Lusty's 5'4 fat to fit looking for love log

[Lusty69]

Ahh still dealing with feeling in a rut, I realised I need to take more action to get out of stuff but at the same time when I am in it there is an element of stuckness and overwhelm. I sort of need to let my brain do more emotional processing but also take action in the sense of what can I do and what can I not do. I had taken on some energy that actually wasn't mine, didn't speak up and held onto it and then with that emotional weight I ended up just eating and watching porn.
I do beat myself up a lot, and judge myself a lot for this, but the win is that I stood up for myself and gave back the negative energy that wasn't mine and just took action, it was hard but fuck much better than the feeling of being stuck and needing to just eat massive amounts of food whilst feeling like absolute crap.

I do feel a little overwhelmed with stuff that seems to relentlessly hit me just as I seem to come out and past some crappy stuff, and letting it all build up seems to feel like a death by 1000 cuts as there are no one big issue or event causing distress just a bunch of small things I have ignored and just moved on because I am just trying to cope with life and general stuff. I guess my lack of support network isn't helping around my physical realm, a friend was telling me to give myself a break for self-medicating with food and porn as I am going through a fair bit whilst also running two businesses, living on my own, cleaning my home, laundry, cooking all my meals, trying to self improve, trying to date and everything else all at once.
It's just annoying as I want to be able to do everything, stay on top of things, get things done, but I seem to fall into a strong self hate cycle when I don't stick to things in the way I want, or if I even go ok I will allow myself to not have to be perfect with say food or porn and then I allow myself to give myself a massive break and make more excuses for the behaviours and go ok I will allow myself to suck then go do the behaviour 10x more times rather than trying to reduce the behaviour.

Stepping on the scales sucks after a few days of eating crap seeing myself not go under 105kg is frustrating whilst a few binge eating days has sent me to 107.7kg I feel like I am moving away from rather than towards trying to get under 100kg by mid July, I think right now I would be happy with just seeing the scale stay under 105kg, but ultimately want to get under that 100kg soon.

It's annoying and frustrating allowing my emotions to take over and use food to cope with life, I am toying with the idea of maybe paying a cleaner to clean my place to take some load off myself, but then again sometimes I use the time of cleaning to emotionally process and get a sense of accomplishment so maybe it's just riding the storm to 30th June and then I can ease up a little, or maybe I need to sort some stuff out and offload more stuff across my business as well, just some idea's I am toying with to see if it is a lack of support, trying to do too much, or lack of time I spend processing emotions and just living my truth, speaking up, being on top of things rather than sinking into what is comfortable which is to say nothing, repress emotions whilst eating and watching porn.

[Rice]

Fellow 5'4 checking in. I've always been insecure about my height but it looks like you proved its still possible to get a lot of sexual experience. 73 lays and a fitness girl is basically my end goal lol.

Do you have any tips? There aren't many guys who share our experience and I'd imagine there may be special rules that taller guys aren't aware of.

Would also appreciate if you can share your online dating profile, as I have been trying to improve mine. If you aren't comfortable showing your full face here, a censored version is still way better than nothing.

[Lusty69]

Still been a little stuck, slowly cleaning things up and just focusing on improving, the diet stuff is lagging a little, I guess I still find comfort in food and that's where I am right now. I think there is a level of just acceptance that I might just suck for a little as I am overwhelmed with other stuff in life.
I have shifted focus to doing things I can do in place of porn and food, took a little break from trying to set up dates and anything like that whilst being overwhelmed, been trying to journal more, and reach out to people/friends.

I have added a list of positive things I can do, that I can tick off in place of an urge to do something pulling me away from what I want, I added posting on here as one of them.

The plan forward is to just start building a habit of sort of urge surfing as in when I have an urge to watch porn or binge eat I will do a positive habit first, then allow myself if the urge is still there to just go through.

I am scared of the allowing part, I am worried it won't work, it doesn't make sense in my head, but all this full on hate and resistance I have been pushing into myself isn't working.

Fellow 5'4 checking in. I've always been insecure about my height but it looks like you proved its still possible to get a lot of sexual experience. 73 lays and a fitness girl is basically my end goal lol.

Do you have any tips? There aren't many guys who share our experience and I'd imagine there may be special rules that taller guys aren't aware of.

