Meet&Shake’s Pornfree Journal

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Mon Sep 12, 2022 4:35 pm

t’s been a little while since I’ve updated my journal. Life got a bit in the way and I lost some focus and motivation. However, this pornfree streak I have been on has just hit 14 days, so I’m back to keep accountable, continue to develop my habits and achieve my goals.

This streak has been going well. I’ve been basically doing hard-mode: no PMO for 14 days (I did have sex last week, but didn’t ejaculate). My goal isn’t strict semen retention, but I’d like to ejaculate only during sex, to maximise recovery benefits. I’m going to take some times to discuss some of the benefits I’ve noticed, and discuss what lifestyle changes I’ve been making to help continue this progress.

Firstly, overall confidence has improved. I’ve been making some conscious efforts to adopt a more positive mindset, one based on growth and optimism. That said, these attempts of optimism have been easier and feel more fulfilling during this streak. I’m feeling more connection to the people around me, I feel more talkative and jokey and some energy has jumped back into my everyday routine.

Secondly, sexual health has been fantastic. I’ve been genuinely horny again for many days now. Erectile health is improving and sex feels more exciting. I crave it much more now than when I was deep into my addiction, and that is manifesting as a far more intimate and fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend.

I also have more time to get daily activities done. Admittedly, I did let a lot of habits (like journaling and daily walks) slip a bit, but other activities, like getting all of my teaching and medical school work done, have been achieved in good time and with a lot of productivity.

Staying pornfree has also highlighted a lot of areas of improvement to make my journey easier. Regular meditation, getting 8 hours of good sleep, unwinding before bed, spending time with family and being outside my room, getting outdoors and doing things with friends, keeping busy and productive and adopting a healthy, positive mindset have all been foundational. I’ve not perfected every single one of these aspects (I really could do with getting my sleep in order), but I hope to use the rest of September to start to fix them for good. If all goes to plan, I shall continue to be pornfree for over a month by the time September ends. As I continue, I’ll be about 5 months pornfree by my birthday. I will be incredibly happy to achieve that goal, and it will be a huge milestone in this journey.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Mon Sep 12, 2022 4:40 pm

colgate wrote:
Fri Aug 26, 2022 8:05 am
I'm going to give an alternative and also kinda unorthodox perspective on this whole "noporn" thing, in an attempt to make you rethink this journal and what you actually think you'll achieve out of...not watching porn.

I personally think "porn-free" is completely overrated.

At best, it gives people an illusion that they're doing something productive, and at worst it couples their emotional state and framing to whether they had looked at porn or not. And when they do look at porn, they're like oh fuck god damn it I feel like shit for something that's actually pretty innocuous.

I have this perspective because I've always had a different perspective on pornography and adult media (such as erotic visual novels, etc) in general than most people I've seen in "self-improvement" spaces, and am honestly still flummoxed at how it seems to derail people's lives.

So in an attempt to maybe get you to recalibrate your goals, I'm going to explain how I feel about porn and maybe you can reframe what you're doing. Because all I can see happening on this log is the spiral of, every 10-15 days "ugh, guys i relapsed wtf....", (and it's not just you!)


how i view porn
To me, pornography and adult media has always been just a form of entertainment. It's not really a bad or good thing. Like listening to music or watching YouTube videos. At worst, it's probably just a waste of time, but I've never understood how it seems to debilitate people and we have entire communities of people trying to quit porn.

I'd actually say it's been a net positive in my life because even seeing simulated scenes of sex and hot chicks has been a motivation for me to get out there and try to meet girls and get laid myself. Additionally, playing Japanese hentai games was one of my motivations for eventually learning how to speak the language.

And I did actually do nofap for around ~60 days, which indeed did have the effect of putting me into fucking hyperdrive with approaching girls (I then proceeded to rage approach over ~1000 girls in around 1.5 months), even having wet dreams of approaching girls and getting rejected. I mention this specifically, because sometimes when I wanted a super boost, I would literally watch porn without jerking off before going out to approach at the mall and it felt like I was fucking high.

^I'm not saying you need to do that btw, I just stated it because I don't think I've ever heard anyone do that sort of thing with porn.

