finally manning up and starting the AA program

[aboudez123]

So i wanna start with a little introduction about myself . My name is Abdallah , 26 years old originally from Tunisia (propably the first tunisian on this website) and i study and live in germany for 6 years . I ve been raised in a toxic environment and been subject of bulliying because of my looks . i ve been laughed at , bullied , and called names and that was the catalyst of my extreme AA and SA . Where i lived people gave a lot of fucks about what others have been thinking about them , me too and thats what made my neediness and my anxiety a lot worse . I was an introvert and was addicted to masturbation and never had a GF . all i did was jerking off and memorizing the names of the many pornstars with big booties and big boobies.... and getting the best notes in my class .I was actually very smart and a hard working student ...I also had a great mother who always supported and had faith in me .

Fast forward to age 20 , i went to Germany to finish my studies and was surprised by the different life there , beautiful girls and the crazy clubs. i did not look good , was very skinny and had acne and some bad acne scars . i was clubbing every weekend . i noticed that i had a fear of talking to people i dont know specially beautiful ladies which caused me to drink a lot hoping that would help me beat this fear . but it did not . and at that time i had no idea that it was social and approach anxiety or what was the cause of , i just thought it was normal because i was still new there and maybe it was the language barriere thats stopping me from getting all these hot girls . Unfortunately i was naive. in the second month in Germany i visited an escort and lost my virginity to her ( i was drunk and the sex was not good to say the least ) . my fapping habits got worse . i had more than 500 Gb dedicated to porn on my laptop .

after 2 years i made one the best desicion of my life : i started working out religiously, ate a lot healthier , and controlled my alcohol/drug habits . i started taking care of my hygiene. i also moved to the big and beautiful city of Cologne . with time and hard work at the gym i gradually became more muscular and more attractive . my confidence went a little bit higher and people that knew me started giving me compliments. i went from 57 Kg to 81 kg in 2 years . at the meantime i started looking for self improving videos and books and had the chance to find the GLL website . i lurked there on and off and learned what approach anxiety is , read Andys and other members logs and wanted to start Chris approach anxiety program . but my porn addiction and me being a pussy to AA got in my way .

fast forward to the 28 January 2020 . the day that changed my life forever . i ve lost my mother to a fucking heart attack . My entire existence shattered to pieces with her death , i cried my eyes out , fell into depression , and used weed every fucking day to cope with my new reality . my anxiety got worse , my fapping habits got out of control even more and i got to a point where i hated everything and everyone and actually wanted to end my life . it was until the beginning of the year 2021 that i started to get back to a normal life . i kept my weed use to a minimum , picked up reading and training once again , done a wardrobe upgrade and got back to partying , started getting compliments from women but was still anxious and could not speak with women i ve found attractive without feeling weird and self conscious. I also noticed that a lot of tunisian friends of mine have the same problem and i think it has to do with our childhood and our society that contributed to us being ill equipped when it comes to women and intimacy .

One of the biggest changes in my life happened when ive read models from Mark Manson . It changed the way i looked at my self and at women . it was one of the things that gave me the motivation to stop fapping ( im more than 1 month on no fap rn) , stopped smoking weed and looked for my self , my skin and upped my style even more . and since the last 2 weeks it got to the point where i ve decided to finally start the AA program after a very long and hard struggle .

I am now on day 12 right now and i got to say ,it really is hard and it makes me so anxious at times but at the same time this is the most confident and proud that i ve been for a long time . I am striving to go through with the program and beat the shit out of AA . I am here for some advice and wisdom and motivation and to keep track of my progress . im also going to do a little summary of the day 4-11 drills and how i felt doing them . its 1 am going to sleep and tomorrow im going to do the drills of day 12 . ( PS English is not my first language so excuse my mistakes .. my introduction may also be a little too long but fuck it .. this is the first ive been this honest and vulnerable sharing myself and it feels good )

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My goals:
- Beating AA and reaching social freedom
- approaching attractive women and sharing myself and my sexual interest comfortably and with no fear
- having sex with 50 girls
- finishing my studies
- learning how to dj
- earning money online via cryptocurrency day trading

[D4vidDG]

Hey man, it's obvious you've been trough a lot fo pain and difficulty. You're a fucking legend just for being brave enough to try to improve yourself despite of all the shit that is happening in your life. Most people let their circumstances stop them from achieving things. That puts you over 99% of people.

You can always find motivation and advice here. I'll ping @Manganiello here, he's completed the AA program and he's a fucking legend. He'll give you the best advice you can get.

I hope you reach your goals. Best wishes and keep it up!

