GN44's Progress Log

[GN44]

4/1

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 3052 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 136g
->Today's Protein Intake: 190g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/2

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 3015 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 115g
->Today's Protein Intake: 157g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

4/3

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 3000 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 130g
->Today's Protein Intake: 189g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: No

4/4

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 3335 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 141g
->Today's Protein Intake: 165g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: No

4/5

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2433 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 94g
->Today's Protein Intake: 119g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:

New pfp who dis. I spent some time last Sunday trying to take new headshots as I didn't have a good replacement for the old one. I forgot my tripod back in California so I had to use some stuff I carry with me to make a makeshift stand. The lighting was great and after using faceapp a bit, I got a good usable shot. Threw it into PF and it got an 8+. Gonna buy a new tripod for some weekend reshooting and return it before I go back to California.

Im becoming more consistent with taking care of my skin, especially sunscreen use. I used to hate sunscreen but I found a brand I like and it turns out even non-sunny days can still give your skin UV damage. Morning skincare is easy but I am still not entirely used to doing skincare right before bed, although it is important because I apply retinaldehyde then or exfoliate with lactic acid. I am getting better with it though. My skin is one of my biggest sticking points with SMV so taking care of that should help. My mom has told me my skin is looking slightly better but it will take maybe 6 months to a year to see very noticeable changes.

Reaching and exceeding my protein intake hasn't been all that hard for me, but hitting calories is sometimes. Last week was kinda rough because I was focusing a lot on my exams and I wasn't working out all that much, I guess to me I didn't feel comfortable eating as much if I wasn't putting the extra protein and all to good use.

Still struggling heavily with being more consistent about cold approach, could also just be the bad weather here making outside sets harder. Most people outside are just rushing to get inside. Its fucking April yet its cold and wind as shit here in the Midwest. My best bet is approaching in cafes and department stores, my only obstacle there is general AA. Can't wait to get the fuck outta here.

EDIT: I initially said I was gonna make a separate entry for the singles mixer but I think I will just appendage it here. I also had a longer post planned but figured it was kind of useless so I will just shorten it to the important bits.

The mixer was at 6 at a bowling alley. I got there and felt really fucking anxious cuz I thought I stuck out like a sore thumb due to my age. I spent a bit of time scoping out the area just seeing what the scene was looking like. The anxiety got really overwhelming to the point I went to the bathroom and took a breather to calm myself down. I wanted to leave, but I told myself I couldn't and that I need to see this through. I got back out there and talked to these two ladies despite them both looking much older. In total I talked up 6 women that night and got 1 number. Two of them probably don't entirely count because they kind of blew me off by being omega-dry in conversation. Overall it was an interesting experience but I would rather go more often if I was at least in my mid 20s.

Interestingly enough the best thing I got out of that night was meeting another brown guy who has been taking dating pretty seriously. He had a good vibe and seemed really chill, and he is the same person I went daygaming with on Sunday. I gave him some tips on Hinge pics and stuff and told him he could shoot me a message any time he needed advice.

[GN44]

4/6

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2252 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 88g
->Today's Protein Intake: 90g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/7

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 3/3
->Today's Calories: 3038 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 113g
->Today's Protein Intake: 181g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:

I was supposed to have a date on Saturday but at the last minute she told me she had expired tags and since she drives a slightly modified car, her getting pulled over with expired tags would mean her car gets impounded. She ended up canceling last minute and basically groveled to me saying she is sorry and a bunch of other stuff. She flaked on me before because of a hair appointment and promised to pay for my food when we met. At this point I am learning to not really take what women say seriously until and unless they prove to me their words and actions match up. Hell honestly that could apply to anyone I meet tbh.

