Mav's Log
- play_time_is_over
- Posts: 157 | Thanks: 94
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2021 11:08 am
- Name: Simon
- Goal: 30 Lays
- Age: 32
- Motto: Doing something badly is better than doing nothing
- Location: Australia
Age doesn't really play much of a role. There's 21 years old's way ahead of either you or I. There's 40 year old's way behind us. I freak out about my age a bit as well "If I only I did it when I was 28 not 30". It;s silly though, it's like asking if you want to live to 76 years old or 78 years old. A decade only makes up 13% of your entire life.
Goal: 12 / 30 lifetime lays.
Stats: 6'5" - 88kg - 32 years old.
Stats: 6'5" - 88kg - 32 years old.
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
Yeah that makes sense. Sometimes I'll tell myself Ill just have to work 4x as hard to try to make up for lost time then end up spinning my wheels for months. Age does play a large role in looks obviously.play_time_is_over wrote: ↑Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:30 amAge doesn't really play much of a role. There's 21 years old's way ahead of either you or I. There's 40 year old's way behind us. I freak out about my age a bit as well "If I only I did it when I was 28 not 30". It;s silly though, it's like asking if you want to live to 76 years old or 78 years old. A decade only makes up 13% of your entire life.
I really would like to do the AA program but I mean look at me lol. Whether it's true or not, I know I'm not worthy. Even if a girl sleeps with me, unless she's not that desirable, I know it's only a matter of time until I get replaced on Tinder or wherever. From my point of view, unattractive, short, weird/extremely socially awkward (numerous people all saying the same things my whole life) guy walking up to 10-20 women a day at the mall, starting out saying hey, progressing to saying weird things like "would you fuck me". I know how people would react to this...
Last edited by Mav on Mon Mar 29, 2021 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- Manganiello
- Posts: 1710 | Thanks: 2021
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 2:25 am
- Name: Brandon
- Goal: Career Launch
- Age: 33
- Motto: Embrace your Darkside
- Location: Seoul
Are you depressed @Mav ?
Serious question.
I mean this with respect man.
It seems like you've been shooting down everybody whose been giving you really solid advice.
I mean if you want to improve that's one thing. If you want to complain that's another.
To me this seems like 1 of 2 things.
(1) You need some professional help to deal with your issues.
(2) You're secretly trying to get permission and acceptance for not trying.
If it's #1. Respect. That's tough shit. But you NEED. NEED. NEEEEEEED to take care of that. Anything else you do or say on this forum WILL be fruitless because your not physiologically capable of dealing with this stuff. I'm not over exaggerating here. I used to be a counselor any big goal you try to achieve while you're in a deep depression will not go anywhere UNTIL you deal with the depression first. There is no way around this. This is a tough truth you will need to accept and act on.
If it's #2. I'm literally going to ignore everything you say. And so will everyone else (eventually). I won't hate you, but you're proving it's a waste of time to talk to you. I mean that respectfully. Why would anyone comment, if youre training them to believe that everything they say to you will be shot down?
It's up to you to help yourself. We're just a bunch of text on a screen. The cavalry won't come to save you. Reinforcements aren't coming. You have to make some decisions on what you will do to help yourself.
It's not a fun fact of life. But it is true. So I'm trying to tell you this so you can go on and live the life you want. Whatever that is.
You NEED to take responsibility for making you're life better.
Serious question.
I mean this with respect man.
It seems like you've been shooting down everybody whose been giving you really solid advice.
I mean if you want to improve that's one thing. If you want to complain that's another.
To me this seems like 1 of 2 things.
(1) You need some professional help to deal with your issues.
(2) You're secretly trying to get permission and acceptance for not trying.
If it's #1. Respect. That's tough shit. But you NEED. NEED. NEEEEEEED to take care of that. Anything else you do or say on this forum WILL be fruitless because your not physiologically capable of dealing with this stuff. I'm not over exaggerating here. I used to be a counselor any big goal you try to achieve while you're in a deep depression will not go anywhere UNTIL you deal with the depression first. There is no way around this. This is a tough truth you will need to accept and act on.
