ReachKid's log - Positive focus

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Sep 16, 2022 2:43 pm

Hey, my name's Jordan. I used to be a hardcore gamer, I basically only lived to play the one game I was very good at and addicted to, because I loved being praised as one of the best players by people and back then I didn't care about the consequences of not making friends in person and experiencing things because I assumed the game would be great forever.

update on 30/01/2023: I changed my name for the log to ReachKid because the other one I had sounded kinda weird, and I'm nostalgic as fuck for reach, my favourite game of all time. Bit random but it'll work.

Looking back now this post is kinda long so sorry in advance lol.

Lockdown changed my perspective, and by about April 2021 I had almost stopped playing my game of choice because it had become awful and unplayable. Very naively at this time, I created a tinder account whilst on a trip to London and assumed with my average photos that I could get matches. I got a few likes, but couldn't match with any, and over the next few weeks I started to get really depressed, not just because I couldn't get matches but because I thought I'd wasted my entire life. In hindsight, I was only 23 when I had this realization, and I'm only 24 now and the amount of stuff I've done between now and then is already more than I thought I ever could. I am very excited for the future, and try my hardest to stay optimistic.

Throughout May 21-now I've worked primarily on experiencing new things and crushing my social anxiety. I used to get nervous going to the supermarket on my own, and barely talked to anyone whilst I was in Uni, never went to any social events/seminars etc. So I wanted to change all of this, but also I wanted to start getting girls. And since then, I went travelling, joined back to Uni, took a bunch of drugs (which I really don't recommend, it set me back albeit fun in the moment), got off all the drugs, and started working in a nightclub. Working in the nightclub has not only made things like eye contact second nature, talking to people easy, etc, it also proved to me I can be good at something other than the only thing I was ever good at before, and that's been a massive confidence/ego boost and got me out of depression almost completely.

So far so good.

But the only problem is since May 21 I've only been with 1 girl, (the furthest we got was cuddling under my bedsheets) and she was set up for me by our mutual friend group, I wasn't really that attracted to her and it fizzled out pretty quickly. I made friends with a lot of girls last year but always platonically, I never could express feelings or actually ask a girl on a date. I got into the mindset that because I was a virgin (had 1 girlfriend a long time ago in High school but we didn't pass 3rd base), girls in clubs or at Uni wouldn't want to sleep with me. I only wanted to approach girls at clubs but the thought of actually doing so whilst I was there terrified me and just made me feel awful later when I was home, sobering up and hadn't made any progress again.

Even the first time I discovered no fap and decided that it was a good idea, first try I lasted 2 months, was frustrated all the time with genuine attraction towards people I kept meeting/seeing in person yet I didn't do anything. When I finally couldn't take it any more, I fantasized about a girl I liked at work and after doing it regretted it immediately. After my cousin took me to a strip club it was probably the hottest experience of my life up to this point, and led me to seeing like 5-6 escorts over the next few months. But then I moved back home to my mums over summer, and because I didn't want to spend money on sex anymore; and now I had yet another excuse to not approach girls/try and find a girlfriend, I ultimately got back into porn and fantasizing about the dream of me being able to get girls and sleep with them.

It was during one session I was on reddit and found a link to this website and the tinder guide, and once I read through it and all the other articles, it started to motivate me again. But I knew that reading it once wouldn't help so I kept it open, looked at the site on and off for about 2 weeks, and decided that ultimately I need people to hold me accountable or I'll never make progress.

The "I can't get laid because..." article cuts me deep, because in the past I've said:
- I've never been clubbing/never drank alcohol so girls won't like me
- I'm a virgin so girls won't like me
- I've never done anything interesting so girls won't like me
- I'm skinny so girls won't like me
- and so on.

Well, now I literally work in a nightclub and have been working on cutting down how much I drink, I've slept with 5-6 escorts and have had experience but not sex with 2 girls before, I've been travelling on my own multiple times, and I've been going to the gym and seen small results so far.