On Sunday I met up with a guy I met at the singles mixer. The day before I asked if he wanted to daygame with me around 3-ish since I would be free then, and he said sure. We met up near my apartment and walked around campus as well as the closeby street. We talked a bit about cold approach while we were walking and he described his experiences with it. He deals with pretty bad AA and sometimes its like 3 hours before he is able to go up to a girl. I said no shame in that because many ppl deal with AA, but a majority don't even try to overcome it. I did also learn that he did have a 6-month fling with a girl he cold approached and said the sex was really fucking good, but also mentioned how since it happened kinda early into his cold approach journey it gave him unrealistic expectations of CA for a while. A couple of times while we were walking I tried to be a second pair of eyes and point out possible sets he could do, but I did see him pussy out. I don't know if maybe I should do more to encourage him to just go do it anyways, or just let it play out. He also said a couple of times the missed sets were "not his type". I told him when you aren't very experienced with cold approach you should just try to approach any available girl thats at least a low 5 or so, which is what I do. He said that I shouldn't take him seriously when he says that because he is just "coping" although it is occasionally true.

When it came to what I did during the sesh I did 5 sets while the other guy did 2. First set I thought she looked like a student from a distance but looked much older when I went up to her, wanted to back out but I was like "welp i am already here might as well finish what I started". I also stepped out of my comfort zone in terms of openers. Decided to just say "Hey, I saw you while I was walking past and thought you were cute so I just wanted to say Hey". I asked her her name and all and then she tells me she isn't interested since she has a daughter. I leave kindly, no issues there. Second set was some girl I saw walking to the library, same opener as the first, but got blown off really hard cuz she had somewhere to be. Third set was another girl walking past, said "thank you" kindly when I called her cute but she told me she had a bf and wasn't interested. Fourth set was a girl I saw idling near a crosswalk. I was talking her up nicely but some dudes drove past and interrupted us. I got mad anxious that that was her bf or someone she is close with in the car as they knew her name, so I aborted that set. Fifth and last set was some dirty blonde I stopped while she was walking in the opposite direction. I would say this is my best set of the day as we had some decent conversation+she was really sweet before she told me she had to go somewhere. I asked for her number since I had the opportunity but she said no thanks and that she had a bf. It was getting close to when I needed to go do some work, but I was happy that I ended the session on a high note.

Another thing that felt great for this session was I felt I was providing value to him as he told me a lot how my sets were good and that I was being very proactive. He did also give me some social feedback as I had a tendency to point towards girls when I spotted an available set, he said that can scare them off. Understandable. I did try my best to encourage him for his sets and that he had his beliefs reinforced with me that CA isn't weird like some other ppl try to make it seem.

After the session I did some school work and then went out and decided to take some pictures for my Hinge profile. Nothing came out super great tbh but I think I got some ok shots I can use as filler until I get something better. Its getting pretty busy on my end now so I may have to park taking photos until I get back to cali in which case I can ask my brother to use my camera. Or I can ask this guy I met if he and I wanted to take photos of each other. After that I picked up dinner and went to the gym, didn't finish my routine as it was getting super late but I did the major exercises at least.

[pancakemouse]

Another thing that felt great for this session was I felt I was providing value to him as he told me a lot how my sets were good and that I was being very proactive. He did also give me some social feedback as I had a tendency to point towards girls when I spotted an available set, he said that can scare them off. Understandable. I did try my best to encourage him for his sets and that he had his beliefs reinforced with me that CA isn't weird like some other ppl try to make it seem.

How we do it in NYC:

<subtle head nod>
"Is that you? Green pants."

We also use the pronoun "it" for girls instead of "she" to avoid attracting attention.

"It was unreceptive" / "It was moving too fast"

[GN44]

Another thing that felt great for this session was I felt I was providing value to him as he told me a lot how my sets were good and that I was being very proactive. He did also give me some social feedback as I had a tendency to point towards girls when I spotted an available set, he said that can scare them off. Understandable. I did try my best to encourage him for his sets and that he had his beliefs reinforced with me that CA isn't weird like some other ppl try to make it seem.

How we do it in NYC:

<subtle head nod>
"Is that you? Green pants."

We also use the pronoun "it" for girls instead of "she" to avoid attracting attention.

"It was unreceptive" / "It was moving too fast"

Thats a much less dorky opener so I'll use it. May be even better if she has something unique about her like something about her outfit or whatever.

Good idea on the pronoun, I think I may have drawn too much attention and pushed away some potential sets back then so Ill keep this in mind and let my buddy know too.

