Brandon Builds - The Last Night w/ Bumble Girl... or is it?

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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Bman
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Mon Nov 07, 2022 11:55 am

@AskTheDom I'm going to the BDSM club again on Sunday. Any recommendations for what to wear to stand out? I unfortunately don't have any leathers yet.
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AskTheDom
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Mon Nov 07, 2022 12:29 pm

Bman wrote:
Mon Nov 07, 2022 11:55 am
@AskTheDom I'm going to the BDSM club again on Sunday. Any recommendations for what to wear to stand out? I unfortunately don't have any leathers yet.
So it depends on your local scene.

Leathers and latex of course are the #1 - although I'm not into the latex thing.

I would say, given your body and looks, you don't need too much tweaks - your best chance to stand out is to stay with nothing on the top (or something ancillary like suspenders



I cannot find leather ones on AMZ but I have and are awesome

And something super bright at the bottom like these fake leather red leggins


Notice i sent you all in color RED - because pretty much everyone these days dresses only black ( which is the norm Berlin style nothing prohibits to wear bright colours (unless the club has a strict dresscode)

of course, toys never go out of fashion - my trademark is a red flogger (see pic) tied to my belt
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Bman
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Sun Nov 13, 2022 12:07 pm

This week’s reflection

Finally had my cold sore heal up by Thursday which killed the beginning of my week.

Apps

New pictures helped get a few matches on Bumble this week which has been historically an underperforming app. Unfortunately, the girls did not message.

Got Hinge up and running again. Testing out different stack of messages based on what Andy discussed in the photography video. We’ll see how they do.

Dates

Wasn’t sure when my cold sore was going to heal so I pushed out scheduling dates to Saturday. Unfortunately both canceled. One had strep throat. The other was getting serious with someone else. For every girl that ghosts or flakes, it’s soooo refreshing to have one like this:

315519558_1573416093079442_9065610452597605593_n.jpg

BDSM Club

Going to the BDSM club again this evening. Being that I have not had sex in a few weeks, I am horny as ever. Looking to use that as motivation for approaching this evening.

Actually went to one of the intro classes yesterday that one of the community groups put on. Just trying to meet the other people in the scene and start to get myself known.

@AskTheDom , red pants were a great idea. The ones I wanted on Amazon were out of stock. Tried getting some at a few stores here, but no luck. So a few ideas I had were:
  • Simple black pants, no shirt.
  • Black pants, white button down with charcoal vest over, top buttons open and sleeves rolled up, hair down with black wide brim hat
  • Black pants, white button down with charcoal vest over, top buttons open and sleeves rolled up, hair in bun
  • Black pants, no shirt, charcoal vest, hair down with black wide brim hat
Cold Approach

Went out cold approaching twice this week. First time I got AA and didn’t approach. I was honestly a bit disgusted with myself for not being able to do it. I am all for being kind to yourself, and most of the time that is where I lean, but sometimes a little dark energy is needed. Went out again the following day for just a short bit and approached one girl.

I have put in my calendar two one hour sessions during the week in the mornings. This is actually a great time because 1) my willpower is higher and 2) there are actually a lot of girls out getting coffees and such. Additionally, I will go out on evenings I don’t have dates. I meet with a friend of mine bi-weekly and have set a goal with him to do 14 approaches in those two weeks. This means I can at bare minimum do one a day or several in a couple sessions if the week gets busy. That’s low volume, but at this point I’m just fitting it in with the rest of my life.

The reason I’m doing this is not so much for getting laid from cold approach. That’s just a nice bonus when it happens. I’m doing it for the self-confidence it gives me. When I was doing it consistently before I had a greater level of self-confidence and that “Yeah, I’m fucking boss” feeling. The AA dragon is still one I have to slay and that is what I intend to do.
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MakingAComeback
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Sun Nov 13, 2022 1:23 pm

Oh man, we could have a multiple hour conversation about AA.

I am yet to find someone in the self improvement space who had the level of AA I did.

I went out on the frontlines for months, 4hrs a day, I switched to part time remote work to do it. I couldn't approach even 1 girl for months, I used to be absolutely losing my mind, almost losing control of my body and brain, like I was about to go mad!

It was the endless, endless sessions of sheer exposure, again and again, non stop, for fucking months that added up and eventually broke down my AA. I also did a lot of coaching with Andy, who to be honest, was the one guy who was able to get into my head and break my AA down. After a long conversation with him one day, the next week, I was able to approach girls in day game.

