colgate's story - 日本とコルゲート氏の物語 the story of colgate🟤 and japan🇯🇵

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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colgate
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Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
Name: bulldog
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:26 am

colgate's story
The purpose of this thread is whenever I feel I need to look into my past and re-tell parts of my life story pre-KYIL to progress, I will do it here.

I'll tell my story in different ways when I feel I just need to get it off my chest.

table of contents
my story (original): this post
日本とコルゲート氏の物語 the story of colgate🟤 and japan🇯🇵: viewtopic.php?p=43797#p43797


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I was going to make this an edit of my first post on my main log, but I literally hit the character limit. Of course I did haha. So I'm just going to make a bunch of separate posts on another thread instead.
Screen Shot 2022-01-28 at 1.57.13 AM.png

My story
I’m writing this in January 2022, so my mindset has completely evolved and become totally unrelatable to how it was when I joined the forums. Most of my thoughts were a tangled mess at the time, so I kind of just spewed a bunch of simultaneous and random goals to work on. But I can tell you that my goal was to focus on dating, even from that point.

After probably 6 months of spending most of my time on dating, I can look back and talk about why I decided to pull the trigger and jump in, since I've reflected on my pre-dating life in a different light at this point.

I want to share this because I always want to know other guys' stories of what their experience with girls was before they decided to take action, and maybe perhaps why they had so many roadblocks. Basically, this is a "retroactive progress log".

Pre-forums "History" with girls
tl;dr: 1 gf only holding hands, kissed 2 girls. Virgin.

- 1 gf who asked me out in my first week of high school (she was a year older than I). Dated for 6 months. I literally didn't know what to do and kept it a secret from my mom because I was raised in an extremely religious household where dating was bad. Held hands until I broke up with her because I didn't see it going anywhere (as I didn't know what to do). A mistake on my part because I should have opened up to her and tried to make it work.

- Asked some girls out in high school.
- First one approached me with her friend one day while I was eating lunch, later I asked her to be my gf over Facebook (lol!!!). She said "she can't date until she's 16" (we were both 14 at the time). I literally waited 2 years to ask her out again, and she declined (I forgot exactly how). In the interim, I remember sending her a 5 paragraph essay about how I was obsessed with her and telling all my friends how much I love her.
- Second one we were pretty good friends and so one day I asked her out before she had a class. She told me she'd think about it and let me know after class. So I literally waited near her classroom where we'd normally meet to hang out after school. The bell rang, and she didn't show up. Then I waited for probably another hour like wtf??? She declined me over a text message, but we still talked as friends for a while until she graduated (she graduated before a year before me).
- BIG REASON WHY I LOVE APPROACH: Throughout school and college I saw cute girls everywhere. My thought was always "I wish I knew that girl somehow". The big unlock for me was realizing, wait I could have just gone up to them and introduced myself. Now I look back on my school days with contempt that I never even tried.

- Madeout with a girl in India for a long time in bed when I was 18, also my first kiss. She was one of my cousin's friends and I won't get into the details of the entire dynamic here, but we probably would have gone way further if my uncle didn't knock on the door. Probably the closest I got to getting laid up until I joined the forums, but I definitely wasn't thinking "I'm trying to hook up with this girl", it kinda just happened one day when she lay in bed with me one morning and I just kept staring at her face for a while and went for it. I left India the next day.

- Fell hard for this really hot tiny Asian chick who was kind of orbiting me from a class. I was pretty active and dominant in the class and took a lot of leadership so I think that's why she kept hanging out with me after class and asking to meet before class. At some point it literally drove me crazy. I was running up and down stairs constantly, and I got a throbbing headache for the first time in my life. This feeling became the irreversible awareness that I was completely 100% straight (more on that below) because I realized there's absolutely no way I could feel that way about a guy. I had to get it out of my system so badly because I couldn't focus on anything else in my life, and I just told her something along the lines of "I'm madly in love with you, be my girlfriend" She said no, but we kept hanging out anyway. Later she would send me random pics of herself in various revealing outfits. But anytime I would try to ask her out to movies or some kind of date she would not respond or decline. Eventually I was at a loss and stopped talking to her 100%. Told her something along the lines of "it wasn't meant to be in this life".