[GN44]

4/8

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 3133 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 133g
->Today's Protein Intake: 163g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

4/9

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 3047 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 101g
->Today's Protein Intake: 136g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/10

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 3014 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 113g
->Today's Protein Intake: 173g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: No

Notes:

I have a horrible confession to make. I relapsed to porn after nearly 4 months clean. I thought I was done for good and was so happy to be free back when I finished EasyPeasy back in late December, but it doesn't seem like it lasted. I have been having bad urges since the weekend but I also made the mistake of not telling anyone because I was so in denial. I felt like if I told anyone they would be disappointed as I thought all this time I led others to believe I kicked the addiction for good and came out victorious. All I could seem to tell myself was that I wasn't supposed to feel this way. I was supposed to see porn as useless and not valuable.

It is just strange because in most stressful scenarios, even when I lost all my notes for two classes I had exams coming up in + a homework assignment due the next morning, I didn't feel the urge to watch porn. It didn't even occur to me, my thoughts would solely consist of thinking of how to fix my current situation. In this case though I had a situation with a girl I matched with that left me super confused and shitty. Again I didn't feel like talking about it here because I thought it would just be seen as stupid and I would get cooked but it is relevant to my progress and life so I will take the cooking.

I matched with this one girl on Bumble over spring break and we started talking. I thought she was decently attractive and figured I would try to get a date w/ her before I left back for uni, but it wasn't successful due to my shitty logistics. I thought I would just have to play the long game now and see if I can do it over summer since my semester was <1.5 months from ending. The conversations we had were really fun and interesting and we texted a lot to the point we would probs sleep at like 1-2AM. Eventually we started talking about deeper topics and she mentioned some really dark shit about her past (not hoe shit, its about her family and other stuff). She became more comfortable being vulnerable with me and I felt like I could be myself around her too. Emotionally I was beginning to think we had a great connection as I felt really happy every time I talked with her and she was really supportive. A lot of the time support from others feels surface level but not from her, since we had some similar struggles growing up I think she understood what true support meant. We also facetimed a few times. Some time into us talking we started talking about intimacy and later it got incredibly sexual. She started sending me pictures of herself to me and I sent some too in return. Needless to say I thought her body was really fucking hot because she had a nice ass and perky tits with just the right amount of thiccness everywhere else. I saved the pictures she sent me in a hidden file and whenever I felt like masturbating in my room I did it to her pictures, figured it would be better than my imagination. She was making plans and sorting logistics to fly out to see me in April once my finals ended so I was sure we would fuck eventually, therefore I thought it wasn't a big deal to beat it to her pictures. Overall I became really emotionally invested in her because she seemed to have all the qualities I wanted in a long term partner plus I found her really attractive physically. She was planning to come back to Cali for a month during the summer so I figured we could spend a lot of time together during that month. She expressed to me how she wanted to be monogamous with me but she's a sophomore in college so if we did we would be long distance for roughly 2 years, but could see each other during holidays. This had me really conflicted though because I felt like I would be a weak person deciding to do an LDR for a bit. I also was in an LDR before that failed (tbf tho I was a teenager at the time) so I was again in denial telling myself I am not supposed to care about her and I am just supposed to fuck her until she ghosts me or I ghost her. The other side of the coin was that I wasn't afraid of her cheating on me since that seems to be a massive point of contention of long distance. I had this belief because from her insta profile and what she has told me, she doesn't have any male friends and generally doesn't trust most men because of how her father and his side of the family treated her growing up. She did tell me a bunch of stuff about how much she loves that I make her feel safe and that she could be herself. Maybe it was all just a big lie?

About a month after we matched and everything seems fine, I check my insta and find that she blocked me. I thought it was a glitch for a while but after enough messing with instagram I had to accept she just blocked me. I have been speculating as to why. It could be that I was too vulnerable with her because she told me some really dark shit and I figured my own stuff wasn't as much comparatively. She also expressed how she hoped I wouldn't judge her for what she went through because she has met people who have. One time she said her ex-bf told her how she deserved how her dad treated her growing up. Maybe she also didn't entirely trust me and figured I only wanted to fuck her. Or she felt too ashamed of sexting me and blocked me to avoid the source of said shame. Again I pushed down my emotions because I thought being sad over someone I never met blocking me felt stupid.

