Noself’s AA Program Log Day 46: Milestone Day

[Noself]

Day 42b: YOU’RE CUTE, NAME, HANDSHAKE, TIME + DIRECTIONS
Total: 15 girls (20/20 girls)
Decided to go to the city for some street approaches, since it was the weekend of St. Patrick's Day, everybody was out walking. I did some other days as a redo before these drills so I definitely had social momentum prior to these sets of drills. I felt sluggish going into the city but I decided to meditate for 10 minutes prior to jumping out of my car, this just gave me a burst of energy and I felt cocky. Cocky-ness is something that I'm starting to feel, I'm starting to feel like a fuckboy because this shit is just fucking badass, this is every man's dream. Every man's dream to just go up to any hot girl and to shoot your shot, still the doubts of if this is the right thing to do kept creeping up on me. I would constantly think about how my "friends" "acquaintances" meet girls, am I just unlucky? Do I have to be an extrovert? Why can't I just be an extrovert? These were the thoughts rumbling in my head. While driving in the city, stopped at a traffic light I rolled down my window to tell a girl that she was cute. She laughed and smiled, I felt very instinctual today giving into my masculine desires which have been repressed for some time. Carl Jung has the a theory talking about how the things you hate the most in other people are actually your repressed desires, it makes sense the ego is meant to protect us and the ego is on constant surveillance to look out for threats. This is why I am doing this program because I want to see my other side, the shadow side, fuck it we all die once and I view self-improvement as a wholistic journey of the human self. Sex was just one of those deficiencies and the story of having no sex is so ingrained that I have that fucking nice guy syndrome. Onto the drills. Got to the parking lot and immediately got in there on a girl that was walking towards me below a bridge, said the opener but she walked right past me laughing. I didn't feel anything compared to yesterday, the fight-or-flight was so high yesterday. The first proper rep was on a girls within a group of her friends, walked only to her and said the opener plus the handshake, she said she had a bf but that it was nice meeting me. As I walked away my fucking shoulders were just strong as shit, I felt badass as fuck especially since I did it in front of friends. As I left her I could hear her friends screaming in an excitement tone which just gave me more confidence. Next rep, can't remember. Really was just a blur since I attempted about 25-30 girls, but notable interactions including one rep where I approached a girl who kept saying she a bf that was inside the restaurant they were at, she I didn't give a fuck and demanded a handshake and the time. "Just give me the damn time" I said being persistent as she said she had a bf about 5 fucking times. There was a rep where the girl was sitting down at an outside bar with her friends and I just lunged over the table, pointing at her saying you're cute. She laughed, along with her friends. I'm starting to love approaching groups of girls because they always get excited and gas me up, I shouldn't care about the reactions but it's just something I'm starting to notice. Another rep was pretty hilarious as walked up to a girl that was jumping out of her Uber lol, literally seconds after she jumps out the first thing she sees is me. Very receptive girl, she really wanted to talk to me but nope denied. This is an important day in the program because this felt like a formal introduction compared to the rest of Week 6 where it just felt like "cat-calling" I guess or being the gay guy best friend that tries to make friends with random girls. But a huge day for me after the terrible day of 42a.



Day 43a: HI-FIVE, YOU’RE CUTE + NAME, HANDSHAKE
Total: 2 girls (2/21 girls)
Managed to knock out 2 reps on girls that were screaming at each other to go to a bar and I just slid myself in there to both of them to get the reps in.

[Noself]

Here are some redo days.

Day 4 redone: TIME?
Total: 5 girls (5/5 girls)
Piss easy.

Day 5 redone: TIME BUT FASTER
Total: 10 girls (10/10 girls)
First set: 4 minutes
Second set: 1 minute 18 seconds

Day 6, 2 extra sets: TIME, DIRECTIONS, HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
Total: 6 girls (21/15 girls)
Drill is boring at this point.

Day 28, 1 extra set: NERD GLASSES
Total: 4 girls (21/16 girls)(1 challenge)
Came back to do another set of this to omit workers, compared to the first try it was piss easy and finished this set in 5 minutes.

Day 22, 1 extra set: SUSPENDERS
Total: 5 girls (20/15 girls)(4 challenges)
Again, did another set to omit workers, boring drill at this point one group of girls walked away before I could get the whole drill and stumbled up my words.

[Noself]

Day 43b: HI-FIVE, YOU’RE CUTE + NAME, HANDSHAKE
Total: 9 girls (11/21 girls)
AA was mighty high for this day, it is pretty hard to get girls to stop after the initial ask for the hi-five. The hi-fives are getting hard to get out of them for some reason, unless I just appear weird to them. I don't fully remember everything but the notable reps were on one girl who was walking away from me and walked back my direction, I put up my hand for the hi-five, got it but just completely fucking blanked out on which rep I was on. I just froze forgetting what to say, such a god damn shame. This was written after a couple of days since the drill, so my memory is a little foggy, refer to the video for my initial reaction after the day.

