Meet&Shake’s Pornfree Journal

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Tue Aug 02, 2022 5:56 pm

september wrote:
Sat Jul 30, 2022 4:40 pm
september wrote:
Thu Jul 21, 2022 1:37 pm
https://easypeasymethod.org/
just read this damn thing so you stop having to waste all your time and energy on struggling with the temptations etc
the willpower method SUCKS
it takes like 3 hours to read at most
Definitely agree. I've read the easypeasy method before. A lot of it makes sound sense, but it alone hasn't helped me to quit like it has for other people. Maybe because in past attempts I still hadn't fully internalised all the stuff it says. I'm using this journal for accountability, so if temptations do arise I wanna record that.
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AspiringMaleStripper
Posts: 35 | Thanks: 16
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2022 2:37 am
Goal: Have 5 active plates
Age: 34
Motto: I keep getting older, they stay the same age

Tue Aug 02, 2022 7:15 pm

I've also read the easypeasy method, and while it gave me a little extra food for thought, it was not powerful enough to overcome the porn demon long-term. I've been trying to go porn-free for 10 years and I'm still relapsing all the damn time. Even on my longest streaks, I might come home from the party or something by myself and then that demon gets me at my most vulnerable state. Sigh. One day I will overcome. Best of luck to you, dude!
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Wed Aug 03, 2022 6:15 pm

Pretty boring start to the day. I’ve felt a haze of tiredness going through the whole day. Probably a combo of heat and my workouts catching up with me. I’ll have a wind down before going to bed tonight, just listening to an audiobook and meditating without using any devices to help me drift off.

All I’ve been doing today was working and browsing the internet during my breaks. In retrospect, I should have done something more relaxing during my time off. Browsing the internet is just a distraction if done all day. Next time I’m in a funk like this, I’ll use my time off to actually rest and unwind. Even if it feels more boring, I know it’ll do me more good in the long run.

Porn wise, I’m doing well for day 3. Chatted with my GF for a long time, played some games and flirted with her. It feels good to keep the relationship strong even while she’s back home. The distance hasn’t made that spark diminish.

I’m continuing to work hard on the tutoring business I’m running. I’ve been working 8 hour days with a big break in the middle of the day. Obviously this is pretty chill in comparison to some other jobs, and I’m grateful that the work is not hard. What I’m aiming to do by the end of August is have my website up and running (it’s basically ready, I just need to learn how to use the scheduling software and we’re good to go) and then start advertising my services. I’ve got students lined up to start in September and hope to start at least 1 group tutoring class a week (with room to expand if needed).

My biggest issue with work at the moment is that I keep putting the needs of the students ahead of my own. Many have asked to reschedule at the last minute, which is very frustrating. Some have legitimate excuses, others just can’t be bothered. I should be more discriminative in future. Or at least ensure I have a proper cancellation policy put in place.

4/10 day - could definitely have been better with some more rest and some actual enjoyment instead of low energy browsing. Will try to make the evening a little more enjoyable for myself.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Wed Aug 03, 2022 6:16 pm

AspiringMaleStripper wrote:
Tue Aug 02, 2022 7:15 pm
I've also read the easypeasy method, and while it gave me a little extra food for thought, it was not powerful enough to overcome the porn demon long-term. I've been trying to go porn-free for 10 years and I'm still relapsing all the damn time. Even on my longest streaks, I might come home from the party or something by myself and then that demon gets me at my most vulnerable state. Sigh. One day I will overcome. Best of luck to you, dude!
I think the ideas in the book work logically, but in the heat of moment it can be really hard to stop yourself if you haven’t laid down the ground work. Meditating and reading through it have definitely started the brain rewiring process I need to fully turn away from porn for good. Thanks bro! Best of luck to you too
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Crisis_Overcomer
Posts: 1017 | Thanks: 720
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:25 pm
Goal: Earn $5,000/month
Age: 33
Motto: Motion beats meditation

Wed Aug 03, 2022 7:16 pm

I've been porn free 3 years now. You got it man.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Thu Aug 04, 2022 8:19 pm

My wesbite is now and up and running! After a long time (and a fair chunk of procrastination), my tutoring site is live. I've gotten some great feedback to take on board and I'll make the fixes over the weekend. In the future I'll start to make content advertising my services and hopefully I'll drum up some further business. A big step was achieved today.