But since she blocked me and now I probably won't be able to meet her, I believed the right thing to do was to delete the sexy pictures+nudes she sent me because if I kept beating to them, it would just be no better than watching porn. It was hard but I deleted all of them. So thats where I think the relapse had its foundation, I had a difficult time adjusting to masturbating without any material so maybe my brain was just craving a source or idea of sexual intimacy again? It was probably also a mixture of missing the emotional connection aspect of her which made the sexual stuff feel more exciting to me.

Either way this is horrible, I started rereading EasyPeasy and I intend to read at least 30 minutes a day as of yesterday until I finish. I am also gonna try to unpack this situation and get to the bottom of why this of all things caused me to relapse. I could just talk to my therapist, or contact that CSAT therapist I met a couple of times before I finished EasyPeasy the first (or second, I am kinda forgetting). Maybe I already got my answer though, but I don't want it to happen again and neither do I want to self pity a bunch about this. I have to move on.

[Adrizzle]

Oi dawg this is really important. Don’t beat yourself up too much about all of this. Is actually kinda good if you zoom out a bit.

You abstained from porn for nearly 4 months! When have you done that before? Just work on trying again and see if you can beat your previous time.

With the girl idk if there anything you can do better. Like shit happens man. You probably never know exact why/what happened. Do you think you learnt anything about emotional investing in girls?

On the nudes yeah do what you want. I keep them as lil trophies, I know not to access them even semi regularly cos it can fuck ya Brian

[pancakemouse]

How we do it in NYC:

<subtle head nod>
"Is that you? Green pants."

We also use the pronoun "it" for girls instead of "she" to avoid attracting attention.

"It was unreceptive" / "It was moving too fast"

Thats a much less dorky opener so I'll use it. May be even better if she has something unique about her like something about her outfit or whatever.

Good idea on the pronoun, I think I may have drawn too much attention and pushed away some potential sets back then so Ill keep this in mind and let my buddy know too.

Oh. Just for clarification, that is what we say to each other, not the girl.

[GN44]

Oi dawg this is really important. Don’t beat yourself up too much about all of this. Is actually kinda good if you zoom out a bit.

You abstained from porn for nearly 4 months! When have you done that before? Just work on trying again and see if you can beat your previous time.

With the girl idk if there anything you can do better. Like shit happens man. You probably never know exact why/what happened. Do you think you learnt anything about emotional investing in girls?

On the nudes yeah do what you want. I keep them as lil trophies, I know not to access them even semi regularly cos it can fuck ya Brian

I think the reason I am beating myself up over it is because I pledged to myself I would never watch porn again. The book I read said that I should do that after I had my last session. The slippery slope of instagram may have also contributed. I am still in the process of un-fucking my feed so occasionally I see content I shouldn't be looking at like Onlyfans girls. When I was talking with her I just felt no interest in other girls so even seeing a 10/10 model just made me go "meh" and scroll past. Ofc when she blocked me I started craving the connection again which made the occasional ig model post that came up have more of an effect on me and I wouldn't scroll off as fast as usual. I did delete IG off my phone when I realized this but it didn't really change my cravings.

You are right though that nearly 4 months is a milestone compared to my second longest which is only a month long.

I think I could have been a bit too vulnerable about myself early on and I did probably project some concern as a result of some frustration over the distance to her and she might have gotten scared off as a result, or figured I am not serious about her and I am putting on an act.

Emotional investment I am not sure as this was just super spontaneous, its not like I consciously choose to start emotionally investing in someone, ofc you can consciously choose to stop emotionally investing in someone. If there are any takeaways I can get from this it is that I just don't want to invest into girls who live too far away for me anymore.

I was considering keeping the pics cuz they were hot af but it didn't feel right to me in the back of my head. I think I made the right choice but idc if others would keep them in my situation, barring that they don't use it as revenge porn.

