THE BROWN SHOGUN - japanese language progress + social life update

[colgate]

ok i really don't want to make this log tbh because it's not going to be exciting and there won't be cool stories here and i don't even know if doing this is going to work either and

ok let's make it. site is called KILL!!!!! your inner loser, not show off your wins only to circlejerk with random dudes on the internet


backstory
anyone who knows me enough knows that i've struggled with digital addiction throughout my whole life

probably similar to many others on here in my age bracket and younger, i've literally been using computers since i was 4 years old. and my sheltered upbringing only pushed me to stay in the computer world because i saw it as a place of freedom. a place where i could be myself and find people with common interests, unlike the real world.

my dad pointed out i was a "computer addict" when i was age 16-17, but i vehemently denied it, and i asserted that real life is stupid while the internet allows me to do what i want and be the person i want to be.

i've found that the internet lets me delude myself into thinking i'm living an actual life and i constantly flip between mindless usage of the internet and feeling completely worthless because i've fallen for the trap.

like literally what is the point of even being alive if i just mindlessly consume internet all day. i might as well die.


now that i've moved to japan, i can no longer blame my environment for "pushing me further into the internet"

i'm tired of having constant anxiety when i don't have my little digital pacifier

i can literally think of 10+ years of things i want to do in this country, and mindlessly using the internet for 12 hours a day isn't one of them

these are the kinds of things i spend most of my time doing, in lieu of the real versions:
endless chatting -> actually making friends in real life and hanging out with people
browsing wikipedia -> ???????????????????? actually reading books???
literally searching things and scrolling through the results and rapidly darting between articles -> ????????????????????????
watching youtube -> actually accomplishing things myself instead of getting dopamine hits somehow from watching other people accomplish things
porn/hentai -> actually talking to girls and having sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!


purpose of the log
this log will be very simple. i will just report objectively what i did for the day, starting tomorrow dec 4 (it's 12:45am here in japan right now).

so that includes whatever i did on the computer and my phone and etc. i'm committing to 100% absolute transparency.

i don't exactly know what an objective end goal is here. but i'm hoping that having to air out my digital habits will be embarrassing enough that i'll learn to control my digital usage, and use it as a tool instead of as a drug.

hopefully i'll be able to wean off this log and post actually cool things in my main log more too.

[Bman]

i'm committing to 100% absolute transparency.

I think this will be healthy for you. Awareness will be the first step for you to actually recognize and stop these habits. Writing it up you will become acutely aware of your own actions which should help make more mindful decisions in the future.

But sometimes its difficult to look at our own bullshit. So having it here will give you objective sets of eyes to call you out.

Respect for the willingness to look at your inadequacies. Always appreciate that about you @colgate.

Will be watching.

[colgate]

ok dec 4 almost midnight here in japan

starting tomorrow dec 4 (it's 12:45am here in japan right now).

i had said this with the intent of going to bed immediately and getting ready for today, but instead i just hopped on my phone.

i rationalized myself with "oh i will use bumble finally now that i'm here in japan. besides i said in the post i have to start this when i wake up anyway so i'm free to do whatever i want now without reporting it"

soon you'll see why i'm deciding to report this part now after the fact

indeed i did adjust my profile slightly for japan, did the age+id verification that's required for dating apps here, bought the premium package for unlimited swipes, and got to work swiping

but then i was like oh lol let me share everything with my telegram group chat

and soon enough i was trapped in chatting again. though i rationalized to myself yet again it wasn't like i had a bunch of girls to message or anything yet

GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

oh well now swiping on all these hot japanese anime idol girls is making me feel aroused

ehhhhhh ok let's look at some pr0n we might as well and falling asleep will probably be easier after jerking off (note that at this point i had already jerked off like 2 other times in the evening)

oh ok that's done oh what's this? botched trans surgeries and shocking gore gifs of people getting fucked up in the same place as the porn? wow that's so crazy damn i can't believe this happens to people. good thing i'm not that retarded, let's look at it so i can feel shocked but then also act smug about how i would never be that retarded. this would never happen to me because i'm a better person.

i'm KING OF THE RETARDS!

KING OF THE RETARDS
at least i'll never be like that

KING OF THE RETARDS
at least i'll never be like that

KING OF THE RETARDS
at least i'll never be like that

KING OF THE RETARDS
at least i'll never be like that

KING OF THE RETARDS
at least i'll never be like that

...
...
...


