On the path to a better self

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Fri Mar 11, 2022 8:28 am

Hey bro,

Love the post. Hear ya. Great points and totally on board. As my mentor Jesse used to say, "there are many ways up the mountain". We are all unique and need a game plan that will be tailored to the individual.

Great that you've had further thoughts on OLD. And MAJOR that you are thinking about your mission more deeply.

Keep working.

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Mon Apr 04, 2022 7:25 am

It's been a while since I've posted any update.

Life is going well, sorta. Compared to where I was when I joined that forum, I'm in a much better spot:

- I'm dating more women than ever, slept with 3 women in 2 months (since february), which is more than I ever did.
- I'm having a rich life, meeting people (almost) every week, doing activities that I like, dating, building a social circle...
- I work in a field that I like, sometimes it's a bit boring, and I'm thinking of changing company soon, but overall can't complain

Yet, I don't really feel good about myself and my life. Every day I'm wondering what the fuck am I doing. Where do I go ? Since last time, I keep thinking about what MAC's talked about regarding a drive and a mission and I really can't sort out mine.

The reality is that I feel like I live in fear. I want to change job, but I'm afraid of doing so because I wonder if it's a good choice, if I'm not strike by the "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. I want to be more socially free, but I'm afraid of really make myself vulnerable and to be more daring (during meetup, I feel like I tend to play it safe). Dating wise, I know I want to have a deep and meaningful relationship, but I'm afraid of commitment and intimacy (which are the reason I broke up with my ex). Speaking of my ex, still haven't moved on, which is kind of putting me into this mental prison and I don't know what to do with it.

And I feel stupid and pathetic to let myself being led on by fear. I feel stupid and pathetic to still be hung out on my ex, after more than a year of separation. I know I'm amongst the lucky one, with the friends and family that I have, the fact that I'm quite well educated, deemed attractive enough by some women, don't have any major handicap but still, I can't feel fulfilled, I can't feel proud, I can't feel good about myself. And I know that in the end, everything comes from within, no amount of external success can help.

When I get a new success in dating, when I get a new girl, the high is brief. I feel good for a couple of days then I'm back to the usual mental pattern. I'm not depressed or anything, it just feels like an every day struggle to earnestly enjoy life.

Right now I had to stop exercising because of my shoulder injury that doesn't heal, even running and making the motion is painful. So I decided to just take a break, because even when I do only leg days, I still have to lift the weights and to put some strains on my shoulder, which in the end doesn't help the recovery.

On the dating front:

I think last time I mentioned that I was seeing a french girl from my past. This ended last week because she wants to try a relationship with another guy. Wished her the best and hope it'll work out for her. She's a nice girl, not GF material for me and I felt that she was dipping her feet to check if she could get a relationship out of me, which made me anxious and distant.

I started seeing another girl anyway since it happened, a nice cute Russian girl. Not the most attractive, but so nice and easy going and she has a nice ass. For now I think she has a great personality.

Tonight I have a date with another Russian girl which, coincidentally, has the same name than the one I'm currently seeing. If she doesn't flake, it'll be the hottest girl I date from OLD. She also seems very active. Have to admit that I'm a bit intimidated especially because I'm not in the best state mentally speaking but heh, will try my best nonetheless.

Other than that, a few leads here and there. Didn't renew my tinder gold account as I want to try to push me to go out on the frontline, either through meetups or CA.

Other stuffs:

- Started seeing a therapist

- I'm going to do a 10 days silent meditation retreat starting next week. I'm not looking forward to it at all because I'm totally out of practice (trying to meditate every day for 5min now, and even this feels too much) and I'm looking at 10h/day of meditation, being alone with my thoughts and emotions, some of which, I'm actively distracting myself from. So I kind of foreshadow 10 days of hardship, but I also know that's what I need. so I'll just shut up and meditate and take everything that come my way.

Was a bit of a rant. Self improvement doesn't happen in a linear curve, that's for sure.

I'll keep on working on myself, baby steps is the way forward.
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MakingAComeback
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Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:12 pm

Im gonna do a vipassana retreat this year too broski

How are ya?

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Sat Apr 30, 2022 7:42 am

MakingAComeback wrote:
Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:12 pm
Im gonna do a vipassana retreat this year too broski

How are ya?

