On the path to a better self

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Tue Jan 25, 2022 10:31 am

Keep working king.

This is your process. All of us as men are unique.

We go through shit at different times, in different capacities.

But we all believe in you.

You WILL be successful.

MAC
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ironwilltribe
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Tue Jan 25, 2022 4:00 pm

Thanks guys for the support as always

--------------------------------

I've been feeling like shit the past couple of days. Stumbled across a story of my ex with her new BF, and it hurts. I've finally decided to unfriend her from FB, which was the ultimate step that I couldn't take. Every time it brings a lot of emotions: doubts, anger, sadness, regrets and so on... And it makes me feel that I'm not evolving, because I'm still affected by this. Part of the reason is that I'm not fulfilled in my life now, so I feel like I'm stuck at the same place. I wonder if I'll ever move on from this relationship or if I'm doomed to regret it till the rest of my life. I feel it's fucking hard to move on.

That pain fucking sucks. I hate this feeling. Trying to be positive about it, telling myself that I'm lucky to feel those emotions, because that means that I've loved and been loved in the end. But shit the present sucks now. There's nothing else to do than keep moving with that heavy pain in my chest. Keep pushing, keep striving.

It makes me want to grind harder to get better with women and sort out this area of my life. To become a better man and more emotionally stable.

Right now I'm with my family in France's countryside. So it's kind of an off time. But since this morning it makes me anxious, as I feel that I need to keep grinding to get out of this pit as soon as possible...

On a positive note, I'm being religiously consistent with fitness, and I'm proud of this. Whatever happens, I still find a way to workout. Tomorrow will take my aunt's car to drive 20min to a nearby gym because it's the fucking countryside here.

Still waiting for the photos from the shooting. I'm full of doubts: what if I don't get any result from them ? What if I wasted time and energy and it doesn't pay off ? Or barely ? I think I have some big expectation out of this. Maybe too big, I need to be more grounded, because it's something that I tend to do. I think that doing X will give me big results, and when it gives me a bit of success, it's not enough. I expect that I'll get dozens of matches per week from my new profile. Should be more realistic and expect to improve maybe by 2-3 matches per week. Would still be better than 0.
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ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Tue Jan 25, 2022 6:39 pm

Hey bro, I'm really feeling deep what you've exposed here. It's almost if it was written by me...
SpongeBob wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 4:00 pm
Stumbled across a story of my ex with her new BF
Happened the same to me, IRL tho... Was really put down for about a week. Go absoluly no contact, and block her so you can't go to see her profile. She will vanish faster that way without constant stimulus.
SpongeBob wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 4:00 pm
It makes me want to grind harder to get better with women and sort out this area of my life. To become a better man and more emotionally stable.
That's the most healthy way to heal your pain. You've got 2 choices actually, grinding like you do already or transform into a limp watching show on netflix.
SpongeBob wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 4:00 pm
Still waiting for the photos from the shooting. I'm full of doubts: what if I don't get any result from them ? What if I wasted time and energy and it doesn't pay off ?


Bro I felt that so hard too... But the biggest risk you can take is doing NOTHING. If you do nothing : exactly nothing will change. You've got to put your ego at risk for this mission, that's the only way around.

But look on a positive note : Just changing 1 pics of my still shitty OLD account and I've got a lay ! Just changing one. And without paying tinder+ or booster (which i'm not against).
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Wed Jan 26, 2022 6:34 am

ovnidos wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 6:39 pm
Happened the same to me, IRL tho... Was really put down for about a week. Go absoluly no contact, and block her so you can't go to see her profile. She will vanish faster that way without constant stimulus.
Yeah after this, that's what I did. It sucked though, really liked her as a person as well. But it hurts me more to keep her around so I need to do what's good for me
ovnidos wrote:
Tue Jan 25, 2022 6:39 pm
That's the most healthy way to heal your pain. You've got 2 choices actually, grinding like you do already or transform into a limp watching show on netflix.
Yeah the second choice doesn't get you anywhere so it's not really an option. The only real option is to plow forward.

----------------------------------

Got my photos from the shooting back asking advice on this thread:

viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1155

None of them are great IMO, but it'll still be an improvement from my current profile

Was supposed to go to the gym this morning, but got sick, probably food poisoning from what I ate yesterday. Shit sucks, I could have use a good workout to vent out my feelings.
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BigBrach
Posts: 27 | Thanks: 12
Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:11 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 25

Wed Jan 26, 2022 8:23 pm

Well, are there any other goals you could work towards? Passive income? Setting up meets to, well, meet people and get new friends (Hit me up when you're back in the Netherlands)? Picking up a skill you've been meaning to, but haven't had the time for?