[aboudez123]

@D4vidDG thanks a lot for your kind words bro .. it really means a lot to me

Now back to the drills . day 4 : before going out i had one of the roughest anxiety feelings ever . when i was outside i felt like i was walking forever before talking to the first girl . but i was courageous enough to talk not only to 5 girls but 10 , and it took like one and a half hour which was a lot
day 5 : asked 15 women about the time in like 40 minutes
day 6 : done the drills and talked to 15 women . the Have you been there? part was the hardest part since starting the program . speaking to every third girl of each set was hard . i had a lot of anxiety and fear and my mind came up with a lot of stories to explain and justify this fear . but i pulled through and finished the drills
day 7 : i ve got in there and done the drills in a shorter time . started to notice it getting easier .
day 8 : i partyed the day before and was tired so i took a day off
day 8 : got in there and done the drills . i had no problem do in it . but i started to notice that i have a lot more anxiety and difficulty and crowded places . i also noticed that the first set is the hardest . after that i get more confident and pull through . i guess it hat also to do with social momentum
day 9 : this is the first day since starting the program that i ve felt its going to be impossible to do the drills because of the part of asking the girl did you like it even when she tells me that shes never been there . i ve felt that it was going to be and feel so awkward , but had the courage to do it despite the wild fear and anxiety that i ve felt . talked to 15 girls and finished the drills in 1.5 hours . i had a lot of funny looks and reactions but it really boosted my confidence . felt so tired at the night but was so proud
day 10 : done the drills and talked to 15 girls in total . the part of asking each third girl of a set if shes seen good movies lately was hard but i pulled through .
day 11 : started to feel that the social momentum is dying , chickened out and did not do it for 3 days . i went out the day before yesterday after a long battle with my fear and anxieties and got it done . after the first set it was getting easier but that part about asking what phone does she have was really hard . nonetheless pulled through and done the 20 girls + bonus 2 girls . so 22 girls in total . i know that reactions does not matter . but i was told by the girl ive found the least attractive it was none of my business when i asked her about her phone . ive got another bad reaction from a chick who had her daughter with her . but most other reactions were nice and hot girls were willing to answer all my questions and help me . when i finished the drills i ve felt so tired but also so proud and was so high everything tasted better . i ve got goosebumps when i was listening to music , a feeling close to being high on molly . but im also noticing that its still harder approaching girls in crowded places
day 12 : the weather was so shitty yesterday and felt unmotivated ( i actually chickened out ) called it a day off , went to the gym and talked to 2 girls on my way there , just asking them day 11 drills .
day 12 : the weather is really cold and shitty , its actually 2 degrees outside and going to snow in like 2,3 hours and the crazy thing is we had like 20 degrees and summer weather for 2 days .. welcome to germany .... but nonetheless im going to fucking man up go outside and fucking do it . ill give an update when im back .

[aboudez123]

day 12 : The weather was so bad and it was snowing .. i chickened out , only spoke to 3 girls , first girl ignored .. never got to the part of im the sweetest boyfriend ever ... i think the causes of my shortcoming today are a mixture of a really bad fucking weather ( we actually had great three weeks of a great sunny weather , today is the first day of me doing the AA drills on a bad cold weather ), me giving in to my anxiety and the part of im the sweetest guy ever ... im not going to give up .. ill be taking a cold shower tomorrow and ill try to do the drills as early in the day as possible .. also i have a little problem with the part of starting every conversation with asking about time . In Cologne there is like a big clock every 200 meters and it causes me to miss the chance to talk to a girl because every drill starts with asking the time and i can not do it when there a big fucking clock near me . any advice ??

[september]

In Cologne there is like a big clock every 200 meters and it causes me to miss the chance to talk to a girl because every drill starts with asking the time and i can not do it when there a big fucking clock near me . any advice ??

Embrace the uselessness of your questions. The whole point is that you're doing something you want to do, regardless of if society thinks it's fucking stupid.

The number one thing you'll learn is that your fears are far, far worse than what actually ends up happening. Your brain is trying to trick you. Other people just don't give a shit. You DO get confronted sometimes, but instead of feeling like your life is over, you'll actually end up just not caring.

You've probably read this on other peoples' AA program logs by now, but there's nothing wrong with just transitioning to doing full cold approaches whenever you feel like it. The AA program's fairly long and drawn out.

[notAndy]

i think the causes of my shortcoming today are a mixture of a really bad fucking weather

I know what you're talking about. I had a similar experience today (on day 16). I don't know if it's just in our heads or if people are more stand-offish when it's colder/raining/snowing.
If you dare, you could try to do the drills inside (e.g. in a shopping center). I gave that a try today and felt really weird for some reason.

i have a little problem with the part of starting every conversation with asking about time . In Cologne there is like a big clock every 200 meters and it causes me to miss the chance to talk to a girl because every drill starts with asking the time and i can not do it when there a big fucking clock near me . any advice ??

