Jamgoth's New Progress log - actually striking up the balls to talk to women

[Jamgoth]

7/1/23

Went out to a dance club with a group of wings I found online. There was one experienced guy who was giving lessons. I instead went to go get a drink or two (I need liquid courage to calm my nerves) then went to approach on my own. In hindsight I probably should have stayed with the more experienced players to get a sense of what they did (the group leader was able to pull a girl, I was not). Other than that it was a typical night. Made small talk with people, both guys and girls, most of the time this lasted maybe 60 seconds at max.

I had one girl who complimented my nose stud. Seemed into me, we hugged a couple times, but said she had a boyfriend but hoped I found an amazing girl to go home with. It felt like a genuine "I'm sorry this can't work out, I have a boyfriend" rather than a "go away, I have a boyfriend" so I guess that's encouraging. But yeah I got really drunk and then lost my car and did not go home with anyone.

[Jamgoth]

It's July 4th. I'm going to do daygame again. I'm getting discouraged because I don't seem to be making progress. I can rarely hold the conversation for more than a minute. I can't seem to spark attraction. Does anyone have any words of encouragement?

[Adrizzle]

Your doing good man. Just keeping goin.

Putting in the effort to approach is an elite level action.

[wave]

GLL article that helped me with this stuff:
https://theredarchive.com/blog/Good-Loo ... year.35179

Focus on the process and the results will come

[Squilliam]

It's July 4th. I'm going to do daygame again. I'm getting discouraged because I don't seem to be making progress. I can rarely hold the conversation for more than a minute. I can't seem to spark attraction. Does anyone have any words of encouragement?

Can relate to this man. I feel like I have so much trouble keeping the conversation going unless she's extremely receptive. And in almost 200 approaches I don't really have much to show for it. Although ngl I do feel like daygame is still somewhat blackpill, because you are ultimately competing with every other guy in contact with her.

Just remember that at the beginning, it's not about the results. It's about being able to do it in the first place, building your confidence & overcoming your anxiety, as well as improving your game.

By approaching girls you're showing a lot of social courage.

[Jamgoth]

Went to a bar where I'm a regular. I was told last time I was here I made people uncomfortable. Which confuses me because it's not like I touch people or make lewd comments. Even when drunk. I back off when told no.

I haven't been kicked out but I feel unwelcome. Probably not going to come back to this place after tonight. This makes me not want to go out.

I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what

I'm trying not to fall into a blackpill incel "nothing I do works" mindset, but this makes me want to be more cautious when approaching women at nightlife, which I'm already pretty cautious about doing because of AA. If I got feedback about what exactly I did wrong that would be a different story, but I don't know how I'm supposed to learn from this

Probably going to take tonight off to let my ego heal then go back tomorrow

[pancakemouse]

Vibe is learned by modeling other high status guys. It's not really possible to learn by reading or over the internet. Do you have any wingmen in your city you can go out with and have them observe you and point out what you could improve?

[Jamgoth]

Vibe is learned by modeling other high status guys. It's not really possible to learn by reading or over the internet. Do you have any wingmen in your city you can go out with and have them observe you and point out what you could improve?

I found a group online. One guy hosts parties but I haven't had a chance to see anyone hit on any of the girls there.

There was another one that was specifically a group of guys who went out specifically to practice hitting on women, but they've only met once and I lost track of him in the crowd.

I tried asking him for advice and he'd said he'd get back to me but hasnt

[Jamgoth]

Went to a nightclub with a friend of mine from university. We weren't really trying to hit on girls, just talk to people, have a fun night. One of the girls told my friend that she didn't like my edgy sense of humor, which is good feedback that I would not have picked up on if I went alone.

Went to a pool party and went Skydiving. Got decent pictures to put on my Instagram. I still don't think I'm attractive enough for OLD but at least In starting to cultivate an online image that I'm a cool guy and not some awkward nerd who paints Warhammer all day. (I used to do that lol)





Like I said, they aren't great photos but part of my issue with online dating previously is that, people told me I came off like a meek loner, which this is trying to resolve. I'm not fit enough to get away with shirtless photos (yet!) but at least I have a pic of me being social with cool looking people.

Also, game aside, skydiving is amazing and you should absolutely do it immediately if you have the spare time/money.