It's better to focus on what you can (currently) do instead of lamenting what you can't do. It also helps prevent your mind from wandering and getting in dark places, which, given the experiences above, doesn't sound too unlikely.

I'd give advice on the photographs, but I'm really not qualified for that.

Keep at it, buddy.
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Squilliam
Posts: 2064 | Thanks: 362
Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:57 am
Goal: Be happy
Age: 24
Motto: Pain is temporary. Greatness lasts forever

Wed Jan 26, 2022 11:46 pm

SpongeBob wrote:
Wed Jan 26, 2022 6:34 am
None of them are great IMO, but it'll still be an improvement from my current profile
The problem is that posing is a separate skill in itself. You seem to still be learning how to pose more naturally (and it's tricky, I'm still working on it). A professional photographer won't fix this issue.
check out my blog: https://squilzpursuit.wordpress.com/

- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~350/1000)
- Get laid from daygame
- Learn game and stop being a social autist
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Thu Jan 27, 2022 8:21 am

BigBrach wrote:
Wed Jan 26, 2022 8:23 pm
Well, are there any other goals you could work towards? Passive income? Setting up meets to, well, meet people and get new friends (Hit me up when you're back in the Netherlands)? Picking up a skill you've been meaning to, but haven't had the time for?

It's better to focus on what you can (currently) do instead of lamenting what you can't do. It also helps prevent your mind from wandering and getting in dark places, which, given the experiences above, doesn't sound too unlikely.
Yeah man you're totally right. I've been working on the editing of the photos at least. When I'm back to NL, I'll hit you guys up 100%. Especially since they're opening stuff again.
Squilliam wrote:
Wed Jan 26, 2022 11:46 pm
The problem is that posing is a separate skill in itself. You seem to still be learning how to pose more naturally (and it's tricky, I'm still working on it). A professional photographer won't fix this issue.
True, but @Adrizzle is right in the fact that if I was by myself taking picture, it would have been overwhelming to try to handle everything. At least with a photographer, you only have to focus on the posing skill.

--------------------------

Feeling like shit but still pushing. Woke up with a lot of negative thoughts, swirling. It makes me feel desperate for some female attention, which is never a good place to be at. Neediness is an attraction killer. And my mind is telling me that I should get a girlfriend now, but the thing is if I do this, it'll be from a place of desperation, and it's a shitty way to start a relationship, I need to sort myself first before thinking about entering a new relationship. In 2 weeks it'll be 1 year that I broke up with my ex. All the emotions and feelings are still so fresh...

I'm just full of doubt. Can I really become a more confident/secure man ? Those really are foreign concepts for me. Can I move on from my previous relationship for good ? Can I really meet another great woman ? Will I be able to get her and keep her if I do meet her ? Will I ever feel good enough ?

Reading Andy's article https://killyourinnerloser.com/doubt/ again and again to integrate that it's normal to feel this way. And I just need to keep pushing. Even if there's 0.001% chance that I'll achieve my goals, all I need to do is try.
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Thu Jan 27, 2022 5:59 pm

I've listened once again to Andy's transformation story and something sticked this time: when he mentioned that he had to battle his own negative thoughts, to feel and express gratitude over something. And it gave me an idea. One of my goal for 2022 was:
SpongeBob wrote:
Sun Jan 02, 2022 2:34 pm
Learn to love myself. To stop destroying myself for my failures, and learn to embrace my flaws.
The issue there is that there isn't any actionable action associated with it. How can I change my negative view of myself to a more positive one ? How can I become a happier and fixed my feeling of worthlessness. The solution I found out, after listening to the story, is that I'm going to embark on a 365 project where every day I'll write 5 things I'm grateful for, and 5 things that I'm proud that I did/that is positive about me. Also, once a week, I'll express my appreciation to someone that contributed in any way in my life. This will be done either by calling the person, sending a voice message or writing a message to that person. So I'll show some appreciation to 52 people. It'll be a bit challenging, because I'm not too used to be this vulnerable.

I'm going to slowly reprogram myself to have a more positive view about myself and internalise it, be more vulnerable to the people around me and simply be happier generally, without having to wait to fix my dating life. I want to give as much as I receive from women, so I need to be self sufficient and not solely base my value on their validation. Which is a recipe for disaster.