MAC
Yeah man I really recommend, this is a really unique experience that allowed me to unlock some emotional blocks. You'll love it for sure.

Life is good man. Lost a couple of leads because of the retreat (like the hot russian girl I talked about in my previous post) but it's ok, was worth it. Gave me a new purpose in life on top of all the benefits.

Dating wise, I'm still seeing the russian girl, getting some matches there and there and some dates. Nothing fancy, but better than nothing especially since I don't boost anymore and don't even have premium accounts. Might get back on it in May, but I want to shake things up. I'll explain this in another post soon.

Thanks for checking on me anyway
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SpongeBob
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Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
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Wed May 11, 2022 7:44 am

The past couple of weeks, I've made a realisation that is just painful to admit: I'm a coward. Most of my life has been lived in fear: fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of being vulnerable, fear of not being good enough, fear of embarrassing myself and so on... Now, fear is normal, fear can be healthy even, the issue is when you let fear regulate your life.

- I remember in high school, girls were attracted to me. One even came to ask me out directly, I rejected her, out of fear, and I got into a serious one itis on her the next year.

- There was also this girl that were into me, during some summer holidays, for 2 years straight. Gave me mad signals, very pretty girl, I never did anything, again out of fear.

- I've known the pick up community and the street pick up since I'm 22-23. I've always dreamed to be able to talk to any woman, anywhere, anytime. I've never did, even though I tried many times, sometimes I could muster the courage to do a few approaches, only to give up a couple of days later, out of fear

- I kept my guard up with my ex, because deep down, I didn't feel good enough. She was stunning, intelligent, confident, and I was scared, which translated into toxic behaviour, and at the end, I called it quit. I ran away, out of fear

- I tried to build my online business, a dropshipping store where at the beginning, I was supposed to call companies to figure out if I could sell their products. I couldn't do it, out of fear. So I resorted to some shady tactics, trying to sell Chinese products from Aliexpress, because it was less scary. I was supposed to contact people to present them my products so that they could talk about them. I never did, out of fear. Then I called it quit, telling myself that I was not made for this. I ran away.

- I'm now afraid to change job, because I'm afraid to be rejected when I'll apply. I'm scared to take the risk to lose the comfort that I have, to change into a bad company.

Can't count all the time where I was at some event, girls giving me the green lights, and me, not acting up, out of fear.

Even not posting regularly on this forum is done out of fear. If I do it, I'll be held accountable over my failures, and I wouldn't have any choice than to face my fear. And of course, it scares me.

But one thing that was bad in the past, is that I mastered the art of deceiving myself:

- When I rejected that 1st girl, it was because "I was not sure that she was not joking". Never calling me out on my own bullshit, never going back to ask her if she was serious, because then I'd have to face that reality and do something about it

- Whenever I'd stop trying to be good at approaching, to overcome my fear of rejection, I'd always find an excuse: "I don't really want it actually", "approaching women on the street is too much effort for not enough reward", "I don't have time now"... When in the end, even now, I'd love to be able to go out and just talk to girls, instead of doing online dating.

- When I acted in a toxic way toward my ex, it was because of me not loving her anyway, or her being too this or that, and I was agressive, to hide the truth.

- I remember when we lived with my ex and some roommates, there was a hygiene issue with one of them. My ex asked me to talk to the guy, and I never did, out of fear. In the end, someone else did it. But fuck, how can I be a reliable partner if I can't have difficult conversations ?

Now is time to call myself out for my bullshit. To call a cat a cat and a coward... a coward. And it's time to change. I can't live my 30s like I did my 20s. I can't keep living out of fear. All my dreams are outside my comfort zone.

Yesterday, I went back to the front line, before my dance class. I saw 1 girl with a style that I love, I wanted to go give her a compliment on that, but I didn't managed to. I saw another girl that I wanted to approach, or just call cute and then bail, but I didn't dare.

There's amazing weather at the moment, it's be the perfect time to daygame, or at least, face one of my biggest fear.

I plan to go out in the street more to try to approach, go to social events as usual and try to push myself out of my comfort zone, to allow myself to feel fear, to not run from it. It's time to learn how to be brave, how to be a man.

I may delete all the dating apps, they got me a couple of lay, some dates and my current plate, but they're not helping me developing myself in the direction I want.

