kAldown log

[kAldown]

Sine very morning I did not eat and did not drink. Want to get on time and give my analysis for sex diseases, just in case. Payed 30 pounds for a good urologist. This motherfucker told me to come at 10:40. I was there. After that I have to wait 20 minutes in corridor, and then 40 minutes inside cabinet, while he talks with someone else. Fucking hate this place sometimes. Not to say yesterday I had the same experience with the lawyer. Lawyer motherfucker told me to come at 2pm. I was there at 2. But the documents were not ready, he just "proposed" to me. After I showed him he clearly called me at that time, he looked at me as child saying "no worries". Mother fucker! I told him if my documents would not be ready before 5, I will go another lawyer. So I have to get taxi and back again. Were at home 15 minutes before my very important interview. Luckly. Went great!

So ye. I am married.
Everything getting better.
- job (with visa sponsoring)
- marriage
- place to live
- social circles
- health

Most of this doesn't want to move for months. Yet I tried to push it all at once. Now I receive dividends. Finally!

Although I have a plan to marry 15/04, since 2 days ago lawyer told me we could do that. Today government servant told me shocking news. Nobody works in Georgia since 14 up to 20. So I decided to marry today, and do the celebration in a tight circle. We agreed on that.

Next task is to open Individual Entrepreneurship company and work as contractor. Do the chores for the rest of deeds. For instance, local banks won't open account for me, since georgians and russians are in beef. But I do not care.

Oh, and sex was great today!
I learned new stuff, with a small dongle. It's easier to use rather than big magic wand.

CY

[kAldown]

Friday

Got my marriage certificate.
Settlet issue with my prev landlord, received deposit back.
prepared to meet my father for a wedding celebration
were on a meetup about "past traumas during war conflict", after that we sincerely discussed our own views on a conflict. Decided that we should start making warm and understanding space between us. Since I'm not the only one whos is not welcomed here (ar russian, I am from a terrorist country, as citizens here said), but she also not welcomed (as Refugee, she took benefits, while locals could not afford bare minimum sometimes). So we decided to feel our own feeling, and express them freely, without judge. To not grow hatred between us.

Then we went to the night shop, bouth noodles and crisps. Ate them. It was our celebration dinner . Very lucky I have that girl

Great sex again. Started to learn more things

[kAldown]

for 3 days in a row. I did tons of conversations. Around everything. Sex. Friendship. Jealous. Relation. Plans. Teaching. In addition to my main goals.

What can I say. All of this is going well. I see the progress. I did my life, and life of my relatives significantly better. Just tired a bit. But I'm on a right course. My wife is helping me to stay sane and progress towards our better life.

Some things are falling from my hands. But I do not worry, I know I will pick them up when the time would be right.

I will not leave.

CY

[kAldown]

Today was a lot of conversations not only about relationship, but about myself. Now I require my relatives to talk my words back to me, such I feel like I am stuck.

So many peoples told me it's almost impossible to find job with visa support as russian, living abroad. I've found 2 companies. They will provide visa to me. Such blind I was, I could not take that visas.

Sometimes I feel great power of will in myself. I could do things other don't. Yet it is not always good, to brutally go the hardest way. I missed so much. Lucky I have my wise wife who could tell me I'm doing things not the best way and have enough powers to reach me out in times when I feel nothing.

About current day: I have had a discussion about trust and loyalty with my father in law, about jobs I'm committing into. Then the plan is being adjusted, during conversation with Sveta. I also listened to JBP about trust and love, and pursuing meaningful goals. Need to swallow that information.

This day exceeded my expectations again. Everything great. I'm going the right direction.
Tomorrow going to be even more productive.

Thanks Sveta she is holding me this times. I will hold our family in future.

CY

[kAldown]

Today I realized the company I put so much stack on it, is actually not as great as I thought. Meantime walked around 7 more interviews and got one company with a nicer offer.

Have conversation with Sveta about the planning and how we should cooperate on them for our good. Then I stand my point on how it is comfortable to me to do the job. I do operate by problem-solution, and in that state I feel nothing. Now she learn that it is not her fault, but rather my luck of ability to switch instantly between the state of a good boy and working machine.

Discussed the future plans on getting visa for another country.

There is still tons of work to do. And I'm grateful that we are so strong that having courage to stand our own ideals and have enough passion to cooperate for a greater good.

Going to watch "Rurouni Kenshin" (OVA) and then sleep.

CY

[kAldown]

Friday was very tough. That day I started with everything falling apart. At the time I came back home I was angry as hell, so holded my words speaking none. After that I exposed my thoughts in a toxic rude manner. We tried to cover that up multiple times a day. Nothing worked. Then hours of sitting near the paper, writing lots of stuff down, speaking, debating, holding respectful conversation and good dominiour. We reached the successful end. But I was really tired, specially next day was our wedding celebration.

[kAldown]

Saturday was our wedding celebration. I payed attention to other peoples feeling, and discovered progression with my room reading and Kisa's progression with demanding what she wants standing up for what she thinks matters, not letting anyone convince her with bad intention. Very intense day. With photos. Lot's of talking, walking, eating. Spend half a day laying in bed

[kAldown]

Sunday I remember as lazy-day. Doing nothing. Just walking, drinking mold wine. Although we have deep conversation about my childhood, and how my father used to raise me. Observations. Problems with school. Disobeyment. And how we should not shame ourselves but find power in what we truly believe.

[kAldown]

Today is another example. Sveta telling me how to communicate with peoples without pushing them. For instance, now we having good conversations with my father. I learned about him more than I did before for 30 years.
I learned how to stand for the loved ones, even from another loved ones.
Were tons of conversations about shadow side and sharing the persona view about other relatives. Knew a lot about myself.

Will spend this week with my family, little by little progressing my main goals. I need time to put new knowledge in me.

CY

[kAldown]

Today it was again a tough discussion with my father. I stood my ground and told him he could not speak to me the way he does anymore. Also have a conversation about my recent offer with small startup. In addition to not receiving any encouragement, I only heard words like "you better try harder" and the rest. I called him out for this bullshit. Then tried to speak one-to-one and pushed him very hard. We reached at least some point. Then I have almost the same conversation with father in law. He also spoke with me by emotions. Yet I called him on this, he was much more polite. We will get to the warmer feeling some day.
And yes, I finally got an offer. Will strive to receive more. Never stop.

Fucking tons of shit were today. But I'm on a rails.

CY