🫥🪦
‍




FUCK! I'M A VIRGIN! TIME TO HUSTLE!

this is one aspect that's so alluring about the internet. any time you have low self-esteem or disgust in yourself, you can fall into the trap of becoming a voyeur of degeneracy. and it's so accessible on the internet. you can look at people showcasing themselves in their squalid and depressed conditions, feel disgust, and then be relieved when you close out of it that you're not that person.

sometimes people fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others who are way better than they are. but equally dangerous is the trap of comparing yourself to those who are worse off.




what's cruel is that i had this mental "shell shock", and then still continued to mindlessly chat, all the way until sunrise around 6:30am

wow so this is how it starts. this is the beginning of the end




when i initially arrived in Japan, my sleep schedule was somehow perfect. i had been naturally falling asleep around 11:00pm and waking up around 7:00am for a week or so.

then for whatever reason, i started to sleep for 11-13 hours. even though I was still naturally falling asleep around 11:00pm-midnight, i was finding myself staying in bed and sleeping until close to noon the next morning.

what specifically would happen is i would open my eyes around 7:00-8:00, feel extremely comfortable in my bed, and then get the best 3 hour nap i could ever have. like i slept enough already but somehow the morning nap felt like total bliss, whilst the regular 7-9 hours of sleep felt like whatever



coincidentally, i had decided to wean off pretty much every single internet chat except for LINE. i mean i can update everyone on KYIL anyway and i should really be advancing my life now that i'm here in japan

i had ordered color contacts to experiment with some sort of ethnically ambiguous look. specifically these vibrant blue ones.

holy shit i look like a freaking alien. are these plus points?? you know i kinda like this??

let's ask my telegram chat. i guess it wouldn't harm to spin it up just for asking this. then i'll delete it again. people there are more knowledgeable about style

sure enough i got the feedback that it's way too bizarre and i have to try more subtle colors.

oh well now that i'm here let me literally respond to everything i "missed"

oh shit it's 3 am???

and so it begins.

this is how it fucking begins.




i woke up today at around 12:30pm. ok now we know for real i have to report everything i do.

eh ok let's mindlessly chat again! i mean i can do it for just a little while right. i'll chat for a little bit, then i'll go and be productive.

what on earth is this bleep bloop talk

bleep bloop talk???? WTF is that??? and why am i being accused of it???

whatever it is i don't want that label. sounds like the noise a digital addict makes. the "intellectual". "lol i am so smart here is my conjecture and model of reality and

no.

i purged telegram from my phone.

i put my laptop in my empty suitcase and stored it under my bed.

then i wrote up some thing in my journal with somehow simultaneous feelings of absolute rage but also elation. i will show it in 2 days.

but i proceeded to cull the junk from both of my phones and define what they should be used for and what they should not be used for.



by now it was around 3:30pm. time to finally start my day.

i ate lunch and pondered about what my relationship with technology should be

i realized writing these kinds of long posts is a huge time sink and while they're not as evil as other things i get trapped on with the internet, i thought about how can i most efficiently log my digital habits/daily life without spending.... what's now an hour and a half on my phone trying to write up some introspective hoopla in lieu of my laptop

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yeah so more of the posts in this log will just be pictures of this "daily log" notebook with short comments instead of this long form journal style post

[colgate]

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ok tbh i like having a completely new log, i feel like i can start over again fresh and separate myself from my previous log.

it's like if i'm not online all day anymore, then what am i doing??

plus it was obvious i was using the internet to medicate myself when i have so much random unprocessed shit to handle. all of it is so uncomfortable that i just threw myself into the online world for refuge

the brown manifesto
bumble over the past 3 days has netted me 2 girls who sent me a message and probably 7 matches. one girl unmatched after i asked for her line/whatsapp and the other was pre-op trans. lol!!!

i was doing chest day in the gym.

i saw another brown dude doing curls next to me and started talking to him in japanese

hey, u from india?
no i'm from 〇〇
what?
〇〇
??
sri lanka

somehow seemed like he didn't want to talk to me tho, rip.

later, when i was trying to decide what to do for triceps some random japanese guy bigger than i started speaking to me in english asking if i needed help using the machine or something.

in my head i got immediately defensive. i responded back in japanese that i can do it myself.

i hate being seen as some tiny helpless child. i want people to look at me like i'm the authority. i want people to look at me like i'm a guy whose value is just obvious.

i hate being this tiny brown bumbling retard

i want girls to be unable to resist me

i want guys to respect me. and not just because i'm writing some random crap in an internet forum. i hate my default state of how people perceive me as someone who needs help.