I shared this fear but decided to lean into it. At times I would intentionally ask girls for the time right under a huge-ass clock, just to live through the feeling of being weird. One girl even pointed at the clock and I asked her to read the time for me.

Also the feeling weird about asking for the time on every approach went away for me one day. That probably doesn't really help you but you may come to that point pretty soon as well.
And if not, I think you only have two more days where you ask for the time.

[aboudez123]

In Cologne there is like a big clock every 200 meters and it causes me to miss the chance to talk to a girl because every drill starts with asking the time and i can not do it when there a big fucking clock near me . any advice ??

Embrace the uselessness of your questions. The whole point is that you're doing something you want to do, regardless of if society thinks it's fucking stupid.

The number one thing you'll learn is that your fears are far, far worse than what actually ends up happening. Your brain is trying to trick you. Other people just don't give a shit. You DO get confronted sometimes, but instead of feeling like your life is over, you'll actually end up just not caring.

You've probably read this on other peoples' AA program logs by now, but there's nothing wrong with just transitioning to doing full cold approaches whenever you feel like it. The AA program's fairly long and drawn out.

thx for the response . yeah i think you are right . im already getting used to asking weird questions and i know that most stories that our mind comes up with are completely false . they re stories that our mind invents in order to explain and justify the feelings of fear and anxiety and to keep us in our comfort zone . Mark Manson said in his dating book Models that one of the most important skill in approaching women is to stop believing our own stories . its doable but it gets really hard at times

[aboudez123]

i think the causes of my shortcoming today are a mixture of a really bad fucking weather

I know what you're talking about. I had a similar experience today (on day 16). I don't know if it's just in our heads or if people are more stand-offish when it's colder/raining/snowing.
If you dare, you could try to do the drills inside (e.g. in a shopping center). I gave that a try today and felt really weird for some reason.

thx for your response bro . i saw your AA log and you are killing it . the weather is going to be really bad in the next week where i live but it will not stop me from getting out and doing the work .. i talked to 3 girls today , 2 of them were in a shopping center near where i live, i thought it was okay. im going to do at least 2 sets tomorrow the same shopping center. ill keep you updated

[aboudez123]

i have a little problem with the part of starting every conversation with asking about time . In Cologne there is like a big clock every 200 meters and it causes me to miss the chance to talk to a girl because every drill starts with asking the time and i can not do it when there a big fucking clock near me . any advice ??

I shared this fear but decided to lean into it. At times I would intentionally ask girls for the time right under a huge-ass clock, just to live through the feeling of being weird. One girl even pointed at the clock and I asked her to read the time for me.

Also the feeling weird about asking for the time on every approach went away for me one day. That probably doesn't really help you but you may come to that point pretty soon as well.
And if not, I think you only have two more days where you ask for the time.

i had a likewise experience last week . I asked a girl about the time near a big ass clock . she pointed at the clock and because of the flight or fight response i tensed up and told her i did not know that that clock was there , it was both funny and weird . ill try not giving a fuck about clocks next time .

[Brother_Tucker]