- Countless blown opportunities with girls whom I was "friends" with, because I never made a move, even when they came to my place or I was at theirs. Even if we were incessantly cuddling in my bed.

- Turned down a girl who asked me to be her boyfriend over Facebook messenger. This one could be a novel-length story but I don't want to get into the details of it because it's pretty personal and this log is public. Only detail I’ll mention is that she was married and then got divorced during our friendship. We had been hanging out for maybe half a year and she would cook me food a lot, at some point was getting cuddly with me and saying shit like "I think about if we kissed but it would ruin our friendship..." out of nowhere and also randomly sent nudes. I was pretty much pushing her away the entire time and eventually I think she just broke and asked me out directly.

- Japanese girl I met from HelloTalk. I have plenty of Japanese friends, both guys and girls, but for some reason I fell pretty hard for one in particular. I don’t know what it was exactly, but I just did. I remember one day she sent me a kiss emoji and I was like “what the fuckk” and ran outside for like 2 miles at 3:00am. I had planned a Japan trip to meet all of my friends, including her, but when the day came, she ghosted me. This is so standard it’s like a parody looking on it now, but I was like wtf??? at the time. Regardless, I was going to hang out with a lot of friends and my Japan trip just started so I just concluded she was lame af and got over it pretty quickly.

- Asked out some girl I was friends with over text but she said she was gay. Lol.

- Was jamming out with some friends in another state. I was playing bass and this 40yo chick who came to the studio with her boyfriend was singing. This other guy was trying to play songs on YouTube and have us jam out to them. The chick didn’t like that he was playing songs she didn’t like or know. Eventually I told the guy to stop playing the music, because the chick and I can just jam out as a duet. Eventually he did, and we had a 10-15 minute acapella jam sesh. I mention this because it was one of the first times I felt like I was emotionally connecting with someone through music we were performing with each other, it was pretty symbiotic. I didn’t know what she was singing but I just backed her up as I pleased and moments she wouldn’t sing, I’d do something more melodic, and she’d come back in and sing again and I’d go back to backing. Anyway, after that we were kinda buzzed and she kept cuddling with me on the sofa and telling me right in front of her boyfriend “Colgate, I love you!! I wish I wasn’t dating, I wish I was 22, I want to be with you forever.” I was so wtfed by this and kind of just remained still and rigid.

- Met a girl on Discord, whom another online friend was trying to set me up with. I didn’t really know exactly what to do but I would chat her regardless. He would tell me how I should “flirt” with her and I pretty much just tried to do what he said. I eventually got some nudes from her. Later, I left this Discord channel and I learned that the girl could tell I was totally faking my interest in her. It wasn’t really “fake” from me per se, I was just like just trying to implement tactics some other guy told me which would “attract” her.

- I went to a dance club with some friends in Atlanta around May 2021 to see a DJ we were huge fans of play live. I was high as balls from some weed brownies and dancing my freaking ass off. This random buzzed girl was spam approaching every guy and most of them meekly interacted with her. But when she came over to me, I had zero inhibitions and just started dancing with her hard. Started grabbing her ass and she was into it. Eventually I grabbed her titty and she gave me a look and started making out with me. I was like what the fuckkkkk is happening right now. Friend was cheering me on. I think the makeout lasted an eternity. It was the most intimidating shit of my life at that point because I could tell literally everyone was staring at us. I think she got bored at some point because I didn't think to push the interaction any further (this was literally the second or third time I'd ever gone out to a club at night, and the first times were the previous month). She was talking to my friend's gf and being "emotionally consoled", and some random trans-looking person whom I remember was staring at us came over like "Yeah, I was worried about her!!!" Lol!!!!!!!

- Hit on a hot girl at a tavern and bought her a drink. This was probably the first time in my life I deliberately and directly cold approached a girl (though it was at night). Then we danced. Then I got her number and I decided to hang around her and her friends as long as possible and they were all like "uhhh wtf" and guarding her away from me after a while. Then she ghosted my text. That's it.

