ReformedGamer's progress log - Time to hold myself accountable, and get the sex life I want

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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jeagle63
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Name: ReformedGamer
Goal: Shag
Age: 24

Fri Sep 16, 2022 2:43 pm

Hey, my name's Jordan and I'm calling myself ReformedGamer because thats what my lifestyle used to be, I basically only lived to play the one game I was very good at and addicted to, because I loved being praised as one of the best players by people and back then I didn't care about the consequences of not making friends in person and experiencing things because I assumed the game would be great forever.

Looking back now this post is kinda long so sorry in advance lol.

Lockdown changed my perspective, and by about April 2021 I had almost stopped playing my game of choice because it had become awful and unplayable. Very naively at this time, I created a tinder account whilst on a trip to London and assumed with my average photos that I could get matches. I got a few likes, but couldn't match with any, and over the next few weeks I started to get really depressed, not just because I couldn't get matches but because I thought I'd wasted my entire life. In hindsight, I was only 23 when I had this realization, and I'm only 24 now and the amount of stuff I've done between now and then is already more than I thought I ever could. I am very excited for the future, and try my hardest to stay optimistic.

Throughout May 21-now I've worked primarily on experiencing new things and crushing my social anxiety. I used to get nervous going to the supermarket on my own, and barely talked to anyone whilst I was in Uni, never went to any social events/seminars etc. So I wanted to change all of this, but also I wanted to start getting girls. And since then, I went travelling, joined back to Uni, took a bunch of drugs (which I really don't recommend, it set me back albeit fun in the moment), got off all the drugs, and started working in a nightclub. Working in the nightclub has not only made things like eye contact second nature, talking to people easy, etc, it also proved to me I can be good at something other than the only thing I was ever good at before, and that's been a massive confidence/ego boost and got me out of depression almost completely.

So far so good.

But the only problem is since May 21 I've only been with 1 girl, (the furthest we got was cuddling under my bedsheets) and she was set up for me by our mutual friend group, I wasn't really that attracted to her and it fizzled out pretty quickly. I made friends with a lot of girls last year but always platonically, I never could express feelings or actually ask a girl on a date. I got into the mindset that because I was a virgin (had 1 girlfriend a long time ago in High school but we didn't pass 3rd base), girls in clubs or at Uni wouldn't want to sleep with me. I only wanted to approach girls at clubs but the thought of actually doing so whilst I was there terrified me and just made me feel awful later when I was home, sobering up and hadn't made any progress again.

Even the first time I discovered no fap and decided that it was a good idea, first try I lasted 2 months, was frustrated all the time with genuine attraction towards people I kept meeting/seeing in person yet I didn't do anything. When I finally couldn't take it any more, I fantasized about a girl I liked at work and after doing it regretted it immediately. After my cousin took me to a strip club it was probably the hottest experience of my life up to this point, and led me to seeing like 5-6 escorts over the next few months. But then I moved back home to my mums over summer, and because I didn't want to spend money on sex anymore; and now I had yet another excuse to not approach girls/try and find a girlfriend, I ultimately got back into porn and fantasizing about the dream of me being able to get girls and sleep with them.

It was during one session I was on reddit and found a link to this website and the tinder guide, and once I read through it and all the other articles, it started to motivate me again. But I knew that reading it once wouldn't help so I kept it open, looked at the site on and off for about 2 weeks, and decided that ultimately I need people to hold me accountable or I'll never make progress.

The "I can't get laid because..." article cuts me deep, because in the past I've said:
- I've never been clubbing/never drank alcohol so girls won't like me
- I'm a virgin so girls won't like me
- I've never done anything interesting so girls won't like me
- I'm skinny so girls won't like me
- and so on.

Well, now I literally work in a nightclub and have been working on cutting down how much I drink, I've slept with 5-6 escorts and have had experience but not sex with 2 girls before, I've been travelling on my own multiple times, and I've been going to the gym and seen small results so far.

So it's time to cut the bullshit.