So i wanna start with a little introduction about myself . My name is Abdallah , 26 years old originally from Tunisia (propably the first tunisian on this website) and i study and live in germany for 6 years . I ve been raised in a toxic environment and been subject of bulliying because of my looks . i ve been laughed at , bullied , and called names and that was the catalyst of my extreme AA and SA . Where i lived people gave a lot of fucks about what others have been thinking about them , me too and thats what made my neediness and my anxiety a lot worse . I was an introvert and was addicted to masturbation and never had a GF . all i did was jerking off and memorizing the names of the many pornstars with big booties and big boobies.... and getting the best notes in my class .I was actually very smart and a hard working student ...I also had a great mother who always supported and had faith in me .
Fast forward to age 20 , i went to Germany to finish my studies and was surprised by the different life there , beautiful girls and the crazy clubs. i did not look good , was very skinny and had acne and some bad acne scars . i was clubbing every weekend . i noticed that i had a fear of talking to people i dont know specially beautiful ladies which caused me to drink a lot hoping that would help me beat this fear . but it did not . and at that time i had no idea that it was social and approach anxiety or what was the cause of , i just thought it was normal because i was still new there and maybe it was the language barriere thats stopping me from getting all these hot girls . Unfortunately i was naive. in the second month in Germany i visited an escort and lost my virginity to her ( i was drunk and the sex was not good to say the least ) . my fapping habits got worse . i had more than 500 Gb dedicated to porn on my laptop . after 2 years i made one the best desicion of my life : i started working out religiously, ate a lot healthier , and controlled my alcohol/drug habits . i started taking care of my hygiene. i also moved to the big and beautiful city of Cologne . with time and hard work at the gym i gradually became more muscular and more attractive . my confidence went a little bit higher and people that knew me started giving me compliments. i went from 57 Kg to 81 kg in 2 years . at the meantime i started looking for self improving videos and books and had the chance to find the GLL website . i lurked there on and off and learned what approach anxiety is , read Andys and other members logs and wanted to start Chris approach anxiety program . but my porn addiction and me being a pussy to AA got in my way . fast forward to the 28 January 2020 . the day that changed my life forever . i ve lost my mother to a fucking heart attack . My entire existence shattered to pieces with her death , i cried my eyes out , fell into depression , and used weed every fucking day to cope with my new reality . my anxiety got worse , my fapping habits got out of control even more and i got to a point where i hated everything and everyone and actually wanted to end my life . it was until the beginning of the year 2021 that i started to get back to a normal life . i kept my weed use to a minimum , picked up reading and training once again , done a wardrobe upgrade and got back to partying , started getting compliments from women but was still anxious and could not speak with women i ve found attractive without feeling weird and self conscious. I also noticed that a lot of tunisian friends of mine have the same problem and i think it has to do with our childhood and our society that contributed to us being ill equipped when it comes to women and intimacy .
One of the biggest changes in my life happened when ive read models from Mark Manson . It changed the way i looked at my self and at women . it was one of the things that gave me the motivation to stop fapping ( im more than 1 month on no fap rn) , stopped smoking weed and looked for my self , my skin and upped my style even more . and since the last 2 weeks it got to the point where i ve decided to finally start the AA program after a very long and hard struggle . I am on day 12 right now and i got to say ,it really is hard and it makes me so anxious at times but at the same time this is the most confident and proud that i ve been for a long time . I am striving to go through with the program and beat the shit out of AA . I am here for some advice and wisdom and motivation and to keep track of my progress . im also going to do a little summary of the day 4-11 drills and how i felt doing them . its 1 am going to sleep and tomorrow im going to do the drills of day 12 . ( PS English is not my first language so excuse my mistakes .. my introduction may also be a little too long but fuck it .. this is the first ive been this honest and vulnerable sharing myself and it feels good )

Sounds like you've been through a lot, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, that really sucks.

This first post is lacking your goals, what do you want and why are you here? It's difficult to give advice or point you in any direction when you haven't told us where you want to end up. This is mostly a post about self flagellation you're use of weed and porn. Before you make 200 posts about how many diamond hard socks you have hiding under your bed, figure out what do you want to get out of this and list your goals clearly for us to see. The the forum hopes you succeed (note that I didn't say want, you either will or you wont, that's up to you we will be fine either way), but we aren't going to put more effort into it than you when we don't benefit from it.

I wont berate you because English isn't your first language, but paragraphs would make this a lot easier to read.

[aboudez123]

Sounds like you've been through a lot, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, that really sucks.

This first post is lacking your goals, what do you want and why are you here? It's difficult to give advice or point you in any direction when you haven't told us where you want to end up. This is mostly a post about self flagellation you're use of weed and porn. Before you make 200 posts about how many diamond hard socks you have hiding under your bed, figure out what do you want to get out of this and list your goals clearly for us to see. The the forum hopes you succeed (note that I didn't say want, you either will or you wont, that's up to you we will be fine either way), but we aren't going to put more effort into it than you when we don't benefit from it.

I wont berate you because English isn't your first language, but paragraphs would make this a lot easier to read.

thx for the reply . you can see from the tittle that my main goal is beating my severe approach anxiety and finish the AA program . i already know what i want to achieve and i posted my goals in the new members forum . ill post them in this thread once again.. im already putting a lot of work and effort even before coming here and joining this website is one of the many more steps that i need to follow in order to reach my goals .

[aboudez123]

I went out today in order to redo the day 9 drill and to build some confidence . I ve spoken only to 4 girls . I was anxious and was letting a lot of girls pass by . I was angry at myself because ive already done it and had little to no problems doing it but i could no do it today. Ive felt like im still at the same place before starting the program .

I came to the decision of restarting the program and going harder than the last time and trying my best to no let girls pass by me and also taking no days off .

Day 4 redo : asking 5 girls for the time
Had no problem doing it . Asked 5 girls about the time in 15 minutes , but still having the problem of letting some girls pass by .
Tomorrow im going to redo day 5

[aboudez123]

day 5 redo :
Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
Walk up to 5 women again an ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE.

Weather was shitty and it took me a little bit to start . asked the first 5 women about time in like 20 min . I did the second set of 5 women in 8 minutes.i was ignored twice and ive done the drills in one of the most crowded places in my city . started to notice that its getting slowly easier to approach in crowded places . its also the first day of me doing the drills in a really bad weather . im thinking that the bad weather psychological barrier is starting to fade away .