And then I just went ballistic and became an approach machine.

Pros & cons of this, our community has grown since then and we understand more................Day game is about more than just being able to approach, it has many layers.

But Brandon, you are gonna kill this. Lol. We already know.

Enjoy man.

With you, the talent and ability level is very high. You are well put together and what I really respect is your consistency, you show up here and keep working.

Guys like you are a fantastic example and I admire you, respect you, and thank you for your contribution to our forum.

And we will achieve a lot in our life bro.

I am happy to know you.

Ravi
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Bman
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Sun Nov 13, 2022 2:18 pm

MakingAComeback wrote:
Sun Nov 13, 2022 1:23 pm
With you, the talent and ability level is very high. You are well put together and what I really respect is your consistency, you show up here and keep working.

Guys like you are a fantastic example and I admire you, respect you, and thank you for your contribution to our forum.
Thank you, man. Quite a compliment coming from you. The respect is mutual.
MakingAComeback wrote:
Sun Nov 13, 2022 1:23 pm
Pros & cons of this, our community has grown since then and we understand more................Day game is about more than just being able to approach, it has many layers.
Completely agree. I plan on working on each layer. But one thing at a time. Need to get comfortable just approaching at the moment. I do quite decent once I start getting momentum. From past approaches I know I'm pretty decent at body language, deepening my voice, making eye contact, and having a positive upbeat vibe. I even started getting better at touching the girls or holding their hands much longer. I generally get positive responses from the girls, even if they have a BF/married. My points of improvement are the conversation/vibing, emotional spiking, teasing. But first, just approaching.
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MakingAComeback
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Fri Nov 18, 2022 9:00 am

Appreciate you Brandon lets gooooooooooooo
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

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Bman
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Sun Nov 20, 2022 12:31 pm

This week’s reflection

Interesting week. Let’s get into the details.

Dates
After getting cucked by my cold sore for a couple weeks I was ready for some action. Tried getting Cinderella girl over but she was going through a lot of emotional stuff with a friend of hers in hospice. Totally understand. Then tried getting Southern Girl over but she had a UTI. Great, ok, time to hunting again.

Then got to a wonderful learning experience and really shit lay on Thursday. It’s written in the lay report. Really, really grateful for your guy’s perspectives in the comments of that thread. Especially hear you the loudest @Manly Cockfellow . You’re right.

Will comment soon.

Cold Approach

3 approaches this week:
  1. 6/10 on the way to gym. Said thanks, kept walking.
  2. 8/10 at the BDSM Club. More on this one in a moment
  3. 8/10 at the mall. Didn’t stop, so I walked with her. Married. (Why are the hot ones always married?)
Small improvement on the AA front. I also had a couple sessions where I went out for a half hour or hour and did not approach any girls. The usual location I went to during the summertime is not great during the winter because by the time I’m done with work its dark out. This means there is significantly less volume, so by the time I kick my ass into gear to finally approach, I’ve already skipped over most the girls I’ll see that session. The one morning session I did was better, but had AA and did not take advantage of that. Went to the mall last night and because it’s the holidays there is a ton of volume. Sucks its an hour bus ride for me, but at least its indoors and warm.

Most of the time I’m approaching 7+/10’s. It’s not like I have a rule or something. The slightly cute girls just don’t compel me enough to overcome the AA. Where the hot girls I end up thinking, “Fuck that girl is so hot I can’t NOT approach her.” I don’t know if this helpful or a hindrance because if I was approaching the slightly cute girls I could be getting more experience. The hot ones just seem like high risk high reward.

BDSM Club

Now let’s discuss the BDSM club. This seems like a different animal when approaching. I’ve never done night game, so I don’t have a reference point for that. When you’re approaching in the BDSM club you get an extra layer of social calibration to deal with.

First off, at least half the people are naked in some way. There is various scenes and sexual acts happening everywhere. There is no alcohol. And the purpose of this event is sex.

Second, you have to deal with BDSM social dynamics. You see a girl you might want to approach and have to run through a checklist for yourself. Is she a trans (because there are plenty)? Is she part of a couple? Is she collared and not going to be shared? Is she a Dom or sub? What kinks is she into, are you going to match those?