[GN44]

4/11

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 2675 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 97g
->Today's Protein Intake: 139g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

4/12

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: Uncountable
->Today's Sugar intake: Uncountable
->Today's Protein Intake: Uncountable
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/13

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 3/3
->Today's Calories: 829
->Today's Sugar intake: 51g
->Today's Protein Intake: 21g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/14

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 3/3
->Today's Calories: 3063
->Today's Sugar intake: 139g
->Today's Protein Intake: 210g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:

Friday calories are a bit of a doozy to count because I went to KBBQ with a friend and we ate a lot there. It was a fun time though but the next day I didn't feel like eating anything and my stomach hurt the first half of the day. Probably cuz also at KBBQ I drank some really spicy soup.

Been actually making some progress increasing the weights I use on my exercises (like 5-10 pounds per exercise), my muscles won't grow without progressive overload. I realize lately I am being too anal about how many reps I can do when it doesn't matter nearly as much as time under tension. I think as long as I can do a minimum of 6-8 reps per most exercises I should be fine.

Still struggling heavily with porn. I was expecting my starting read of EasyPeasy to start killing my interest in porn after a bit but ever since the relapse, I have been discovering new content and it is making it harder to stop. The search for novelty is what this addiction is. Today so far though I haven't watched it. I have a date too so I just don't think it is a good idea. I booked a session with my addiction therapist for Wednesday to discuss how to move forward and just what exactly to do to combat this. I will also talk about this with my general therapist too. I think my reason behind the relapse is simple when I think about it. The lack of emotional intimacy from a partner aside from stress and anxiety has fueled my addiction before. EasyPeasy however helped detach using porn for stress and anxiety because it helped break down for me why doing so was such a horrible idea. So in this case I was getting some emotional intimacy from the girl I was talking to and saw LTR potential in, which in turn caused any tiny interest in porn I had + interest in other girls to basically hit ground zero. Then when she blocked me the intimacy source was gone, my body and mind were dissatisfied so it looked to porn as it is what it thought was a good substitute. I'll try to stay positive though that as I work through this situation and get over it I will detach porn from this type of issue too and truly be able to quit for good.

Porn also fucking sucks because it makes my anxiety 10x worse, which makes cold approach much harder. The weather is way better now, which means more girls outside, and I could have easily done like 5+ sets in a singular hour but I had too much fucking anxiety. Well I will just use this as motivation to quit.

Speaking of the weather, not being able to wear jackets makes me more worried about my gyno. I posted here about how I went to a consultation in November and they told me the methods I could use to pay for it. Insurance wouldn't cover it fully because I am not grade 3 gyno or higher (grade 2 but it is still bad though), but they could cover a part of it while the rest is out of pocket. At the time they told me they were okay with the surgery and I told them I wanted to do it in December, but my parents said it would interfere with vacation so it would be better in the summer. Pre-spring break I told them I wanted to talk about scheduling the surgery+how to pay and they said we will discuss it. Well spring break came along and they told me no to the surgery.

I was really fucking pissed off because for months on end they made me think I would get the surgery. I started off 2024 happy knowing in 4 months I would finally get rid of what is possibly my biggest insecurity. I expressed this to them but they told me that my gyno isn't that big of a deal and that I should just work out more and it will make them smaller. I have been in the gym for nearly 2 years now and dropped like 50 or so pounds yet my gyno has barely decreased in size. I told them more about how insecure I am about them and shit and they told me I should get therapy instead because I care too much about my appearance. What fucking bullshit is this, ever since I started caring more about my appearance, my life improved. I say that because more cute girls started taking glances at me, I get dates/matches on apps just a tad easier, people around me respect me significantly more, and so many other benefits.

This is the one part about "woke" culture I fucking hate. Hell I hate that term too but this feels like the only way to describe the utter stupidity I heard. Some people think therapy will fix everything. No the fuck it won't. When I was dealing with hair loss I felt like ass about it. I was in therapy but it did absolutely nothing to make me less insecure about my thinning hair. What did make me less insecure was when my hair started looking healthier again and the curly texture returned. My old hairstyle made me look much older than I actually was and I finally felt like I looked my age when my hair went back to mostly normal.

I told them the gym can only do so much against gyno and that the only way to be truly rid of it was surgery. They said I was just taking the easy way out. Oh yeah, it is totally the easy way out when I was bullied for most of my school years for it, and when I told the bullies I didn't want to be laughed at for it I got gaslighted for being too sensitive and that I should partake in my own humiliation.