I'll post more regularly here, even if it scares me, even if it's just to share how much I've failed.

I'm now scared to push click on the submit button, but I'll do it anyway
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ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Wed May 11, 2022 12:13 pm

Hey man,

You did deliver a powerful message. A deep introspection of yourself that's really great !

I really feel that's this forum at the end is more about mental health through the fact of gettin' laid than gettin' laid by itself.

I'll say a sentence that I repeat over and over in my head : "With greater risk, come greater reward"
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
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AtlantisGuy
Posts: 123 | Thanks: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2021 7:47 am
Goal: Get laid
Age: 29
Motto: Partido a partido (step by step)
Location: Spain

Wed May 11, 2022 1:06 pm

Hey, very deep man, I have felt identified with it, I also think my self as a coward and I have A LOT of experiences like the ones you mention, even the ones that mention this forum and the fear of posting without having achieved your goals. That's scary. But I am completely sure that you have also shown bravery in other situations. I consider my self a complete coward, but paradoxically it has driven me to make brave things. The most obvious example is cold approach, I even had a girlfriend who I met approaching her in the street, and that is something that scares the shit out of people that gets laid a lot and I consider way more brave than me. But that is only an example, I have done a looooot things that other people I considere more brave than me is incapable to do. I always have considered me shy and I realize that I do things that people who don't consider themselves shy wouldn't do.

If you are here in this fourm is because, at least in this thing in particular, you are very brave.
"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you have to do it every day, that's the hard part. But it does get easier."

PROGRESS LOG: https://www.killyourinnerloser.com/foru ... =40&t=1034
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Thu May 12, 2022 6:31 am

Thanks guys for the support.
AtlantisGuy wrote:
Wed May 11, 2022 1:06 pm
But that is only an example, I have done a looooot things that other people I considere more brave than me is incapable to do
I get what you mean and I also did some things where people looked at me while being impressed. But I can't call myself brave for it. Why ? Because those things didn't scare me. And since I didn't get to deal with any kind of anxiety or fear about those, I didn't really need courage. Don't know if that make sense. I might be hard on myself but that's how I see it.

-------

Wanted to go to the front line Yesterday, in the end I procrastinated and didn't go out of the house. I distracted myself and found excuses (shitty weather). Don't feel good about it.

Tonight I see Russian girl, and I've been postponing having an honest talk about our expectations about our relationship. I know we're not a good match long term, but I still want to see her regularly because we have nice chemistry. I'm afraid to have this conversation, but I want to act according to my values.

Tomorrow I should have a date with a girl from Bumble.

Saturday I have a BBQ meetup with lots of people, and I know a girl that I find attractive will be there. My objective of this meetup is to be flirty with her.

Sunday, I'll go back to the front line.

Monday I might have another date with a girl from Bumble, but this one seems flakey AF, not holding my breath for her. If that bails, I'll go to the front line again.

On my way to work this morning, wanted to start a conversation with a lady with a dog, I pussied out. I'll get better, I swear. Even if it takes me 5 years just to get decent.
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
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Age: 30

Sun May 15, 2022 8:42 am

Friday's date was not too great. The girl was not that pretty and it was quite boring. 1st 22 year old that I date though, that may be why I couldn't really relate to her. Conversation was quite platonic, hit her with the "I didn't feel the connexion" text the next morning. She replied that she felt the same. Wished her well and deleted her contact. -> Positive point, usually after the dates where I don't feel like continuing, I tend to just ghost and don't send anything. This time I decided to just send the text, as I want to be an honest man, and just disappearing doesn't cut it as such.

Yesterday, went to the BBQ, had some good time, but I pussied out. There were a couple of girls that I wanted to talk to, I never did, I stayed in my fucking comfort zone, once again, being friendly with people. I believe my vibe stink "nice guy" all around me. And to be honest, I'm starting to despise myself because of that. I don't know what to do, how to change my core to be more flirty, more fun. I came home and was angry and frustrated. I'm sick of feeling that way. I'd like for once, be proud of facing my fear. But I'm a fucking coward

I also fucked up the talk with Russian girl. I was supposed to let her know that I wasn't seeing anything serious happening between us, but that I'd love to still see her. Instead I have said that I was open with a relationship with the right person, which can let her imply that I'm open to a relationship with her... I have mixed feeling about her to be honest. On one side we have a great chemistry and I really like being with her, on the other side, I see stuff that, in the long run, will not cut it. So fuck me, like the coward that I am, I can't make a fucking decision.