THEN you get to deal with whatever AA you have…

Last Sunday when I went, I volunteered to do setup again which I enjoy. They do free STI testing there, so decided to get that done (came back all negative. Nice.) Then just watched and scoped girls out as they started to roll in. Few cute ones here or there, but nothing that compelled me.

An hour or so in there were a couple young hot girls that were together as partners. I had spotted them making out. One was naked besides some suspenders and cowgirl hat and the other was in black harness with her tits out. I really wanted to approach them, but that felt even more high risk high reward. By the time I could finally muster up the courage, they went into the bathroom together.

Fuck. I guess I’ll wait…

In the meantime I noticed a very hot Japanese girl. She was at the last event dressed as a Japanese school girl, but tonight she was decked out in high heel boots and all black. I was waiting for the other girls when I seen this Japanese girl standing by herself watching a scene.

Ok B, you have to approach.

I was pretty nervous, but like I said before, high risk high reward. I opened asking her if she was enjoying the scene. We chatted a bit about it. We exchanged the kinks we were into. Pain tolerances and tattoos came up, so started showing her all of mine, which she was really admiring. Had her laughing a couple times and starting to vibe. She is pretty in the scene here and noticed a guy she knew. They started chatting about events they were going to and getting pretty into a conversation that I did not have anything to add to so I ended up ducking out of that one. Time to find those other girls.

Unfortunately I missed my window after they came out of the bathroom and they ended up finding their way up to the second floor to the voyer rooms to fuck each other. Fuck B, you missed your window. They were getting pretty hot and heavy, but I didn’t feel like watching because I still wanted to try and approach when they were done and that would have made me even more anxious. I just went an chilled downstairs. They eventually came down and getting into a group of people they were chatting with. I waited for them to get more isolated, but it never happened and I just wasn’t ready to try and open a whole group then isolate these two girls.

Would have been awesome though… threesome in the club... soon. I’ll get there soon.
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AskTheDom
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Sun Nov 20, 2022 4:52 pm

Man, maybe it's because these clubs are totally natural for me but it seems you are way too much in your head and probably you express insecurity instead of sheer dominance and confidence.
Plus, it's a sex positive club, you need to act strong and fast - otherwise EVERYTHING literally everything can happen
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Bman
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Sun Nov 20, 2022 8:07 pm

AskTheDom wrote:
Sun Nov 20, 2022 4:52 pm
seems you are way too much in your head and probably you express insecurity instead of sheer dominance and confidence.
Well you're not wrong. They are brand new to me and confidence without experience is not a strong suit for me.
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Squilliam
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Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:27 pm

Bman wrote:
Sun Nov 13, 2022 12:07 pm
Finally had my cold sore heal up by Thursday which killed the beginning of my week.
If I recall correctly, earlier in your log you said no to sex with a girl because of herpes, correct? I think if you have oral herpes then you're actually protected from genital herpes to some degree, assuming it's caused by the same strain. This is because of antibodies.

On another note, I really appreciate you sharing this vulnerable knowledge publicly, because I've always had a fear of herpes ruining my sex life, and here I can see a clear example of girls not caring that you had a cold sore. So I'm less afraid of getting oral herpes now.

I however am still quite afraid of genital herpes.

Also, the way you responded to that girl that rejected you, that was so smooth and confident. You are the man. :D
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- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~350/1000)
- Get laid from daygame
- Learn game and stop being a social autist
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Bman
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Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:36 pm

Squilliam wrote:
Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:27 pm
Bman wrote:
Sun Nov 13, 2022 12:07 pm
Finally had my cold sore heal up by Thursday which killed the beginning of my week.
If I recall correctly, earlier in your log you said no to sex with a girl because of herpes, correct? I think if you have oral herpes then you're actually protected from genital herpes to some degree, assuming it's caused by the same strain. This is because of antibodies.

On another note, I really appreciate you sharing this vulnerable knowledge publicly, because I've always had a fear of herpes ruining my sex life, and here I can see a clear example of girls not caring that you had a cold sore. So I'm less afraid of getting oral herpes now.

I however am still quite afraid of genital herpes.

Also, the way you responded to that girl that rejected you, that was so smooth and confident. You are the man. :D
Cold sores are caused by HSV-1. Genital Herpes are caused by HSV-2. Most of the general population has HSV-1. You can still get HSV-2 if you have HSV-1.