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after recording the above video, i was walking through the park in the rain and saw some randos doing "double touch" jump roping which is basically dancing to a beat while having to skip 2 ropes.

so i went up to them and joined them. DAMN THAT SHIT'S HARD BRO!!!

but then they were like "oh we have to practice now...we are doing this for a contest"

weaseled out of trying to get one of their LINEs AUGH!!!111111111122263



THIS IS THE ERA
OF THE BROWN SHOGUN

NEW ERA
THE GAME IS FUCKING DIFFERENT

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[MakingAComeback]

THE BROWN SHOGUN

THE ONE WHO WILL ATTAIN GREATNESS

[colgate]

9:59pm here in japan

last night

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today

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[dex]

Thanks for posting this dude. I am very curious what you do for work? How did you afford to move to Japan, and why did you choose Japan as your place? Do you really like Asian women, specifically Japanese ones?

I respect your hustle, and after watching your video, I think your vibe is honest, but the vibe is a bit intense. I find I do best with girls when I'm just relaxed and honestly don't give a fuck how it goes either way. Not that you have this same energy when you are socializing with women, just a side thought to consider.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing your updates in the future.

Dex

[colgate]

How did you afford to move to Japan

I was working a tech job for 4 years prior, but I quit my job and dropped everything to move here.

why did you choose Japan as your place?

viewtopic.php?p=43797#p43797

Do you really like Asian women, specifically Japanese ones?

Screenshot_2022-12-07-17-00-47-96_40deb401b9ffe8e1df2f1cc5ba480b12.jpg

I think your vibe is honest, but the vibe is a bit intense. I find I do best with girls when I'm just relaxed and honestly don't give a fuck how it goes either way. Not that you have this same energy when you are socializing with women, just a side thought

the only time i remotely had a good vibe was in this report. i had a couple things going on for me there
- good momentum from hanging out with bros + i introduced girl to them
- somehow the combination of realizing i had to "take care of her" and actually fucking her real well put me in an ultra zen state i've never experienced in my life up until that point, and haven't experienced since

will be updating here on literally reducing my brain activity or whatever it is. i vented about this "too intense thing" here as well

[colgate]

dec 7 5:47pm in japan.

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[pancakemouse]

It's not the fact that you're not where you want to be that's keeping you up, it's the anxiety about not being where you want to be that's keeping you up.

The goal should be to keep the same level of motivation while eliminating anxiety about not being there yet; ironically this will get you the type of sleep you need for optimal performance.

How you get there mentally is another story...

[colgate]

FUCK THE SUN!!!!

THE SUN CAN'T BURN THE BROWNS!!!

i finally fell asleep before 10:30pm-ish and woke up at like 6:45am!!!



now i know 100% sure to fix my sleep. i just need to
- ban devices an hour before i want to go to bed
- arrogantly go to bed, eat the shit and toss and turn for a few nights until my brain gets the message to GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

[OnTheComeUp]

Hey colgate, here is resource I got from redditor who learned Japanese. I hope this is helpful. Also, you might want to look at "Victor talking." He is a russian youtuber who teaches people how to learn languages.

The text below is a c/p from an old message. It more or less describes how I learned Japanese with the focus on learning to read as fast as I could

The most important matter is, that it will take some time to get used to japanese Grammar since it's quite different from english or other languages. Therefore, try to study every day, even if it's just 5 minutes before going to bed.

In this mediafire link there are some documents to practice since I don't know where I got them from. They are probably in one of the other sources I give you later: http://www.mediafire.com/?zgbb1h7yqhnd2

First of all, you need to learn the hiragana ひらがな. With those, every word in Japanese can be written in Hiragana. I learned those with this sites. It teaches the hiragana with pictures which makes it really fun: https://www.tofugu.com/japanese/learn-hiragana/

I recommend to first only learn 4-5 hiragana at once, then add in 2-3 letters after another after every day. Don't trust sources that say "learn all of them in under 1 hour" (You will also forget them in 1 hour). Take your time. You will only get confused if you rush things (at least I got).

I recomment also learning to write them, which makes memorization a bit easier. If you don't have plans to live in japan afterwards, then stop practice after you have gotten used to them

The katakana カタカナ are less common than hiragana so some people leave them out at first. They are used for non-japanese terms and names, "manga-sounds" or sometimes as a way of writing style. But I still recomment to learn them right after the hiragana because they aren't as much used as hiragana (and therefore require more time to get used to them, and you have to learn them eventually): https://www.tofugu.com/japanese/learn-katakana/

And what can you do to practice those? Hiragana-reading can be practised quite easy because children stories are written in hiragana: http://life.ou.edu/stories/

katakana are a bit harder since no one writes entire texts in katakana. I learned them through sheer force while practice with hiragana. But other for hiragana you can practise them "on the way"