- Approach at dance class in July 2021 + instadate + 2nd date. I was inspired to do this after hearing Andy's podcasts about approaching (not really a cold approach lol). Also the first date of my whole life. I just asked some chick whom I felt I was vibing with out to dinner after the class, and to my surprise she said yes. Asked for kiss in my car after, got declined with "wait how old are you?" Learned she was 9 years older than I, and since this was literally the first time I'd ever taken a girl out on a date, I was kind of like, uhhh ok lol and ended the date. She actually hit me up some weeks later for a second date (this was actually after I joined the forums, but I didn't log about it) and I visited her town. She proposed being bf+gf but I turned her down because she had a kid. I kind of was looking for something long-term at the time because I had no idea what I wanted otherwise. But looking back, I think I knew deep down that I would get tied up in something I wouldn't be able to handle.
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Last edited by colgate on Fri Oct 07, 2022 9:50 pm, edited 9 times in total.
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:27 am

Physical Traits
I thought about not including this section about my physical traits because I actually thought it was irrelevant, but decided to anyway.

I'm a 5'5" (168cm) Indian, naturally physically weak, late-bloomer exclusively raised in the USA.

The only reason this is actually a relevant detail is because many guys think such "surface level" inherent traits about themselves are the reasons why they've not had success with women. But I can tell you this actually wasn't entirely the case for me, even when I did join the forums, because my story below would have likely been not too different if we swapped my actual physical presence with "average white American male". In other words, my physical presence was not one of my limiting beliefs about dating and women throughout my life. I've actually thought I was a pretty normal guy and completely unaware of how people did perceive me, and then get bewildered when someone tries to point out something that might be “different” about me.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

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colgate
Posts: 677 | Thanks: 1106
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:28 am

Why am I here on the forums?
I'd never slept with a girl in my life, even after having at least 5+ opportunities to start something with girls I've met throughout the years. But when I made this account, I'd not realized those blown opportunities. Regardless, I knew something was wrong, that I was 25 years old and had a career, but almost zero experience with girls in my life. I didn't even have any sort of sexual "urge" or desire to actually meet women or date, and this realizing this fact about myself at the time ticked me off that something was wrong. It was 100% cerebral.

The above realization was a seedling back in January 2021, and over the next 8 months until I joined the forums, it grew into a beanstalk which arrived at the giant's house of KYIL. More on that below.

Early viewpoints about dating and how they were shattered
SInce I was around 13 years old, I've been deeply entrenched in internet communities, far more than real life ones. It was a recluse from real life because I was raised in an extremely religious household by mostly my mom. What held me back very early on was trying to hide a "double life" that I had between school and home, in addition to values I was taught as a child about dating and relationships.

My initial baseline of how I thought meeting women worked was you just "click" with a girl from your social circle, then you get married relatively quickly, then you are allowed to do physical and sexual things.

This frame was chipped away at slowly over the next 10+ years. I saw people kissing in high school, I heard weird sex stories from both guys and girls I was friends with, and at some point I realized even my friends who weren't so overt about their sex life were also likely hooking up, contrary to everything I understood about relationships as a child. At some point, my baseline understanding about relationships and dating was completely shattered.

That shattering was probably at around age 20. But I was still in university and I was focused on graduating and finding a job, and usually pushed away any opportunities I could have had to start dating, including girls coming over to my place alone and incessantly cuddling while listening to music and talking and deliberately not joining my lifting buddy in going to raves and parties.

Then I finally did graduate, and I'd already had a job lined up because I was working part-time throughout university. I was ready to move in with a Japanese friend to an apartment and try to develop a new social circle with the local Japanese community when the pandemic hit in March 2020. I definitely had the mindset to start looking for a girlfriend, so I thought that would have been a good start. Who knows where that would have led, but it was not meant to be. I was basically stuck at my parents' place for 6 months until I got fed up of the days blending into each other and ejected to Tennessee to live in a big house on top of a mountain with some friends I knew from online.

We mostly spent the rest of 2020 cooking big feasts of Indian food and jamming out together everyday, until we got tired of that and realized we had to work on ourselves and the rest of our own lives.

Over the next 6 months, I would go on to have lots of deep discussions about trying to meet girls with one of my housemates, who was in a somewhat similar position with women as I. We went on a couple camping trips as well which basically ended up being therapy sessions for both of us.
Last edited by colgate on Mon Jan 31, 2022 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

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User avatar
colgate
Posts: 677 | Thanks: 1106
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
Name: bulldog
Goal: japanese lay
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:29 am

The Internet makes you gay
The next part of this story is going to be a huge tangent but I want to elucidate it because it's relevant for what exactly the aforementioned "therapy" was.