If it's #2. I'm literally going to ignore everything you say. And so will everyone else (eventually). I won't hate you, but you're proving it's a waste of time to talk to you. I mean that respectfully. Why would anyone comment, if youre training them to believe that everything they say to you will be shot down?
It's up to you to help yourself. We're just a bunch of text on a screen. The cavalry won't come to save you. Reinforcements aren't coming. You have to make some decisions on what you will do to help yourself.
It's not a fun fact of life. But it is true. So I'm trying to tell you this so you can go on and live the life you want. Whatever that is.
You NEED to take responsibility for making you're life better.
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
Off and on depressed and when it's off, it's just to a much lesser extent. I've been to numerous psychologists in the past who haven't seemed to be able to help and I was tired of throwing money into the proverbial abyss when I have debt to pay off, because it's insanely expensive. If you have another suggestion I'd be happy to hear it. Trust me, I wish more than anything I could have the things I want.Manganiello wrote: ↑Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:12 amAre you depressed @Mav ?
Serious question.
I mean this with respect man.
It seems like you've been shooting down everybody whose been giving you really solid advice.
I mean if you want to improve that's one thing. If you want to complain that's another.
To me this seems like 1 of 2 things.
(1) You need some professional help to deal with your issues.
(2) You're secretly trying to get permission and acceptance for not trying.
If it's #1. Respect. That's tough shit. But you NEED. NEED. NEEEEEEED to take care of that. Anything else you do or say on this forum WILL be fruitless because your not physiologically capable of dealing with this stuff. I'm not over exaggerating here. I used to be a counselor any big goal you try to achieve while you're in a deep depression will not go anywhere UNTIL you deal with the depression first. There is no way around this. This is a tough truth you will need to accept and act on.
If it's #2. I'm literally going to ignore everything you say. And so will everyone else (eventually). I won't hate you, but you're proving it's a waste of time to talk to you. I mean that respectfully. Why would anyone comment, if youre training them to believe that everything they say to you will be shot down?
It's up to you to help yourself. We're just a bunch of text on a screen. The cavalry won't come to save you. Reinforcements aren't coming. You have to make some decisions on what you will do to help yourself.
It's not a fun fact of life. But it is true. So I'm trying to tell you this so you can go on and live the life you want. Whatever that is.
You NEED to take responsibility for making you're life better.
- Manganiello
- Posts: 1710 | Thanks: 2021
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 2:25 am
- Name: Brandon
- Goal: Career Launch
- Age: 33
- Motto: Embrace your Darkside
- Location: Seoul
My only other suggestion is find another psychologist. That's it.
ITS THE ONLY WAY.
Line up consultations til you find a therapist that clicks with you. Find a therapist you look up to and want to earn their respect. That's the only piece of useful advice I can give at this point.
I'll expect to hear progress on that front.
ITS THE ONLY WAY.
Line up consultations til you find a therapist that clicks with you. Find a therapist you look up to and want to earn their respect. That's the only piece of useful advice I can give at this point.
I'll expect to hear progress on that front.
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
How will it help if it can't fix the things Im most fundamentally unhappy with. That's the thing I never understood about it... And they just tell me I'm fine, I'm normal, I'm at least average looking, etc. when I know these arent true. Not one of the people I went to even explained cbt to me lol. Maybe need something mind altering like meds to trick me into think my problems arent as bad as they are. Or something else. Was going to do ayahuasca in peru but then covid hit.Manganiello wrote: ↑Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:27 amMy only other suggestion is find another psychologist. That's it.
ITS THE ONLY WAY.
Line up consultations til you find a therapist that clicks with you. Find a therapist you look up to and want to earn their respect. That's the only piece of useful advice I can give at this point.
I'll expect to hear progress on that front.
- Manganiello
- Posts: 1710 | Thanks: 2021
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 2:25 am
- Name: Brandon
- Goal: Career Launch
- Age: 33
- Motto: Embrace your Darkside
- Location: Seoul
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
5 Psychologists and $3000 isn't trying? Alright... please do silent me.Manganiello wrote: ↑Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:48 amSee point #2.
I'm going silent til you post positive results from actions you took.