So it's time to cut the bullshit.

It's september and I move to my new house at the start of October, so:

My goals:
- Sex, whether that be through tinder, social groups, cold approach, whatever.
- I know I can approach girls in person, I talk to hundreds of them every night in the club when I serve them drinks, its easy. Any excuse is in my head. I want to approach girls in person, explicitly let them know my intentions, take them on fun activity dates, and then have sex.
- Keep improving my tinder/hinge/bumble profiles, and buy boosts occasionally to help, although I want to use my money for more things in-person rather than online.
- Goto salsa classes, take up climbing, try other sports I've not done before. Been putting these off for ages for like no reason.
- Stop using words like hopefully I can do this, or maybe I can do this. I know I can do this.
- Finish my masters course at University and smash it.

Wish me luck guys, when I can I'll update with any progress reports. I think Andy said in one article "If I can have all this, why can't you?", also noting he used to be depressed and have low self-esteem, so I really have no excuses.
Last edited by jeagle63 on Wed Apr 19, 2023 1:47 pm, edited 13 times in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Sun Sep 18, 2022 4:51 pm

Just had a decent weekend at work, and am off to hit the gym.

Been swiping on tinder/hinge and sending messages, I haven't really met/talked to many new people in a couple months so I'm trying to work my way back into it. So far decent, got like 3-4 matches and they all ghosted/didn't talk which seems standard.

I know I need to start doing cold approaches and would appreciate guidance on how to start. I think I get anxious about approaches because when I'm on my own I'm in my own head a lot, for eg walking to work I'll be talking to myself and not really in the mood to chat, but after work (at 5am the best time), I've been talking to people for hours so it feels like the easiest thing in the world.

I thought about writing a list of questions to ask random people in the street, kind of like a social warmup that will make it easier to approach a girl. I know that what you say doesn't really matter, I was just planning to approach and tell them they're cute and ask how their day's going; most of the anxiety comes from the potential responses, good and bad, which is genuinely just because I never ask/approach anyone anything in the street normally so I'd like to change this.

As for tinder photos, I'll make a seperate thread in the tinder forum for them. I know they're pretty average right now so definitely need some work to reach my goals.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
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ytlord
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 51
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:47 pm
Goal: Live without regrets
Age: 25
Location: Somewhere in Asia

Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:34 pm

jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
I'm focused on this idea that I can't escalate to sex because I still haven't moved into my flat (in under 2 weeks I move thankfully)
Do you currently live with roommates or family? Roommates are definitely no excuse, I’ve literally always had roommates and have gotten plenty of lays. Family is a bit more difficult but still no excuse. Plenty of people on here have done it.
jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
but tonight when I went to bathroom of this club, the cubicle was occupied with 2 people shagging and whatever came over me I can't possibly imagine but I immediately asked if I could join, got a HJ then we all got thrown out.
This is fucking wild and I feel like you just brushed right over it. You have huge social potential if you’re already doing shit like this. I mean it’s weird as fuck but god damn that sort of attitude can take you far.
User avatar
jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Sep 23, 2022 6:56 pm

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Thu Sep 29, 2022 2:11 am

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Sep 30, 2022 3:39 pm

Finally sorted the move to my new apartment, its on Monday! So next week when I can finally get all of my belongings into one place, not have to constantly travel on buses from my parents house to do anything, I can sort everything out.

I've got 4 monitors back from my gaming days, so at least 2 of them I want to put on the market, thats hopefully around £200-300 that I can spend on newer/more fashionable clothes. Most of my older clothes I'm probably going to give to charity, because out of my entire wardrobe most stuff my parents bought me years ago and I've just continued wearing it, or they were misguided purcashes because I didn't know about the right sizes to buy or clothes that suited me etc. I'm still learning on this front as well.
Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Sat Oct 01, 2022 6:48 pm

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Tue Oct 04, 2022 12:54 pm

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Wed Oct 05, 2022 11:52 pm

Today I finally went to try out a new hobby I've wanted to start for a while, indoor climbing. Was really fun, met some cool people, realized after meeting some freshers (18 yr old new uni students) how much I've grown and developed since I started throwing myself into social situations.
Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Oct 07, 2022 12:32 am

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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natedawg
Posts: 879 | Thanks: 221
Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2022 11:45 pm
Goal: Social Life
Age: 35
Motto: Whatever you do, don't quit.