I'm going to be a pretty open book here because I think this part of my dating background is pretty novel on the forums, but not uncommon for guys deeply involved in internet communities. Also many guys may not want to admit this kind of stuff publicly, but I will.

Around age 15ish, I remember the topic of sexual orientation came up between a bunch of friends (mixed girls+guys). I'd never thought about it and decided to say "I guess I'm bisexual?" Since I had basically zero experience, plus hadn't even hit puberty yet at the time, my mindset was "oh a romantic relationship is just someone you click with right? sure I have plenty of guy friends too, makes sense." This is also despite my religious upbringing, but at the time I never personally had a problem with homosexual relationships since I couldn't understand why they were "bad" past "the Bible says not to". Lots of weird mental gymnastics here. Still, I'd only ever asked out girls in high school.

What I thought in high school about sexual orientation was pretty much 100% theoretical because I really had no practical experience or "desire". But this viewpoint was about to be pushed to its limit for me, far beyond what I'd imagined when I started becoming more and more antisocial in real life and entrenched in online communities.

Most online communities are a sausage fest, and they're usually centered around hobbies with 99%+ males. And many of these guys don't have success with women in real life, let alone social lives.

What happens as a result is a big circle of guys with a lack of romantic and sexual connection. Most guys in online communities have never been with women in the first place, so they probably have a lower sex drive overall. Some guys will be DMing each other often from the group chats. Usually it’s just friendly. But sometimes, they start opening up about their emotional and personal problems to each other. This mutual vulnerability hits one or both guys in likely the same parts of the brain as it would when a man feels a deep connection with a woman, creating a romantic attraction. They’ll often put in their online profiles that they’re “dating” this other guy in the circle.

I contend that most of these guys are actually not homosexual at all. Rather, they’ve become extremely emotionally invested in someone who happens to be a male. In other words, these guys become gay because they haven’t found success with women.

My supporting evidence for the above hypothesis is that these guys will still have interests such as e.g. cute anime girls. At the least, some of these guys will say they’re bisexual, so that “makes sense”. But I don’t think that’s the case at all, because other than the guy they are “dating”, they like feminine characteristics. I think the strongest evidence of this is the rise of “trans-lesbians”. Essentially, the trans-lesbian phenomenon is some guys take “I can’t get with women so I’m gay” to the logical extreme. They’ll attempt to become the girl they could never get. But they’re not attracted to males, they’re attracted to girls. Hence the “lesbian”. For the most part, trans-lesbians will “date” other trans-lesbians. In other words, two guys who don’t have success with women try to become females themselves and date each other. Of course, there’s many male <-> trans-MTF relationships too.

I doubt I’m the first person who has observed this. Some of my online friends have as well. But I’m probably one of the first people to just put it out there on the Internet. Mainly because you’ll probably get cancelled from all of the Internet communities about such views if you go public with them.

My “gay” experience and how I got out of it
This part is going to be hyper-embarrassing and it was extremely difficult for me to write this but I figured it 1) gives me authority on writing the above section and 2) explains why it took me up until age 25 and not e.g. 20 to start going hard with figuring out dating women. It’s not something I really like to talk about at all, but if pressed I’ll be honest about it. I thought about hiding certain details, but I think making this story public (without revealing identities) would be really helpful for any guy who probably is/has been in this same situation, or thinks he might potentially end up like I did. The biggest gift I could receive is if even one lonely teenager on the Internet somehow stumbles upon this, and realizes he might end up down this trajectory and eject out of it as fast as possible, because it will cost you years and set you back extremely far if you just want to freaking hook up with girls.

When I was around 16 years old, I had joined an Internet community and immediately figured out how to break the site a bunch. I was being a total asshole teenager and decided to exploit the fuck out of it. I was actually participating in the community legitimately as well though since I had a genuine interest in the hobby though. Regardless, I got scolded pretty hard and the community disliked me quite a bit at that point.

One of the guys in that community didn’t. He started to message me a lot. I don’t remember exactly what the initial lead-ins were, but he liked who I was and wanted to get to know me better. At this point in life, I’d pretty much lost my entire high school friend circle because I was taking clingy asshole Internet humor to my real life and pushed everyone away. Additionally, I had just run away from my mom’s house so I lost all contact with my friends from church too. So I wanted to have a friend at that point in life.