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
Greatly appreciate that, really, but I don't want to waste your time by taking a discount. I did also put that you should be depressed if your life sucks. That's still true. Besides a few very very minor blips here and there, it has sucked the last 16+ years. Just pretty sure at this point, nothing is ever going to work out. No friends, extremely limited dating options, no real family, no career, hate the way I look, really socially awkward/unlikeable, etc. Each one of these points feels next to impossible to fix on their own, but stacked together, are. If I could push a button and end it, I totally would but unfortunately it's not that easy. Think this would be best for everyone, I'd stop wasting people's time and would be at peace.
- Mav
- Posts: 246 | Thanks: 171
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:46 pm
- Name: Mason
- Goal: Level Up
- Age: 32
- Motto: There Is No Tomorrow
- Location: Florida
Oversleeping, overeating, acting like I'm working all day at work. Haven't packed one box and I have to move in a few days. Haven't worked out in over a week. I just don't really see a point to any of this. All to what, maybe sleep with a few new girls I'm not really into and watch while others get the things I've always wanted. Sad.
- nipple-flip
- Posts: 506 | Thanks: 58
- Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2020 8:59 pm
- Name: Chris
- Goal: self-actualize
- Age: 29
- Motto: do your best every day
- Location: USA
I don't know the half of your struggle, but I can relate to some of it. here's a message from one 5'4 short king to another, about how things have gone for me (so far) and how I hope they'll go for you. this is probably really rambly and incoherent, but I hope that part of it is helpful.
first things first, I want to say that at least to some degree I know how you feel bro. feeling like you've wasted years. nothing is going right. you get on a dating app and every 4th message you see is "short men are disgusting, how dare they EVEN presume". meanwhile everywhere around you the world gets to enjoy companionship, fulfillment, camaraderie. you are an outsider looking in on parts of the human experience that seem completely out of reach. every corner of mainstream social media tells you that if you're not able to participate in this thing people call "normal life", it's because something's wrong with YOU. like it's somehow all your fault. the shit is fucking dehumanizing. it's no wonder you're feeling beaten down, alienated, cast out. how could you ever endear yourself to a a world that hates and mistrusts you by default?
I'm going to assume that's your starting point. that's what mine was.
the most important thing is to take a step. ANY STEP in a direction you want to go. find SOMETHING that's under your control, and goddamnit, control it. your mission is to take that one thing and fucking own it to the best of your current ability. the goal isn't to make a huge move right now and change your life. that's way too big to start out. before you can do that, you need to know what it feels like to move an inch closer to something you want, and KNOW that you are TRULY that inch closer. that you changed your circumstances for the better, even if you won't reap the rewards any time soon.
why is this important? because you are a very long way away from where you want to be. that much is already obvious to you. but here's a secret: you have your whole life to get there. not one year, not 10 years, your entire motherfucking life. if it takes 20 years to get to where you want, well guess what, at the end of that 20 years if you put in the work, you're fucking there.
step two, once you have made any step in any direction, is to write down some goals. my suggestion is to pick some things that have well-known paths to completion, where the ENTIRE path is within your control. I'll write down some good first goals and some bad ones:
good goals:
- get a 6-pack
- get a 225lb bench press
- be a competitively hireable employee in X industry
- reach out to N girls in M days in a POSITIVE way
bad goals:
- set a world record in X sport
- get a job paying Y dollars
- get laid Z times
even if the bad goals are what you really want, you're not ready for them yet. you need to pick paths that others have walked in front of you, because you're not ready to blaze a new trail yet. find things that are approachable in a 6-12 month time frame.
pick one, MAYBE two good goals and work towards them. you don't need to do it every day at the start, but push yourself to do a bit more this week than you did last week, until you're at least doing something 4-5x/week. does this sound like you're barely doing anything? well, you are barely doing anything. but it is STILL a huge step from doing nothing or moving backwards.
once you hit some of your first goals, replace them with new ones that are just a bit further out of reach for you. keep going SLOWLY. always go SLOWLY if you can. NEVER rush. if you do, you will overreach, fall short, and get discouraged. it's SUPPOSED to take a long ass time.