Overall, combined with reading real lay reports from guys on KYIL and other places, I was able to have amazing sex even though I started as a complete virgin. See this story and this story. I really did just mirror the rough and primal energy porn shows.

Also I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know plenty of guys who get laid all the time who enjoy porn as well.


what you should do with this information
You should go to back to the drawing board and list out what exactly you are trying to get out of "quitting pornography". I think you'll find better solutions to the specific problems you might have.

I stayed silent on your thread initially, especially after seeing @september link the easy-peasy method that I know has personally worked for him to quit porn. But then you said that it didn't work "when you read it a long time ago" "because you didn't fully internalize all the stuff it says", which makes me think you didn't read the book seriously (I haven't read it personally) and/or you need a mindset shift.

And seeing you relapse again twice since you shut september's suggestion down makes me feel like I needed to step in with my (different) view on the matter. Because otherwise, I feel like you're just giving yourself an illusion of doing something productive when you really aren't.
Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time out to write this response, mate! I’m going to give it the response it deserves once I’ve had some time to fully appreciate this different perspective. It’s this type of accountability that I find so helpful. I’ll @ you when I have a response ready.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Thu Sep 22, 2022 11:43 am

I’ve had some time to think about what user @colgate said about my pornfree journey so far. Much appreciation to him. That’s the sort of accountability I needed! I also took the time to reread the EasyPeasy Method and better internalise its lessons. Now reflecting on it properly, it was worth going through it again, so thank you to @september for suggesting it.

This was a bit of a wake up call for me, as I had lost sight of why I was pursuing this goal in the first place. I’ve been attempting nofap and pornfree on and off for years without really making “progress”. Additionally, during those years I have been incorporating better lifestyle choices and seeing results (going to the gym, socialising more, finding a compatible partner, sleeping better etc.). I wanted to take some time to look back at my nofap/pornfree history and see what I want to do going forward.

## My journey with Porn and Nofap.

I discovered porn at the age of 10. With puberty on the horizon, my interest in girls and sex started to blossom. Porn was this new, exciting way to see things I had never seen before. At this point in life, porn was a fun, risque interest that wasn’t negatively affecting my life. My consumption was minimal and centered around pretty vanilla topics. I didn’t yet have a smartphone, so my porn consumption was limited to my laptop in the family office. In my first few years, I viewed porn occasionally, due to having computer restrictions as a kid. As the years went on, I would stay up later, waiting for my dad to head to bed so I could have unrestricted internet time.

For secondary school (11-18), I had moved away to a new town and attended a boys only school. This made socialising with friends harder and meant I spent most of my puberty years away from girls. My only interactions with them were through porn. Over these years, I became increasinly more introverted, but that didn’t bother me at the time. I was focused on my academic performance and felt I got enough interactions with friends through school. So even at this stage, porn wasn’t doing any visible harm.

However, I think things changed between 16-18. These are the big exam years in the UK, determining where you could go to university. I had high expectations of myself, and stressed a lot about doing well in exams. I wasn’t sleeping or eating well, my stress levels were through the roof and I didn’t have many outlets to relax, like sports or social time. Porn was my outlet, and I remember this point of life being when I would start viewing porn daily. The stress and the porn usage were correlated for sure. Then, at 17, I would move schools again to a more prestigious college. Here, I lacked any of the friend groups I had previously, with all the other students having formed their groups long before I had arrived. This was my first experience into social anxiety. I was a very energetic, extroverted child, slid into some shyness as a teen, but this was something new and very unpleasant.

It was also the time I got my first iphone and started using social media. I discovered I could access porn and other ellicit material using reddit and facebook. Here, my porn viewing frequency would increase even more, being used as a stress relief from the anxiety i was experiencing.

It was at 18 that my mental health really took a nosedive. I had lost a lot of my old friends, I had gotten into a toxic relationship and was becoming increasingly more irritable and sad due to chronic stress and anxiety. I had narrowly missed my offers to medical school and would be attending a university that meant I couldn’t move out and have the “typical university experience”. It was also at 18 when I started having sex with my ex girlfriend and I noticed I was having issues staying hard and finishing. Part of that was normal nerves one gets from having sex with a new partner, but when I noticed it happening even months into our relationship, I knew something was up.