Would also appreciate if you can share your online dating profile, as I have been trying to improve mine. If you aren't comfortable showing your full face here, a censored version is still way better than nothing.

I'll post my profile below, but the way I am like just under 5'4 but round up closer to like 5'3.6

[Lusty69]

Profile photos

[Rice]

Your probably get this a lot but wow you are a handsome dude

[Lusty69]

Your probably get this a lot but wow you are a handsome dude

Thanks man, I have been told this before by some people but I never felt it or internalised it I guess I just see my flaws of being really overweight and short.

All the photos are mildly adjusted to just enhance my look or just to try and make my face look slightly less fat.

I do know with fat loss I will look exactly like my photos or even better then I can take even better photos rather than mainly headshots and get even more matches.

But I do feel a lot of the time I have these goals and intentions and I can be my own worst enemy with moving forward. Feeling a little burnt out with low levels of willpower and motivation by the time the day ends has been a cycle that just repeats and repeats.

I am happy though I have been keeping some routine things in and built some new morning habits, I have made my bed every day, and started a new streak of guided meditations I have done 9 days in a row now (set the bar super low some days I have only done 3mins, but today I did 25min guided inner child healing meditation)

It just comes back to no being able to cope with everything without binge eating and watching porn at the moment, I am getting more productive with other stuff and I am unsure if that is taking away then from my ability to resist porn and food or if it is just a sucky party of developing new habits and moving through some stuff, building better habits, build a new base plate then from that place it will be easier to let go of and resist the porn and binge eating.

I am trying to shift the porn stuff from abstaining completely as the goal to just reducing the amount of time/times per day and shifting masturbation and orgasm to memory or clothed women on say Instagram or dating apps over full-on hardcore porn, but I know it does impact my dating life, I was meant to have a girl come over last night, but I ended up watching porn then felt exhausted, skipped gym and binge ate, cancelled on her and went to bed early.

Almost feel like I need a reset to gather energy back, yesterday was like a reset of doing nothing in the afternoon, I feel way better now but I am also mindful I might just be in the cycle of a super productive morning and feeling motivated then just drop off at lunch, I guess I can make a commitment to hit the gym earlier today if it means I will get it done and then if I have to just check out in the afternoon maybe I can try do a healthier habit or something other than watching porn and binge eating.

No matter what happens though I am committed to changing this, I do want fast and instant results I guess that is being human, but I have been at this for ages, and almost feels like the past week or two have gotten worse, my weight is well up, but it could also be part of my process and I need to focus on the wins with my routine being much better, I have never in my life made my bed and now I have done it for almost 2 weeks, I noticed if I make my bed daily then it just makes it super easy to make it in the morning so that's an easy one I do as soon as I get out of bed, meditation is a new one, daily morning routine I have not skipped either, and days where I felt like doing nothing and skipping the gym I at least at a minimum did some mobility stretches and tib raises for my knee rehab

[Lusty69]

So been sitting with a few things, I think I am causing myself a lot of distress trying to compare to a former self with rose-coloured glasses.

I think I am just stuck in a bit of a cycle of overwhelm and burnout whilst trying to be perfect and do everything I think I can do but ultimately not doing then that fuels a self-hate and shame cycle which leads to the not good enough/ I suck identity and then I think the food and porn comes along to keep me safe from feeling that.

A big issue is I think I have some comparing mechanism of when I was getting a lot done in my earlier/mid 20's but I also may have only the positives around that in my memory as there was a lot of emotional numbness.
What I mean by this is I felt like I was super productive over what I am able to do now, there were times in my past when I was able to work long hours + date + gym + run a side hustle + go to uni whereas now I feel like I am just stuck in a cycle of being burnt out and a pattern of super productive mornings then crashing in the afternoon then feeling uneasy in that state until I self medicate.
I think there is an element where back then I had fewer responsibilities around finances living at home along with cleaning duties and stuff.

Like when I moved out of home at first I was able to do most of this stuff, I was a little underproductive with work stuff though I managed to get a lot done but I think I also had a little support from my old room mate as he used to look after paying all the bills and stuff then I would just pay him an amount each month, whereas now I do absolutely everything which I can do but maybe it's just adding to my plate which I am ignoring so when I don't keep the same amount of workload in other areas and then feel like I am not performing as well or feeling tired or exhausted then I start self-hate and self-blame cycles.
Or it could be that I am feeling more emotions, and more stuff is popping up as well compared to being super numb, and maybe I am still ignoring some of that stuff and it is sitting on my plate which then leads to feeling over overwhelm and being burnt out.
But the pattern seems to be that I am having really good mornings, I am motivated, I am doing a lot of really good things in the morning with my routine now, I even started doing some short meditations so building that habit, making my bed and stuff, and doing more at work but it's just a cycle of like after gym and food I do a little more work then feel burnt out as fuck.

