Mav's Log

[Mav]

3/18 -

18 Sets
Cardio - Walked 4.25 Miles

[Mav]

So tired of being 30 and still having crippling social anxiety that doesnt go away or get better. Makes me feel like an absolute lost cause.

[Radical]

Chris from goodlookingloser had a bunch of pure social anxiety tests in this article

https://www.goodlookingloser.com/anxiet ... ional-help

Worth a look through to see if you can get yourself to a point of completing that list

[Mav]

Chris from goodlookingloser had a bunch of pure social anxiety tests in this article

https://www.goodlookingloser.com/anxiet ... ional-help

Worth a look through to see if you can get yourself to a point of completing that list

Yeah read this awhile back. I can do a lot of them nervously/awkwardly. Some are easy. Some of them I'd flat out refuse tbh. Think the point of the checklist was to decide if you should get medical help. I wish it was hormonal but it isnt.

[Radical]

You need to approach the social anxiety like you did the gym. Persistence and with a plan

I beat mine with exposure therapy

Andy was far worse and got better. I assume you arent agoraphobic like he was based on the fact you can do some of that list and youve dated some girls

[Mav]

You need to approach the social anxiety like you did the gym. Persistence and with a plan

I beat mine with exposure therapy

Andy was far worse and got better. I assume you arent agoraphobic like he was based on the fact you can do some of that list and youve dated some girls

That's the thing though, is that exposure therapy helps a bit for me but not enough. Example, I still have anxiety at work with a very laid back environment Ive been in for years. Still relatively nervous there, stumble over my words, weird mannerisms etc. If I could define one thing I wish was possible, it's to be as comfortable, or at least close, around people as I am hanging out by myself at my house. I'm not agoraphobic but I'm always on high alert, even places I consistently go to like the gym and that feeling doesnt go away untilI get to my car/house.

My brain must just be really fucked up and while I have been a lot more positive recently, I'm not even sure if this is something that can be fixed. One example I gave earlier was a girl at the gym was on the treadmill behind me and a guy I know teaching me how to run better. She makes a comment about it and he starts talking to her with ease. She then tries directly flirting with me and I act as if she doesnt exist. Run into her again later on and she gives me compliments on physique and I screw that up/turned that into a weird interaction, and then the last time she sees me at the gym and says hey, I say hey back and bolt to the leg press lol. Im guessing because I was always caught off guard in these interactions.

I'm not that bad at work, store, or on dates... I mean I slept with three different girls in the past year but could barely utter a syllable to the gym girl lol. Looking back on pictures when I was a kid, it shocked me to see how extroverted I used to be in comparison to now, knowing what went wrong but not how to fix it. Idk it weighs on me, controls my life so much, and makes me miserable to the point where I'm just too tired.

[Mav]

I dont really believe in therapy. If I have to hear "why don't you put yourself out there some more and see what happens" I'm going to go off the deep end. Boring, cookie cutter, basic ass youtube video, common sense advice is all I have ever gotten from psychologists with masters degrees, who have been in their field for decades. Most of them don't know shit imo. I'm knocking it for me, not if it helps you or others. I'm pretty introspective and haven't heard anything new from the professionals. Problem is, many of them haven't been through shit and are trying to fix things they only have read about in a book or heard about in seminars. Plus they cost a fortune. I'd be up to trying hypno therapy though.

[Mav]

3/19 - Skipped

[Mav]

3/20 - taking extended break, whats the point

[Toast]

I'm not that bad at work, store, or on dates... I mean I slept with three different girls in the past year but could barely utter a syllable to the gym girl lol.

Have you already done the full Approach Anxiety program? I agree with @Radical that exposure therapy seems like the answer.

Personally a month ago asking for the time was hard. Also in the past I had gotten laid with different girls. Maybe not many but I still got laid. I also was not agoraphobic. After making it to day 39 of AA I honestly feel like I could talk to any hot chick in the gym, and I'm expecting that my confidence will go up even higher. I talked to 50 hot girls in the past 5 days, on the street, in the grocery store, at the mall, literally wherever.

I never really thought my anxiety was that bad until I tried the program and it showed me how much of a bitch I really was.

