Crimson’s Progress Log

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Nov 20, 2022 5:34 pm

Bman wrote:
Sun Nov 20, 2022 2:29 pm
@Crimson really really good on you for taking up this exercise and following through with it.

I did something similar in the past a few years ago, apologizing to all the people I may have ever hurt or done evil to. I did things like donating money to make up for the items I stole from a gas station once and apologizing to a kid I was a real asshole to once in high school (because I was trying to impress a girl. The things women do to you sometimes.)

It will help you see your own humanity and to own all of it. The good and the evil. In fact you will realize those labels don't hold as much weight as you think. You will see there is much grey in the world, than black and white. You will have greater empathy towards others. You will greater empathy towards yourself.

A great book to go along with process is Jordan Petersons "12 Rules for Life". He will tell you to face your own evil.

It's pretty high level and I don't recommend it right now, but after you have gone through this experience and get a more visceral and intimate knowledge of your own capacity for good or evil, maybe come back to this and have a read of Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil".

Again, really really good work man. You're doing great.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences of getting rid of built up guilt. Yes man, it will be interesting to see what this exercise will do to me. I actually already have “12 Rules for Life”, but I never finished reading it.

In my current state Nietzsche would probably just overwhelm me, but I’m looking forward to reading “Beyond Good and Evil” when this process is over. And thank you for the compliment.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Sun Nov 20, 2022 10:06 pm

-Cleaned up after my sister= 10 kp

-Worked on a song of mine= 20 kp

-Made a drawing (See below)= 20 kp

-Told one of the guys on here that I’m super grateful for the advice he’s given me= 50 kp

53,100 kp - 100 kp= 53,000 kp

New total karmic debt: 53,000 kp



I named the drawing “Loving What Is”:
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Last edited by Crimson on Mon Nov 21, 2022 1:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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MakingAComeback
Posts: 4130 | Thanks: 4864
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 3k Per Month Post Tax
Age: 32
Motto: POSITIVE SELF TALK

Mon Nov 21, 2022 8:40 am

Crimson wrote:
Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:50 pm
What I did today (WED 16/11/22):

•Walked outside for 5min.

•Did a little bit of swiping on OLD

•Read a few pages of a book on learning CBT

•Cleaned my room

Babysteps forward, but I skipped school again. I won’t beat myself up, but it was me who decided not to go to school today, not any perceived mental-illness I may/may not have, or anything/one else.

I might need professional help regarding my mental health though, I don‘t how to go on. At least I’m working on it and figuring it out, but it’s getting out of control.

I will wait until Friday (the day of the coaching call with Andy) and see what he says.

TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Re. mental health:

I can advise a lot on this, dude.

Keep working, but I'm gonna ping you some thoughts when I have a sec.

R
-Your friend, Ravi

Consistent Performance Coach, Admin of WinnerWithin, and Seeker of Human Potential

My FB Group for Consistent Performance & Goal Achievement
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User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Mon Nov 21, 2022 9:39 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Mon Nov 21, 2022 6:58 am
Hell yeah mate. 50k karmic debt isn't high at all, especially if you build up to some of the big ones I suggested to you (eg go around for a day asking people for money, and at the end of it, donate everything you got to a homeless person. Maybe take him out for dinner at McDonalds or something and chat to him for an hour. That's gotta be worth 3000-5000 karmic points right there.

Other things - every person you help on these forums (as in, you go into their log and just give them a little bit of motivation, or tell them you're here for them if they need, etc) - that's gotta be worth 20 or so karma each.

Giving a compliment to strangers on the street (eg "Yo, I love your shoes") = 20 karma points each time.

Keep building it up mate. Have fun with it.
Yeah man, this shouldn’t take too long and it does feel good to give people value.
Other things - every person you help on these forums (as in, you go into their log and just give them a little bit of motivation, or tell them you're here for them if they need, etc) - that's gotta be worth 20 or so karma each.

Giving a compliment to strangers on the street (eg "Yo, I love your shoes") = 20 karma points each time.
I will keep this in mind, thanks.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Mon Nov 21, 2022 9:40 am

MakingAComeback wrote:
Mon Nov 21, 2022 8:40 am
Crimson wrote:
Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:50 pm
What I did today (WED 16/11/22):

•Walked outside for 5min.