A lot of the interaction of burnout is also the porn use which pops up at random times which I feel like after using it zaps a shitload of energy and motivation.

Then this leads to self-soothing and medicating with sugar and shit foods at night which is pulling me away from my weight loss goal.

So maybe I am asking too much of myself for where I am at right now, but it is really annoying to be in this position and have a north star and goals I want to crush but I just am not performing to hit them might be a little bit of the whole complex of constantly being told I am way better than I am and the only reason why I don't perform is because I am being lazy since I was a little kid

[Lusty69]

I had a little realisation on how I have a few parts of me that keep coming up and ultimately maybe some ego in this as well.
So toying with the idea of there is a part of me that was really fast progress, so when I feel motivated or am moving towards something I pile on so much stuff and keep adding and adding rather than just building a new baseline at that level.
The other part is super hard on myself, so when I slip or don't perform I am then super hard on myself and compare myself being like you did that for 2 weeks why can't you do it now, you must be shit and suck type negative self talk.
Then there is an ego complex of wanting to be a certain level or being or maybe a perfectionistic part of me which wants to keep moving to doing things perfectly and not allowing imperfections to be a win still.

I am trying to focus on being easier on myself, not beating myself up and when I have the energy just do something healthy and for me.

I think I am going to put trying to quit porn on the back burner for now, and not be perfect with my eating but just try and fill up on healthier foods.

My morning routine has been very good, my morning commitments are going super well, so I am starting the day off well but slumping in the afternoon.
Been making my bed daily on a 17 day streak also my meditation in the morning on a 12 day streak, I think I need to let go of being perfect with the meditation or the fear of doing it wrong or that is is meant to change or fix anything and just focus on doing imperfectly with guided meditations for now sort of just getting into the mind gym and trying.

So trying to build in more positivity and see where I am doing well whilst giving myself grace for things that add to my plate or pile on that I take on which I think I have neglected a lot

[Lusty69]

I have been super slack with posting on here, just still feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted with everything. Been inspired though with content marketing stuff using AI which has been fun to play around with so I have been consistent with posting text-based content of late with AI giving me a few ideas but then also just experimenting with posting raw, unfiltered without the help of AI on threads as it's a new platform so slowly been seeing what happens with it.

I also from Hinge had a date earlier in the week so that's #74 nothing too crazy just invited straight to mine was good fun. I have slowed down a lot with using apps might delete them, had a bunch of times I have not swiped or replied as I just can't be fucked at the moment.

This leads on to a lot of things where this feeling of exhaustion has come and lingered a little, it's odd though, I feel like if I do more in my business then I feel exhausted in other areas, if I do more in other areas then I feel exhausted and unproductive in business stuff. So something I am working on, gaining weight, eating shit foods obviously is making this worse, but it is also like a cope, so its an annoying cycle to be in.

So just trying to stick to what I can and so far I am approaching almost 1 month of making my bed and doing my morning routine every day, it has been helpful for days where I felt like doing nothing then just go up did my routine and went on with my day. I guess I just want to keep working towards doing more, maybe I have a capacity and I am pushing way past that so I am toying with the idea of either needing to take better breaks or hire a cleaner or something as I do everything for myself right now whilst also trying to run a business and deal with less than ideal people at times

[Lusty69]

Have not posted here in ages but basically I sort of went into an off-balance life state, managed to start posting more and doing more stuff for my business but let my health and gym slip. I am now 115kg and was like fuck I need to change and get out of this pattern.

So I quit all my dating apps, yes even with being 40kg overweight I still was getting dates and sleeping with a number of them, but also with that running more dates, effort and just putting up with womens BS whilst also stressed out with trying to do more with work and beating myself up around the diet and binge eating to cope with all the added stressors just wasn't the direction I wanted to go.

So I am doing a sort of monk mode and want to move towards the list below.