For clarification, I only have HSV-1 like the gen pop.

Cold sores are not really that big of a deal. I got my first one in high school I think, then had them pop up maybe once every few years. Generally they pop up from lots of stress. Which on top of everything else I'm doing in life this year, I also am just finishing up a pure powerlifting routine that prepares you for competition. So I have been taxing my central nervous system a ton. Really no surprise I had one pop up. No biggie. It heals in about 1-1.5 weeks and ready to roll again.
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Squilliam
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Wed Nov 23, 2022 12:45 am

Bman wrote:
Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:36 pm
Cold sores are caused by HSV-1. Genital Herpes are caused by HSV-2. Most of the general population has HSV-1. You can still get HSV-2 if you have HSV-1.
This actually isn't 100% true. There's a common misconception that HSV-1 causes oral herpes and that HSV-2 causes genital herpes. While this is often the case, it's not the entire picture. Theoretically, both of the strains can cause sores in both places. Obviously, you can also be infected with both strains simultaneously as you mentioned.

HSV-1 genitally is actually not that uncommon, and is often transmitted through oral sex.

So it really depends on which strain she had. If it was HSV-1, the antibodies offer some level of protection I believe. If you knew she had HSV-2 though, that's another story.

So you got the virus before you were sexually active? Interesting.
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- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~350/1000)
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Bman
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Sun Nov 27, 2022 6:26 pm

This week’s reflection

With it being the holidays this last week and working a bunch in the beginning of the week then flying out to my mom’s for thanksgiving, I did not focus much on dating until I got back. But some interesting notes.

Apps

When I went back to my hometown I opened the apps just to see what the market was like. It’s a smaller city but it has 4 colleges downtown and two on the outskirts so its disproportionately filled with college students in that area. I got some of that new city, newbie boosts on Tinder and Feeld and got 9 likes and 13 likes respectively with some a couple below 5’s, 6’s, and 7’s. I do plan on moving back there for a short stint to build out a van, so it was nice to see what it was like there. I also will be doing a Christmas trip for longer next month, so I’ll see if I can’t get something setup while visiting.

Dates

Saturday: 35yo poly switch from Feel’d; amazing date, no pull

I matched with this woman a few weeks ago. She’s been married 15 years and has a boyfriend she does BDSM with. She is also a very successful entrepreneur, a mother, content creator, very secure in herself, and very into personal development. She’s very busy so we had not been able to do a date till last night, so we have been texting back and forth this week. I actually enjoy talking with her because she is very intelligent. We were also very honest with each other as we both hold that as a high value.

She lives in the suburbs outside of the city, so we chose a place to go that was halfway. I was fine with this because I had developed another cold sore from all the stress and poor sleep with travel this week, so I was not going to attempt a pull anyways. We did a more traditional date and went to an interactive art gallery. She is a classy woman who often wears vintage dresses. Real lady in the streets, kinky in the sheets type. So I went with the black button down, black pants, brown belt and brown boots. She complimented my outfit a few different times.

It was a wonderful date and really nice to walk around and talk with her about our marriages, getting into BDSM, other sexual partners, personal development and so on. It just felt really good to connect with her on a deeper level. I didn’t touch her while we walked around, but would hold my body very close to hers, often from behind as we looked at things. Then sometimes I would leave her on her own as I wandered into areas you were technically not supposed to be in to show her I do as I please and don’t really follow arbitrary rules. Classic stuff I used to do to my ex wife when we first started dating.

After 2 hours we got to the end of the exhibit and I just starred deeply in her eyes. I told her I’d like to kiss her but had the cold sore. She then told me she really wanted to spend more time with me, but couldn’t go home with me tonight. I had not even said anything about going home with me or tried a pull, but the sexual tension between us was palpable. I told her lets go to a coffee shop nearby. We ended up just walking around near the coffee shop, holding hands and chatting some more. Eventually she told me she was ok with the cold sore and I could kiss her if I wanted. So I started making out with her on the sidewalk, fairly aggressively, which made her softly moan. Then I’d stop and hover my lips around hers, slightly pulling back and making her wait for more.

We finally made it to the coffee shop and started talking more about sex and the dynamic we wanted to have. By now we were touching each other a lot as we sat between each other’s legs. At one point we stopped talking and starred deeply in to each other’s eyes. I put my hand on her chin, told her to come closer, and lightly pulled her in to kiss several times. The coffee shop was heavily packed with students working late at night on homework, but we were both so comfortable with being sexual with each other and were in our own little bubble.

