kAldown log

[kAldown]

Greetings gentlemans.

After watching I decided to start progress log.
Soon will write goals and will populate my progress every day.

Commit to take myself seriousely.

[kAldown]

Day 1:

Goals from the bin. Will pull by small portions.

[x] call KYIL guys fro London to meet up (viewtopic.php?f=41&t=1522)
[x] get back to the gym
[x] see my life more from the positive perspective and stop remembering the past which is hurts to the bone
[x] get discipline
[x] hold the frame with the new lady of being brutally honest and sexual, without hesitation for my desires

What I achievet yesterday:
1) Good thing, my first lady, whom I lost Vcard (who blocked me in every social media) applied to the new social media and I have had an opportunity to speak with her. She told me why she blocked me - she thought that I was a lier (sex was good, but I said I was a virign). After short discussion she said that she sorry, yet she doesn't want to see me again. That's fair. I feel relief
2) went to kinky party, to socialise. Meet a really good gentlemen who told me a lot about kink community. This guy have no kids, no wife. And I was really amused that it's a good life of him
3) started my account in fetlife, made couple requests for a friendship, looking for a kink girl
4) waiting patiently for a new girl to respond with my proposal to try BDSM master class.
5) Bought a ticket into the rave for a another girl.
6) getting shengen visa to visit another girl in Europe at october.
7) thinking about get to know shibari\bachata to pull girls (which sounds silly)
8) didn't smoke sigar for a day (I'm not smoking sigarettes, I smoke sigars 1-2 times a day)
9) found a guy who is 46 years old who have lots of sex with very-very stunning 25 years old girls. Now I realize that my time is yet to come, and I can still hope to live my life in full potential. This gentlemen also have no kids, and no wife, just living fulfilling sex life with 4 slim girls
10) getting back to gain weight again, now 76kg at the morning
11) approached around 5 girls that day. Got phone number and scheduled a date - yet she doesn't want to reply, that's okay, next. The one I do remember was very beautiful lady who is engaging in 3 weeks. Now I finally convinced, that it's much better to approach beautiful girls, since they respond to your flirt with the same vibe and not trying to push you back like many other girls who aren't filling they are beautiful
12) convinced myself again to get back to moscow\saint-petersburg to find a girl or even call her to London. Need to find out if this could be counted as sexual-traffict

[kAldown]

Day 2:

This morning I slept really bad. Have had a huge panic attack. Just tried to convince myself to get out from bed and at least walk. Tried to have a small talk with citizens. Nothing helped.
Slowly started working, and getting better and better.
At the end of the day called a friend and tiesed here a bit for a glass of wine.
Walked to the gym and sauna. Progressed to 18kg dumbells for biceps today
Apparently friend won't come for a glass of wine.
I'm not too angry.

Looks like girl got attached, I told her again that I won't lie and trick her, I'm looking for something casual. Will talk about this.

Approached 2 girls. One of them thought I was a thief, second one pretended she didn't hear me.

Helped my close friend who have a really tough situation yesterday night.

Tomorrow would be better.

[Fuckboy Aspirant]

Sup bro, I feel you on that, if I don't sleep well my day will suck and I get very anxious as well.

I hate those reactions (girls thinking I'll rob them or simply ignoring) but it's part of the game. Keep going bro.

[colgate]

damn, you did 11 girl related things on your first day. also cool to see you approaching.

TIME TO HUSTLE

[kAldown]

Thank you mate!

It's not the worst I've experienced.

Last week I've managed to get 2 days in a row with 3 dates (morning, lunch, eveing). All 6 of them ghosted even thou they confirmed by the whatsupp. The wors one was - when I wen into the mark to the meeting spot, and right 300 meters before meeting her there was a guy who grab her, kissed, and they walked away. That was fucking harsh. No worries, in 10 minutes I sit with another chick and have a convo (yet she also ghosted in the phone)
But after that I realized I've made a mistake. She clearly told me "I dnon't understand why some mans are afraid of asking". It was after 10 minutes of our discussion. I missed that - it was an invitation clearly, because I could not believe "it" could happen so fast. That's the reason I put "sex in 10 minutes" in my goal. Won't miss that anymore
Next time I wil ltry harder to hear between the lines.