I also hit a 125kg deadlift today, hitting a new PR. I still feel like I haven't exhausted newbie gains yet so I'll keep going until I either hit the intermediate levels or hit 1,2,3,4.

I'm glad I'm writing today. I was feeling a bit down in the dumps and tired all day but looking back, I accomplished a couple of really big goals. Reflecting and appreciating those achievements at the end of the day is a nice little way to make me feel good before bed and prepare me for an even better tomorrow.

6/10 day - strong porn temptations but I'm not giving up. 3 days into the new streak and I'm going to meditate as soon as I post this update. Peace!
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Fri Aug 05, 2022 10:09 pm

What started out as being a bit of a shitty day ended up being excellent. I’ve been feeling frustrated and burnt out with work and students being difficult. I decided to take the day off to recooperate. I spent most of the morning lounging around in bed, watching youtube and tiktoks and feeling sorry for myself. I’m not sure if helped exactly, but giving myself a few hours to indulge did eventually get me to snap out of this lazy behaviour and make the most of the rest of the day.

After about 3pm, I decided I needed to do some stuff, so I shut down my devices, meditated for a good 30 minutes and then went for a walk with my sister to the nearby lake. We spent a good hour walking, releaxing and swapping stories. Getting away from the house and all the tech was a nice mental refresh and I felt much better afterwards. Maybe I would have snapped out of the negative thinking patterns sooner had I not spent the morning in front of a screen, but what’s done is done. No point in feeling bad about it, better to make something useful out of the day.

We then went to see a movie. Again, a nice little break from home. I finished up with dinner and did a bit more Hindi practice. I’ve been approaching it slowly, doing a little bit (even as little as 5 minutes everyday). I’m feeling a lot more confident in this attempt. Speaking little bits here and there to my GF and family. I’m learning it like a child learns a language - a few words, maybe a sentence or two. Making plenty of grammar mistakes, but hitting lesson 5 and taking some time to review flashcards and old lessons is helping to make what I learned stick.

All in all, a pretty great day. 7/10 - no porn temptations at all, I realise. Day 4 of the new streak is complete and day 5 is right around the corner. I’m making progress!
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Mon Aug 08, 2022 4:28 pm

I’ve been away for a couple of days, but I’m happy to report that I have achieved another week of being porn free. Some peeking, yes, but less than last week and I’ve no temptation to continue into this week! August is going strong. I can definitely see myself hitting 2 weeks and I’m aiming to just go for the whole month without PMO. My GF is coming back home this week, so I’ll take a rest from sexual activity so we can enjoy ourselves on the weekend.

Some other big achievements of the week: I hit a 125KG deadlift for 5 and a 90KG bench for 3. I’m so so close to hitting 100KG, hopefully by the end of summer and then hitting 100KG for 5 by September’s end, cinching another goal in my 1234 lifting goal. I’ve finished “The Power of Letting Go”, which has helped me to really stick to my meditation habit, and I’ve now started a book called “The Man Who Couldn’t Stop”, a biography about growing up with OCD and how it goes on to affect people. It’s giving me ideas about how our limited understanding of disease can lead to stigma and inappropriate treatment for patients, which is related to some work I’m doing at medical school. Maybe it’s something I can develop further?

I’ve been making progress on my Hindi learning, my journaling and all the habits I’m tracking with my tracker app. I don’t hit everything everyday, but as long as I try not to let a one day miss become a two day no streak, I generally do pretty well with keeping up on my goals and making progress slowly but surely.

My internet usage is fluctuating. On work days I barely use social media and YouTube, but on my days off I can easily hit 6-8 hours of screen time if I don’t have any plans with friends. I’m not really sure where I can make progress on this goal, but I think I’ll focus on it soon. It does provide a nice distraction from porn. Also, while I do want to give up porn entirely, I do still want the internet to be a part of my life. Although I’d like my time on here to be more fulfilling and active, rather than passively scrolling through the same 3 apps.