It's september and I move to my new house at the start of October, so:

My goals:
- Sex, whether that be through tinder, social groups, cold approach, whatever.
- I know I can approach girls in person, I talk to hundreds of them every night in the club when I serve them drinks, its easy. Any excuse is in my head. I want to approach girls in person, explicitly let them know my intentions, take them on fun activity dates, and then have sex.
- Keep improving my tinder/hinge/bumble profiles, and buy boosts occasionally to help, although I want to use my money for more things in-person rather than online.
- Goto salsa classes, take up climbing, try other sports I've not done before. Been putting these off for ages for like no reason.
- Stop using words like hopefully I can do this, or maybe I can do this. I know I can do this.
- Finish my masters course at University and smash it.

Wish me luck guys, when I can I'll update with any progress reports. I think Andy said in one article "If I can have all this, why can't you?", also noting he used to be depressed and have low self-esteem, so I really have no excuses.
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jeagle63
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Name: ReformedGamer
Goal: Shag
Age: 24

Sun Sep 18, 2022 4:51 pm

Just had a decent weekend at work, and am off to hit the gym.

Been swiping on tinder/hinge and sending messages, I haven't really met/talked to many new people in a couple months so I'm trying to work my way back into it. So far decent, got like 3-4 matches and they all ghosted/didn't talk which seems standard.

I know I need to start doing cold approaches and would appreciate guidance on how to start. I think I get anxious about approaches because when I'm on my own I'm in my own head a lot, for eg walking to work I'll be talking to myself and not really in the mood to chat, but after work (at 5am the best time), I've been talking to people for hours so it feels like the easiest thing in the world.

I thought about writing a list of questions to ask random people in the street, kind of like a social warmup that will make it easier to approach a girl. I know that what you say doesn't really matter, I was just planning to approach and tell them they're cute and ask how their day's going; most of the anxiety comes from the potential responses, good and bad, which is genuinely just because I never ask/approach anyone anything in the street normally so I'd like to change this.

As for tinder photos, I'll make a seperate thread in the tinder forum for them. I know they're pretty average right now so definitely need some work to reach my goals.
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jeagle63
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Name: ReformedGamer
Goal: Shag
Age: 24

Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am

Update, I need to do the AA program on GLL.

I keep going on nights out and it's so easy for me to meet new people in a bar start chatting to them and start drinking with them, I've been doing the same thing for like a year honestly and at this point it's pretty much habit. We always go to the same bars, end up at the same place etc.

I keep telling myself I don't want to approach a girl in a club/bar right now because I'm focused on this idea that I can't escalate to sex because I still haven't moved into my flat (in under 2 weeks I move thankfully), but not gonna lie I'm really doubting that when I move suddenly I'm just gonna hit on every girl I see. It's too comfortable to just stand their dancing, drinking, vaping, talking shit to mates and random people etc. than it is to go up to the girls. Problem is its so intimidating for some reason, the girls are all dolled up, cute as fuck with the sluttiest dresses and I wanna go up to them so bad but something's always stopping me I don't know what and its super annoying.

Online I've been easily able to get over the fact that every girl I message is just a face on a screen, so I can call them cute/sexy, not care about rejection/ghosting, literally doesn't matter at all because after 1-2 days, I forget they existed. But it's the exact same in person, idk what the difference is in my mind.

So I wanna do the AA program because it actually looks quite fun, but mainly because I'm bored as fuck of feeling desperate but not doing anything. Maybe its a dopamine/porn related thing, I basically have been trying to quit for 6-7 months, with decent success and I'm off it again now after reading the EasyPeasy guide; but tonight when I went to bathroom of this club, the cubicle was occupied with 2 people shagging and whatever came over me I can't possibly imagine but I immediately asked if I could join, got a HJ then we all got thrown out. She technically could have rejected my advance but seeing that turned me on so I went for it no hesitation. So I suppose it must be a rejection thing that I'm struggling with, but also insecurity because all the girls at clubs are so attractive. I know full well that just because a girl looks stunning doesn't mean she's perfect, smarter than me, better than me, etc. but my brain must be seeing it that way and preventing me approaching.

