Approach Anxiety

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Greenranger
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Mon May 31, 2021 1:44 am

So today I thought about doing my approach anxiety drills while approaching women (dating purposes), because yesterday I had approached 3 women and didn't have the anxiety that I thought I had.

But yesterday I was with my friend who was there to hold me accountable if I didn't approach them

but now today because there wasn't anyone to hold me accountable i missed many opportunities to approach.

I did still complete my approach anxiety drill (I think, don't remember how many women I approached)

How do you guys overcome this, how do you guys hold yourself accountable
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play_time_is_over
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Mon May 31, 2021 2:42 am

Going through the same thing, always easier with a person pushing you. Just got to learn to push yourself.

Try set mini challenges for yourself. (3 approaches in 5 mins) type of thing.
Goal: 11 / 30 lifetime lays.

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Greenranger
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Mon May 31, 2021 3:05 am

play_time_is_over wrote:
Mon May 31, 2021 2:42 am
Going through the same thing, always easier with a person pushing you. Just got to learn to push yourself.

Try set mini challenges for yourself. (3 approaches in 5 mins) type of thing.
thank bro will defiantly try that, Is that similar to Andys 10 second approach thing?
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Manganiello
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Mon May 31, 2021 3:10 am

Greenranger wrote:
Mon May 31, 2021 1:44 am
How do you guys overcome this, how do you guys hold yourself accountable

Well some days will be bad days.

But in general, for me being accountable to myself was pure necessity, like I'd have a bad day, and honeslty it felt like the entire day, (even if I did well in my calories or did good at work), the entire day would be ruined.

I'd think about it on the drive home, when I ate dinner, when i went on the forums, when i went to sleep. I couldn't get passed it, and I'd go to bed vowing to do better tomorrow.

Somehow that worked.



The other thing is that some drills are just harder than others. So it takes more effort to do one, and you'll miss opportunities, that's fine so long as you complete the day. There were some days I'd go into it (like ABCs) knowing full well I'd be skipping girls, lots of them, because my heart rate would be jacked the entire time. So I'd pre-emptively forgive myself, but I'd still go out there and try.

To make it simple:
- For times I felt like I slacked: I'd feel guilty, Really guilty, and vow to do better.
- For times the drill was just hard: I'd get frustrated, but give myself (a little) slack, and still pushed as hard as I could.
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Greenranger
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Mon May 31, 2021 3:18 am

Manganiello wrote:
Mon May 31, 2021 3:10 am
I'd think about it on the drive home, when I ate dinner, when i went on the forums, when i went to sleep. I couldn't get passed it, and I'd go to bed vowing to do better tomorrow.

Somehow that worked.
that shit is what got me to restart the approach anxiety program


hope this also helps me with my actual approaches

thanks bro ;)
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Greenranger
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Sun Jun 06, 2021 1:50 am

So i pussied out on todays drills (day 12), and I want to keep this log as a way to hold my self accountable for the future


Also tried to make up for not doing the drills today by trying to approach, but this shit is soo fucking hard just stepping out the door to approach women, my anxiety skyrockets.

had 1 opportunity to approach this cute girl but pussied out
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SamJ_
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Sun Jun 06, 2021 11:11 pm

Greenranger wrote:
Sun Jun 06, 2021 1:50 am
So i pussied out on todays drills (day 12), and I want to keep this log as a way to hold my self accountable for the future


Also tried to make up for not doing the drills today by trying to approach, but this shit is soo fucking hard just stepping out the door to approach women, my anxiety skyrockets.

had 1 opportunity to approach this cute girl but pussied out
You just gotta make yourself approach even if your anxiety is skyrocketing. Like even if you're literally shaking and can barely talk. Don't worry about it or what she thinks about how nervous you are, just do it
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-Approach minimum 5 girls every day starting in September
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-Apply to minimum of 5 new jobs every week
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play_time_is_over
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Sun Jun 06, 2021 11:34 pm

Greenranger wrote:
Sun Jun 06, 2021 1:50 am
So i pussied out on todays drills (day 12), and I want to keep this log as a way to hold my self accountable for the future


Also tried to make up for not doing the drills today by trying to approach, but this shit is soo fucking hard just stepping out the door to approach women, my anxiety skyrockets.

had 1 opportunity to approach this cute girl but pussied out
Keep trying friend. Get up early on a weekend and get into a crowded place at like 9:30am.

Then just walk around the city until you approach a single girl. Even if it takes you 8 hours. Fuck it even if it takes you 12 hours. Be outside in a crowded area from 9:30am to 9:30pm if you have to.

Go grab a coffee, have some lunch, browse some items, trying talk to the shop keepers. Just be aware at every moment you're trying to approach a girl.

I bet if you force yourself to stay out there, you will get so fed up you'll just approach a girl so you can go home.

Speaking from my recent experience... If you can ask a girl for the time then you're half way to approaching.

Just do it like you're asking a girl for the time but instead of saying "hey do you have the time" say "hey, I thought you where cute and wanted to say hi" and just see what happens.
Goal: 11 / 30 lifetime lays.

Stats: 6'5" - 88kg - 30 years old.
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Greenranger
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Mon Jun 07, 2021 1:58 am

So I hung out with my friend today so I can get some pics and approach some women, 5 was my goal and I exceeded that
(7 approaches ), got one number but I am not proud of that since the girl was kind of hesitant to give it out and she is a bit older than me.




my approach at first was to tell them they are cute and then go have a conversation. But my friend pointed out that making a blanket complement is not good, and that I should compliment them on something genuine.