Work is gonna be busy this week, but I’ve made weekend plans and will be enjoying a long deserved holiday afterwards. I haven’t had a solid week off for an entire year. I’ve either been balancing medical school, summer work or both. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to recharge.

All in all, a pretty great weekend and the start to a pretty great week. 7/10 - 50% temptations to PMO over the course of the weekend, but feeling strong today.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Tue Aug 09, 2022 9:02 pm

Part of accountability is coming clean. Today I had massive urges to watch porn and I gave into those desires. This went behind peaking and I think I sat and edged for about an hour all told. Fortunately I had enough self control and willpower at the time to stop myself, reinstall the blocker apps to my devices, delete Reddit from my phone and get out the house for a 2 hour workout session. If nothing else, I'm very proud of myself for pulling myself back from the edge. In the past, I would've said “fuck it” and gave into my urges. But it seems the rewiring is doing its job.

Yesterday I came across a 14 part video series on quitting porn. I like the presenter's balanced take and have resonated a lot with his second video about going hard mode on quitting. If I continue to peek and edge, I'm just doing to hinder my recovery. Up until now, I could manage this “half recovery “ I've been attempting, but now I realise that my progress would not last or be significant until I quit viewing any sort of porn for a prolonged time. No more half measures, I'm going to stop viewing porn, even peeking.

I've managed well for the rest of the day. I'll have an early night, as tiredness, along with boredom, are huge triggers for me. I'll also continue to watch an episode of the series for the next 12 days as a reward and as an opportunity to learn more useful things for my long term recovery. Catch you guys tomorrow
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Wed Aug 17, 2022 6:49 pm

It’s been a little while since my last update, so let me fill you guys in.

My girlfriend is back home! We spent the day together. I gave her her birthday presents (which she’s been raving about for the last couple days), we got brunch, chilled and went for a little drive and caught up in the park. One of the things I love most about her is that, when we’re together, it feels like no time has passed at all. We’ve been apart for more than a month but, once we were together again, it felt like it had only been a day since we’ve last seen each other. We still had loads to talk about, we flirted non stop, we smiled, we laughed. It was perfect.

The sex was also amazing. I’ve successfully hit 14 days PMO free and I can truly see the benefits of keeping away from porn. Erections were no issue, I was able to go multiple rounds, and I was so incredibly horny. It was that primal sort of urge to be together, I loved it. Even if all the other benefits turn out to be crap, the direct benefits to my sex life are enough reward to stay away from porn.

I’m aiming to go the rest of the month PMO free. The sex breaks won’t be nearly as long, so I can always indulge there if the urges build up. Happily we both have very high sex drives, so we’ll always be down if the other person is. Right now, I’m currently on a short family holiday in a coastal town a few hours from home. Plus side to this is that I get to fully relax and unwind after 3 years of constant work and uni. It also makes being porn-free a lot easier, as I’m in a new environment. And then when I’m back, I get to reward myself with another amazing weekend with my girl.

This is about day 15 of this new streak, day 45 of progress made. Urges are becoming easier to manage. I’m thinking about porn and being pornfree less and less. I’ll keep going on this journal daily, or at least mostly daily, for about 3 months, once a solid reboot is achieved. Then I’ll just do weekly updates and focus on other important goals. It’s good to be back!
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Wed Aug 17, 2022 6:49 pm

Day 3 of our coastal holiday. I checked out the gyms yesterday. Oh boy, were they basic as fuck. They had one bench, two dumbbells with about 10kg in weights (with a connector bar to turn the whole contraption into a barbell), and three kettlebells, all with incorrect weights (I could lateral raise the 15kg kettlebell like it was nothing!). I had to jerry-rig the whole set up to make it somewhat challenging. I probably won’t be getting a decent work out here, but I can manage a week or so with minor gym workouts.