This was when I discovered the ideas of porn being unhealthy and of pornfree and nofap.

## Why did I want to do Nofap?

To be perfectly honest, I like porn. The sexy bodies and acts made me feel good, the dopamine rush to the brain. I don’t think this bad habit/addiction would have been this hard to break if I didn’t enjoy it so much. So when looking for advice about ED in sex as a teen, I was disappointed to see “taking an extended break from porn and masturbation” as a solution.

However, what made nofap initially more appealing was seeing the myriad other benefits that beating the porn habit could bring. The one that particularly appealed to me was increased social energy and confidence. Nofap sounded like a cure all for the problems I had been struggling with for years. I devoured the success stories and attempted to do my own streak. Many of these initial streaks were short, with me relapsing, swearing never to view porn again, and then repeating the cycle. This when on for many years. I didn’t give up because: 1, I am a pretty determined guy and have a mindset of “I’ll eventually succeed if I keep trying (which has actually been the case with many of the other goals I have worked on and succeeded in) and 2, because I did start to see some of the those benefits. ED reducing, getting better at sex, more social confidence, more energy. Again, these streaks weren’t long. Even longer ones like a month would be marked with peeking and edging, bringing into question how much these benefits were coming from nofap and how much they were placebo.

But I was desperate to achieve this goal. In some ways now, just because I’ve set out on this goal and have wanted to achieve it for so long and reap those benefits.

## Why do I want to keep doing Nofap?

It’s been a few years since first hearing about porn addictions. My understanding of the topic, as well as habit formation, meditation and other important lessons, has grown a lot more. I’ve grown a lot as a person in other respects. Physically, emotionally, socially etc. I am much more the person I wanted to be as an 18 year old. Far more productive, much more friendly and popular, living a more varied life.

I’m now in a relationship with a wonderful woman. We’re very compatible in values, personality and, in particular, sex drives. I want to have an incredibly exciting and fulfilling sex life with her. And I feel my porn consumption interferes with this too much. Physically, I’ll still get some troubles performing. Mentally, I’ll find myself looking back at porn scenes to get turned on. This is not what I want out of my relationship any longer.

Besides this, while the evidence of the benefits of nofap have long been drawn into questions, I can’t help but be allured by them. I’ve put a lot of work into improving my social confidence, general energy levels and productivity, but if giving up porn can give me that little extra boost to really achieve the lifestyle I want, it’s a worthy sacrifice.

## What to do now?

Colgate’s alternative perspective on porn consumption was really interesting. I should lower nofap off the pedestal I placed it on. Instead of obsessing with streaks and progress and benefits, I should work towards building positive habits and lifestyle choices that help me to achieve the life I want. Weighing things up, I’d conclude that porn is still, for me, a net negative in my life. However, thinking about this topic more has shown me that it is perhaps more a symptom of problems rather than definitely being the cause.

I will continue this journal, but I’ll focus on including the positive lifestyle choices I’m making to make my life a pornfree one. Things like:

- reducing internet time and time spent alone
- spending more time with friends and family
- engaging in other hobbies
- engaging in weight lifting and sports
- working hard on my academic and business goals
- consistently achieving other goals and developing more of a growth mindset
- mediation and taking care of my mental health
- enjoying more of my day to day life instead of getting stuck in routine

Doing these things, which are productive, will make being pornfree a general result of my life instead of one where I am obsessed with achieving this one goal. I’ll also continue to update daily for the accountability. If it wasn’t for everyone who has read or commented, I don’t think I could have gotten as far as I have. A month in on the horizon, and I know things will become easier and more fruitful by adopting this new mindset and building a better lifestyle. Thanks again everyone!
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Manly Cockfellow
Posts: 449 | Thanks: 358
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2022 8:14 pm
Goal: Become the men I fear
Age: 37
Motto: Mk no smll plans; thy hv no pwr to stir mens blood

Thu Sep 22, 2022 12:46 pm

Here's what worked for me:

viewtopic.php?p=42823#p42823

(spoiler alert, I do PE exercises when I feel the urge to watch porn or masturbate, and instead of getting ED I get a bigger dick)
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Sun Sep 25, 2022 7:35 pm

It's been a very busy weekend, which has been good. Kept my mind nice and occupied. I was feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed, and could feel a build up of temptation to peek. So instead I went to the gym (for the first time in a couple weeks), chatted with some friends, texted some others and am now writing this entry to keep myself going.