•Did a little bit of swiping on OLD

•Read a few pages of a book on learning CBT

•Cleaned my room

Babysteps forward, but I skipped school again. I won’t beat myself up, but it was me who decided not to go to school today, not any perceived mental-illness I may/may not have, or anything/one else.

I might need professional help regarding my mental health though, I don‘t how to go on. At least I’m working on it and figuring it out, but it’s getting out of control.

I will wait until Friday (the day of the coaching call with Andy) and see what he says.

TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Re. mental health:

I can advise a lot on this, dude.

Keep working, but I'm gonna ping you some thoughts when I have a sec.

R
Alright, I’m looking forward to the advice.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Mon Nov 21, 2022 12:22 pm

•Bullied a kid in elementary school (Context:He had ADHD, which I gave him shit for, I remember running after him while he was crying and when he fell down trying to run away from me, I stomped him repeatedly while he was on the ground)= 2,000kp

Alright, I felt a little resistance doing this, but I did it. I apologized to him.

The message is in German, it translates to:

“Hey (victims name), I know this is random but I bullied you in elementary school. I can remember stomping you while you were on the ground. I want to apologize for that.”

Apologize to the guy you bullied= 800 kp

53,000 kp-800 kp= 52,200 kp

New total karmic debt: 52,200 kp

I will update once he responds.
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My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Mon Nov 21, 2022 7:07 pm

1. What kind of human being do I want to be?

-Write down all the qualities/attributes that that person has

-What can I do to become the person that has this attribute?

(For example: I choose „kind“ as an attribute that I would like to have. I then ask myself what I can do to be kind —> Help strangers with groceries, volunteer, speak to the elderly ect.)

-Assign each positive action I take to become more kind (or any other chosen attribute) „karmic points“ (explained below)


What kind of human being do I want to be?

I’ve never actually taken the time to answer this question. I would like to do so now. I would like to be a human being that is:

•kind
•courageous
•good
•strong (physically & mentally)
•adventurous
•funny
•empathetic
•stoic
•capable of aggression
•sexual
•grateful
•truthful



If I remember new attributes I will add them here. Now, what can I do to become the person that has each attribute?

The way I think I will do it is like this: Every week, I will pick one attribute and make that my focus for the week and try to emulate that attribute as best as I can.

It’s probably best if I set out some challenges to do that week that would represent that attribute so I have something to orient myself towards.

For example: I pick being stoic. Possible challenges for the week: Sleep on the floor for one night, don’t use any cutlery for a day ect.





For this week, I will pick being kind.

I haven’t come up with any challenges yet, I’ll post them once I know.


Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Tue Nov 22, 2022 8:57 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Tue Nov 22, 2022 2:32 am
Love seeing how much action you're taking here mate. Taking action is the only way to move from depression up to joy, happiness, fulfilment, connectedness, excitement, vitality, etc. Keep it up.

And you'll find the more you take action, the more you'll feel connected to God like you said was important for you. God/the universe directly rewards those who take action - it's like God directly giving you a sign (it's funny to me when people ask God/the universe for a sign. Bitch, God/the universe has been giving out signs everywhere, there's an entire reward system built into the fabric of the universe, you've just been ignoring it).
Thank you man, that seems to be the only way. God will reward me, but he won’t do it for free. I don’t have to earn his love, but I do have to earn everything else.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Tue Nov 22, 2022 9:10 am

Alright, the guy I bullied accepted my apology.

The conversation translates to:

Me: Hey (victims name), I know this is random but I bullied you in elementary school. I can remember stomping you while you were on the ground. I want to apologize for that.

Him: Hi, oh all good. That was an eternity ago and we all used to fuck up back then. But I really appreciate that bro.

Me: No problem bro. Wish you all the best in life.

