On the path to a better self

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
Post Reply
User avatar
ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:11 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Thu Jan 06, 2022 7:16 pm
Need to eat consistently roughly 3300 cal. Which seems a bit daunting...
Weirdly I never trusted the caloric maintenance that your body need from a website... they all gave me 2200 kcal, for "maintenance" but I feel more close to 1800kcal tbh. So make your own experiments
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
User avatar
pancakemouse
Posts: 1768 | Thanks: 1052
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 33

Fri Jan 07, 2022 4:27 am

SpongeBob wrote:
Thu Jan 06, 2022 7:16 pm
So I got COVID after the new year party, so this kind of sucks. I'm torn between saying fuck it, and still going on do some shopping this week end as planned, or obeying diligently and staying home. It was literally like a flu for me. Got sick 2 days and that's it. All this nonsense for this drives me insane, but I'm wondering what if I contaminate someone weaker than me. That'd sucks.
If you've already been infected for 5 days you're likely fine. Especially if you can track down an N95 mask.
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:10 pm

ovnidos wrote:
Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:11 pm
Weirdly I never trusted the caloric maintenance that your body need from a website... they all gave me 2200 kcal, for "maintenance" but I feel more close to 1800kcal tbh. So make your own experiments
I'm 1m94, so I'm not really surprised by the number. I'll follow this for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

-----------------------

Decided against going out during week end. I felt a bit sick and low on energy Saturday, and Sunday every shops are closed here in France (even God rested on that day, no way you'll make french people work too haha)

I feel much better now and have started training again. Can't access the gym so street workout it'll be. I found a tree near my home where I can hang my gymnastic rings so that's good. But it's crazy how a week off made my performances drop. I was a bit frustrated by this but heh, it's ok, I'll keep pushing. Even though it's getting freezing cold outside, I'll keep going.

And this week I'll prepare the shooting for next week, I've been hunting the pieces that I want to add to my wardrobe yesterday and today after work. Didn't buy anything but I know what I want. Just looking for the perfect pieces.

I can't focus at work because I'm obsessed with my dating goals. I just want to go out, buy my clothes, set up the photoshoot and do everything in order to get more women in my life as soon as possible. This has always been the big hole in my life, and I just want to make progress on that side. Even though I kind of feel like I'm "loosing time" with my job, this is acceptable for now as it allows me to focus on fitness and dating without stressing too much financially nor professionally. I'll tackle that at the end of this year. Already have a plan for the future regarding this.

Kind of struggling to finish this post. Want to share more about some reflection that I had the last couple of days about what do I give to the people around me. As mentioned, I have some deep self loathing and I struggle to see myself as worthy of love. So if I have to answer, what is attractive about me, I'll answer not much. And the thing is that I don't feel I can just decide to love myself out of nowhere. Like I need to get validated by enough women in order to be like "ok, I'm worth something". Typing it makes me realise that it's kind of fucked up and very unhealthy. And it'll definitively make me needy toward women, which will make me unattractive and thus the cycle will repeat. I feel optimistic though, I'm grateful that I unearthed this truth about myself that I avoided for many years, so that I can finally work on it on a deeper level.

I'll find what makes me awesome and share that part to the world. I'll be a positive light for the people around me. Don't know how I'll do it, but I'll make it. My 30s are going to be nothing like my 20s.
User avatar
ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:15 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:10 pm
Like I need to get validated by enough women in order to be like "ok, I'm worth something".
Yeah same feeling here, not healthy I guess too. But I think we need to figure out dating life first then we could be focusing on other things
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
User avatar
MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:25 pm

Shit dont I know it. You can find many pages in my log when I thought I was ugly / non-deserving / a shitbag. I was like that for a while dude! You can see tonnes of me going through that at the start and it fricken sucked. I know this struggle very, very well. For 29 years no girl was ever, ever interested in me. Not once. So the feeling of not feeling like I was deserving of love was something that burned into my very being.

That isn't how I feel today, and nor will it be your future.