Once I got all of those into my "mental inventory", I practiced reading directly with manga. I recommend Yotsubato is a good start. The main character Yotsuba only or mostly talks in hiragana so you can practise reading quite easily. Download links below:

http://sakurafile.com/qfp579hebafv/Yotsubato_v01-05.zip

http://sakurafile.com/nbrymiytufgm/Yotsubato_v06-08.zip

Another great reading practise would be trying to read some manga of stories you have already read. You usually find them on sites by simply google 'Manga title' raw

Reading practice is great but without grammer you won't be able to understand. Just that you know: japanese uses an entire different sentence structure so it takes some time to get used to it. A guy named Tae kim made an entire grammar book available for free: http://www.guidetojapanese.org/grammar_guide.pdf

And on his site there are many other usefull things. So check it out if you have time: http://www.guidetojapanese.org

And now for the fearsome monster called "Kanji" 漢字. While hiragana and katakana are learned, and grammar is once practiced, this part will be on your side the whole journey. Learning those is no easy feat. But I learned them through the Heisig method. This method basicly connects the meaning of a Kanji with your native language. I give you a "totally legal" pdf of an old version of the book in the media-fire link above. I don't know which mother tongue you are but this method works best with your native language​. Read through the first few sites and try it out if it works for you. If english is not your native language, repeat it with your own keywords to learn. This is the only part were I spend my money on, but it's optional.

I hope I could help you a bit with your start in learning moonrunes ;-)

And for a small motivation I list the easy parts of the japanese language: •Nouns have no gender and pluralform is almost non-existent

•Comparative and the Superlative don't exist (good, better, best)

•It doesn't matter if the Noun are the subject, object etc. It's pronounced the same

•Verb conjugations-rules are with very few exceptions logical and easy to understand. And no Grammatical cases

PS: I use jisho.org as a dictionary: https://jisho.org/ It's a bit annoying to get used to it because it uses no Romaji, but you will be thankful for that later. Avoid Romaji as much as possible or you have to learn everything twice.

PPS: For learning Kanji or just with flashcards in general, I use the Anki-App: https://www.ankiapp.com/ It's available for iOS, android and even for windows phone. And there are tons of Kanji-Decks already prepared and ready to use (But most of them in english, but it's better than nothing).

PPPS: Watching Anime with Japanese sub, even with functions of autotranslate, slowing down, repeat scenes: https://animelon.com

[colgate]

@OnTheComeUp

ご投稿ありがとうございました。

わざわざ書いてある日本語の学習資料は僕みたいに日本に引っ越したい読書に役に立ちそうだと思います。

自分の弱点は、すでに初心者のレベルを超えてきました（まあ、そう思いたいのですが（笑））が、それでも母国語の英語のように日本語を聞き取ったり使ったりはまだできないです。

例えば、わずかに聞き取れなくても間違えても、日本人の相手は英語で話したりバカ扱いしたりする癖があります！そのレベルを超えたいのですよね。

このユーチューブのチャンネルで、スピーキングの練習を載せています。 https://youtube.com/@bulldog-san

以前の動画でご迷惑をおかけてすみませんでした。

[colgate]

yesterday:
- banned usage of kyil for more than an hour a day
- beat overhead press PR, now it's above my bodyweight (70kg/155lb @ 68kg/150lb bw)
- random shoulder pain when lowering lateral raises (???)
- accountability call with @MakingAComeback
- tossed and turned in bed until 2-3am when i wrote/drew this:

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today:
- removed the Thanks feature from kyil
- walked to shibuya and ate a LOT!!!! of ramen and rice

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japanese speaking practice (talking about my goals)

after i watched this, i realized my vibe in japanese is EVEN WORSE!!!! it's like my first video logs i posted in my america log. mostly it's due to lack of confidence in the language, and realizing the surrounding people will understand what I'm saying

wrote up some measurable japanese milestones

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accountability call with MakingAComeback:

My two main goals are:
1. getting to 75kg/165lb body weight
2. improving japanese listening comprehension

on removing the Thanks feature from KYIL

adblock plus filters for removing the thanks feature:

Code: Select all

killyourinnerloser.com##.thanks-list.stat-block
killyourinnerloser.com##dd.responsive-show:nth-of-type(2)
killyourinnerloser.com##.notice
killyourinnerloser.com##.postprofile > dd.responsive-hide
killyourinnerloser.com##.post-buttons > li:nth-of-type(2)

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[Crisis_Overcomer]

- random shoulder pain when lowering lateral raises (???)

try this