So fuck it, doing the AA program. I think I probably need to stop going clubbing until I've beaten AA or maybe even had sex from cold approach. Because I don't enjoy clubs for just drink/drugs anymore, I only want to go to hit on girls but I never do.

- 23/09/2022
User avatar
ytlord
Posts: 162 | Thanks: 33
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:47 pm
Goal: Lose fat
Age: 24
Location: Washington DC

Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:34 pm

jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
I'm focused on this idea that I can't escalate to sex because I still haven't moved into my flat (in under 2 weeks I move thankfully)
Do you currently live with roommates or family? Roommates are definitely no excuse, I’ve literally always had roommates and have gotten plenty of lays. Family is a bit more difficult but still no excuse. Plenty of people on here have done it.
jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
but tonight when I went to bathroom of this club, the cubicle was occupied with 2 people shagging and whatever came over me I can't possibly imagine but I immediately asked if I could join, got a HJ then we all got thrown out.
This is fucking wild and I feel like you just brushed right over it. You have huge social potential if you’re already doing shit like this. I mean it’s weird as fuck but god damn that sort of attitude can take you far.
User avatar
jeagle63
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Name: ReformedGamer
Goal: Shag
Age: 24

Fri Sep 23, 2022 6:56 pm

ytlord wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:34 pm
jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
I'm focused on this idea that I can't escalate to sex because I still haven't moved into my flat (in under 2 weeks I move thankfully)
Do you currently live with roommates or family? Roommates are definitely no excuse, I’ve literally always had roommates and have gotten plenty of lays. Family is a bit more difficult but still no excuse. Plenty of people on here have done it.
I'm living with my mum currently. In suburbs like 20-30 min-ish from the city centre, and I have pretty much no space apart from my tiny room. It's only temporary until I move into a city centre flat at the start of October.
ytlord wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:34 pm
jeagle63 wrote:
Fri Sep 23, 2022 3:03 am
but tonight when I went to bathroom of this club, the cubicle was occupied with 2 people shagging and whatever came over me I can't possibly imagine but I immediately asked if I could join, got a HJ then we all got thrown out.
This is fucking wild and I feel like you just brushed right over it. You have huge social potential if you’re already doing shit like this. I mean it’s weird as fuck but god damn that sort of attitude can take you far.
Yeah, like I said, idk what came over me really. I'm not socially awkward, and always feel great/social when I'm out and around people, until the idea I want to approach a girl comes in my head. Then I always revert back to being awkward/nervous and always end up wanting to go home after a bit instead of staying out, even if the night was good up till then. This is what I want to change.
User avatar
jeagle63
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2022 3:39 pm
Name: ReformedGamer
Goal: Shag
Age: 24

Thu Sep 29, 2022 2:11 am

Update, I did day 1 of the AA program, just asked 5 girls for the time, nothing more then left. These are the notes I wrote after doing it.

First attempt
Hadn't talked to anyone yet today apart from parents
time 29 mins 15 secs
I was purposefuly walking on really quiet streets so I could delay doing the approaches, and always noticed that I was avoiding groups or approaching any girl where there were a lot of other people around.
Every girl gave me the time, none thought I was rude, which I expected.
I missed a few opportunities and started talking negatively to myself, saying things like this should be so easy, why are you struggling etc.
Once I stopped talking to myself, and started saying "She's the one" or "Her" when I saw a girl it made it a lot easier to just transition from think to do, and I was able to do no hesitation approaches.
But I kept making justifications for why I was asking them the time, saying stuff like "I was late for a meeting", rather than just staying quiet until they told me the time, then saying thankyou and leaving.

I don't want to burn myself out but I literally have no other drive/ambitions right now other than to conquer this fear. So I really wanna go into town tomorrow and just keep repeating the drills over and over and over for hours until theyre second nature.

This is because I went clubbing with friends from work today, and saw one of the guys who's "good with girls" make out with at least 3 different girls during the night. I don't think he went home with any, but the point is that's 3 more than me, one girl he said like 2 words before they started going at it, and any of those encounters could have led to more. I've got 0. I'm jealous of his ability to say fuck it and do it, and I don't really want to emulate him but rather learn to do it with my own personality/style.
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