It's just a part of a game. At least I have backup GF.
But I see I getting better each time. 3 months ago I can't speak a word. Now I had 3 lays.
Thank KYIL and GirlsChase (not and AD, but I like their idea to be completelly honest)

The lady I have rn, I approached her from the standpoint of a pure honesty.
I told her she had a beautiful ass. Then we go on a date, where I told her that I want to have sex with her, with no relationships whatsoever. Pulled after an hour. Then she told me she want something more, I told her we could meet sometimes, but do not expect more. I won't trick you. And I don't think you're "easy". Constantly trying to make her feel comfortable. And I actually like it. Will progress with this "brutal honesty" type of the game

[kAldown]

Day 3:

Other goals:
[x] work better (accomplished what I won't do yesterday)
[x] do the gym (back day, 4 excercies, 3x10)
[x] get disciplined (morning gym, chanign dress at the office, chicken + protein meal, no sugar, no bread (actually I ate one cruissant))
- start getting out my money from russia
[x] visit shibary lessons today (they are closed)
[x] piss in the public urinate, not behind the closed door
- start thinking about my style. Have no idea where to start even, and fucking don't want to change. But I must

Sex goals:
- touched a girl on an elevator (grabed her by the shoulder and told her to move). The main reason what I did that - is to get less afraid of touching girls when approaching them. That's the reason why I want to learn bachata also
- first girl was listening music, I just went near her and started conversation. She replied by one words. Tried couple more times, nothing changed. Told her to have a great day and went to another one
- second lady I approached was my colleague (omfg!) then we went till the office doors. Ok next time will get more luck
- after morning gym was 3 chances to get closer to the girls. Yet they all listening music and hide their eyes away from me. Was shy to approach them. Next time I will do this more
- applied to sex-positive meetup at the middle of august
- subscribed to shibary courses every thursday
- sent a request to mistress to remind about the deal and that I'm in a progress of warming up current friend to join BDSM learnings
- asked current lady to join me tomorrow to the musical (since she won't just be a fuck-doll, that's fair for me, at least will train myself to interact with girls on a daily basis)
- overall trying to surround myself with girls in any possible way, even at the office. Today get close to the colleague, and bited her ice-cream, doesn't give a shit about manners, but it was fun and ballsy
- had a long nasty chat with the girl
- it get me so horny I just went out from the work-party an instantly get close to the random girl. Hug her, and started to walk away. She asked: "Are you bruno?" "I could be anyone you want"
Then from the corner a guy with the bottle of wine gets, and she realised I was not her blind-date
- Next to that I got into the train, instantly hug one girl. Then her friend, and kissed her by the chick, and started to cuddle. She refused.
- Walked couple meters, started conversation with another one - she also doesn't want to meet this weekends and looks like doesn't want to talk
- Then on my station walked to another girl and said she was so beautiful - we must meet this weekends, and her face what like: "what the fuc is happening?"
- then I went into one bar - no free girls. On my way out saw group of 4. Get into them and instantly told: "you are so pretty here, looks like this is a witch sabbath. I want to be charmed, who want some fun this evening?"

I'm fucking couldnt tolerate myself when I'm horny. Need to find a way to stay calm, or girls are too afraid of me.
Today I realised I'm no more welcomed to a couple of kinky parties in London, since I've beeing too horny and fingered couple girls without consent.

Fucking thurst!
But I LIKE IT!