We spent the day doing touristy things: playing mini-golf, checking out a model village, making dinner and playing card games. Not exactly a sexy lifestyle, but I enjoyed it. Getting to spend quality time with family is important to me. I’ve been limiting my internet time while i’ve been here, focusing on being present and reading books when i have some spare time. I’ve finished my book about OCD - a really interesting read with a bit of an anticlimactic end - and have started on the “Charisma Myth”. As I continue to work on being more social and popular, I could do with learning some techniques to become more charismatic and socially confident. The very first exercise they suggest is practising mindfulness to become more present in conversations. A basic idea, but it’s very interesting how so many of the things I’ve read or experienced lately benefit from becoming more mindful. I feel like so many of my mental health issues can be solved with some combination of mindfulness and CBT, we’ll see how that goes.

Final observation: I’ve managed to identify and surpass a PMO trigger: stress. My parents go into an argument at the end of the day. Tension was palpable. I felt uncomfortable and stressed out and wanted to escape. I went to the bathroom, took out my phone and was about to start scrolling through NSFW subreddits, but then I paused. I remembered a video I saw saying that “when we feel triggered, we need to stop and think, what would directly relieve the negative feeling or emotion I’m feeling?”. If I’m feeling stressed, I need to take a moment to relax and stop feeling stressed. So I sat in the bathroom, chilled out for a few minutes, then played a card game with everyone. The anxiety peaked, then decreased until it was nothing after about 10 minutes. It wasn’t instant relief, but I feel better now having not indulged in PMO.

Day 16 conquered! 7/10 day.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Fri Aug 19, 2022 9:42 pm

Today marks the last day of my holiday. I’ve done some incredibly fun things, including trying out paddle boarding for the first time. I’ve got to spend a fantastic week with my family, putting work and other responsibilities to one side for a short while to enjoy being in the moment. The mindfulness exercises I’ve been doing have been helping a lot in enjoying the present and I think I’ve come to appreciate this holiday a lot more as a result.

Sadly, porn has been a regular temptation. I spend last night and a bit of tonight peeking and edging. Not for long periods, but accountability of any kind is important. I know stress is one trigger, and I’ve been doing well to manage my mental health. At the moment, the biggest trigger is simply just arousal. I’m too horny and I’m not getting a lot of privacy in the hotel we’re staying at. It’s been causing me to have some rather unproductive thoughts and frustrations.

A really helpful guide I’ve been following is the sexual self mastery course on YouTube. The guide has some really great ideas about how to manage triggers and temptations. Being kind and doing simple, easy things to distract your brain, let the feelings pass and move on have been great. For the manageable triggers, it’s been insanely helpful. It’s just managing the bigger ones that usually come at night. Maybe I need more sleep, or to just have more of a wind down before going to sleep.
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Tue Aug 23, 2022 10:27 pm

A pretty productive day today. I hit a 120kg squat at the gym today, did some teaching, and made some ramen for lunch. I’ve started organising the study resources I’ll need going back into medical school. I’m trying to streamline my studying my focusing on flashcards and practice tests and de-emphasising the note taking aspect of revision.

Staying pornfree. Some slight temptations at a couple points in the day, but staying mindful and distracting myself for a little bit helped to ease that off with no major worries. All in all, a pretty good day! 6/10
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MeetNShake
Posts: 31 | Thanks: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:46 pm
Name: Nik
Goal: Build my ideal life
Age: 24

Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:21 am

Some bad news. Over the last couple days, I relapsed hard. Each evening and night I would get huge urges, triggered by arousal, stress and tiredness. I would binge on tiktok, reddit, and escalating to porn sites and edge for hours, staying up until 1 or 2am. On the 23rd, I finally released, as all other attempts, I edged for hours and pulled myself away from the ejaculation. I don’t think this helped all that much, but it was still a change from relapsing hard after trying to pull myself away from the edge.

But some good news! I haven’t noticed the porn binges too negatively affecting my sex life. I’m able to get good erections, get condoms on, ejaculate with my partner. I haven’t noticed a huge loss in sensitivity. I can still have sex. However, it’s not nearly as fulfilling as the sex I have when I have taken a break from PMO. I’ve also noticed myself slipping into a more negative mindset and being less productive than I could otherwise be.