I'm glad I took the time to write that long entry. I've got something to look back on, if I ever find myself faltering.

I've also really identified stress as been very counterproductive to my goals, so I'm going to spend the rest of the evening relaxing and have a long nights sleep. I could do some studying, but I've had a busy weekend so I'm gonna reward myself with an easy day today.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:25 pm

1 month pornfree achieved! Feels amazing to have hit this goal. Since my last update, I’ve found that journalling and meditation have helped a lot with managing stress, but I could do with other methods of eliminating stress. If anyone reading has any recommendations, I’d love to know.

Sex-wise, things have been going well well. No troubles with erections anymore, I’m usually able to go a couple of rounds (maybe even more with enough rest time). Even doing small things like kissing or cuddling with my girlfriend make me feel super aroused. That feeling of shame and anxiety I would have whenever I had been watching a lot of porn is disappearing, and I’m finding managing day to day temptations much easier by keeping productive. Colgate’s post has really had me rethinking this goal of mine and it’s reignited things in a much healthier. Maybe for future goals (like reducing my overall internet usage), I could do with similar discussions so I can really understand my goal process.

Reframing things, reflecting on my goals and keeping myself busy has helped me to manage a very stressful few days. Everyone at home is getting sick (mix of seasonal illness and COVID of all things), so I’ve been managing things as best as I can.

Today though was much much better. I had an amazing night’s sleep, better than I’ve had in ages. Either it was because of taking some magnesium before bed or trying to sleep on my back (I’m normally a side or front sleeper). I woke up feeling very refreshed and energized. I got a tonne of work done, did some teaching, had a good session at the gym and found that my mood and energy levels didn’t really dip at all during the day.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:42 pm

A pretty uneventful day. I had a half day of work at the hospital, so I made sure to get all other tasks in my daily habit tracker complete. I’m back to meditating again frequently. Not many other new updates to report on. All in all, a pretty standard start to the week.
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natedawg
Posts: 879 | Thanks: 221
Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2022 11:45 pm
Goal: Social Life
Age: 35
Motto: Whatever you do, don't quit.

Wed Oct 05, 2022 12:22 am

MeetNShake wrote:
Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:42 pm
A pretty uneventful day. I had a half day of work at the hospital, so I made sure to get all other tasks in my daily habit tracker complete. I’m back to meditating again frequently. Not many other new updates to report on. All in all, a pretty standard start to the week.
One day at a time, brother. Keep up the great work!
2023-2024 Goals

Year 1: Pg 1-42

"As long I don't quit, I can't lose." - Alex Hormozi

**Feeling lost/unmotivated? Read this:viewtopic.php?p=48007#p48007

** Trust in the process Andy laid out for me: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/11913966
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Thu Oct 06, 2022 2:29 pm

It’s been a very social week. I’ve been out to 3 parties in the last 7 days, with another coming up today and then an event on Saturday. I’m glad my university workload has been so quiet and that my work is flexible. The business has kept me productive and distracted in a healthy way.

I want to take some time to reflect on what I am doing right now. I’ve made a lot of progress with my social skills over the last few years, but especially between 2021 to today. 18 year old me wouldn’t believe how many times he’s been going out with friends and his girlfriend in the last couple years. I used to have so much shyness and anxiety about going out and meeting people, yet I would yearn for those opportunities without putting in the effort to seek them. Since then, I’ve pulled a huge 180. I’m making plans with friends, I’m making efforts to move out of my social comfort zone and I have been working on my social skills and confidence. It’s paid off massively. Now I get invited to go to events, people are happy to see me and catch up and my shyness and anxiety (whilst still a little bit there) are becoming easier and easier to manage. I’m proud of what I have achieved and hope to see how far I can go as I continue to refine these skills.
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