-Limit social media use to posting for work (unfollowed every girl I got details from dating apps)
-Limit YouTube to mainly podcasts and learning for business
-I quit all dating apps and dating women/seeking validation
-I just put my phone in Greyscale to limit use and dopamine hit
I have done the same to my PC but I have a keyboard shortcut to add colour back when doing some instagram posts or video editing
-Not using my phone on waking, rather read a book, do my morning routine then touch my phone
-Focus on dropping off high dopamine hitting foods constantly and slowly become ok with more plain food than needing to smash like BBQ sauce make, the cheap Coles sausages, BBQ pork ribs, cheese-filled bacon and eggs stuff and focus on more whole cuts of meat like steak, chicken and that. Move towards a meat and fruit diet.
-Focus on more positive content and educational stuff eg listen to Alex Homozi over say Andrew Tate
Weird thing is listening to the more conspiracy, matrix, red pill stuff relaxes me and puts me to sleep
-No porn and retain seamen aka don't jerk off and cum as we detox from porn then move to more self love and pleasure
-No Alcohol (this one is easy as I am not going on dates)
-Get outside more even if it is for a 10min walk after each meal

What I am doing is not working and it is time for change, yeah sure I have good social and pick up skills, good online photos, I can get laid with average women or slightly above average, but it is not serving me, there is no drive for me to improve. It is time to level up myself, take some time away, make fuck serious money, inflation + tax has been killing my profits so time to turn that around and just make more fucking money.

The aim is to take this time away from worrying about dating and just focusing on health and wealth.

Then come back hard and just go for higher quality women as I have the skills, I have done it before to get a woman on a date or back to my place, time for me to be more rounded and look the part and be the part that gets the higher quality women

[Juicy3lf]

@Lusty69 good results for being in this condition. It had me wondering there. I think some of your photos look professional but not highly stylized like many. Also good facial aesthetics so able to pull to date. But also very normal looking photos.

I have been told I am handsome so I should probably do what you are doing here. Don't have time to approach 70 times to get one date.

[Lusty69]

@Lusty69 good results for being in this condition. It had me wondering there. I think some of your photos look professional but not highly stylized like many. Also good facial aesthetics so able to pull to date. But also very normal looking photos.

I have been told I am handsome so I should probably do what you are doing here. Don't have time to approach 70 times to get one date.

My photos apart from 1 are all taken on my Samsung S22, I use some basic editing on them, as you want them to be normal looking whilst also showing your best side, I think the issue with many professional shoots is they go into trying to model mode which is fine for business, model shoots, publications and if you want to build a brand around it.

However for dating and casual profiles you don't want to look super try hard to sort of lower a woman's guards to oh this photos was just like normal and he looks good (even though it is all set up and edited behind the scenes)

So Monday here in Australia,

Struggling with some of the stuff I posted about yesterday, I am keeping colour on for work stuff, otherwise the extra effort to work out wtf is going on with some of my software but will switch back to black and white when I am not working.
Only issue is I slipped into watching porn, might need to look into changing my environment up if I keep this cycle

[Lusty69]

Still not going great but I think I am stuck in further learned helplessness that I previously though so to rebuild that relationship and trust in myself I have lowered the bar on bad food and porn to can I get to 1PM with out bad food and porn for the next few weeks. Feels like shit at this point but I believe it is the right path right now even though so many parts of me are like you are better than this and you can do better my inner critic is strong. However I am like nope lets just focus on what we do to push all these urges and cravings until 1pm.

[Lusty69]

Still all over the shop a little, currently still doing no dating, but I removed the need to quit porn thing to have a sole focus on food, the 1pm thing was a hold off hold off, binge on porn and food.

I just started going carnivore, removed all my carbs, fruit and veg, and so far am 3kg down as before I was overeating on carbs even though I thought sweet potato and the likes was "healthy", but I ate way too much and always was hungry.

The only plant I have now is coffee in the morning and olive oil to cook my meat.

I am having a little cruch on sugar free jelly with extra collagen in it and some sugar free iceblock things, but I am to reduce and remove these to stop eating sweet stuff.

Also thinking of potentially going towards the lion diet for my skin condition as a few people I follow recently have started talking about red meat and water-only diet for Psoriasis, but it is a journey there I feel.

[rohanp]

5’4” and killing it, absolute motivation. Proud of you bro. Definitely going to read this for motivation

Howveer, this just reinforces the loser i am