I feel fucking angry at myself now, wondering how the fuck can I improve in the direction I want to ? I feel fucking worthless right now.

I deleted most of the apps from my phone, the only one I'm keeping is bumble, at the moment. Had some spotlights that I used, and bought the premium just for a week in order to go through the likes that I had. From this, I have a date with a 22 year old Ukrainian girl on Wednesday. She looks pretty cute, and this time, I plan to not have any regrets, will work on my intention, my vibe, I will be physical. Logistic is really crap, she's from another city and even when the girl is from Amsterdam I have a bad logistic as I have no bar around. So the plan is to have a 2 date lays, will set the tone on the 1st date, and invite her home for the 2nd one.

Today, going to the front line, the weather is amazing, will stay 2h, facing my demons, my fears and trying to push myself to do some approaches.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have a date with a Philippina, but I'm 100% sure she'll flake. She didn't actually reply to the date arrangement. And I forgot to follow up. Will probably do later on. As I said, if she doesn't follow through, I'm going out anyway

Also I'm going to sign up for improv classes. I want to improve my communication skills, my ability to improvise and be more fun in general. It's scaring the fuck out of me, and that's why I do it. I know I'll like it and have fun (I already did some theater long time ago), but fuck I hate that feeling of not being good enough, so always having to do shit like that. I'm going out of my comfort zone with this one, the goal is to kill the coward within me.
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
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Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Sun May 15, 2022 3:45 pm

Came back from the front line, stayed 2h, 0 approaches.

The entire time, some questions resonated in my head: Why the fuck am I putting myself through that ? Why the fuck am I obsessed with cold approaching women on the street ? Why can't I let that go ?

I've known the world of SPU (Street Pick Up) since I was around 22-23. I was never really shy, but never really outgoing as well. As with most things, I was average, I could make friends, talk to strangers, had ups and down. But I was always shy with women, romantically. I could be friends with them, but never really more, because I was afraid, despite having a lot of occasions. Then I discovered the PUA world and SPU was always the ultimate challenge for me. I wanted it really bad, but it's also the most terrifying field for me. I tried many, many, many times to break through. I always quitted just to go back to the front line a couple of months, sometimes years later. The idea of being able to engage with anybody, anywhere is so appealing to me. But I feel like it's something that I can't do. I really want to, but I can't.

Why couldn't I have been satisfied with my ex, which had so many qualities that I'm looking for in a women ? Why did I have to break up with her ? I can't let go of that regret. This keeps haunting me, and I don't know how to let it go once and for all.

I felt like a fucking moron walking around, trying to find some women to approach (doesn't help that there wasn't that many... I don't know where to go for high volume of opportunities, the center of Amsterdam is just full of groups of tourists, couples and families).

I think one of the thing that appeal so much to me in SPU is that it takes big fucking balls. It's manly AF, and I have the desire to be a charming individual, someone that stays in the memories of the people that meet him. There might be some egotistical stuff there. But shit, I want to radiate positivity, and give people a good time. I want to be a giver of good vibe, I feel so fucking far from it now.

I'm fucking angry, frustrated by that weekend.

I'm giving myself 4 1/5 months, to make myself able to cold approach. That means go out at least 3x/weeks to cold approach. I'll take advantage of the summer time, people are staying our later so I can easily go out after work and find people. If by the end of the 4 1/5 months I'm still not able to cold approach somewhat regularly, even with some AA, then I'll let that go forever, and focus on something else, meeting women differently.

Really feel down right now. Fuck all of this.
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PinchePendejo
Posts: 209 | Thanks: 74
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2021 3:01 am
Name: Bryan
Goal: Be better
Age: 32
Motto: Be consistent
Location: Los Angeles

Sun May 15, 2022 5:33 pm

You got this bro. If you ever need to vent or just wanna chat you can always reach out. I’ll send you my number via DM.
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jeff550
Posts: 129 | Thanks: 14
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2022 1:50 am
Name: Andrew
Goal: Stop being lazy
Age: 27
Location: DC

Mon May 16, 2022 3:34 am

So much from your last two posts is incredibly relatable to me, the walking around feeling like a moron, being full of nice guy vibes, hating the feeling of not being good enough and not learning skills that you want to, but don't want to go through the process of sucking. I can think of so many things I've quit because I hated how bad I was at it in the beginning.