You will hustle hard this year. You will grind with increasing confidence and determination. With the wins, you will really heal man. It definitely just seeps away with time. You earn your own self respect. It's not about women. Through self improvement you become proud of the man you see in the mirror. You will also get there, it seems like you are starting to change, the obsession is KEY. HUNGER in this game pays true dividends.

Warrior mentality is necessary at the start and then when you get the momentum you realise you have potential.

When I get my first lay Andy has invited me onto the podcast, and I will talk about my experience with thinking I was an insignificant person. The invisibility, the feeling of being an outsider. That shit hurt me bad, and the memories are terrifying to recall.

It still hurts inside when I see guys struggle with this, knowing I was there. Shit, I was an extreme case dude. Group support was valuable for my self worth also. It helped me a lot to have other men encourage me when I truly was without any form of hope that I could make my life better. With consistency, with discipline, with brutal, blood thirsty work ethic, you demonstrate your true character. When other men start to push you, it is them saying "I see value in you. You are not nothing to me. You can be something".

I see that value in you.

KEEP HAMMERING KING

THIS YEAR WE WILL CHANGE

COME HELL OR HIGH WATER

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
User avatar
HomelessBob
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 15
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2021 6:19 pm
Goal: Build a business
Age: 32
Motto: Set goals, study up, perfect systems

Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:08 pm

Just read that part about the feeling like you're "worth something". I don't know if this helps man but personally I found having a mission in life basically saved my life.

When I was in my teens I was pretty depressed. Like real depressed. No reason for it, sometimes genetics gives you a crap hand when it comes to mental health.

I remember actually planning out a suicide attempt. I had everything ready to go, but at the last moment guilt hit. The only reason I didn't go through with it was my folks had already sacrificied alot to give me and my brother a decent life and to waste that felt ungrateful.

So I figured I was done with my life. But maybe someone else could find a use for it.

I decided right then I'd just hand off my life to helping other people feel better (I picked medicine). It sidestepped how I felt about myself because none of that mattered anymore, all that mattered was the mission. To help people out.

Later got a tattoo as kind of a contract to myself and the world.

Later as time went on, I naturally started working on myself. It's only logical, if you want to be great at what you do you need to be in great condition yourself. Great shape, great attitude etc.

One day I woke up and realised, I actually loved where I was in life.

I'm not saying you gotta go about it in the messed up way I did, but hey! Just saying, Having a real mission and goal in life is super powerful. It really amplifies your dopamine hit with every little step of progress because you know you have a solid direction. You're never short of goals and it can help fill that "void" feeling and feeling of worthlessness or purposelessness.

Just one guy's experience!
Goals:

1. Start 1-2 online businesses and go part time with my main gig

2. Get to being decent again at OLD

3. Get to being *chefs kiss* at tinder (with a 'lil coaching)
User avatar
Zug
Posts: 661 | Thanks: 354
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 5:43 pm
Goal: Find a wife
Age: 41
Motto: Strength before weakness

Wed Jan 12, 2022 12:15 am

That's an extreme example, but I agree that when you believe what you do has meaning it can trump any amount of hardship or pain.

I also agree you really cannot just decide to love yourself unconditionally. It is a stupid meme devoid of truth. You can absolutely, definitely decide to stop treating yourself like a piece of shit though. It is virtually impossible to move forward until you can do that. Forgive yourself for mistakes and being naive. If you could forgive someone else for doing the same thing, then you can forgive yourself for it.

I also also agree that the desire for external validation is a real thing and normal. Just keep in mind no amount of external validation will ever make you proud of yourself, your actions, or the amount of effort you are putting in. Only you can do that. I can't find the clip or quote, but Mark Bell said something like "You're friend can hook you up with a job, you're buddy can set you up with his sister, but only you can increase your bench press".
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Wed Jan 12, 2022 4:03 pm

