month
• Pulish 1 Youtube vid/day through 2021
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