[Juicy3lf]

You seem to be doing well for being this social. You probably shouldn't take my advice from me, but it looks like there is a pattern of self sabotage. The girl you tried to kiss might have still wanted to kiss you later on if you made like it was nothing. you seem to neg yourself out of the pursuit even before she has actually said no. Make her say no (and be persistent). For Marketing Girl, she was DTF and you waited too long/hesitated - kissing her early would have been the right move there. But the momentum is strong.

More experienced guys please let me know if I'm far off.

[Jamgoth]

You seem to be doing well for being this social. You probably shouldn't take my advice from me, but it looks like there is a pattern of self sabotage. The girl you tried to kiss might have still wanted to kiss you later on if you made like it was nothing. you seem to neg yourself out of the pursuit even before she has actually said no. Make her say no (and be persistent). For Marketing Girl, she was DTF and you waited too long/hesitated - kissing her early would have been the right move there. But the momentum is strong.

More experienced guys please let me know if I'm far off.

Keep in mind I'm overcoming deep seated issues of self hatred that I've harbored for years. I'm timid with women because I don't want to come off as a creep. For a long time, I never attempted to flirt with or hit on or approach women because I wanted them to be comfortable and not think I'm a creep. I've been told I've come across as a creep to women I'm not even interested in, women that I just wanted to be friends with, which doesn't help.

There was that incident with Abi where I definitely blew my chance with a girl I really liked, and a girl who was hitting on me hard, by not making my move. This was a year ago and it still hurts. So for a time I would over correct, aggressively hitting on women that weren't interested and making a complete ass of myself in the process. I lost a couple of my guy friends and platonic girl friends because I was so socially uncalibrated when it came to flirting. I'm trying to find the balance by just sheer social exposure and not having a concrete game plan or understanding of pick up theory.

Also with marketing girl, she was flirting with me hard when we met at that house party, and I was able to hold that sexual energy. I got shit tested for the first time ever, and did a decent job of passing the shit tests. We did get a date, but I guess I was having an off day and couldn't find an opportunity to be flirty. She just blathered on about topics that bored me and I couldn't find a way to playfully tease or flirt with her. I also spoke to a mutual friend who also went on a date with her a few days later, but didn't pull, and he's just like "Don't sweat it, I've known her for years, she's just flaky"

So yeah, I've missed my mark, in both directions (making a move when she's not interested and not making a move when she is) part of the experiment I'm doing this summer is to try to understand these signals better.

[Squilliam]

I've been told I've come across as a creep to women I'm not even interested in, women that I just wanted to be friends with, which doesn't help.

Unfortunately, the word "creepy" is way overused. Many women will claim that "creepy" is only used to describe objectively bad actions, like persisting too hard, sexual harassment, etc, but I feel like creepy is often just used to describe a guy they're not attracted to who is autistic/socially awkward.

[Jamgoth]

I've been told I've come across as a creep to women I'm not even interested in, women that I just wanted to be friends with, which doesn't help.

Unfortunately, the word "creepy" is way overused. Many women will claim that "creepy" is only used to describe objectively bad actions, like persisting too hard, sexual harassment, etc, but I feel like creepy is often just used to describe a guy they're not attracted to who is autistic/socially awkward.

I can't cure my autism unfortunately

[Squilliam]

I can't cure my autism unfortunately

This is a loser's mindset.

You might not be able to cure your autism, but you can improve your social skills and the way you come across to women.

Pretty sure they have done studies which show that autism is basically not perceptible in individuals who have worked on it enough. Well, assuming it's high functioning autism, which seems to be the case here.

I have the same problem. There are literally girls that are clearly into me when I approach them, will even stop, but then end up weirded out by the end because my vibe and way I come across to them is just so awkward and off. I can't even blame them. I've never been called a creep but I wouldn't be surprised if some of the girls characterized me that way.

I second what Pancake said about going out and finding a wing who can give you feedback.

This shit is hard indeed. You do get judged. You are forced to confront some of your deepest issues, some of which you've probably been running from for decades at this point.

But ultimately, you can say the exact same thing to two different girls and get two very different responses. So don't focus on trying to get every girl to like you. Rather, just focus on trying your best and improving your social skills, really playing the numbers game is more important than anything else IMO.

[Jamgoth]

I can't cure my autism unfortunately

This is a loser's mindset.

Yeah I'm aware, and I'm trying to break myself out of it