As I’ve described in the previous section, we essentially chatted a lot about our personal lives, and he too had never had a girlfriend or been with a woman (he was actually 25 at the time). We would talk all the time and we started acting “cute” with each other and in our online presences too. He introduced me to cute anime girls, which I initially disliked because I thought I was too good for anime, but eventually I too would bingewatch high school girl slice-of-life anime. He told me that he was bisexual too.

I remember at some point, he started getting extremely clingy and controlling. If I didn’t respond to his messages quickly enough, he would get livid with me. Also if there was anything I liked that he didn’t like, he would shame me for it. Eventually, a lot of my tastes started morphing into his, because I didn’t want him to be mad at me. This dynamic turned me extremely submissive, not only towards him, but towards life in general. He would also do this tactic on me where if I pointed out something about him, he would turn it back on me and essentially gaslight me into believing that I was the trait I described, not he.

When I finally turned 18 (lol), he flew all the way from Europe to visit me in America. We spent that week having fun and exploring various places in my area, and I enjoyed his presence. He was wearing pretty masculine clothing and I actually enjoyed the dynamic we had during that trip. We even went back to his hotel room several times and played some music on his computer and chatted a lot. At some point he wanted to put his arm around me, so I let him.

After he left, we continued to message often online. I even told my dad I wanted to visit him en route to a trip in India (where I ended up later kind of acting bf+gfey to one of my cousin’s friends and we madeout). My dad told me “son, you’re not gay. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if you were, but you’re not.” It was an odd comment but it stuck with me for a long time. How does he know I’m not gay? I’m literally “seeing” a dude. Regardless, he wouldn’t let me go to visit this guy in his country.

Somewhere over the next year, I just straight up told this guy I think we should be “formally” boyfriends. Like it felt kinda weird we were spending all this time together and not “dating”.

This guy took a trip again to America again the next year when I was 19. This one was pretty nuts. I met him at his hotel like the previous time, but he was dressed in anime girl cosplay. I was immediately put off. Why the fuck is this guy wearing anime girl clothes. I didn’t say anything first and we just messed around on the computer for a bit. Then, we went out to eat, but he changed his clothes to normal masculine clothes.

“You know, I actually like you more when you act and dress like a guy.” I told him. He was extremely pissed at this comment, saying that “no, I feel more like myself when I’m dressed up like an anime girl.” “No you’re not, you’re completely different. Something is wrong”. We had various back and forths like this over the evening.

This next part is probably the most difficult piece of writing I’ve ever done. Literally writing this sentence as a distraction to temporarily avoid writing it, but I’ll go for it anyway. It’s really TMI and graphic so feel free to skip it. Actually, going to put it in small grey font that’s less readable so you can skip it more easily. But here we go.

Eventually we went back to his hotel room and he changed into his anime girl clothes again. I decided to just roll with it and handle it. We ended up spending time in his bed and cuddling. At some point, he had his hands over my pants. I decided to reciprocate as well. Then he pulled my pants down and started sucking my dick. I was totally fucking confused. Why is he doing this? What’s going on? Something feels wrong. Regardless, I didn’t enjoy it. He would tell me later that he wasn’t good at sucking dicks (lol), but that really wasn’t the reason.

I told him to stop after a couple of minutes because it was really weird. We spent some more time in bed. I was still pretty confused but I didn’t really know what to do. So I tried to pull his dick out. It was completely flaccid. I was 400% confused. Why isn’t he hard? Doesn’t he like me? He said he couldn’t get hard around someone else (I didn’t know about ED at the time, but I really think this situation was beyond just ED). I tried jerking his cock but it was still completely flaccid. What the fuck? I was still aroused so I just jerked myself off until I exploded, which he said he enjoyed. We kind of cuddled some more and tried to fall asleep but I couldn’t. Eventually I got on top of his body and tried to makeout with him. He was completely turned off and kicked me out of the hotel room. I was so fucking confused.

Some days after the above experience I remember my dad wanted to meet him. So I told him to come over to my house. My dad basically grilled him on who he was and what he was doing with me. I don’t remember the specific details but obviously he started growing an animosity towards my dad.

