Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
Post Reply
User avatar
Manly Cockfellow
Posts: 449 | Thanks: 358
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2022 8:14 pm
Goal: Become the men I fear
Age: 37
Motto: Mk no smll plans; thy hv no pwr to stir mens blood

Sat Apr 01, 2023 3:22 pm

Bman wrote:
Thu Mar 30, 2023 10:15 pm
When I'm having sex, I may be topping and doing things to her, but I'm never truly dominating her because I'm not fully taking the benefit for my own desires. There's a lack of integrity there which can make me timid. I hold back. I don't ask for what I want
Very important insights.

If it helps at all remember that by being "selfish" and focusing on what you want and your pleasure you'll be giving a lot of women one of the things they love most, which is to be used by a top man for his pleasure.
User avatar
komeback_kile
Posts: 192 | Thanks: 29
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2023 4:24 pm
Name: Kyle
Goal: ++ Mental Resiliency ++
Age: 29
Motto: === Open - Honest - Direct ===
Location: CDMX

Sat Apr 01, 2023 7:52 pm

Bman wrote:
Thu Mar 30, 2023 10:15 pm
...
For those unfamiliar with the WOC, taking means you are taking an action for your own benefit, done to another person who is willingly allowing it. Accepting means you are accepting a benefit from another person who is giving it to you from their actions. I've almost always put myself in the serving square. I've been afraid of taking and accepting because *gasp* I'd have to admit I'm human, I have needs, and be vulnerable enough to express that to others. I've been afraid of looking weak for having needs and afraid of them never getting met. So I became hyper self sufficient and indivualistic.
...
Brilliant, contemplative posts like this are why I keep coming back to your logs. If nothing else, I enjoy reading your story, but I always come out with a lot of my own internal insight. I have had similar issues of denying myself a lot of things throughout my life to my detriment, and it certainly has not helped me. Being super individualistic yet successful after a while becomes very lonely and unfulfilling.

Thank you @Bman
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Sun Apr 02, 2023 12:16 am

Day 116

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Finished giving when I had reached my limit
My date cancelled yesterday so I cranked out some YouTube shorts to help out Andy. I could feel after going through the second video and cutting up a bunch of shorts that I did not want to be doing it anymore and instead wanted to read. So instead of powering through and giving more than I wanted to, I stopped. This is important because had I gone any longer I would have resented the gift. This is what giving and boundaries are all about. You give till you reach your limit, then you don't give more because that's when you begin to sacrifice yourself. Another point I learned from the WOC a couple days ago. Except, again, I actually feel that now.

--------------------------------

Day 117

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
--------------------------------

Thanks for the perspective @Manly Cockfellow.

Glad they are helpful to you @komeback_kile. It's the beauty of these forums. Find the models that work for you, try them out, learn from them, and integrate them.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Mon Apr 03, 2023 8:39 pm

Day 118

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Sunday self care day
Also I recorded the yoga flow yesterday, @Manly Cockfellow. Currently uploading to YouTube. Will post when it's finished.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Tue Apr 04, 2023 8:08 pm

Day 119

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Ran my munch
  • Selling tickets for the fetish party
To ensure this thing is not a sausage fest, I started reaching out to girls who RSVP'd maybe to previous munches. Particularly starting with the attractive ones. Already started selling a few tickets this way. What I find intriguing is that these girls get flooded with guys all the time and never respond. I roll in there asking if they want to come to the event, send them my venmo, and they send me money in 2-3 messages. Of course then I add them as friends and will eventually meet them in real life. Perks.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2022 7:16 am
Name: Mario
Goal: Coach
Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Tue Apr 04, 2023 8:44 pm

Bman wrote:
Thu Mar 30, 2023 10:15 pm
may be topping and doing things to her, but I'm never truly dominating her because I'm not fully taking the benefit for my own desires
Exactly the point my man.

She is gifting you her submissives so you can be the Dom she craves.
But to be whole you need to know if that’s exactly what you want and how you want it.
I used to be the “vending machine Dom”
Ok cool you want shibari, incoming
Oh you want wax play, yes in a minute

Doing all of this to please my sub but not to please myself.