So I’m making another attempt. I’m 2 days into a new streak, 52 days into making pornfree progress. It’s useful for me to learn what mistakes I made from the previous attempt. For me, it was letting myself peek and building up the temptation. I previously tried to justify it as “building tolerance and rewiring social media away from porn”, but clearly that was just addictive thoughts. I’ve deleted Reddit and TikTok and have decided I will not look at either app for at least a month (September 24th). Both apps are too triggering for me at the moment as I use it as an opportunity to peek.

I’ll also resume with daily check ins. I miss the discipline and consistency I was achieving by posting everyday on the forum. I let things slip on days when I’m out and about, hanging with friends, seeing my girlfriend, spending time with family etc. However, I can always carve out 10 minutes from my day to write something.

I’m going to ensure the next 5 days of August are pornfree. Then I can go into September with a positive mindset.
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colgate
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Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
Name: bulldog
Goal: BANG!! japanese chicks!
Age: 27
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Fri Aug 26, 2022 8:05 am

I'm going to give an alternative and also kinda unorthodox perspective on this whole "noporn" thing, in an attempt to make you rethink this journal and what you actually think you'll achieve out of...not watching porn.

I personally think "porn-free" is completely overrated.

At best, it gives people an illusion that they're doing something productive, and at worst it couples their emotional state and framing to whether they had looked at porn or not. And when they do look at porn, they're like oh fuck god damn it I feel like shit for something that's actually pretty innocuous.

I have this perspective because I've always had a different perspective on pornography and adult media (such as erotic visual novels, etc) in general than most people I've seen in "self-improvement" spaces, and am honestly still flummoxed at how it seems to derail people's lives.

So in an attempt to maybe get you to recalibrate your goals, I'm going to explain how I feel about porn and maybe you can reframe what you're doing. Because all I can see happening on this log is the spiral of, every 10-15 days "ugh, guys i relapsed wtf....", (and it's not just you!)


how i view porn
To me, pornography and adult media has always been just a form of entertainment. It's not really a bad or good thing. Like listening to music or watching YouTube videos. At worst, it's probably just a waste of time, but I've never understood how it seems to debilitate people and we have entire communities of people trying to quit porn.

I'd actually say it's been a net positive in my life because even seeing simulated scenes of sex and hot chicks has been a motivation for me to get out there and try to meet girls and get laid myself. Additionally, playing Japanese hentai games was one of my motivations for eventually learning how to speak the language.

And I did actually do nofap for around ~60 days, which indeed did have the effect of putting me into fucking hyperdrive with approaching girls (I then proceeded to rage approach over ~1000 girls in around 1.5 months), even having wet dreams of approaching girls and getting rejected. I mention this specifically, because sometimes when I wanted a super boost, I would literally watch porn without jerking off before going out to approach at the mall and it felt like I was fucking high.

^I'm not saying you need to do that btw, I just stated it because I don't think I've ever heard anyone do that sort of thing with porn.

Overall, combined with reading real lay reports from guys on KYIL and other places, I was able to have amazing sex even though I started as a complete virgin. See this story and this story. I really did just mirror the rough and primal energy porn shows.

Also I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know plenty of guys who get laid all the time who enjoy porn as well.


what you should do with this information
You should go to back to the drawing board and list out what exactly you are trying to get out of "quitting pornography". I think you'll find better solutions to the specific problems you might have.

I stayed silent on your thread initially, especially after seeing @september link the easy-peasy method that I know has personally worked for him to quit porn. But then you said that it didn't work "when you read it a long time ago" "because you didn't fully internalize all the stuff it says", which makes me think you didn't read the book seriously (I haven't read it personally) and/or you need a mindset shift.

And seeing you relapse again twice since you shut september's suggestion down makes me feel like I needed to step in with my (different) view on the matter. Because otherwise, I feel like you're just giving yourself an illusion of doing something productive when you really aren't.
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