My personal recommendation is to not worry at all about your dating life at first. you need to start moving the other parts of your life first. like you said, sleeping with a few girls you're not really into isn't going to fix things. might as well skip that part and find other things that make you happy first. once you're on your path, like TRULY unshakeably on it, you can start introducing other people into the equation.
one last thing you'll need to do is shake the belief that you are unfixable. the human body and brain are incredible, breathtaking, complex, resilient machines. it took a lot of years to fuck yourself, and it will take a lot of years to unfuck yourself, but you can do it. your progress will be invisible at times, but you have to trust that you're making it. I get the sense you're trying things just to tick them off your checklist and say they don't work. you need to believe that eventually something will work. as long as you keep that belief going, eventually you will succeed.
finally, you probably need some social interaction to help keep you grounded and sane. I recommend you start here on the forums. there are a lot of people here who understand where you're coming from and are rooting for you already. it's a safe place. eventually you'll want to branch out into real life, but internet friends can carry you through the darkest of times.
it seems like Andy's facebook group is really tight-knit, and I see them encouraging each other and trading notes on these forums all the time. that seems like a really positive thing to have in your life, so if you have the money to spare I'd strongly recommend it.
----
addendum 1:
That's what I am doing, anyway. Somewhere along the way, I started to enjoy the actual process of putting in the work. You can have a look at my log if you'd like. I'm so fucking far away from where I want to be, but I'm happier than I've ever been because every day I come another inch closer. I'm not expecting to get there for at least 10-15 more years. shit takes time.
I think you'll find that the same will happen to you. There is immeasurable satisfaction in going to bed tired, but knowing you're a little bit further ahead today than you were yesterday.
addendum 2:
I will tell you this preview about dating as a short man: I'm finding that it's not nearly as big a deal as I once thought it was. yes, there are tons of women out there who will never give you a second look, but there are plenty who don't care and even a solid number who PREFER shorter men. really! the same is true for bald men. I was shocked to find it, but it's true. yeah, some tall people slay wayyyyy more than me, but I don't need their level of success to be happy. I expect that you don't either.
my hypothesis is that people can tell when you're unshakeable and resilient, and you go to bed happy with yourself every night. and they're very receptive to that. more so than they are un-receptive to any physical feature. so your goal is to build up to that mental state first.
is it true that all else equal, a version of you that is 4 inches taller, with a thicker head of hear and nicer facial features would do way better in the dating market? absolutely. it's your job to make the things unequal. you're not allowed to lament the things you can't change, until you've changed all the things you can.
first things first, I want to say that at least to some degree I know how you feel bro. feeling like you've wasted years. nothing is going right. you get on a dating app and every 4th message you see is "short men are disgusting, how dare they EVEN presume". meanwhile everywhere around you the world gets to enjoy companionship, fulfillment, camaraderie. you are an outsider looking in on parts of the human experience that seem completely out of reach. every corner of mainstream social media tells you that if you're not able to participate in this thing people call "normal life", it's because something's wrong with YOU. like it's somehow all your fault. the shit is fucking dehumanizing. it's no wonder you're feeling beaten down, alienated, cast out. how could you ever endear yourself to a a world that hates and mistrusts you by default?
I'm going to assume that's your starting point. that's what mine was.
the most important thing is to take a step. ANY STEP in a direction you want to go. find SOMETHING that's under your control, and goddamnit, control it. your mission is to take that one thing and fucking own it to the best of your current ability. the goal isn't to make a huge move right now and change your life. that's way too big to start out. before you can do that, you need to know what it feels like to move an inch closer to something you want, and KNOW that you are TRULY that inch closer. that you changed your circumstances for the better, even if you won't reap the rewards any time soon.
why is this important? because you are a very long way away from where you want to be. that much is already obvious to you. but here's a secret: you have your whole life to get there. not one year, not 10 years, your entire motherfucking life. if it takes 20 years to get to where you want, well guess what, at the end of that 20 years if you put in the work, you're fucking there.