My family has the money for the surgery, if we didn't I wouldn't be as crazy about it as I am. I am trying to come up with an argument for why I should get the surgery but every time I think about talking to them I just get hyper emotional. I know they won't hear me out if I get hyper emotional so I want to go about this calmly but I can't seem to be calm. Gyno fucking sucks, its an SMV detractor. and now that summer is coming up I can't wear jackets to cover it up like I could in the winter, fall, or early spring. I feel like a spoiled child for wanting something so expensive though.

[Akilles7]

My family has the money for the surgery, if we didn't I wouldn't be as crazy about it as I am. I am trying to come up with an argument for why I should get the surgery but every time I think about talking to them I just get hyper emotional. I know they won't hear me out if I get hyper emotional so I want to go about this calmly but I can't seem to be calm. Gyno fucking sucks, its an SMV detractor. and now that summer is coming up I can't wear jackets to cover it up like I could in the winter, fall, or early spring. I feel like a spoiled child for wanting something so expensive though.

Bro, I got my puberty-induced gyno surgically removed in June of '21. No amount of lifting, dieting, cutting, etc. was going to reduce it, and I knew that from the day I first started lifting. As soon as I had $6k, I got it done.

It was worth EVERY. SINGLE. PENNY. The confidence boost was tremendous. I could finally just put on a shirt without having to worry "but how are my tits going to look in this?" Fuck what your parents say. My family and friends actively discouraged me from doing it, but now everyone compliments me on my body. Plus, all girls are intrigued when I tell them I got plastic surgery done.

If you want, you can me PM me and we can talk over the phone about the process, the surgery, and recovery. I talked a close friend of mine into getting it done like 2 months ago, so all the details are still fresh in my mind.

[GN44]

My family has the money for the surgery, if we didn't I wouldn't be as crazy about it as I am. I am trying to come up with an argument for why I should get the surgery but every time I think about talking to them I just get hyper emotional. I know they won't hear me out if I get hyper emotional so I want to go about this calmly but I can't seem to be calm. Gyno fucking sucks, its an SMV detractor. and now that summer is coming up I can't wear jackets to cover it up like I could in the winter, fall, or early spring. I feel like a spoiled child for wanting something so expensive though.

Bro, I got my puberty-induced gyno surgically removed in June of '21. No amount of lifting, dieting, cutting, etc. was going to reduce it, and I knew that from the day I first started lifting. As soon as I had $6k, I got it done.

It was worth EVERY. SINGLE. PENNY. The confidence boost was tremendous. I could finally just put on a shirt without having to worry "but how are my tits going to look in this?" Fuck what your parents say. My family and friends actively discouraged me from doing it, but now everyone compliments me on my body. Plus, all girls are intrigued when I tell them I got plastic surgery done.

If you want, you can me PM me and we can talk over the phone about the process, the surgery, and recovery. I talked a close friend of mine into getting it done like 2 months ago, so all the details are still fresh in my mind.

Wish my parents would understand, I hate how they pretend to know everything when they don't. Sure I go to them for 90% of life situations and they have given me the best advice but I just wish they could admit when they are wrong sometimes.

That is why I want the surgery, gym gains will be far more visible and I won't feel like a fat fuck anymore. Also I can explore a wider range of fashion. I was watching a fashion influencer's video last night on summer outfits and what to wear and I just clicked out cuz of how much I felt like "yeah these would look great if I didn't have gyno". Was actually so fucking pissed.

Ill send you a PM.

[GN44]

4/15

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 3137
->Today's Sugar intake: 130g
->Today's Protein Intake: 187g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:

Spent a large chunk of the day in the research lab getting ready for the last stages of my experiment.

I mentioned earlier that the weather is getting pretty good here so there are more girls out, means much easier to daygame. I passed up like 5 easy sets early in the day and I was beating myself up over it so much, calling myself a pussy and all that negative self talk. I took some time to dig into it and figure out what exactly was giving me anxiety. What I realized was around 3/5 of those missed sets my anxiety was entirely baseless minus the anxiety around messing up and being awkward in set. I was actually talking with the guy I went daygaming with about this first.