Tomorrow goals:
- Buy gym course for 3 months, and stay consistent
- Fix diet, brutally
- Do my work properly
- Less disctuction
- More discipline
- Celebrate every day without alco/smoking/masturbating

[kAldown]

Day 4:

Sex goals:
- Got girl by the hand in a supermarket, she screamed. Cought her 2 more times around the same market and then have a conversation on a paying queue. Everything went well, yet she had a man
- Aproached girl with her friend, have a walk, she also have a man, but we spoke deeply about "real" relationship and what woman are actually wanting
- Couple more random approaches and conversations - all negative. I started to feel anger - so called it a day

Other goals:
- bought new gym training session
- got my "magic want" - told couple girls about it - they are willing to test
- bought 4 Shirts (white, black, tea, brown) and a black jeans. Will play with the style. Soon wil go out with this new clothes, need to get used to it
- have a ocnversatoin with one of the owner of a party who banned me - they are willing to get me back if I will pass the "conscent" course
- will join this course
- ate a lot today. Diet is slowly normalizing
- discipline could be better
- tried to convince a girl from the gym to go to the closed room, she refused, but understanded what for
- didn't smoke, drink, masturbate (although I was realy horny, talking with 3 girls in a row about nasty things)

Plans for tomorrow:
- either crossfit from the morning, or continue new gym training
- approach girls again
- get some fun
- find a place to show my new dress
- refresh haircut and beard
- buy nose trimmers and overall get in to fashion
- continue skin routine
- fix morning routine (I used to wake up at 5am every morning, now do this at 7, shich is late for my daily routines)
- shengen visa to visit django-con in Porto and meet friends

[kAldown]

Day 5:

Other goals:
- called motorbike trainer and got the plan of what to do
- get used to walk with my new shirt and necklase
- thinking about buy a potent for my nickname to get "bluemark" in insta and start texting girls there
- planned next weekend evenings with friends + 1 date at friday


Sex goals:
- tinder boost at 20:00 - 1 match, 0 talks
- 18 approaches - 1 date at the very morning right when I decided to get out from the flat to fight panic attack. Awesome connect
- will tell the report about approaches the next day. Fucking tired walking around london for 4 hours
- filthy conversation with one girl, everything went really well, almost got it's peak. Then I was too arrogant, and decimintaed it to complete negative emotions. Will see how it will go. Also I was acting not right, instead of telling "I don't like your tone" I decided to give it slow, until she tried to push my boundaries really hard - then I teased badly. Next thing I realised - I bend my frame and started explaining myself. Wow! that was harsh, even she noticed that.

(will tell more tomorrow)

Plans for tomorrow:
- fix the post of day 5
- continue approaching girls
- continue reading book
- diet
- do some staf for work
- prep meals + buy food
- decide wich sport wathes to buy to track physic. (garmin fenix?)
- adjust routine
- haircut

[colgate]

- 18 approaches - 1 date at the very morning right when I decided to get out from the flat to fight panic attack. Awesome connect
- will tell the report about approaches the next day. Fucking tired walking around london for 4 hours

excellent volume my dude, keep hustling

[kAldown]

Fucking hell what was happened since my last post.

I was approaching girls one after another, slowly increasing confidence and lost a track when I've become arrogant.
Being fired from the job by approaching collegues on a summer festival and being accused in sexual harrasment.
Have plenty instadates (no sex yet)
Lot's of dates.
Some girls called me to their place, some girls wrote straight to met that they want to meet for a fuck.
Married girl.
Sex in a wild.

But with this and more - I become different. Lot's of my circles get rid of me, and proclaimed me a douchbag. Ofc I laught and told them to fuck off. Yet now I'm calmed down a bit and again feel frightened. Last two new girls I lead to home - I have no boner. wtf!

Still approaching girls every day, even shackling when my voice sounds like a puppy, even knowing I wouldn't probably got a boner - still approaching and calling them for a cocktails. I do not fucking care loosing my job and moving out from London to a cheaper place with much more pretty girls.

Thinking about Georgia. It's now a hub for a russian community. I have plenty of friends there. Thinking about starting something small, not even a business, but something with my own hands. And work as engineer for part-time (sick of sitting beside PC, I need to figure out what to do with my life rather that blindly following society advices)

[MakingAComeback]

Interesting.

