175 Days Left till 2023.

[MILFandCookies]

shit shit shit..!! what a bad waster of time sunday was. MY diet got fucked. my work didnt get done.
had too much time wasted with things I wont ever do.
need today to get back again.

why is that JUST WHEN IT STARTS to get going good, I FCK UP?
I am so close to ruining my progress. I am scared boys.
Need to remedy this today.
My mind is not working with me in Tandem.
My mind is seeking that comfort zone.
IT doesnt want to get out.
FCK.

Beating yourself up will only make you want to quit.

You made a mistake, sure. Remember how this feels and then let it go. Forgive yourself. Relax. You're on the right path. When you're ready, pick yourself back up and keep walking, you've got this.

[gettingoutofcomfortzone]

You made a mistake, sure. Remember how this feels and then let it go. Forgive yourself. Relax. You're on the right path. When you're ready, pick yourself back up and keep walking, you've got this.

Thanks man. That sure helped progress until I spontaneously went and over fed during the evening.
all the while knowing and keep on telling myself that I will regret it.

I will get back in order. In fact, yesterdays chaos helped today to steer back my progress.
Feeble mind sometimes has the drive to post and be correct. And other times, wants to not put the effort in.
How funny that one day you want it 150% and other day you dont care for it.
I cant afford to be spontaneous.

positives:
.Successful full day fast today. Will do 2 more days because I ate like 5000cals worth junk. I will break the fast with proper protein rich food on Friday.
.went to gym and I can see progress in my upper body. Still at +30%BF. It is a marathon but I have a specific target that I am working towards. will post before/after pics by 30th Sep.
.still on Nofap. I think it is a good placebo. I need to start using it for self-improvement. listen to motivational podcasts or videos.

Negatives:
.procrastination in applying for jobs.(Highly irritated at myself even though I have a cover and CV ready to go)
.unable to work without a high degree of rest.(superficial and I wouldnt hire me with this kind of work ethic)

Action Points for tomorrow:
-apply for one-three jobs(post pics).
-goto GYM(post proof).
-do proper 8-5 work.

I am not comfortable where I am - this is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I am worried for my future - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I loathe being alone - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
Pain is good.
I want nothing but pain.[/b]

It just might be that the fear of another day lost while going to sleep makes my heart passionate and motivated.
Maybe this drive will burn to pieces in my sleep.
But, I shall be here tomorrow evening and I would have done what I promised today.

-Ashwin.

-------------------------------------

Cranking my neck at the number of steps and I see a long climb ahead.
I wanted to be one amongst you. I must trust the process to getting there.

[gettingoutofcomfortzone]

Failed flawlessly at both goals. didnt go to gym, didnt apply for jobs.
but found out my year old understand myself report.

guess what? I am exceptionally high for neuroticism with very high withdrawal and exceptionally high (higher than withdrawal) for volatility.
in simple words, I give up easy and badly affected by negative emotions.
this should scare me, right?


but I am positive and feel euphoric at this revelation.
the next time, my mind says to quit and I will have the ammo ready.

I need to keep going and start doing the opposite of what my mind wants.

There were a couple more things that I want to address. I will soon follow in the next post.

[gettingoutofcomfortzone]

I am not comfortable where I am - this is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I am worried for my future - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I loathe being alone - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
Pain is good.
I want nothing but pain.[/b]

What I have found out is Pain due to being in action is important and valid.
Pain due to inaction and idleness is unnecessary and invalid.

I have to keep the former and eliminate latter. How do I do this ?

I had a conversation with my dad. I am thankful for that.
As someone who had seen me grow up for the last 3 decades, it was a candid honest open talk.

He knows my intelligence but questions my decisions.
He says I am clear in my words but still confused in my heart.
I am taking this comment to my grave.

My lack of clarity in what I want is being questioned. and it is the same scenario with my brother. I dont have to prove anything to my family. But, I am looking into a world of sorrow, if I dont act on things that they have highlighted.

I want actions. I want them fast. This website and forum is going to be my only solace going forward. what that means in terms of actions?

I am going to finish part of JPs authoring program today (atleast one section of it).
I will apply for a couple of jobs today.
I will go to the gym.(created a new log. post pics).
I will plan for next week work.

I took @natedawg word file and I have started customizing it to my own needs. I will have it posted here today.

I also have a task manager tool that I gave up on due to holidays. I will dust it up and set a measurable short time goal(30th Sep).

Should I go out and approach tomorrow? or should I stay here and look at screen tomorrow?
I wanna fix today and decide.

[natedawg]

I am not comfortable where I am - this is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I am worried for my future - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
I loathe being alone - it is pain but this is proof I am changing.
Pain is good.
I want nothing but pain.[/b]

What I have found out is Pain due to being in action is important and valid.
Pain due to inaction and idleness is unnecessary and invalid.

I have to keep the former and eliminate latter. How do I do this ?

I had a conversation with my dad. I am thankful for that.
As someone who had seen me grow up for the last 3 decades, it was a candid honest open talk.

He knows my intelligence but questions my decisions.
He says I am clear in my words but still confused in my heart.
I am taking this comment to my grave.

My lack of clarity in what I want is being questioned. and it is the same scenario with my brother. I dont have to prove anything to my family. But, I am looking into a world of sorrow, if I dont act on things that they have highlighted.

I want actions. I want them fast. This website and forum is going to be my only solace going forward. what that means in terms of actions?

I am going to finish part of JPs authoring program today (atleast one section of it).
I will apply for a couple of jobs today.
I will go to the gym.(created a new log. post pics).
I will plan for next week work.

I took @natedawg word file and I have started customizing it to my own needs. I will have it posted here today.

I also have a task manager tool that I gave up on due to holidays. I will dust it up and set a measurable short time goal(30th Sep).

Should I go out and approach tomorrow? or should I stay here and look at screen tomorrow?
I wanna fix today and decide.

Good stuff dude.

Any kind of action is better than doing nothing. You'll gain more clarity during the process - not before.

Go crush it brother.

[gettingoutofcomfortzone]

Yeah, I hope so.
At this point, I just have to see only by acting.

I came across something profound.

Choices may be decided easily, but harder to act.

My mental coping mechanism makes choices that deem to be clear.
It is only by doing I can understand the benefits/shortcoming.