So there we go. We'll see if it helps me

Entry 1:

Gratitude

-I'm grateful for my parents that have always loved me and that always supported me whatever my life choice have been
-I'm grateful for having a good relationship with my siblings. We don't say it much, but we still love each other
-I'm grateful for this community and this website, which drives me to improve and become a better man every day
-I'm grateful for never having known misery, that I was always well off in terms of material need
-I'm grateful for the internet, because that shit is wild, without it, this community wouldn't exist and who knows what I'd have done with my issue

Self love

-I'm happy with my height. Being 1m94 (6ft4) has always been an advantage, even though I always lack muscles, I always had the height credit
-I'm happy about my bone structure. Having wide shoulder and thin waist always gave me an athletic look, and often I was told that I was impressive physically
-I often had compliment about my face, I've often been told that I'm handsome. So I'll choose to believe it.
-In high school, I had to perform in a dance show at the end of a year in (I believe) 10th/11th year. I was scared shitless, and thought about bailing right at the end. I had a central role in it so there was a lot of expectation on me. I had to drink alcohol to relax myself, but I still went through, and the show was a success. Kudos to my teenage self
-I've always been fairly independent, never been afraid to separate myself from my folks, even at a young age. I've taken my financial independence from my parents at the age of 21, when they were ready to support me longer, but I wanted to be my own man as early as possible.

------

The gratitude came naturally, the self appreciation was a bit harder to come after the 3rd point
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Fri Jan 28, 2022 6:11 pm

Entry #2:

Gratitude

- I'm grateful for my best friend that have been with me through thick and thin. Always there to support me when I'm down and share a good life. Love him to death
- I'm grateful for never having major health issues. I always had some stomach/digestion issue that really bothers me a lot, but I mean I never had cancer, broken bones or other very nasty stuff. Might change in the future you never know but so far so good. So thanks for that
- I'm grateful for being a man. Honestly, even though I think women have it easier for a lot of social/dating situations, I wouldn't want to change sex. The periods, being weaker than half the population, security issues doesn't appeal much to me. Would love to have their orgasms though
- I'm grateful for having lived half of my life in Cameroun. The intercultural environment that I grew up in helped to have a big view of the world early on
-I'm grateful for my company. It's not the most exciting environment, but they're all good people and very flexible and easy to approach when I need something.

Self appreciation

- I'm not one to complain.
- I'm supportive of other people success, even when I'm not successful, I don't have the "if I'm in the mud, you need to be there too" mentality even if I'm envious of the other person
- I'm easy-going
- I've always been quite social, even though I think I lack in deepening the link with other people, I've always been surrounded, in high school, I was mingling with different groups, whereas other people would stick to one group for many years. In university, I was talking to everyone in my class, when, again, people would usually stick to their group.
- I always strive to improve myself, no matter how difficult the task may be. I do fail a lot to improve myself in my opinion, but I always try, without giving up. I've always wanted to gain weight, failing for many years, and I finally broke through the 80kg threshold, and I'll keep going. I always had a hard time with women, mostly because I'm too afraid to make a move, but I manage to get a great girlfriend that is definitively a quality woman, both physically and mentally.

--------

Self appreciation always feels awkward but I think I really need this. This morning, while waking up, had thought about how I hated myself because I got on my phone 1st thing in the morning. Yeah not that I hated the behaviour, but that I was a shitty human being to do this. Managed to not give it too much thought and brushed it off. One day I'll have a deep and genuine appreciation for myself, and won't have this self loathing thoughts anymore.

Going back to Paris tomorrow and then back to Amsterdam Sunday, will launch all the dating apps with the curated and edited pictures thanks to everyone's input. Then we'll see the result. Having a few matches per week will be a great improvement from having nothing. I'm not expecting much more, but will keep improve things
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Sat Jan 29, 2022 8:33 pm

Entry 3:

Gratitude

- I'm grateful for being born in a 1st world country
- I'm grateful that I never got into a toxic relationship (one of the perks of not being successful with women I guess)
- I'm grateful for my relationship with my ex
- I'm grateful to have had a decent education
- I'm grateful to be born in that time. It's the best era to be born in, as a 1st World citizen.