I know what it's like to get home and just think, why the fuck am I putting myself through this, and I think its important to have an answer to this or you will burn out. I want to fix my dating life because it's something I've wanted to get on track for just about as long as I can remember. Then I want to learn how to have fun going out along, and being more social, because I think the ability to have fun in any circumstance, and have fun doing whatever you want no matter who joins you is as close to a super power there is.

Find your why and let that get you through the bad days, that is at least what helps me keep going. Also learning to embrace the times I feel terrible, being able to think to yourself "this fucking hurts, but that's okay" has helped me get through the bad days.

You got this, just keep pushing and trying new things until something works, and if you put in the time and effort something will work.
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MakingAComeback
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Mon May 16, 2022 7:38 am

Amazing realisations brother.

I also had these realisations in Jan, they were so confronting.

For you, this will be great - work through all of this.

This is progress

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Mon May 16, 2022 6:37 pm

I'm always surprised that Andy has a podcast that hits home for every situation. This podcast was exactly something I needed to hear: https://theinnerwinnershow.com/be-hard- ... y-general/

I need to be wary of that. I need to become my best friend, and not my worst enemy. This'll definitively be a work in progress, but I will be kinder to myself, more positive. Because I want to bring positivity and good vibe to people, but if I keep putting myself down, how can I be a pillar for everyone else ? How can I expect to be loving toward other people if I don't love myself. And that was one of my goal at the beginning of the year, work on my self love. Guess I wasn't going on the right direction. I have to make the shift, I'm going to work on being more compassionate to myself, allowing me to suck big time. I should be proud to still have been out to the front line yesterday, that's already a win and a step on the right direction.

So why do I put myself through all of this ? The SPU, the improv classes, the meetups... Why do I want to be able to talk to anybody, anywhere, and give a good impression ? Because I genuinely love people. Underneath my fears, there's a deep desire to reach out and connect more, to bring more positivity to other people. I also, of course, love women and being around them. I want to develop the courage to be a giver, that's what I aim for. Give good experiences to people, become a solid man for my partner, to give her the masculinity she deserve so that she can express her femininity to me. Cold approach is, for me, not just about getting laid, it also represent freedom, it represents the ability to connect with strangers, to tap into the chaos of the universe to create something beautiful, some magical moments, where you and the girl just enjoy whatever happens. Don't know if it sounds cheesy, but that's kind of how I'd put it into words.

-----------------------

Went to the gym this morning. It felt really good after approx 2 months break. I tried this HIT training, one set to failure. And I have to say, I like it

Girl from tonight flaked, which was expected. Went to the center to try to cold approach.

Like a dumbass I ended on the Instagram of my ex. Saw some new pictures with her new BF. That shit stung as always. Was feeling bad but at the same time took the decision to not let myself drown from it. It lit a fire in me. I went to the center really motivated and I actually managed to get 1 in the bag. Said a girl that she was looking good in her dress and bailed. 1 in 1h. Better than nothing, tomorrow, we go again before my dance class.

Wednesday should have a date with the Ukrainian girl.

I feel like I don't know what I'm fucking doing, if I'm really going on the right direction, but we're pushing anyway.
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Striker
Posts: 286 | Thanks: 29
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Age: 25

Mon May 16, 2022 9:02 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Wed May 11, 2022 7:44 am
The past couple of weeks, I've made a realisation that is just painful to admit: I'm a coward. Most of my life has been lived in fear: fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of being vulnerable, fear of not being good enough, fear of embarrassing myself and so on... Now, fear is normal, fear can be healthy even, the issue is when you let fear regulate your life.
Bit late but wow I related to this post so much and empathise with a lot of what you are saying. Excited to follow this log closely. I relate to the not posting failures on here thing because I'm the exact same, my log is a sporadic mess.

Yet I can say honestly from reading other peoples logs whenever they've failed or had a shit few days etc I respect them more for posting even when they sucked than ghosting. Reading the ups and the downs of the journey can be motivating to people who are also not perfect.

Keep up your posts, you have some relatable insights.
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