step two, once you have made any step in any direction, is to write down some goals. my suggestion is to pick some things that have well-known paths to completion, where the ENTIRE path is within your control. I'll write down some good first goals and some bad ones:
good goals:
- get a 6-pack
- get a 225lb bench press
- be a competitively hireable employee in X industry
- reach out to N girls in M days in a POSITIVE way
bad goals:
- set a world record in X sport
- get a job paying Y dollars
- get laid Z times
even if the bad goals are what you really want, you're not ready for them yet. you need to pick paths that others have walked in front of you, because you're not ready to blaze a new trail yet. find things that are approachable in a 6-12 month time frame.
pick one, MAYBE two good goals and work towards them. you don't need to do it every day at the start, but push yourself to do a bit more this week than you did last week, until you're at least doing something 4-5x/week. does this sound like you're barely doing anything? well, you are barely doing anything. but it is STILL a huge step from doing nothing or moving backwards.
once you hit some of your first goals, replace them with new ones that are just a bit further out of reach for you. keep going SLOWLY. always go SLOWLY if you can. NEVER rush. if you do, you will overreach, fall short, and get discouraged. it's SUPPOSED to take a long ass time.
My personal recommendation is to not worry at all about your dating life at first. you need to start moving the other parts of your life first. like you said, sleeping with a few girls you're not really into isn't going to fix things. might as well skip that part and find other things that make you happy first. once you're on your path, like TRULY unshakeably on it, you can start introducing other people into the equation.
one last thing you'll need to do is shake the belief that you are unfixable. the human body and brain are incredible, breathtaking, complex, resilient machines. it took a lot of years to fuck yourself, and it will take a lot of years to unfuck yourself, but you can do it. your progress will be invisible at times, but you have to trust that you're making it. I get the sense you're trying things just to tick them off your checklist and say they don't work. you need to believe that eventually something will work. as long as you keep that belief going, eventually you will succeed.
finally, you probably need some social interaction to help keep you grounded and sane. I recommend you start here on the forums. there are a lot of people here who understand where you're coming from and are rooting for you already. it's a safe place. eventually you'll want to branch out into real life, but internet friends can carry you through the darkest of times.
it seems like Andy's facebook group is really tight-knit, and I see them encouraging each other and trading notes on these forums all the time. that seems like a really positive thing to have in your life, so if you have the money to spare I'd strongly recommend it.
----
addendum 1:
That's what I am doing, anyway. Somewhere along the way, I started to enjoy the actual process of putting in the work. You can have a look at my log if you'd like. I'm so fucking far away from where I want to be, but I'm happier than I've ever been because every day I come another inch closer. I'm not expecting to get there for at least 10-15 more years. shit takes time.
I think you'll find that the same will happen to you. There is immeasurable satisfaction in going to bed tired, but knowing you're a little bit further ahead today than you were yesterday.
addendum 2:
I will tell you this preview about dating as a short man: I'm finding that it's not nearly as big a deal as I once thought it was. yes, there are tons of women out there who will never give you a second look, but there are plenty who don't care and even a solid number who PREFER shorter men. really! the same is true for bald men. I was shocked to find it, but it's true. yeah, some tall people slay wayyyyy more than me, but I don't need their level of success to be happy. I expect that you don't either.
my hypothesis is that people can tell when you're unshakeable and resilient, and you go to bed happy with yourself every night. and they're very receptive to that. more so than they are un-receptive to any physical feature. so your goal is to build up to that mental state first.
is it true that all else equal, a version of you that is 4 inches taller, with a thicker head of hear and nicer facial features would do way better in the dating market? absolutely. it's your job to make the things unequal. you're not allowed to lament the things you can't change, until you've changed all the things you can.
29M
regular processes
- track sleep, calories, and protein
- lift weights
- solve medium/hard leetcode problems
- journal
less-regular processes
- complete two "grokking" courses
- read and take notes on DDIA
outcomes
- qualify for USAPL open nationals at 75kg (current bodyweight 151, S/B/D: 353/203/462)
regular processes
- track sleep, calories, and protein
- lift weights
- solve medium/hard leetcode problems
- journal
less-regular processes
- complete two "grokking" courses
- read and take notes on DDIA
outcomes
- qualify for USAPL open nationals at 75kg (current bodyweight 151, S/B/D: 353/203/462)