Silver's Log - job interviews and fear.

[Sin Silver]

Okay, so I after work, I started writing a entry regarding a girl I met and slept with a a BDSM club, however, some real life drama caught up with me, so I haven't had time to write full thing out yet.

That being said I promised myself one update a week, so I'm going to post the rest of my update atleast.


House wise, I now have a mortgage in principle. I’ve booked three viewing for this weekend; I plan to spend the next month looking at future homes before I commit to buying anything. As tempting as it is to just buy the first one, I see, I know I need to really take my time and look around.

I have also started a continuous professional development program at work. I’m setting myself training targets and goals at work to achieve. I’m also setting what I call ‘habit builders’ Which I hope will allow me big changes to my regular day to day work practices and attitude. I want focus on climbing the ladder at work, this means being very aware of what skills and experiences I need to develop, as well as the mindset and outlook required to climb he ladder.

Keep your eyes on this spot for some juicy and spicey stories,

[Sin Silver]

I would bore you all with an update on my house search, or how hot it has been at the gym, but I have a juicy story for you all this week!

I attend a BDSM club about an hour’s drive from my house. I’ve been on the scene for a good five years now, and it’s been a great way to go out and meet new people in an intimate setting. I live in a very rural part of the UK, so going out and meeting new, young people at the weekend is a major challenge. My solution to this has been traveling to this club about an hour’s drive away. If I want a social life, then I must put the effort in.

I’m told it is one of the best in the UK, and it stands out as fantastic compared to everywhere I have been in the past. It’s an incredibly welcoming environment, and I have made a lot of friends there already.

I arrived at the club the Friday night, and go to stand in the que. I know that the moment I get in that que, the game is on, and without hesitation I say hello to the women in front of me “Hey, I’m Silver, nice to meet you”.

She’s tall, maybe an inch short of 6ft, slim build, long black dress with short brown hair. We get talking about ourselves, she tells me it’s her first time, and that she was in town for the weekend to look at house to rent. I tell not many people have the courage to come by themselves, and I was impressed by her bravery. I get good vibes from her, but I decided to split when I had the chance at sign in. I didn’t want to crowd her or seem too eager to early.

I spent an hour chatting with people I knew and introducing myself to new people to get in the mood and get my social juices going. I went and had an impact session two people I’d just met, I’d explain more about what that entails, but I want to focus on this girl today.

After about an hour, I head into one of the big play rooms. The event organiser was demonstrating this game they had invented. It was a dice BDSM game, role two dice, one dice has the punishment,(caning, flogging, spanking, etc), the second has the area(Booms, bum, thighs etc) and the last one was the number of strikes. Lots of Doms and Subs were taking it in turns to go up and play, and the crowd where counting and cheering along. I notice the girl I saw earlier sitting by her self off to one side. Her black dress was off, and she was wearing this one piece nightwear. I waited for a quite moment in the game and slipped in next to her and started making small talk, discussing the game at hand. I asked her if she want interested in playing and she was quite eager, so I suggested we join in together when we got the chance.

When our opportunity worse, we went to the front of the room and rolled the dice…. Breasts… Caning… 14… They’re was a little cheer from the crowd, and she seemed quite excited. I was nervous, I’ve never played with her before, and now we had to do some caning. I would have to watch her carefully, and communicate well to ensure she was safe and happy with this.

I was given one of the house canes to use. Quite short, so it’s be easy to use. She took off the top part of her lingeri, her breast was small but perky, with nice full nipples. I smiled at her as rubbed the cane across them, finding my distance, and imaging the swing in my head.

I smiled to myself and took the swing, sharp and quick to sting, but not bruise. She winced and gasp as I struck her, and the crowed counted ‘One!’ with the first strike. I mixed up the stirkes, aiming above or below the nipples, varying the strength and depths of the strikes until I could find her limit.