[Paw]

Cool vlog bro, your voice is masculine as fuck bro. Props for going through this program.

[Noself]

Day 43c: HI-FIVE, YOU’RE CUTE + NAME, HANDSHAKE
Total: 0 girls (11/21 girls)
1 total attempt today, got rejected by getting an elbow bump and not getting a handshake. My AA gets extremely high in low populated places…. Fuck man…. So frustrated with myself for not approaching one chick. Fuck fuck fuck

[PinchePendejo]

You’ll have your bad and good days. Low volume days do suck. What I would do during those days would just give compliments to anyone I would come across (men, unattractive women) just to keep social momentum going. Then do the drill on a hot girl whenever I spotted one.

[Noself]

Day 43d: HI-FIVE, YOU’RE CUTE + NAME, HANDSHAKE
Total: 10 girls (21/21 girls)
Stayed locally for these sets of drills which is always hard because of the low volume within my town, but I wanted to try and see if I could finish it using places nearby. Got in there after 3 minutes of walking into the Walmart on 2 girls but got instantly shut down, I tried asking for the hi-five a couple of times but to no avail, the girl just stared at me then walked away. First proper rep was on an African chick who was surprisingly nice, I thought from the looks of her that she was going to respond terrible to the drill, I had to approach her from behind to properly get her attention too. 2nd rep was a girl pushing her cart in the frozen food section, the "you're cute" line is so natural now and is as simple as asking for the time. 3rd rep was a girl walking into the store with her cart, grabbed her attention and she paused for a second asking why she should give me a hi-five, but thankfully I convinced her enough to give me one. I believe I left the Walmart after this rep or after a 4th girl then went to a Five-Below to get the most notable reaction of the day on a girl who just had a great vibe thinking that she was being recorded for a prank but I convinced her to give me the hi-five and handshake, we were just both laughing at each other because of the drill, really cool girl. Next I went to the local mall and got one rep down, for this rep it was just instantaneous, I just saw the girl out the corner of my eye for one sec and had no hesitation whatsoever. There was an attempt in a Dick's Sporting Goods on a girl that had an amazing body that I had to chase down, she was on the phone but refused to give the hi-five, but I'm proud that I chased her down to get an attempt. Last 4 reps, 2 were on girls in a Target and 2 in a Wal-mart, 2 of them were workers, could not find anybody as it was about 8:30 in the evening on a weekday, but one girl in Target said that I really made her day and chuckled during the drill, same for a girl in Wal-mart that talked to an employee after the drill, presumably talking about what I just did. Overall this day was really about pulling fucking teeth for the hi-fives, I don't know if I'm just giving off a shitty vibe but it was very hard to convince girls to follow along with the drill, again this is destroying my outcome dependence because of the amount of girls that will just blow you off. Onto Day 44.

[SpongeBob]

Don't you think you have what it takes to do real approaches now ?

[Noself]

Don't you think you have what it takes to do real approaches now ?

Yeah I do this program is slightly becoming annoying because you’ll have a lot of girls this week that are into you but you can’t get the number.

[SpongeBob]

Then you should just go for it. The goal in the end is to do real approaches.

Be careful not to use this program as an excuse to not approach in the end, think it's easy to fall in the "comfort" trap to hide behind the drills.

You're doing great though

[Noself]

Day 44: EYE CONTACT (SKIPPED)
Total: 0 girls (0/16 girls)
Waste of time.

[Noself]

Day 45a: GROUP HI-FIVES
Total: 3 girls (3/12 girls)
Sick of this hi-five shit honestly, it is getting really old but alas this is Day 45, I felt really good getting up today to do this drill. The plan was to complete this day today, that was the plan, but it did not come into fruition. Fuck man honestly so frustrated to not get this day done today, my confidence was really high before the drills, but the drill itself honestly shattered it. So many attempts, so many but only 3 reps, fuck, it is like pulling teeth or shitting the contents of a Memorial Day BBQ. My vibe must just be shitty, I know my voice can be threatening I suppose but man it does take a lot of energy for me to appear friendly and extroverted. I know this is going to sound like a lot of bitching, and it is but fuck man today was brutal. Just humbling all around, 1 day before Day 46? You're so close huh? Nope you still will have to fucking work for this, no freebies, this is fucking war and the only way is through. As for the day itself, a lot of rejections were due to "COVID, germs, air-fives, and fist-bumps (I did not count these)." Tried to do a lot of convincing today by staying in there after the initial ask where I just say "Ayo hi-five" but still no avail. It is really fucking hard to stop girls that are walking towards you (the whole group) then ask for the hi-five plus the rest of the drill. It is way easier on stationary groups, I had multiple gaps of no approaches even taking a long break for food because I was so fucking drained mentally. The 3 successful reps were on girls that shockingly followed along with the drill, a group of 3 in a Spencer's for the first rep, then a group of 3 in a Forever 21 for the second rep, and finally a duo in a Tilly's. The first attempt was on an older woman who seemed just pissed off with life, she told me no so sternly about 3 or 4 times, I think I just said she is no fun and said nice jacket. God damn I really can't remember the other attempts, I tried to do the drill for about 3 hours and left just mentally fucking exhausted and drained from being so frustrated because of it being the 2nd to last day. I just have to be grateful for the reps that I did get, we are still moving at least and that's all that matters but still a brutal day.