Got a few questions tho, do you guys feel just mentally drained after having a conversation

also, how do you ask out a girl? like what do you say?
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Manganiello
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Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:09 am

I just call the girl cute. it's direct and to the point. No dancing around. It makes it extremely obvious that I'm hitting on them and going to try and do something with them (which is good). They can say yes or no. There's no maybe.

Read: I totally disagree with your friend.

Well my conversations are usually less than 2 minutes long. So no I don't feel drained. I feel drained after talking to maybe 20 girls or so.

Ask her out?

I'm leaning more into insta dates. So what I say below is not what I'm trying to do as of this week.


When I'm about to leave and wrap up the conversation I say

"cool well im going to go that way. What's your number? I'll shoot you a text some time. We should grab a coffee."



Something like that.

The only structured/scripted in my conversation is how I say hi to them and how I leave.

"Hey I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi".

Then I talk about whatever the hell I feel like.

And then I leave with what I said earlier... "I'm going that way...etc."

Good job talking to 7 girls. The real win is the 6 rejections.
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Current Goals

1a Move to Toronto before Sept. 30
1b Move/visit Asia for 12+ months late 2022 or early 2023

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Greenranger
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Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:45 am

Manganiello wrote:
Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:09 am
.
Thanks bro
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Greenranger
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Sat Jun 12, 2021 11:46 pm

today i went out ALL ALONE feeling anxious as duck, went and approached three girls and got 1 number. feeling soo good rn, but man I still kept getting anxious the first two times. i keep forgetting to breathe to help me relax, but anyway I am improving one day at a time
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Greenranger
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Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:42 am

today was kind of a bad day, I was kinda optimistic today since I had gotten a number the previous day and thought, "hey I might get another number today as well". but that didn't go as planned,

first girl I approach was hot went up to her told her that she was cute, and she basically had a boyfriend. the interaction didn't last long just a few seconds that kinda got me into the zone for approaching,

approached two girls after while they were walking said "hey" to kinda stop them but they didn't stop and kept going and that kinda messed with me.

Thrid interaction was a group of girls I stopped one of them as they were all walking and said hey I think you are cute and I just blanked so I went for the close and asked for her number. got rejected and just kinda walked away don't know what I said before I walked off but, as I was walking my friend as why did she reject me i don't remember why but her friend replied something, i wanted to say something about that but I just left

The next girl i approached i honestly don't remember what i said, probably the basic "hey i think you are cute thought i stop and say hi," i think in that interaction what i had done something wrong was that i walked in front of her and blocked her way, and that kinda made her put her guard up, also got rejected

Approached two friends who were sitting asked out of them out, weirdly she asked for my name first as opposed to me doing that and that kinda threw me off a bit but the interaction was ok but got rejected again

approached two other girls who turned out to be lesbians on their anniversary, which my friend thought was weird which now i think is kinda weird way to reject a guy but i wouldn't know for sure so why dwell on it

then i just went out to eat because i had challenged myself to approach 5 women before i can go eat

approached another girl after this and that was it she walked off as i was talking to her



RANT/VENT (don't take seriously):

i knew that approaching was gonna be this way, and i am gonna have more rejections as opposed to yeses, but FUUUUCK this shit is hard it kinda makes me believe is all the incel type shit i used to indulge in before. Like me bring brown, short, and balding at fucking 20 has something to do with me not getting success but I know that this is how the approach is I am gonna get more rejections as opposed to yesses but man this is soo hard. I honestly lost a lot of hope today. I also made the mistake of aiming to get a number as opposed to just interacting with women and approaching
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Toast
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Mon Jun 14, 2021 2:55 am

SamJ_ wrote:
Sun Jun 06, 2021 11:11 pm
You just gotta make yourself approach even if your anxiety is skyrocketing. Like even if you're literally shaking and can barely talk. Don't worry about it or what she thinks about how nervous you are, just do it
Great advice right here.

You seem very outcome dependent. Try VERY HARD not to focus on getting numbers. The number is not the goal. Doing the actual approach is the goal. Just being able to walk up to a girl and call her cute/pretty/sexy/attractive is 100% the objective. That puts you head and shoulders above every other average male. Anything else that comes after you call her cute is bonus points.

I've gotten rejected over 175 times in the past week or so, and I've only gotten maybe 15 numbers. If i was focusing on getting numbers that whole time i would be devastated. Instead i literally have a 100% success rate for approaching girls because every time i call a girl cute that is a win in my book.

Im not going to say doing this is easy though. I've been where you are. I was shitting bricks the first time i even complimented a girl on the sweater she was wearing. It takes time and a lot of approaches to internalize that rejection is not something to be afraid or scared of.

You are doing a good job so far with getting in 5-7 approaches. That is not an easy task for someone battling with AA
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Greenranger
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Mon Jun 14, 2021 4:11 am

Toast wrote:
Mon Jun 14, 2021 2:55 am
You seem very outcome dependent. Try VERY HARD not to focus on getting numbers. The number is not the goal. Doing the actual approach is the goal. Just being able to walk up to a girl and call her cute/pretty/sexy/attractive is 100% the objective. That puts you head and shoulders above every other average male. Anything else that comes after you call her cute is bonus points.
thanks, bro, I came to this same conclusion after today. let's hope I keep this in mind every time I approach
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