After we were done, I walked her by hand back to our corner of the room. Knowing she might need immediate aftercare, I immediately put my arm around her and pulled her in firmly. I asked her ‘Hey, are you okay with this’ and she said ‘yes, thanks for asking’. I spoke to her briefly about how she felt after the experience and before I knew it her lips are wrapped around mine, and were just making out in the room full of people(As you do at these kinds of events)

We played a few more rounds of the game, but once we were done, I took her of to one side. I spent a good two to three hours that night. I started off with massaging, before moving onto flogging and spanking. I mixed it up, escalated and deescalated. I gave her time to rest but always kept her wanting more. When it was time to peak, I pulled out the Doxy wand (A fantastic recommendation from Andy) and I made her cum six times in my arms. We didn’t have sex that night as she was on her period. We did have sex later, but that’s a story for another time.
I’m still have a lot to learn on the public BDSM scene. I have felt nervous in the past, when I have played in public, but this night was fanatic for me. I felt in control and knew what I was doing. I took my time, I wasn’t nervous, I really enjoyed it, and the process and experience felt natural.

I’m really looking forward to my next event at this Friday. I want to push and put more effort into these events. I feel they are really helping me grow as a person, helping me communicate with people, and be more empathetic.

[Spider Jerusalem]

@Sin Silver

Awesome story dude!

I live in a very rural part of the UK, so going out and meeting new, young people at the weekend is a major challenge. My solution to this has been traveling to this club about an hour’s drive away. If I want a social life, then I must put the effort in.

^
This 100%. Small town in the Midlands I come from and it is tough to meet folk my own age. I'm starting to realise I also need to put the effort in if I want the social life.

I got asked to a BDSM/Swingers club a couple of years ago, but didn't have the bollocks to go and I didn't think it would be my kind of thing.

Something I may consider now I'm a bit more experienced and open as I've grown up a little

Congrats on the lay and thanks for sharing

Spider

[Holden]

Sounds interesting. How much do you pay to get in as a single guy?

I'd think it's hard to find girls there when you're a single guy going alone, but who knows. I've never been.

[Sin Silver]

Sounds interesting. How much do you pay to get in as a single guy?

I'd think it's hard to find girls there when you're a single guy going alone, but who knows. I've never been.

This event cost me a £10, which is the price everyone pays. I know the price can go as high as £30 for a single guy on the swingers nights, but I am not a huge fan of those.

My advice is just go and talk to people there, don't go in pressuring yourself into thinking the nights a failure if you don't play(BDSM) or have sex. No one is keeping track, or going to think less of you if you try and fail either. There is usually a large social scene there, so theres plenty of people to talk to, even if you don't join in with the BDSM or Swingers.

[Sin Silver]

@Sin Silver

Awesome story dude!

I live in a very rural part of the UK, so going out and meeting new, young people at the weekend is a major challenge. My solution to this has been traveling to this club about an hour’s drive away. If I want a social life, then I must put the effort in.

^
This 100%. Small town in the Midlands I come from and it is tough to meet folk my own age. I'm starting to realise I also need to put the effort in if I want the social life.


Where abouts do you live? I use to live in Birmingham city centre, but that was a long time ago, well before I was on the scene.

It's worth going, even by yourself. Just go and talk to people. It will be scary, and a bit nerve wracking, but at the very least, you will be glad you tried.
I got asked to a BDSM/Swingers club a couple of years ago, but didn't have the bollocks to go and I didn't think it would be my kind of thing.

Something I may consider now I'm a bit more experienced and open as I've grown up a little

Congrats on the lay and thanks for sharing

Spider

[Holden]

@Sin Silver That's insane, if you're a single guy you're paying anywhere from 90 to 120 euros for a swinger club here. It only goes down to 20 or 30 if you come as a couple. How is it not overrun with guys at that price range?

[Sin Silver]

The gender balance is surprisingly even!

I believe it's because men stil have to find a women who wants to play with them you just can't go an expect easy sex unless you have already got the confidence.

I remeber one night they did have Czech Glory holes, which had alot of less attractive men queing, but that wasn't for me.

[Spider Jerusalem]

Where abouts do you live? I use to live in Birmingham city centre, but that was a long time ago, well before I was on the scene.

I'm from Birmingham originally, live close to Wolverhampton now in a small town

It's worth going, even by yourself. Just go and talk to people. It will be scary, and a bit nerve wracking, but at the very least, you will be glad you tried.