Thank you all for your input. It's really nice to be around caring people.
ovnidos wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:15 pm
Yeah same feeling here, not healthy I guess too. But I think we need to figure out dating life first then we could be focusing on other things
Yes, this is focus n°1 this year.
MakingAComeback wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:25 pm
You earn your own self respect. It's not about women. Through self improvement you become proud of the man you see in the mirror
It is indeed not about women anymore. It's about healing, it's about being a better human. I kind of believe that this article speaks the truth: https://killyourinnerloser.com/getting- ... etter-man/. It's hard to be really giving and kind when you have resentment and bitterness in your heart. For a long time I've been afraid (more like ashamed) to admit that I felt those. But now I'm ready to look at this dark part of myself and to work to get to a better place. For myself and the people around me.
MakingAComeback wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:25 pm
When I get my first lay Andy has invited me onto the podcast,
Seeing how you're grinding now, I have no doubt that it'll come pretty soon
HomelessBob wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:08 pm
Just read that part about the feeling like you're "worth something". I don't know if this helps man but personally I found having a mission in life basically saved my life.
Yes I'm still trying to figure that out. I've explored many path, but none really sticked. And the thing is whatever I do, the fact that I know that actually, I'm not able to get laid if I want to, is literally taking all my mental bandwith. It kind of alway has been, but I kind of ignored it. Now I can't otherwise I'll be in the same state in 10 years. That's why I'll take this year (and maybe the next one or 2, depending on how things go) to fix that shit. I know I won't be able to be a good partner if I don't.
Zug wrote:
Wed Jan 12, 2022 12:15 am
You can absolutely, definitely decide to stop treating yourself like a piece of shit though. It is virtually impossible to move forward until you can do that. Forgive yourself for mistakes and being naive. If you could forgive someone else for doing the same thing, then you can forgive yourself for it.
This is something that I must work on indeed. I'm still beating myself up for mistakes in the past. I feel anger and frustration and I have trouble to let it go (read the recommended book by Andy, but still struggle deeply with it). I know I'll be at peace with myself (my definition of loving myself), when I'll be ok with my past and present failures. It's going to take time, but it'll sink in.
Zug wrote:
Wed Jan 12, 2022 12:15 am
I also also agree that the desire for external validation is a real thing and normal. Just keep in mind no amount of external validation will ever make you proud of yourself, your actions, or the amount of effort you are putting in.
Indeed, in the end, the validation must come from within. I just don't really know how to give it to myself, without it feeling empty for now. It feels like a homeless person trying to convince himself that he's rich.

Once again, thank you everyone for taking the time to read and to comment.

-------------------

Worked out this morning, it was quite hard and I pushed myself past my limits, it felt good. Training under 0° is a bit tough, I do miss the gym, but I'll suck it in and keep going.

Contacted the photographer regarding the shooting, it'll happen next week. Until then I keep focusing on upgrading the wardrobe.

Just need to take one baby step every day.
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Sat Jan 15, 2022 5:22 pm

I'm exhausted but very happy about my day. Today was all about shopping. There was an amazing weather here in Paris. Was really the perfect day to go out for this.

I got almost every pieces that I planned to buy:

- White sneakers
- Leather jacket
- Beanies
- Got some turtleneck sweater
- Camel Bomber jacket
- Brown boots

I had this weird moment when I bought my leather jacket. I'm not a vegan nor have anything against people buying clothes made from animals but I know that my ex is quite sensitive to the animal cause. And when I was buying the jacket, I had this intense guilt and I was thinking stuff like "what if she sees me with this and judge me negatively?". I had to get a grip of myself and remind myself that her opinion of me is not important anymore and that I shouldn't care of anybody's opinion that much anyway. I still have some work to so mentally to really detach myself from her. It feels so weird.

I already know what I'm going to wear for the photoshoot. He asked me 3 different outfits and I'll get him to a picture of me using the gymnastic rings. It'll be my "hobby picture".

My diet is taking a hit since I arrived in Paris. I don't track the quantities and yesterday I went to eat KFC (first time in at least 2 years) which fucked up my stomach because I have a very sensitive one. I know I eat less than I should so I'm a bit worried about loosing some of the hard gained weight I'll have access to the gym once again which I'm pretty stoked about. I'll weigh myself on Monday and have to admit that I'm a bit afraid of what's going to show. Hope I will not be below the 80kg mark.

I went out yesterday to an afterwork with a friend. There wasn't any attractive woman. Was good socialising anyway. We tried to go to a place where we could dance even with the restrictions, but it was full so in the end we just chilled at some cafe.