[Noself]

Feel really fucking sick all this week, no drills today.

[Noself]

Day 45b,c: GROUP HI-FIVES
Total: 9 girls (12/12 girls)
Day was spanned over 3 days, couldn’t find a lot of groups nearby locally so I had to mall-hop. For some reason this was one of the more harder hi-fives for me, before this day I would just go up and “yo, hi-five” but a lot girls would blow me off completely (good exposure therapy but compared to others logs I had to question my energy) so I would change it up slightly by saying “Ayo can I get a hi-give?” which I guessed eased the tension for them. It worked and I found myself getting the proper reps in, I did some drills in the streets late in the evening and got about 6 during that session but decided to cut it off early so it wouldn’t become easier if the girls started to get buzzed from a nearby bar. It’s Day 45, I got turned down quite a lot, I fucked with a girl and started to fake cry after she said no about 3 times as they were about to cross the street. But one of the most notable interactions happened in the program on this day, for an attempt at the rep of the whole I approached 2 girls and asked for the hi-five, initially asked why, but then complied. Said the “you guys are cute, I’m _____” then I asked for the handshake on the taller girl. She said no a couple of times then I started to really push for it saying to her “I will literally leave your life so fast if you give me a handshake.” She then started to say “you’re getting on my fucking nerves”, “you really bugg’n”, “get out of my face.” I kept pushing for like a minute then decided to stop after she said “bruh I’m really about to smack you right now”, then I kindly said “y’all have a nice day. I assume they were a married lesbian couple as she was clearly a girl but not as feminine as the other. I decided to fuck with them again by walking past them in the middle of the mall, then waving at them as they walked by, I smiled and said “Hey y’all.” The angry girl then said “you need a life.” What a interaction but I’m glad it happened I didn’t want to go through this feeling unscathed as the bad reactions have been quite, sure I’ve had girls thought I had a weapon, curse me out in the middle of the mall saying I’m a creep, and managers almost trying to kick me out, but this is a reaction I’m glad to add to the belt.

[Noself]

Day 46: MILESTONE DAY
Total: 26/27 girls?? (24/24 girls)(0 challenges)
I completed the program, I’ve finished it, I’m at a loss for words. I was getting emotional today man after the 11th, 12th rep, almost bursting into fucking tears man. But we did it, as for the day, really easy compared to anything else this week, this where all the practice comes in, I completed the drill in 3 hours on a time crunch because malls and stores were closing. I even started to develop pain in the bottom of my foot because I was walking so fucking much. I tried to the challenge on the last girl and she held my hand for the whole fucking drill as I asked “So what are you up to today” she wouldn’t let go of my fucking hand like we held hands in this awkward manner spinning around for like a good 45secs-1 minute, then I got tired of it and said “You’re just letting me grab your hand like this?” And she said “I was wondering when you were going to let go” then I said fuck it and left, I don’t know if I should could this as a proper challenge rep. I did one approach on a girl waiting to get her food by a restaurant in the food court, there was a table of guys and girls that were just staring a me laughing and guys working at a shoe stand that was looking at the girl before I walked up to her, I just wanted to show my nuts honestly to them, saying to myself “They should watch this” the girl was probably some type of Instagram model. I botched the line and forgot to say my name as she said “I’m not from around here”, but still was a funny moment from the day.

This is by far the hardest thing I’ve done in my life, many people will look at this program and will be like oh you’re just talking to girls but man oh man you just don’t know. The program was obviously about expanding your options and indirectly developing your confidence but it was also a life-changing experience that expanded my mind by allowing me to see that the rules we create socially are kind of bullshit. People just follow rules that other people say they should do, and that works sometimes but they can also confine you from what you really want to accomplish in life. The program also humiliated me, which I needed honestly, I have this God complex where I think I’m better than people sometimes but for my pursuit in art I have to always keep that beginner’s mind and make mistakes in front of people to learn. You can’t describe the change in world view that you have when you complete the program, you start to truly see that human social life is just a mass hallucination and that you can control this hallucination yourself. It’s not something that is a certificate or worthy of praise from other people (normies) but it’s something I’m proud of completing because I ran to my fears. I went through so much stress, foot pain, anxiety and nausea, just to finish this program and we did it.

Thanks @KillYourInnerLoser for creating this website to help other guys with their lives, @Manganiello for the support, @ninjaboynaru @Crimson @CainGettingLaid @offwego @isomar1998 @iceneon @SpongeBob for pushing me to get through the drills/support on this forum.