I'm gunna make some assumptions that may be incorrect, but gym chicks are probably, idk if fetish is the correct word, but the types of chicks you think are best. You may have put them in a class above other girls. As a result it makes it harder for you to approach or act without anxiety. They're just normal girls in a different setting, and in fact probably boring girls with only a hot body to offer. Nothing to be nervous about talking to. This is what I've learned so far on my AA journey.

[Mav]

I'm not that bad at work, store, or on dates... I mean I slept with three different girls in the past year but could barely utter a syllable to the gym girl lol.

Have you already done the full Approach Anxiety program? I agree with @Radical that exposure therapy seems like the answer.

Personally a month ago asking for the time was hard. Also in the past I had gotten laid with different girls. Maybe not many but I still got laid. I also was not agoraphobic. After making it to day 39 of AA I honestly feel like I could talk to any hot chick in the gym, and I'm expecting that my confidence will go up even higher. I talked to 50 hot girls in the past 5 days, on the street, in the grocery store, at the mall, literally wherever.

I never really thought my anxiety was that bad until I tried the program and it showed me how much of a bitch I really was.

I'm gunna make some assumptions that may be incorrect, but gym chicks are probably, idk if fetish is the correct word, but the types of chicks you think are best. You may have put them in a class above other girls. As a result it makes it harder for you to approach or act without anxiety. They're just normal girls in a different setting, and in fact probably boring girls with only a hot body to offer. Nothing to be nervous about talking to. This is what I've learned so far on my AA journey.

Naw, she wasn't hot or anything. I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social. Example, went to watch ufc with guy at bar and he had friends there I didn't know. Couldn't introduce myself because it was too awkward and they didn't introduce themselves. So was kind of awkward the whole night.

Even with people Ive known for years, I'll fuck up and jumble my words/thoughts and just come across weird. It's not that I don't know what to do or not do... I don't have autism it's just that my brain is just broken and won't let me respond approriately. Must be a lifetime of negative experiences... like having people talk shit at the gym, which makes me far more awkward/on guard there. I freeze and come off as weird and inept. Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. And no, I haven't done the AA program.

[Toast]

I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social.

The AA program will definitely help with this and with women. It starts off very slowly in the beginning and addresses problems with general social freedom.

It does just sound like typical "male" trauma. (Complex PTSD)

Your brain is probably not broken beyond repair - a LOT has to do with the right environment. A brain is pretty malleable.

"Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. "

YES! Absolutely. Just like most "normal", average-ish guys. You're a human. You're a man.

I also believe that societally, things ARE changing and male issues are taken more seriously.
Please, in the mean time, try the AA program. Give yourself permission to be creepy.

I totally agree. Its never too late to change.

[Mav]

I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social.

The AA program will definitely help with this and with women. It starts off very slowly in the beginning and addresses problems with general social freedom.

It does just sound like typical "male" trauma. (Complex PTSD)

Your brain is probably not broken beyond repair - a LOT has to do with the right environment. A brain is pretty malleable.

"Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. "

YES! Absolutely. Just like most "normal", average-ish guys. You're a human. You're a man.

I also believe that societally, things ARE changing and male issues are taken more seriously.
Please, in the mean time, try the AA program. Give yourself permission to be creepy.

I totally agree. Its never too late to change.

Not trying to be negative here, truly, but I don't think so. I get a fair amount of negative reactions from people just going about my day to day over the course of the year. I start gaining ground and just a little bit of confidence and then someone will completely destroy that and tear me down. It isn't all the time but enough to keep sending me back to square one. Idk people just see I'm an easy target.

[Toast]

ok, why do you let it bother you? Do u really need validation from anybody? Are peoples opinions of you really that important? The only person who matters is yourself. Tell them to fuck off and suck a dick. Who are they to judge you. If its your friends then they're toxic and you should consider getting new friends.

I'm also just some random person on the internet. What I say doesn't matter either. You do you, and don't let anybody tell you how to live your life.

Not trying to be mean, just my view on what you said.

[Mav]

ehh I've been bullied my whole life, even now at 30. People's opinions definitely matter, especially when it's a large number of people saying the same things. Yeah I agree, I had a few toxic friends I cut out years ago. But still haven't been able to replace them. But no friends is much better than toxic ones.