I might just if opportunity presents!

[Sin Silver]

It's been a long day today, so my entry won't be as detailed as normal.

I've booked to go to my first music festival in August. This will be the first one I have gone to and camped, so I'm both nervous and excited. It could be a lot of fun if I go in with the right mind set and organisation, but I also know it going to be really tiring and painful if I'm not well prepared and sensible

The reason I’m so tired today, is I’ve just been to a science conference, which required 6 hour son the road, and a full days work. I’ve been speaking to a lot of companies today, and it’s got me seriously thinking about my career, an area I have been complacent and nervous about the last couple of years. I am going to do some reflective writing on the subject, and aim to post that here next week.

[Sin Silver]

I'm on holiday this week, so I have been enjoying some well needed rest and relaxation.

I am making an effort to read a chapter of 'The slight Edge' every day. I could power through it, and I might do so in a re-read later, but for now, I feel I need to take it slowly, to ensure I take in everything.

I also feel it's time to make a big change in my lifestyle and career, so I have begun writing a review of my life. I've already written one thousand words, but I feel this one might require multiple sessions to write. I have also applied for a new job. Fingers crossed I get an interview.

I'm still going to the gym reguarly, but I'm clearly my progress has definitly stalled since I started this cut. My plan is to maintain this cut thought my festivals in August, and then go back on the bulk.

My diet have been a little shit these last two weeks, I've been snacking on junk food a lot. Last weeks excuse was I feeling incredibly run down with a cold and cold sores, and this week I'm using the indulgence of a holiday as my reason to pig out. I'll allow my self a little indulgence until the end of my holiday, but after that, it's straight back to business.

One thing that caught my eye when 'The slight edge' was how it emphesised the importance of reflection. I must confess, I am terrible at this. I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.

[Spider Jerusalem]

I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.

@Sin Silver

Have you thought about doing it as a 365 Project? I'm doing it for mine and I'm on Day 276. Amazed at how much I've learned about myself.

Congrats on the BDSM clubs too - hard to get into as a bloke I've heard

[Sin Silver]

I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.

@Sin Silver

Have you thought about doing it as a 365 Project? I'm doing it for mine and I'm on Day 276. Amazed at how much I've learned about myself.

Congrats on the BDSM clubs too - hard to get into as a bloke I've heard

I am actually doing a 365 project of 'new music'. I'm terrible for listening to the same musics again and again, so I'm aiming to listen something new every day for a year.

I did think about a more productive 365, but I struggled to think of somthing that I could do every day without fail that would also be meaningful.

[Sin Silver]

I’m on leave this week, so I have plenty of time to sit down and think about the direction I want to be going in my life.

The purpose of this writing is to help me set my goals for the future and to ensure that I am working towards is worth while. Not just happy with as a destination, but also happiness in the journey itself.

To do this, I’ll start with a review of where I am currently in life, followed by a discussion of where I want to be. I will be mapping this out to be critical in my process. I will look at my physical health, my mental health, my financial state, my career, my relationships, my lifestyle and my goals and aspirations. With these two mapped out and understood, I will be able to plan out my path between the two of them, ensuring that all the effort I put into improving my life is in the right direction.

Where I currently am.

Starting with a positive note with my physical health, I turned thirty four this year, and don’t think I have ever been in better physical shape. I’ve been hitting the gym three to four times a week for over a year now, and it’s really showing in both my physical appearance and energy levels. When I started working out, I wasn’t expecting the gym to become some an integral part of my life. I love going to the gym now. A few weeks ago, during a stressful meeting at work, I found myself thinking ‘I just want to get out of here and hit the gym’, a year earlier, I’d be wanted to go buy junk food or play computer games to manage stress. I’m glad such a health habit has become a dominant part of my life.

Mental health wise, I’m doing pretty good. The massive fight I had with one of my best friends last month has seriously shaken me, and is definitely contributing to me wanting to make changes. I still live with my parents, and whilst I am comfortable and happy here, I don’t feel like I am living my life to its fullest potential. My day-to-day life is fine, but I feel like I’m going to start stagnating if I don’t start working towards some major improvements to my lifestyle.