Self appreciation

- I'm proud to be a good kizomba dancer
- I think that most lf the time, I have a decent self awareness. That I've polished through countless hours of meditation in the past. Sometimes it backfires though
- I'm proud to have a decent style (which definitively got an upgrade recently)
- From the review of some girls I fucked, I'm quite decent in bed
- I'm a good listener, often ready to help people deal with their issues

appreciation of others

- told my mom today how proud I was to be her son. Was very uncomfortable. Had a smooth speech in my mind, but I just blurted it awkwardly. Weird how expressing love and affection can be as harder than to reject someone
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Sun Jan 30, 2022 5:36 pm

Entry 4:

Gratitude

- I'm grateful that I got to know all my grand parents, they were all loving and kind people. Especially my mom's dad and my dad's mom.
- I'm grateful to be alive, we take that as granted but numerous people are dying every day for all kind of reasons
- When I mentioned the challenge of sending appreciation to 52 people in the next year, I knew that I knew that I count on that many people that I crossed path with, that I can send some appreciation to. I'm grateful to know to have that many people that I enjoyed meeting
- I'm grateful for the french passport, which makes it a lot easier to navigate this earth, compared to another passport like say, Cameroun
- I'm grateful for chicken. Because I fucking love eating them

Self appreciation

- I'm proud that I've been able to reinvent myself 2 years ago, professionally, by entering a new field during the hard time of Corona
- I'm proud of having done a road trip around eastern Europe
- I'm taking care of my body
- I'm have a nice and meaningful tattoo
- I'm always ready to help people, helping moms to carry strollers, old people carrying heavy stuff...


--------------

Back home, I activated all the dating apps with the new pictures. Got a couple of ugly likes for now and match of an attractive woman on tinder (first one ever actually). So let's see how things go from there.
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Mon Jan 31, 2022 5:52 pm

Entry 5:

Gratitude

- I'm grateful for music
- I'm grateful for Kizomba
- I'm grateful for being able to take hot shower in this winter season
- I'm grateful for having a gym 2min from my place
- I'm grateful for having nice roommates

Self appreciation

- When I felt lonely at the end of last year, I organised a small meetup and invited a guy to do rock climbing instead of wallowing in self pity
- A couple of years ago, I set a goal to be able to do muscle ups. I managed to do it decently
- I managed to get elected vice president of an organization back in the time. Ended up badly, but it's still an achievement
- A couple of years ago, I did another dancing show with a group of friends, the show was a success
- Always managed to keep a decent relationship with most of the women that I had a romantic situation with.

------------------------

Got a date planned for tomorrow. She's a bit of a plain Jane, but couldn't decide if I found her attractive enough or not from her pictures. So we'll see tomorrow. BUT, it's a fucking improvement compared to when I tried OLD in October/November where I got only 2 crushes from Happn that lead nowhere. Now in 1 day, I got a couple of matches and several likes across the different apps. And that's what I wanted, if I get 2-3 likes a day, it's still a massive improvement.

Baby step is the the way forward
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SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Tue Feb 01, 2022 9:59 pm

Entry 6:

Gratitude

- I'm grateful for being able to work from home
- I'm grateful for Public transportation
- I'm grateful for women
- I'm grateful for sushis
- I'm grateful for the mangakas working their ass off to give us quality mangas (like One piece)

self appreciation

- I have approached women in the street. Not with consistency, but I already faced that fear. I have to give myself credit for at least have tried, and several times
- I have managed to improve my onlide dating profile to go from no match at all to get one date
- I have tried to launch my own business in online marketing
- I have climbed the mount Cameroun when I was in high School. Failed one year, then persevered and managed to go to the top the 2nd time
- I have volunteered several times to organisation to help homeless and poor people

-------------

Just came back from my date. Happy because she's cute. We actually had a great time. No kiss or anything, but she seems quite down to meet again. Will see what happen, but I'm quite happy. I'm making real progress here.

Had 2 convos on bumble, when I started to pitch the idea of a real date, there were no more response. Ah well.

Just one baby step at a time
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ovnidos
Posts: 333 | Thanks: 258
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:57 pm
Name: Hugo
Goal: the pipeline
Age: 22
Motto: We're gonna make it brah
Location: France

Tue Feb 01, 2022 10:06 pm

Hey bro, get effort and consistency! You're on the right path!!

I'm going to address something. Why you don't have a moustache ? Like you shave it, perhaps trim it the same length as your other facial hair.
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2023 :
10 lays(0/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
User avatar
SpongeBob
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 216
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2021 7:53 pm
Goal: Build a fulfilling life
Age: 30

Wed Feb 02, 2022 8:40 am

ovnidos wrote:
Tue Feb 01, 2022 10:06 pm
I'm going to address something. Why you don't have a moustache ? Like you shave it, perhaps trim it the same length as your other facial hair.
It doesn't look that good, I'd keep it if it was connecting nicely with my beard, but it doesn't. Also makes it smoother for the kiss and pussy licking haha
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