Over the next year, up until summer 2016 we kept messaging frequently. It was pretty rocky and there was lots of drama between us. But nothing notable that I remember specifically. I did remember he kept telling me to stop listening to my dad and that my dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I knew something was completely wrong and started challenging him. I stopped molding my entire worldview around this guy’s.

I mentioned earlier that I met a hyper tiny Asian girl in one of my classes. As I said, I fell hard for this chick and realized it was hitting me right in the primal part of my brain and making me crazy. It was nothing like I ever felt for this guy in my life. This was essentially my “red-pill”. I’m not bisexual. I’m completely straight.

I obviously mentioned this to the guy. He was pissed. Told me that it wasn’t real, what happened about us, ever since you started listening to your dad you’ve changed. I tried to maintain some kind of friendship with him over the next few months regardless. But it was essentially periods of us blocking and unblocking each other. At one point I remember I told him “we can be friends only if you get a girlfriend first”. Of course he was livid at that proposition.

How this story ends is one day, when I had him blocked, he was blowing up my phone during class (I had a regular cell phone at the time with only SMS messaging, note that I live in America and he lives in Europe). I tried to ignore it but after around 10 messages of spam, I left class during middle of lecture, all my stuff still in the classroom, and took my laptop to a study room.

We had a 1-2 hour period of heated emails to each other. I don’t know what kinds of expressions I was making, because saw people looking at me through the glass windows like “what the fuck???” Eventually I told him to never talk to me again. He threatened to kill himself because I was being so “mean”, and I just immediately ghosted him for another few months. My thought was, if you’re going to threaten someone with killing yourself, then you might as well just do it. Go ahead.

He sent me some messages in December 2016, and we had another chat. It was largely the same psychologically manipulative dynamic and heated arguments that went nowhere. So at some point I literally just said さようなら Sayonara, and never responded to him for the rest of my life. He sent me a couple messages after that, some more in Feb 2017, and some more in Dec 2017 the next year but I never responded. And when mutual friends tried to tell me he wanted to talk to me, I told him I’m not talking to him again. So that’s the end of that story.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

🇺🇸 America log
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User avatar
colgate
Posts: 677 | Thanks: 1106
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
Name: bulldog
Goal: japanese lay
Age: 26
Motto: SAYONARA BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!
Location: japan
Contact:

Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:30 am

You have to actually try to get laid
Back to around spring 2021. I’ll keep this part kind of short because I’ve basically explained everything I’ve needed to about my background previously. But essentially the first half of 2021 was sorting out all of my mental issues from scratch. As I said earlier, being stuck on top of a mountain in a dumpy town in the South pretty much set me up to start inner work. I basically ended up coming to the conclusion over some months that something was completely wrong, that I’d never had real experiences with women and I need to handle it. My housemate and I would talk about this a lot (he did have some experience in the past). We had to sort out our own experiences such as the ones I’ve described above and figure out how to drive forward.

Initially I had a goal of, okay let me figure out how to get a wife. I started from a really secular point of view. If I have enough money, then I’ll be a stable rock and I can provide for the family we’ll have. I was still kind of in that mode when I’d joined the forums which is why I was trying to get into grad school initially. I was doing shit like trying to meet people in my city, actually through mostly cold approaching random groups of people at bars, practicing bass and instruments so I could potentially meet girls who are musically inclined, exercising a lot, etc.

But I had a realization everything I was doing was indirect. All of the above is good of course, but am I really trying to meet women? Am I actually trying to approach this directly? Turns out, no I wasn’t. But I hardly knew what to do. I thought you only met girls from your social circle and hobbies because that’s how I’d met them my whole life. How can I specifically focus on dating?

Finding KYIL
One day I was brute force reading every single result for “tinder guide” on internet search. I had a strong disdain for meeting people online, rather than in person (I don’t necessarily have this viewpoint anymore btw), but I was basically grasping at straws for “how do you directly attack the problem of meeting women”.

I stumbled upon Andy’s infamous Tinder guide. I was pretty astonished at the level of detail, but that guide wasn’t specifically what got me hooked on this site. I noticed there were a LOT of articles, about mindset towards women and life. I was also like, wow this guy has the balls to post explicit pictures of the girls he’s hooked up with? I pretty much just started reading a bunch of articles on the site.