In the book Street Hustle, day game legend Tom Terrero talks about how when one starts approaching regularly, there is a tendency for SOME to have their dark triad traits elevated.

That is Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy.

In someone who las latent dark triad traits, the game can really bring them out and elevate them.

This happens to only a few people, and these tend to be guys who have these traits to begin with.

Sounds like you are probably a dark triad person, and your exposure to the game just brought this out.

The pros:
-Women LOVE this (a dark truth about them - gross, but thats woman)

The cons:
-Everyone will push you away and it will poison your life

Very seldom would I suggest this, but for you, it might be valuable to sit down and talk with a psychologist.

I say this because you may find yourself getting tonnes of success with women, and going deeper and deeper into a possible source of darkness in your own psyche. That may not be good......There are things we sacrifice to have abundance with women, but fleeting and transient things (women) cannot ever be at the expense of things that are more permanent, your long term happiness as a man.

I'd be concerned. You may wish to think about this.

MAC

[kAldown]

Interesting.

In the book Street Hustle, day game legend Tom Terrero talks about how when one starts approaching regularly, there is a tendency for SOME to have their dark triad traits elevated.

That is Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy.

In someone who las latent dark triad traits, the game can really bring them out and elevate them.

This happens to only a few people, and these tend to be guys who have these traits to begin with.

Sounds like you are probably a dark triad person, and your exposure to the game just brought this out.

The pros:
-Women LOVE this (a dark truth about them - gross, but thats woman)

The cons:
-Everyone will push you away and it will poison your life

Very seldom would I suggest this, but for you, it might be valuable to sit down and talk with a psychologist.

I say this because you may find yourself getting tonnes of success with women, and going deeper and deeper into a possible source of darkness in your own psyche. That may not be good......There are things we sacrifice to have abundance with women, but fleeting and transient things (women) cannot ever be at the expense of things that are more permanent, your long term happiness as a man.

I'd be concerned. You may wish to think about this.

MAC

That was actually one of the things I understand about myself a year ago, randomly talking with girl-friends. I understood that they obay to me with no fucking reason. Sometimes it clicked on me out from nowhere. Like walking with one married woman, I command to her to raise both hands, in a middle of the street. She comply. I hug her, slapp to the ass, saying "good girl" and we walk like nothing happened. Sometimes I afraid of stuff like that. Now I'm more calm. But ye, being more with my "good" part I see there is no women around. When I push hard with my arrogance - they come from nowhere. But it's a completelly distructive lifestyle. I need more and more girls attention. I don't give a shit. One girl even cried to me asking "is the sex the only thing I want" - I said yes, like she is indeed a peace of meet, not givning F about her feelings. When I put dick in her hands, and she refused to suck - I command her to get lost, and instantly walked to find another one. Fucking hell is that really me?

Yes I've talked with 2 psychologists, they told me to switch from girls to something else, but I won't. And dismissed them both. True, plenty of peoples talking shit about me, but I don't care. I have my goals, and I will stick with them until I figure out something by myself, not from the othe peoples saying "you doing bad things".

I'm still figuring out myself. Every morning I took a walk looking deep and making notes. Just 10 minutes ago I've finally figured out why I won't lie to womans: I need a solid girl who *want* same as me, and I don't want to play silly games.
Since there were plenty girls who I approached on a streets and moved to my room straight away trying to have sex, they crying: "no we shouldn't do that, please, leave me away", and I left them. Then they asked me "why didn't you fucked me that time?". It's hard to stay sane, I guess that is the reason why I'm wearing a guard with dark triad.

Still deep inside I believe I'm not making harm. Since I told all of them that I want only sex. I told them honestly that I'm not very experienced, but have enough to give them a pleasure. I'm not into any commitment. And if girl catch feelings - I told her again, "I just want sex, nothing more" if they bargain about commitment - I drop them with explanation (not ghosting). Even those girls told me that if only I would lie to them, we would have sex. At least 3 girls told me that and 2 I droped b myself when they told me they have feelings. So my lay count still small. Yet I feel abundant and I don't need to lie for a pussy, saving integrity, but sticking with my goals.