This week was entirely focused on the style. And I'm pretty happy with the result.
User avatar
MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Sat Jan 15, 2022 5:30 pm

YES!!!!!

Well done bro on your action here you did well!!!

KEEP GRINDING KING

LETS SEE YOU SUCCESSFUL

You get that profile maxxed out, you get those dates, you get better and better with women and for the love of god keep worshipping at the alter of the barbell and I swear one day we will be at the winners table together, victorious

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Mon Jan 17, 2022 6:56 pm

Got back to the gym this morning. I have mixed feelings about the overall workout as I made very small progress during the past weeks. I've been training regularly with my rings since the gym closed a month ago and basically I'm doing the same amount of rep with the same weight as my last gym workout, for each exercises. Except the squat, where I decided to drop my ego to lift lighter but to focus on full range of motion. Hated every part of it haha.

So basically it feels like I did no progress in overall strength the past month. Even though I worked hard on the ring, pushing myself. So it was a bit disappointing.

Need to take some time to stretch after working out, I feel some pain in my shoulder that keeps intensifying, I think I lack mobility and working out with ring was quite painful there.

On a more positive note, weighed myself and was happy to see that I gained weight, and I'm now at 82ish kg, which I'm pretty stoked about. As I said, diet wasn't on point the last couple of weeks, ever since came to Paris, so I'm surprised I gained weight. Don't know if it's because I'm in my 30s and my metabolism might have slowed down, but before I'd have definitively lost some weight. Anyway, still on the right track.

I feel way better when I look myself in the mirror and I really enjoy the process of seeing and feeling my body changing over time. Filling my clothes and seeing muscles feels weird.

Booked the shooting for Thursday afternoon. Might go tomorrow to buy one last pair of jeans.

Just need to take one baby step every day
User avatar
ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Mon Jan 17, 2022 11:08 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Mon Jan 17, 2022 6:56 pm
my rings since the gym closed a month ago and basically I'm doing the same amount of rep with the same weight as my last gym workout,
Here's the issue, don't worry. With ring dips for example, you can't isolate chest muscle, so much more is involved. So when you progress at ring dips, at the beginning you progress on the form, like not on chest strength. Hope I made myself clear.

For example, I usually bench with dumbbells, but when I came back to the classic bench press, I take me about 1 to 2 week, to "express" my true strength that i've acquired through dumbbell bench press.
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
User avatar
MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Tue Jan 18, 2022 7:56 am

Solid ass work my g, you are fucking working here. I am proud of you.

I know you will make it.

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:16 pm

MakingAComeback wrote:
Tue Jan 18, 2022 7:56 am
I am proud of you.
Thanks man, that means a lot :)

--------------------------

I think I fucked up my shoulder yesterday. Felt an intense pain when I tried to do the incline dumbbell press, and my workout was over from there. It still hurts when I stretch my shoulder backward. I'm have to check a doctor about it. Well, I guess that's what happens when you don't warm up properly and don't stretch at the end. I think I have naturally fragile shoulders, I always had pain there. Lesson learned anyway, will have to change my workout to accommodate to that situation. Will have to remove any push/ pull exercises, do isolation exercises for biceps and triceps and do more core and legs, till my shoulder is healed. Don't want to totally stop training, not now, I have such a good momentum. So I'll keep pushing however I can in that department.

Just came back from the shooting. Have mixed feeling about it, but I believe there are a couple of photos that are ok. That shit was fucking difficult, with the cold and I suck at relaxing for picture. We'll see what comes out of this. Have to admit that I felt cocky before going there, believing that I'll naturally kill it. Reality always slaps you in the face. I felt awkward at time, even wondering "I'm doing all this just to get the opportunity to talk to women, am I not trying to hard ?". I guess when I'll start having some results, those worries will be washed by pussy juice :lol:.

Taking one baby step every day.
User avatar
ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:59 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:16 pm
"I'm doing all this just to get the opportunity to talk to women, am I not trying to hard ?
Lets remove that from your head brooooo!!! you're already on a forum about this purpose : lets go ALL IN
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
Post Reply