The thing is even if I am awkward in set there is ZERO consequence. Like sure maybe she thinks I am odd, but when she leaves she may think about the experience for a bit but forget quickly. Maybe she will tell her friends some random guy approached her and they will have a laugh but they will forget too because they have their own lives.


I went back to my place to get ready for my date at 7. On my way there I spotted some freckled blonde at a crosswalk and opened her. Did my usual but instead of her number she gave me her insta. I was okay with this but for future reference maybe I should push more for a number? Didn't give a shit about the outcome though, I was just happy I didn't pussy out for a change.

I set her an omw text around 6:45. I got to the place around 6:50. I waited until 7:20 for her to show up but she didn't. Second fucking flake in a row. I was pissed, but I decided to get some boba anyways. Got some, then I decided to take my rage and turn it into fuel and go do approaches. I opened some blonde with glasses while waiting for my order but couldn't finish the set as she walked off and said she had some urgent stuff to do.

Went on campus then opened some tall redhead, and I actually got her number. After that I walked a bit and opened some brunette, but she blew me off really hard. NBD honestly, ended today with 4 sets. I then headed back to my place as I was hungry and was gonna cook dinner.

Pretty ticked about the flake as I thought this girl was pretty cute, I am annoyed the girls I want to get out are just elusive for me.

[GN44]

4/16

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1300
->Today's Sugar intake: 54g
->Today's Protein Intake: 75g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

4/17

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 3058
->Today's Sugar intake: 140g
->Today's Protein Intake: 194g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

4/18

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 3032
->Today's Sugar intake: 115g
->Today's Protein Intake: 169g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:

Had a wonderful conversation with @Akilles7 on Insta about the gyno surgery. I ended up expressing my feelings unfiltered to my parents about the surgery and they said they will let me get it. I am very surprised they agreed to it so quick, I was expecting a full blown argument and having to debate. What the fuck were they opposing it for the first time. Though when I did talk to my mom she said she was misinformed and did further research realizing exercise won't do shit for it. I called the scheduler for the surgery but they are out currently so I am waiting on her to hit me back as I left her a voicemail.

My mol gen exam was on Wednesday and my research presentation+large part of my experiment yesterday, so I have been really fucking busy as of late. Yesterday I had a delay on a part of my experiment because one chemical I needed wasn't available and the person who was in the process of making it took an hour to show up, then another 30 minutes to make the damn thing I needed. I also had the presentation + meeting my therapist. Shit was so hectic I had to eat lunch during my session with my therapist. I didn't finish my work until 7PM but luckily I could go to club and see my friends. It helped me unwind a lot but it was the last club meeting of the semester. I was a bit sad about this being my last club meets on campus ever ngl.

Weather got dog shit again and I was stuck in the research lab for a full day Thursday so I haven't cold approached after Tuesday. I have been realizing with cold approach, or at least my initial approaches when I first joined here that I used coincidences and being in the same place as a girl very often to "approach". I might be wrong here but my actual cold approach number is probably around 40-50ish at most now which is quite low. I can't get an exact number and idk if there is value in counting. There is a lot of types of AA that I realize I haven't overcome. And realizing at least some of my AA is baseless minus fucking up in set which isn't a big deal.

Another type of AA (or just inner game issue) I have is with certain girls that I consider really attractive. Personally I just approach girls varying from mid to very attractive, don't want to be picky in my spam phase. Idc about archetype, but sometimes when I consider approaching a really attractive girl I feel like I am "below" her and that me approaching her would be offending her because I think I am so below her in SMV. I didn't have this issue as much when I was doing more "warm" approaches when I first started because we had some "common ground", but when I see them just walking about there is barely any common ground, just that we might both be students. One example of a set like this I pussied out of was this basic blonde barbie doll type girl I saw walking out of a tea shop. In my head I was like "damn if I went up to her and opened I'd be taking such a big positive risk+feel accomplished", but then it immediately followed up with "she's probably bitchy and gonna tell you to fuck off cuz she's the type of girl everyone wants", and in the end I didn't do that set even though it was available.