Financially, I am doing great. I am on £32k a year, and other than my student loan, I have no debts. By living with my parents, I have been saving approximately ~£500 to £600 a month. I now have more than enough to safely buy my own flat or house. The problem I am currently facing is the decision of where to buy. Do I buy where I am in the country, or do I look for work elsewhere,

Career wise I am doing okay right now. My career is what has held me back in the past and is what my decisions for the future revolve around. A brief history, 5 years ago, I graduated with my PhD. I started my first job shortly afterwards, but after a few months, I made a few mistakes, and the pressure I faced really got to me. I became really stressed, and my mental health began to deteriorate. I was asked to resign after six months. I found another job about six months later, but I was a poor fir for this company, and had to leave after only six months. This massively shook my self confidence in my career, but thankfully, I found a great jobs as Post Doctoral Research Assistant not far from my parents’ place. This Friday marks my three year anniversary working for them, so it’s reassuring that I can hold down this job.

The problems I currently face are three fold. The first, is that I can’t live in an area I want to within reasonable commuting distance of my current job. The second, is that I still haven’t shaken the self-image of being ‘unemployable’ from the last two positions, and third, I am concerned about the limited room for advancement in my current position.

Relationship wise, I’ve been doing better over the years at bonding with my friends. I feel I have grown to understand and listen to people more. Whilst I am good at attracting women and having sex, I still feel behind in the actual forming relationships department. I’ve only ever had three girlfriends, and the longest one lasted just shy of two years.


Where I want to be

I want to spend the next couple of years working on my physique at the gym. I don’t have any goals in mind, other than see how much bigger and stronger I can get every year. My only concern is that I going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, when I think I should be dedicating some of that time to job hunting and career planning.

Mental health wise, there are two key things to consider. Frist, I want more purpose. I want to know that how I am spending my time is working me towards the future I want. Second, I also want to be able to see friends more often without having to travel miles, which is what’s driving me to look for work in a larger city.

Financially, I do want to earn more. I also want more savings to ensure that I have security. This means being smart with my money and working harder in my career to earn more. I do want to buy my own house, which means my bills will shoot up, but that’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make for financial security, as well as my relationship and lifestyle goals.

Career wise, I want to a job with more room to advancement, I also want to work somewhere where I can live and build myself a happier life. This means taking a huge risk and quitting my current job once I’m offered a new one, but I believe that’s a risk I’ll have to take.

Relationship wise, I want to focus more on getting an actual girlfriend, rather than focusing on having more sex. I’m quite confident in my ability to go out have sex if I want or need to, and I don’t think working on improving my sex life further is going to improve my overall happiness. Instead, I feel I want to be focusing more on building an intimate relationship with someone I’m close too.

With this first part mapped out, I’m going to come back later. And look at coming up with a plan of how to move from where I am, to where I want to be.

[Sin Silver]

I'm on holiday this week, so I have been enjoying some well needed rest and relaxation.

I am making an effort to read a chapter of 'The slight Edge' every day. I could power through it, and I might do so in a re-read later, but for now, I feel I need to take it slowly, to ensure I take in everything.

I also feel it's time to make a big change in my lifestyle and career, so I have begun writing a review of my life. I've already written one thousand words, but I feel this one might require multiple sessions to write. I have also applied for a new job. Fingers crossed I get an interview.

I'm still going to the gym reguarly, but I'm clearly my progress has definitly stalled since I started this cut. My plan is to maintain this cut thought my festivals in August, and then go back on the bulk.

My diet have been a little shit these last two weeks, I've been snacking on junk food a lot. Last weeks excuse was I feeling incredibly run down with a cold and cold sores, and this week I'm using the indulgence of a holiday as my reason to pig out. I'll allow my self a little indulgence until the end of my holiday, but after that, it's straight back to business.

One thing that caught my eye when 'The slight edge' was how it emphesised the importance of reflection. I must confess, I am terrible at this. I have tried to keep journal in the past, but I always find my enteries begin loose enthusiasum after a month or so. I need to find a way to improve this.