I also noticed there’s a podcast, and at the time Andy was in the middle of his 365 project, so there was a LOT of content. I would just start listening to them in the car and while I was doing chores. I wasn’t absolutely enamored yet, but I really enjoyed the content and information, and felt I was on the path to something great.

I eventually ran into Andy’s cold approach content. This podcast specifically:


I was driving through the Tennessee mountains and when this episode came on, it felt like time stopped and my understanding of reality shattered to pieces. This guy just went up to some college asian chick, not even as a student, and just told her she was cute? And then they went on a bunch of dates, fooled around, and then hooked up? What the fuck, is this real?

I voraciously listened and read about all of Andy’s cold approach stories and all of his content about it. Seriously? I could have just gone up to all the cute girls I’ve seen in my life and called them cute? I don’t know why it was so novel to me but I was suddenly motivated like never before. I need to know how to do this. Give me this superpower.

I hadn’t yet joined the forums, but I started hearing about guys like @Toast and @Manganiello having these massive approach sessions and started reading their logs non-stop. You can just do this? Just go up to as many girls as possible and actually date this way? It felt like the purest and most honest way to meet women. And it’s something I wanted to do as well.

Eventually I was ready to start taking some action so here I am.
Last edited by colgate on Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

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Now
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 1:36 pm

Fucking hell dude, I'm glad you wrote out your story. Props for admitting all of this.

I was at the edge of my seat reading the gay experience part.
Some of that is way too close to what I went through with online communities, including some borderline gay stuff though nothing going as far as yours.
It's always the real life losers trying to take advantage of confused kids on the internet.

The guy flying out the second you hit 18 and later threatening to kill himself... bro what the fuck. Good to hear you shut that down and got away from that shit.

It's not clear from your girl history, have you gotten laid yet?


We're all gonna make it,

Now
Main Goal:
⚔️ ?
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pancakemouse
Posts: 941 | Thanks: 460
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Goal: Master cold approach
Age: 32

Fri Jan 28, 2022 2:11 pm

colgate wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:26 am
I want to share this because I always want to know other guys' stories of what their experience with girls was before they decided to take action, and maybe perhaps why they had so many roadblocks. Basically, this is a "retroactive progress log".
I think you've seen mine, but I'll share it for everyone else: https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2018/11/21/my-story/
colgate wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:26 am
I remember one day she sent me a kiss emoji and I was like “what the fuckk” and ran outside for like 2 miles at 3:00am
Oh man. I met an attractive Mexican girl in a hostel in Spain when I was still a virgin (age 24 lawl). She had a boyfriend, too. Like two years later she revealed to me over Facebook Messenger that she really, really liked me. My heart was racing so fast that night from the validation and possibilities that I could barely sleep.
colgate wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:27 am
I'm a 5'5" (168cm) Indian, naturally physically weak, late-bloomer exclusively raised in the USA.

The only reason this is actually a relevant detail is because many guys think such "surface level" inherent traits about themselves are the reasons why they've not had success with women. But I can tell you this actually wasn't entirely the case for me, even when I did join the forums, because my story below would have likely been not too different if we swapped my actual physical presence with "average white American male". In other words, my physical presence was not one of my limiting beliefs about dating and women throughout my life.
Facts. I've definitely gotten more interest from girls as I've become more attractive, but I was an "average white guy virgin" from age 20-24.
colgate wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:28 am
This frame was chipped away at slowly over the next 10+ years. I saw people kissing in high school, I heard weird sex stories from both guys and girls I was friends with, and at some point I realized even my friends who weren't so overt about their sex life were also likely hooking up, contrary to everything I understood about relationships as a child. At some point, my baseline understanding about relationships and dating was completely shattered.
Oh man, yeah. In high school, I basically thought that you had to be in a relationship to get sex, and I was so fiercely independent that I wanted no part in a relationship. Thus, no sex. Then, late into senior year of high school, my friend told me he ended up hooking up with one of the girls in our mutual social circle at a party we were both at, after I had left. That was kind of a big unlock, I remember thinking "How did he make that happen?"
colgate wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:30 am
I was driving through the Tennessee mountains and when this episode came on, it felt like time stopped and my understanding of reality shattered to pieces. This guy just went up to some college asian chick, not even as a student, and just told her she was cute? And then they went on a bunch of dates, fooled around, and then hooked up? What the fuck, is this real?
Magical.