Being "below" her is not always true, I look good now at least so the smv difference isn't like a neckbeard gamer trying to approach a vogue model type shit. Its probably just an inner game issue I need to focus on. I am just in my head because so far most girls I have went up to they treat me well (or are just being nice to get me to fuck off), worst reception I get is indifference or just avoidance like girls who just keep moving when I try to talk to them. Never blatant disrespect or being made to feel like total shit. If a girl blows me off I just assume they have a lot going on in their life and they have no obligation to engage with a stranger. In any case more reps I do the less I fuck up in set in the future. Currently I can work on spam approaching to not pass up available sets before I decide to be more intentional. I have free time once finals end so I can make it a point to go out and cold approach from my end date until at times there are many girls around. My wing will be around so I can arrange times to go daygame with him too.

Speaking of my wing, I asked him after finals if he wants to do photoshoots for each other. He said yeah that he should have free time, so I will arrange a true date when I get closer to when finals end. I will use my DSLR for this since it will def get better pics than my phone. I have a checklist in progress of things I will need to do to get the most value out of a shoot. Like getting a haircut, eyebrow trimming, locations for pics, fits, etc. I will share this with him too. I also compiled a new list of sticking points+tips from the feedback I got on the picture feedback megathread. @Adrizzle @GoodLookingNerd @ThelegendofJ let me know if I compiled all your points well and if there is anything else you want to add.

GN44 Profile Sticking Points:
->Need professional/great quality headshot in a location with a solid background
->Camera photo should be one of me in action (actually taking a photo)
->Needs a Social photo
->Vibe is too soft, need to look MORE masculine
->Needs more variation of photos
->Locate urban setting for some photos

Haven't watched porn for a few days, though urges seem to ebb and flow. Today its getting bad but last few days were okay. Been slacking on reading EasyPeasy and since things are getting busier in terms of studying, I will try to do at least 15 minutes of reading each day. I think it could also just be correlated with how I feel about that one girl I was considering an LTR with. I keep thinking about what could have been had I maybe not been such a dumbass with my words and emotions. I do miss talking to her a lot, and I worry if I will find someone like her for a while. The feelings intensified this week because I am not pushing it down as much+using porn.

I ended up talking to my mom about this situation too as well as the relapse and she didn't get upset with me. I feel like maybe I should have talked this out with them way sooner because it could have mitigated my relapse, but I was an idiot. She did say a lot though that her suddenly blocking me might not have been my fault but who knows for sure. Hopefully if I keep improving myself I shouldn't have as much of a difficult time finding a quality gf.

[GoodLookingNerd]

GN44 Profile Sticking Points:
->Need professional/great quality headshot in a location with a solid background
->Camera photo should be one of me in action (actually taking a photo)
->Needs a Social photo
->Vibe is too soft, need to look MORE masculine
->Needs more variation of photos
->Locate urban setting for some photos

Looks good, I would break down looking less soft into style and facial expression.

[Squilliam]

Another type of AA (or just inner game issue) I have is with certain girls that I consider really attractive. Personally I just approach girls varying from mid to very attractive, don't want to be picky in my spam phase. Idc about archetype, but sometimes when I consider approaching a really attractive girl I feel like I am "below" her and that me approaching her would be offending her because I think I am so below her in SMV. I didn't have this issue as much when I was doing more "warm" approaches when I first started because we had some "common ground", but when I see them just walking about there is barely any common ground, just that we might both be students. One example of a set like this I pussied out of was this basic blonde barbie doll type girl I saw walking out of a tea shop. In my head I was like "damn if I went up to her and opened I'd be taking such a big positive risk+feel accomplished", but then it immediately followed up with "she's probably bitchy and gonna tell you to fuck off cuz she's the type of girl everyone wants", and in the end I didn't do that set even though it was available.

In my experience with CA, hotter girls are actually nicer on average than mid/average ones. Yeah, if you're not super hot yourself or very skilled at game, they probably won't be interested, but, they're not as bitchy as you'd expect.

I can say from experience that the worst and most bitchy reactions all came from girls that were like a 5 or 6 at best. Most of the hot girls gave polite rejections or excuses, whereas I had some mid or even below average girls give me nasty looks and just be super bitchy.