It was getting late, almost 11, and she said “I think I have 5 more minutes in me, how would you like to spend those five minutes?” I said “Not here. Let’s go to the car.” We didn’t make it to the car. I stopped her midway, pushed her against a sign post, made out with her more aggressively and was sliding my hands up inside her shirt, scratching her back, and down her pants squeezing her ass. I started to move my hand around to the front, but she stopped me. So I just enjoyed continuing to ravish her in the middle of the sidewalk. We slowly stopped and I let her drive on home.

Before going on this date I felt a bit insecure as I was not sure exactly what I had to offer this woman. She told me she was very happy in her life, had a great sex life, both her partners were wonderful, and very fulfilled by it all. But I tried to remind myself exactly what you had all said after my last lay. During the date she told me that she values her time very highly and that she would never fake spending time with me, because she has plenty of great places to be in her life. This was right before we were leaving the coffee shop. At first I thought she was telling me I was wasting her time at the moment, but then I realized it was a deep compliment. We had just spent 4 hours together and she could have been anywhere else in the world, but she was there with me. This morning she texted me thank you for spending MY time with her and that I had the important qualities she looks for in a lover, and listed those qualities.

I realized what I had to offer was me.

I’m obviously very keen on this woman. If the sex is good (I have a lot confidence it will be) she’s MLTR material. She no doubt checks boxes for me that even my ex wife was missing including ambition, being secure, and self-assuredness. She’s also busy with her own life and has other partners. I don’t have to worry about her getting clingy and hitting me up all the time so I can focus on my shit. I’ll be fine should things not work out. I’m just grateful to have had a date with a woman like this because it helped show myself what I want and that I can attract that quality of woman.

Quite the difference from the Feminist last week (who I nicely sent packing earlier this week).

Cold Approach

No approaches this week. However on my return flight home I had a couple hour layover. The woman that was seated next to me on the first flight was an attractive older woman, so I said what the hell, lets chat her up and see if she also has a layover and could escalate into something. Unfortunately her boyfriend was picking her up for a doctor’s appointment that she had to go to right after we landed. So that would have been a no go, but we had a great conversation and she touched me several times. At least made my flight interesting.

Health

Finished up a pure powerlifting routine that prepares you for competition. Tested my 1 rep max for squat and bench the day before flying out for Thanksgiving. Hit 425lbs for squat and 280lbs for bench. Was pretty happy about that. I was supposed to test deadlift and overhead press today, but I was so gassed from travel and late night last night that I just did a light workout today. I’m in some serious need of catching up on sleep this week.
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Aku
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Sun Nov 27, 2022 7:06 pm

Nice

She sounds like more fun than the previous girl. Quite a contrast.
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Bman
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Sun Dec 04, 2022 12:16 pm

This week’s reflection

Minimal post this week for sake of checking in and consistency. Feeling mildly depressed and a bit lonely this week. Miss the ex-wife some. Bit rundown. Just not as motivated as usual. Winter has historically always been more of a down time for me. Chalk it up to less sun or a broken family that makes the holidays hard. I don’t know. Regardless, I just didn’t feel like doing a whole write-up today. Not asking for sympathy, just telling it as it is.

Despite those things, still making progress. Work still gets done. Still messaging the girl from the last post and waiting on my routine STI results before hooking up. Bumble and tinder have been better since the new pictures, and hinge has been worse in actually getting a girls number. Unsure what that is.

Yesterday I turned down going out with a hot, tight bodied, digital nomad who was only in town for the night for a bachelorette party and wanted me to come out with her and the girls. Just didn’t feel like chasing the night and opted for sleep instead. She was bummed about that.

Anyways, my dog and I are going to go for a hike this afternoon after the gym this morning. Not wallowing in these feelings, just accepting the full range of human emotions and knowing this is just something that occurs every once in a while. This too, shall pass. Trying to focus on being grateful for where I am, what I’ve done, and who is around me. Trying to not to crack the whip on myself and realize even in my low motivation, I’m still making progress, even if it’s not my fullest. If things get darker, I know I have those I can reach out to.

Be back next week with our regular scheduled programming on the Bman show. Until then, hope you are all doing well.
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