[MakingAComeback]

Yeah, this is very interesting.

Sounds like some women are crazy into you, from the story of a chick crying, commanding a chick who is supposed to be married (lol). I respect that you also acknowledge you have dark triad traits. I see some good self-awareness here. That's pleasant to see.

Women do respond to this type of behaviour, and it is why IMO men who are higher in empathy and traits like this get fuckin' REKT in the SMP. And also why the human female should, at best, be a small component of a man's life. Casual sex with no commitment is also justifiable IMO. By design, they are very different from us and not in a good way. Why God or Evolution made them like this, I do not know. A dark and slightly chilling truth.

Anyway, them aside: I relate to your experience with psychologists. I also saw some earlier in my journey, in harder times when I was basically unable to even get a match on online dating. I saw them to help with self esteem, and they basically told me that if I'd not managed to find anyone by my age (29 at the time) then I was probably a person who was meant to be alone. Psychologists can definitely be retards and it can take a while to find one whose good. I didn't bother going further. I won't advise.

Just be aware that long term, dark triad traits can really isolate you and make it so no one wants to know you. You'll have success with women, no doubt. Just your body alone will give you that given women's superficial nature. But this is not about women. This is about your own success. Humans are social animals and need a tribe. You'll have to do more thinking on this to find a way to manage it IMO.

Thanks for sharing this, I know it's not easy to tell the truth about our challenges and our psyche.

You've clearly accomplished some good things in life. Hope more good comes to you.

MAC

[kAldown]

Yeah, this is very interesting.

Sounds like some women are crazy into you, from the story of a chick crying, commanding a chick who is supposed to be married (lol). I respect that you also acknowledge you have dark triad traits. I see some good self-awareness here. That's pleasant to see.

Women do respond to this type of behaviour, and it is why IMO men who are higher in empathy and traits like this get fuckin' REKT in the SMP. And also why the human female should, at best, be a small component of a man's life. Casual sex with no commitment is also justifiable IMO. By design, they are very different from us and not in a good way. Why God or Evolution made them like this, I do not know. A dark and slightly chilling truth.

Anyway, them aside: I relate to your experience with psychologists. I also saw some earlier in my journey, in harder times when I was basically unable to even get a match on online dating. I saw them to help with self esteem, and they basically told me that if I'd not managed to find anyone by my age (29 at the time) then I was probably a person who was meant to be alone. Psychologists can definitely be retards and it can take a while to find one whose good. I didn't bother going further. I won't advise.

Just be aware that long term, dark triad traits can really isolate you and make it so no one wants to know you. You'll have success with women, no doubt. Just your body alone will give you that given women's superficial nature. But this is not about women. This is about your own success. Humans are social animals and need a tribe. You'll have to do more thinking on this to find a way to manage it IMO.

Thanks for sharing this, I know it's not easy to tell the truth about our challenges and our psyche.

You've clearly accomplished some good things in life. Hope more good comes to you.

MAC

Thanks mate. Really appreciate.
You know, what's funny. When I came to London a year ago, lots of peoples know me that a really good guy. Funny, helpful, entertaining. They allow me to live in their houses for free. I walk with girls of my friends when they mans being absent. Now I'm on a completelly diffrerent part of a journey. I even tried to fuck a wife of a man who I barely knew, back then in Turkey. My friends noticed that and awkwardly joked "we won't leave you with out girls anymore". I feel satisfied. I'm not a puppy anymore, but a dog with the fangs.

Someday I will find a balance. But if that's a price to get womans - I'm down to pay. I'm okay to loose friends, job, country. I can jump back anytime I want. But I would definatelly regret if I will not use my potential and mess around with girls as much as I want.

Thanks Andy content. Jordan Peterson. Pogodin (russian psychotherapist), Joko, and others - I'm still constantly thinking how be to positive part of the social surroundings. Just put girls slightly above in the priority. May be this is a mistake. Will see. Thank you for listening and giving advices @MakingAComeback