How To Get Over the Thought of "Dirtying Girls By Fucking Her"

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SIGMA_1234
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 2:18 pm

So I had a blowjob recently, but my conservative upbringing kicked in. And I think it's subconsciously keeping me from fucking more girls.

I have the thought that I am "dirtying" them after fucking. Like, I am making them more "unmarriagable" because I fucked them. Get what I mean? This definitely happened after I received a blowjob from my chick earlier.

How do you guys get over this feeling?
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AGF
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 2:27 pm

First of all: congrats for the blowjob.

Second: Dude, you're in the Philippines. I am not sure how aware you are of what your fellow countrywomen do in their spare time.

I have spent some time there and talked to a lot of guys with tons of experience with Filipinas as well (local guys + foreigners) and we all agree that the girls in the Philippines are the naughtiest and most dtf girls in the world (not sure if you already knew that and to what extent you disagree). I have heard and personally experienced some crazy stories that would've never happened anywhere else (e.g. 18 year old girls with notch counts of 50+). So if I were you, I would never assume that any girl you meet in the Philippines is an innocent angel (no offense to your country or culture!).

To your question: if you're not "dirtying them", sooner or later some other guy from Tinder or their social circle will. If they want to do dirty stuff, they will eventually do it.
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MattsCrib
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:00 pm

Congrats!

Dude, I'm in a similar spot. I wasn't brought up in a conservative household (my family is pretty liberal, new-ageish musicians etc.).

It kinda sucks :D I truly don't know If you'll get over it - I think the feelings are "genetic" in a sense and guys who have it, have it. Guys who don't, just don't (and they've never had feelings like that). It's true that, yeah, if you don't someone else will - but for me personally it still doesn't make the feeling go away. It doesn't matter if i'm making girls and myself "less human" or someone else is - they're STILL ickier to me no matter what (even if I'M the one they want). For me it's not based on gender since I'm kinda "anti-hedonism"/anti-casual sex/anti-promiscuity for both genders. (as in both men AND women who want to have sex for only pleasure with multiple partners are "icky", but I also understand that it's the majority of people, so...)

But yeah, it's mostly coping, meeting/talking to other girls, keeping your thoughts away etc. :D
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SIGMA_1234
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:32 pm

AGF wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:00 pm
18 year old girls with notch counts of 50
Dafuq? Really? All the girls I'm pulling are good girls so far. I need to work on myself to screen the DTF ones.
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Personal Goals:
-) 12% Body Fat
-) 10 books/ online courses
-) Move out of home
-) (Optional) HSK 6 Level Mandarin
-) System to work ASAP, without getting distracted.
-) Upgrade wardrobe w/ basic mandatory guy fashion items
-) 4 FWB

$ Goals:
-) US$1k/ mo nomad income
-) US$5k/ mo nomad income

Personal Habits:
-) 1800 cals/ day
-) NoFap

Business:
-) (0/5) Local Business Websites Made Before Int'l Client Outreach
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MattsCrib
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 4:21 pm

SIGMA_1234 wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:32 pm
AGF wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:00 pm
18 year old girls with notch counts of 50
Dafuq? Really? All the girls I'm pulling are good girls so far. I need to work on myself to screen the DTF ones.
Maybe they're just not DTF with you :) (YET!).
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Lostcause
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 6:46 pm

How do I get over that thought?

I dont.

Because I am not a douchebag.

Sorry if this sounds offensive (ok, ok, I realize it does, sorry), but it sounds really douchy to me thinking girl gets somehow worse by having sex with you, while you dont.

If your upbringings idea of sex is something you believe in you should not have casual sex until your idea changes. And if you dont really agree with that idea and still do it, think of why. Then realize why shouldnt a girl have sex if you do even if your ideas tell not to.

Not sure if it helps, but treat girls fair.
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Wifty
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 7:23 pm

You do what you want and they do what they want.

You want lots of sex, she wants too.

What's the problem ?



How to get over it ? Meet more women, it is therapeutic when you have such intentions.
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realrandymarsh
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 7:41 pm

That point of view disturbs me. If you think a girl you had sex with gets dirty, don't have sex them. I think you have more important social issues. I think you should make some friends, get socialize with new people. Getting to know new people would open your mind in a healty way.
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 8:46 pm

I covered this exact question in this podcast:
Why You Are NOT Meant to Live My Lifestyle Forever, & Why Traditional Relationships are “Normal”:
https://theinnerwinnershow.com/11/
Andy / Australia
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MattsCrib
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 10:33 pm

Guys, you have to understand that this feeling isn't just "societal programming" and disturbing - it's biologically NORMAL to be repulsed by women who are/have been promiscuous. It's a natural "flight or fight" reflex of sorts

Rats - "icky" because the possibility of diseases (mainly the plague)
Spiders - "icky" because of the possibility of being venomous
Blood - because it shows obvious damage, danger
Feeling that women are "dirty" when they've had a lot of sex (even if it's with you) - the possibility of them being impregnated by other men (your genes not going to survive), the possibility of diseases, not to mention your "ego" getting in the way (if she has had a lot of partners, she wont love me the same as i'll be just an object etc.)