Then I came to the conclusion that allowing others to please me was the best way to wanting to please them
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
User avatar
Manly Cockfellow
Posts: 449 | Thanks: 358
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2022 8:14 pm
Goal: Become the men I fear
Age: 37
Motto: Mk no smll plans; thy hv no pwr to stir mens blood

Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:13 pm

AskTheDom wrote:
Tue Apr 04, 2023 8:44 pm
Then I came to the conclusion that allowing others to please me was the best way to please them
Well said 🫡

Applies just as well to game/dating in my opinion
(as in women love a man who says here's exactly what I want/how you can please me)
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:25 pm

Day 120

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Men's Group
---------------------

Date cancelled for today. First time I've ever had a negative response from the cocky date confirmation. I knew what she was going to say when I asked for feedback, but always good to check anyways. No biggie. I didn't push or try to justify, because the frame would have been off had we actually gone on the date after that. Also I was kind of turned off if she was going to judge that fast from one text. She was attractive, but so is the next girl. She's 35, partnered, and they just opened up the relationship. For all I know, I was dodging a bullet.

Inked337317979_1814689985594487_459640267578003343_n.jpg
-----------------------
AskTheDom wrote:
Tue Apr 04, 2023 8:44 pm
I used to be the “vending machine Dom”
Yup, that hits home.
AskTheDom wrote:
Tue Apr 04, 2023 8:44 pm
But to be whole you need to know if that’s exactly what you want and how you want it.
And exactly what I'm working on.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
Holden
Posts: 1620 | Thanks: 562
Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2021 1:36 pm
Goal: Rotation
Age: 28

Thu Apr 06, 2023 12:38 am

Bman wrote:
Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:25 pm
Also I was kind of turned off if she was going to judge that fast from one text. ... For all I know, I was dodging a bullet.
You did dodge a bullet. I tell girls to wear high heels all the time. If they give me attitude like that girl did, I just cancel.

Some girls really hate the idea of having to do something "for" a man. I like to screen those girls out ASAP. I could go on and on because it's really my pet peeve lol.

They don't realize that we as men have to take 100% of the initiative, we're held responsible for how the date goes, we take care of logistics, we wade through dozens and dozens of time-wasters, we have a fraction of the matches that these girls have, basically we put in all the work, and then when we ask for one small thing in return, they give attitude? I want to get rid of these girls asap.

It's even crazier because she's explicitly looking for a Dom but then complains about being told what to do (a very low compliance request, which can be interpreted in any way she likes, you didn't even tell her specifically what to wear or how to look).

For every girl like this there are other girls who will exactly what you want, who will give you massages, bring wine, bring snacks, girls that will enrich your life and give you energy instead of drain it.
Laycount: 100

My Log

Primary goal:
- Rotation of three girls (DONE)
- Regular threesomes (DONE)
- A foursome
User avatar
AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2022 7:16 am
Name: Mario
Goal: Coach
Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Thu Apr 06, 2023 5:13 am

Bman wrote:
Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:25 pm
For all I know, I was dodging a bullet.
You did.

S I told to all the girls coming to a bdsm appointment "look good for daddy"

The ones that always fought back were the ones that had issues to be resolved.

No, we aren't doing this as a therapy to fix your issues, you will pay a therapist - you meet me to have a sexual encounter and you should want to look good for me.

If you don't, maybe it's better that we don't meet.


You see my man - this is a perfect example to learn an important lesson I teach to "nice guys"

"Be with who wants to be with you and let go of others"

Nice guys tend to please everyone and not please themselves first. This opens them for abuse and unfulfilling life.

When you screen (like you did) for people that want you - you realise that letting others go, wasn't really an opportunity for you to get what you wanted.

Like saying no to a potential customer that when asked "how much money you have right now" answers "zero" - so not an opportunity to make money but just a free loader that wants to suck away something
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Thu Apr 06, 2023 11:45 am

Ok, so I thought hard about what you guys said @Holden & @AskTheDom.

My first thought was "but what gives me the right to tell them what to do yet. I've not given anything yet."

Then I really thought about this...
AskTheDom wrote:
Thu Apr 06, 2023 5:13 am
Like saying no to a potential customer that when asked "how much money you have right now" answers "zero" - so not an opportunity to make money but just a free loader that wants to suck away something
I've been giving my value away freely, without asking if they ever have the money to pay for it.

I know I am valuable and have a lot to offer. But they don't know that yet, so I thought that I couldn't be asking them to do anything yet because I'd not shown them that. But THIS is the reason we "demonstrate high value", so that now we can tell them how much it costs.

It's like a car dealer demonstrating a Ferrari. Once they show it off, they get to tell you how much it costs.

In this situation, I've put a ton of work into myself to build a Ferrari. I've put a ton of work into my profiles to demonstrate the value of the Ferrari. Now I get to tell you how much it costs. And you complying to a small request to wear a certain thing is like a down payment on the Ferrari. It shows me that you'll actually be able to afford it later.