Fri Oct 07, 2022 12:55 am

2023-2024 Goals

Year 1: Pg 1-42

"As long I don't quit, I can't lose." - Alex Hormozi

**Feeling lost/unmotivated? Read this:viewtopic.php?p=48007#p48007

** Trust in the process Andy laid out for me: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/11913966
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Mimbe393939
Posts: 145 | Thanks: 399
Joined: Sat Apr 02, 2022 11:46 am
Goal: Learn Japanese
Age: 26
Location: Japan

Fri Oct 07, 2022 1:01 am

jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Oct 07, 2022 12:32 am
I don't know what to think anymore. Part of me wishes I never even tried. I'm sick of reading articles, watching videos, reading other people's success. I know they're not any better than me, they just have put in work.

Why do I feel like no matter what I do, whatever fun I have, however confident or good I feel about myself, every night I come home feeling like a loser because I'm still not making progress.

What's progress? Knowing my limit so I no longer drink to oblivion? Going to social clubs and making friends so I feel less lonely/more active? Apparently not, because the negative demon in my head always wins. Every time I have any kind of fun day/fun experience, because I'm not doing X with girl, by the time I get home I'm miserable.

I'm actually sick of not being able to think about anything but being with girls and how great it would be, but not doing anything about it. Avoiding everything I can possibly do, or swiping on tinder/messaging girls on Snapchat and deluding myself into thinking I'll ever get a date or match anyone real that doesn't just want to sell me their only fans.

I fucking hate complaining, and I shouldn't even post this because it's pathetic. I just wanna stop being invisible.

Not really a progress post just a vent so I'm sorry. I dunno if anyone is really that invested. Alcohol definitely kills my mood and a tiny part of me wants to be sober.

I guess the first thing on the agenda tomorrow is buy the book about overcoming my negativity.
Define your goals, in a realistic manner.

Don't try to conquer Rome ALL at once, you'll fail and be slaughtered. Your head will be hung on a stake, laughed at by all the neighboring villages, as you slowly fade into eternal darkness. Start tormenting, raising hell to small villages and building up your arsenal, your army, slowly. You are nothing but a peasant villager right now, you just woke up in a mud hut with livestock, homeless.

Self improvement is a lifelong journey, and it realistically takes months, years.

I suggest starting off reading these
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums ... -for-goals
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/i ... shirt-year

No more complaining, that's going to get you no where. Don't like something? Change it? Get pissed off, and change it.

Start going for what you TRULY want. You want women? Upgrade pictures, get better style, looksmaxx.

Not much to it, it's quite simple. All you need to do is shut the fuck up, and show up every day.

Guys will give more concrete advice once they see you're working your ass off, hustling. But you have to prove you are worthy for it.
MY STORY - viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1423

PUBLIC PROGRESS LOG - viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1430

Difficulty shows what men are. Epictetus
The world turns aside to let any man pass who knows where he is going. Epictetus
User avatar
jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Fri Oct 07, 2022 5:11 pm

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Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
jeagle63
Posts: 73 | Thanks: 27
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Goal: Build strong habits
Age: 25

Mon Oct 10, 2022 10:04 pm

Just came back, got my first piercing today on my ear, after it heals I think I'm gonna get a tiny ring. Looks decent doesn't hurt too much, and tomorrow I'm going jewelry shopping for a bracelet and maybe even a necklace.

Went to my gym induction at my new gym, 5 mins from my house, but didn't start my workouts yet.
Last edited by jeagle63 on Sat Jun 24, 2023 2:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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