Our brains aren't evolved for this "free love" society of hook-ups and casual sex (hell, we haven't evolved for a lot of things in the modern society). Yes, on a rational level, it's completely harmless, but you have to understand where it comes from and act accordingly :D (whether you want to change your views and get over it is up to you)

Just telling people to "get over it" or trying to rationalize a primitive feeling doesn't help much.

All in all, reframing thoughts might help, like in "You Can't afford the luxury of a negative thought" :D
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:42 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 10:33 pm
Just telling people to "get over it" or trying to rationalize a primitive feeling doesn't help much.
Exactly what I said in my podcast.
Andy / Australia
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MattsCrib
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Mon Aug 31, 2020 12:40 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:42 pm
MattsCrib wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 10:33 pm
Just telling people to "get over it" or trying to rationalize a primitive feeling doesn't help much.
Exactly what I said in my podcast.
You made an analogy with rollercoasters as in "you won't find it disgusting if someone else has already been on a rollercoaster" but - again - that's rationalizing a biological feeling. "don't be afraid of spiders because they aren't usually poisonous" (at least outside of Australia) won't work :D

Also, that can be true if you already think of sex as a "casual thing for pleasure" and not a very special thing done by a few select people in your life.

The solution would be to, yes, bang other chicks, but do you want to do something that feels biologically utterly wrong to you just to desensitize yourself from it? It's an ethical question :D

So yeah, it's pretty tough and takes time and thinking.

I personally hate the fact that I'm disgusted by womens sexuality, but I also hate to "become" a person who thinks of sex as "just for fun".
it's a heavy dilemma and yeah.. Takes time.

You're one of the lucky ones - for some people the disgust never goes away and they'll still "hate" women while fucking them

(I have a friend who has been with 20 girls and still is disgusted by them in a sense. He hopes to find a "proper" girl from a church who doesn't want to fuck, although he's not religious himself lol)

(is it maybe called the madonna whore complex?)

Edit: Note to myself: I wrote this comment during a depression attack. Would love to read it in the future.
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Mon Aug 31, 2020 1:28 am

MattsCrib wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 12:40 am
You're one of the lucky ones
"You're so Lucky..."

Am I lucky, or did I put in actual work - really fucking hard work as I mentioned in the podcast - to fix my women-hating?

I hate the phrase "you're so lucky". Luck had fuck all to do with it mate; it was years of hard work doing self-reflection, analysing my thought patterns, asking others for help addressing my women-hating, etc. Hundreds of breakdowns, thousands of moments of frustration, countless books read, and a hell of a lot of meditating and asking myself questions like, "IS a woman a slut if she bangs dudes? Why do I care? Am I being insecure? Am I just jealous? Why does it bother me what other people do?" etc.

You can do it too, if you stop with bullshit phrases like "You're one of the lucky ones Andy" and actually start addressing the thought patterns you want to work on.
Andy / Australia
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JamalHash123
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Mon Aug 31, 2020 5:04 am

Agreed with @MattsCrib .

Perhaps a better way to reframe this would be "Yes I am making them more 'dirty' but she's doing this out of her own free will and she has agency so it's not my fault".
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Lostcause
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Mon Aug 31, 2020 8:20 am

Wow, what a piece of bullshit.
MattsCrib wrote:
Sun Aug 30, 2020 10:33 pm
Guys, you have to understand that this feeling isn't just "societal programming" and disturbing - it's biologically NORMAL to be repulsed by women who are/have been promiscuous. It's a natural "flight or fight" reflex of sorts

Rats - "icky" because the possibility of diseases (mainly the plague)
Spiders - "icky" because of the possibility of being venomous
Blood - because it shows obvious damage, danger
Feeling that women are "dirty" when they've had a lot of sex (even if it's with you) - the possibility of them being impregnated by other men (your genes not going to survive), the possibility of diseases, not to mention your "ego" getting in the way (if she has had a lot of partners, she wont love me the same as i'll be just an object etc.)

Our brains aren't evolved for this "free love" society of hook-ups and casual sex (hell, we haven't evolved for a lot of things in the modern society). Yes, on a rational level, it's completely harmless, but you have to understand where it comes from and act accordingly :D (whether you want to change your views and get over it is up to you)

Just telling people to "get over it" or trying to rationalize a primitive feeling doesn't help much.

All in all, reframing thoughts might help, like in "You Can't afford the luxury of a negative thought" :D
Ok, lets assume it's a nature's, not cultural thing. Lets skip the part where we are civilised people, with ways to RECOGNIZE, TREAT and AVOID stds. Lets skip the part where we should have RATIONAL CONTROL over the PRIMITIVE INSTINCTS.

How are the girls having sex worse then men having sex then? Its not like its only women who can spread dieseases. We can do it aswell. Why should we hold women to a standard where they are worse for possibly spreading dieseases, when we possibly do the exact same thing - having sex with plenty of diffrent partners. Are we, men somehow lower value because of that? Stop rationalizing your ideas with nature.
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