I see how this also applies in the date.

When I first started I was no doubt the buyer in the situation. In the last dozen dates I've come in with a much more even mindset but still forgetting I'm a Ferrari.

When we're on the date we do small things to "demonstrate high value" to remind them of what they are buying. To show it off. Then we have them continue to make down payments based on whatever we are screening for. We are also making sure they know how to actually drive the Ferrari. That they will appreciate such a powerful car.

When I tell her to sit next to me, get her talking about sex, or touch her on the date, I'm seeing if she knows how to be feminine, sink in her pleasure, express her sexuality, be seductive, ect. All things that will make the sexual encounter a lot better. The Ferrari (me and everything I have to offer) drives A LOT better with someone who knows how to drive it (knows how to turn me on). If during the date I find she can't afford it, I should let her go because maybe so she can go get a Honda Accord. If she can afford it but we are not vibing that well, then maybe I should still let her go because she's more fit for a Lambo.

If I just let everyone drive the Ferrari, especially those who don't know how, then it breaks an NO ONE gets to. Meaning if I give myself over to everyone and they can't actually appreciate the value I'm giving, then I get burnt out, resentful, and have no more to give to those who would TRULY value it.

By all this thinking, I honestly should be asking for a lot more. I should raise my prices. And now I totally understand why you tell them to do so much, Holden. I get it. You're a Lambo (or whatever high end luxury car you want).

Excuse me for beating this metaphor into the ground. But it finally fucking clicked for me.

I'm a Ferrari.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
AskTheDom
Posts: 1265 | Thanks: 550
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2022 7:16 am
Name: Mario
Goal: Coach
Age: 38
Motto: Alea iacta est

Thu Apr 06, 2023 12:40 pm

Bman wrote:
Thu Apr 06, 2023 11:45 am
I see how this also applies in the date.
My man! You made the step.

I'd give you my Dom hat if you were here
Mario "The Dom" Tubone
Your Dominance coach - I help Men becoming more confident and competent both inside and outside the bedroom

MY WEEKLY PODCAST: https://rb.gy/8u2e1z
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Thu Apr 06, 2023 4:54 pm

Thank you @AskTheDom. I know I make 2 steps forward 1 step back with this stuff sometimes, but truly grateful to you and the other guys here who help me along.

Much gratitude.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Thu Apr 06, 2023 4:58 pm

Day 121

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Inner work (see above from yesterday)
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
User avatar
Bman
Posts: 810 | Thanks: 1234
Joined: Sat May 21, 2022 11:26 am
Name: Brandon
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30
Motto: Pursue Purpose
Location: Austin, TX

Fri Apr 07, 2023 5:02 pm

Day 122

Actions taken:
  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Enjoying the journey
I don't talk too much about my startup here but I'm really enjoying the work I'm creating with it right now. Currently creating a course on climate change. As a result the last couple weeks I've been privileged to talk with leading researchers and CEO's on geoengineering, hydropower, fisheries, and sustainable fashion. I'm also starting to work on a course for poverty and one for the mental health crisis. I'm getting a first rate education on the complex systems and problems of our world from the people who have spent their life studying it.

That gets me so fired up for a few reasons:
  1. I'm packaging up their knowledge in a way that its accessible to everyone presented in a nuanced way that shows none of these are the ONLY cause or solution to the problem, but that they all contribute in some way.
  2. It's going to bring more attention to these issues and hopefully get more brain power behind them as students learn these skills
  3. I'M becoming more valuable by learning these things. Robert Greene, author of 48 Laws of Power, is asked to consult all the time because he has studied so much human nature. The host of the podcast Founders is asked to consult for startups because hes read over 300 biographies on founders in history. I'm filling my head with the drivers and solutions to the complex systems of our world. What do you think that will be worth to communities, governments, and businesses? A hell of a lot.
I really, REALLY, love learning because it allows me to both make tangible change in my own life and makes me more valuable. Nothing more self affirming than that.

------------------------

Had a great time connecting with Psychedelic Girl yesterday. Spiritual Girl is going through the egg freezing process so shes out for a few weeks. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she had to reschedule for next week because she's flying out to Miami. Third cancellation this week. Guess I should have filled the pipeline more. Back to it, I suppose.
Public Log: viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1397
Year 1: viewtopic.php?p=49033#p49033
Year 2: viewtopic.php?p=66924#p66924

"Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own." - Bruce Lee
Post Reply