Him: Thank you, you too.
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My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Tue Nov 22, 2022 9:37 am

Alright, this is from yesterday:

•Made female classmate smile/laugh= 20kp

•Made class laugh while giving a presentation= 50kp

•Complimented classmate on his shoes= 20kp

•Had funny conversation with another classmate= 20kp

•Made a joke to another female classmate (This is a joke I use all the time, lol: It was time for group work and she had to choose between working with me and another guy or two girls. She chose the girls and I said: “You don’t want to work with me because I’m black right?😔

She’s heard it a million times but we still smile/laugh everytime, lol.)= 20 kp

•Told a girl “bless you” after sneezing= 10 kp


I‘m also adding this:

•Wishing Basketball Girl all the best in life= 10 kp

•Wishing the guy I bullied all the best in life= 10 kp

•Talked to God= 20 kp



52,200 kp – 180 kp= 52,020 kp

New total karmic debt: 52,020 kp
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Tue Nov 22, 2022 12:25 pm

•Being mean to my siblings (across lifetime)= 1,500 kp
Cleaned up my sisters room= 400 kp

52,020 kp – 400 kp= 51,620 kp

New total karmic debt: 51,620 kp
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
User avatar
Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Wed Nov 23, 2022 6:58 pm

All the times I beat myself up (not literally, across lifetime)= 3,000 kp
Paying this one off by taking care of myself:

•groomed myself=50 kp

•Went to the gym (I skipped for 3 weeks)= 500 kp (Because I made it fun and gave it my all)

•Tried to talk to girls (10 min.)= 50 kp

•Talked to God (Which was the catalyst for taking action today)= 50 kp

•Took baby step towards studying= 20 kp

•Bought hygiene essential= 50 kp

•Took baby step in applying for a job= 20 kp

Also:

•Cleaned the kitchen= 20 kp

•Made a girl laugh through my Ig story= 20 kp

51,620 kp - 780= 50,840 kp

New total karmic debt: 50.840 kp
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

My Mental Health Log: viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1416
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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Thu Nov 24, 2022 12:49 pm

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Wed Nov 23, 2022 8:15 pm
Crimson wrote:
Tue Nov 22, 2022 8:57 am
God will reward me, but he won’t do it for free
The Drowning Man
A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”
This. A very important lesson.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 25, 2022 6:20 pm

Will update karmic debt counter tomorrow, currently studying for an exam.
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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Crimson
Posts: 698 | Thanks: 702
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2021 3:12 pm
Name: Brandon
Goal: Move out
Age: 21
Motto: TAKE ACTION
Location: Germany

Fri Nov 25, 2022 9:53 pm

Encounter with God (and demons?):

Literally just now had a HUGE encounter with god. I don’t even know how to describe what happened. I was watching videos on deliverance (casting demons out of a body) and I tried to do it on myself.

I didn’t even believe in demons, but I think I do now? I know that sounds like I’m going insane, I don’t even know anymore.

I asked god to bring the demons forth. I also asked the demons directly to show themselves. They didn’t come out at first and resisted until one of them finally came out.

I started jumping around hysterically and screaming silently. I act this exact same way when I’m harming myself, especially the very first time I did it. It really felt like I was possessed at that moment, by something resembling the feeling of anger and revenge. Just consumed with hatred for myself and others.

I asked them how many they were, they said 5. For the next like 15 min. I was just going insane in my room, confessing all my sins to God and asking to be forgiven, telling the demons to go away, accepting Jesus as my lord and savior ect.

I told the demons: “The Holy Spirit is in me now, you have to leave! Why are you closing you’re eyes?! (I had my eyes shut while being possessed) Yeah, the light of the Holy Spirit is too bright for you is it?!”

By the end of it all I still had my eyes shut and was sitting at the edge of the bed. After I opened my eyes, I was literally not able to speak. No words would come out for like a good couple minutes, until I could finally muster up the courage to speak again.

After that I laid down on my bed. I asked the demons who they were (I may have done that before laying down, I’m not sure) and they said demons of lust, self-hatred, anger, self-harm ect. , basically all the things that I’m struggling with.

I then asked them: “What is your agenda?” (They resisted again but I just kept asking) and it felt like I became possessed again, and “I” answered back in a demonic voice (that typical demonic deep voice, See: Tom Hardy’s Venom): I want to kill you, I don’t want you to go to heaven, I want you to perish in hell you pathetic scum (insert evil giggle here)”. While I was saying this my whole face and body was very tense. Did the Joker smile at some point.

That was the end of it. My spirit felt “cleansed” and a lot lighter after. I feel like I was able to get rid of 2 of the demons and there are still 3 left, but I literally cannot explain why I feel that way.




Like I said I don’t even know man, never felt or experienced anything like this before. It did feel very real though. This has to be worth some karmic points haha.


Crimson
My Progress Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1564

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