I've said this before, but I'm so excited to watch where you go with this. You are obviously undoing a lifetime of societal conditioning, so it won't be easy. But your mindset is spot on. You will achieve, no matter where you decide to go with all this.
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colgate
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 9:59 pm

Now wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 1:36 pm
Fucking hell dude, I'm glad you wrote out your story. Props for admitting all of this.

I was at the edge of my seat reading the gay experience part.
Some of that is way too close to what I went through with online communities, including some borderline gay stuff though nothing going as far as yours.
It's always the real life losers trying to take advantage of confused kids on the internet.

The guy flying out the second you hit 18 and later threatening to kill himself... bro what the fuck. Good to hear you shut that down and got away from that shit.

It's not clear from your girl history, have you gotten laid yet?


We're all gonna make it,

Now
No I've not. This was supposed to be an edit of my first post on my main thread which did have that information, but I didn't include it here. Edited first post in this thread.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

🇺🇸 America log
🇯🇵 Japan 'BROWN SHOGUN' log
💪🏾 Training log
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Manganiello
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 11:19 pm

I think everyone who comes on this forum has a history that's a little bit fucked up with women.

Like we all underperformed massively and have to rescript and rewrite our lives to make it all happen.

In hindsight I think this is really the blessing in disguise.
.
Goal • 많은 한국 여자를 Smash.

Past Goals:
AA program (viewtopic.php?f=42&t=40)
Lost vCard Day Game(viewtopic.php?p=17087#p17087)
OLD Log and Lays viewtopic.php?f=5&t=889

How I got 9 lays in the first 6 weeks on Tinder
viewtopic.php?p=23227#p23227

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Jacobpalmer123
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Fri Jan 28, 2022 11:46 pm

Its funny the height things really is all in my head. But I think we all have that background of simping for girls when we are young. I remember this girl I knew in middle school and waited a year to see her but nothing happened after that. Waited 2 years sent paragraphs. I suppose those are things that in the moment make sense. But as we get older and wiser they seem trivial and silly. It was a good read
Shoot for 20+ daily approaches a week
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Squilliam
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Sat Jan 29, 2022 12:03 am

Manganiello wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 11:19 pm
I think everyone who comes on this forum has a history that's a little bit fucked up with women.

Like we all underperformed massively and have to rescript and rewrite our lives to make it all happen.

In hindsight I think this is really the blessing in disguise.
You hit the nail on the head. I've also noticed that most people here didn't do well with women in their childhood. They then have this desire to make up for lost time which propels them to work harder than the average person, which ultimately leads them to being above average.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of convenience and comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy," - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Lay count: 8
2022: 5

Milestones/Goals:
- Attempt a pull on 10 first dates (2/10 dates so far)
- Two plates at once
- Three plates at once
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- Threesome with two girls
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MakingAComeback
Posts: 2645 | Thanks: 2571
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Mon Jan 31, 2022 7:29 pm

I will read this fully and absorb it: just wanted to say, THANK YOU for sharing.

MAC
POSITIVE SELF TALK

GOALS 2021: ALL ACHIEVED
GOALS 2022:
(1) 0 to 10 Lifetime Lays (Current Status: 9/10)
(2) Beat AA (DONE)
(3) Body Transformation: Ripped Abs & Elite Build (Weigh 185lbs)

My Progress Log: Outworking God's Plan - My Relentless Journey
CainGettingLaid
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Age: 25

Mon Jan 31, 2022 8:20 pm

I deeply respect that you shared this.
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ovnidos
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Tue Feb 01, 2022 7:53 pm

Damn bro... You're fucking brave, sharing this! Respect from the soul
English isn't my first language be indulgent, lol

Giving personalized gym advices, nutrition and everything related, just pm me

Goal for 2022 :
10 lays(3/10) --> Online dating optimization

My log :
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1100
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Sprezza
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Fri Feb 04, 2022 1:13 pm

Thanks a lot for sharing man!
Main Goals 2021
A1 BUSINESS
----Have an online independent business netting me 5000$ in total for 2022
A2 RANDOM
----Allow myself to have time for hobbies such as learning a new language, reading/listening to something interesting (0/12 months)
----Get the fuck out of Sweden during bad months (Oct-April)

Sprezza's log
Lay Count: 44
2022: 0
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