Taylor's Log

[Taylor]

Hey! I'm Taylor. I joined Andy's coaching program 9 months ago, just now getting around to an intro here:

In the last year, with a fuckton of help from Andy and everyone involved in his coaching group, I've went from comfort to pursuing my dreams in many areas:

-Sex / Relationships:
--went from being in a comfortable monogamous relationship where I felt like I'd left something on the table to...
---getting laid a bunch
---learning to cold approach
---meeting and having sex in under 20min from night approach
---becoming more experienced with BDSM
---mentoring girls
---building a rotation of girls
---having a threesome
---then building out a non-monogamous relationship with an amazing girl that I am completely happy with
--overcame a ton of jealousy / insecurity when it comes to girls exploring their sexuality with other guys in the past and present
--became way, way more honest, learned how to set up a relationship for success and growth

-Moving:
--moved from a tiny village where I was comfortable to the biggest city in my state in a few weeks (I thought it would take me months/years)

-Work:
--went from a comfortable job to negotiating moving and a part-time arrangement with my company to no job

-Psychedelics:
--started doing psychedelic medicine with a guide (this has been HUGE)
--went from atheist to exploring the spiritual side of life
--the psychedelic medicine journey had such an impact that I am not working on being a sitter/guide myself
--Very fortunate to have my original guide mentoring me.
--have become a part of the local plant medicine community & decriminalization movement

-Mindset:
--The other stuff is flashy, but I think this has been the most important:
--Learned a ton about accepting reality, Byron Katie, loving myself, happiness, love, inner peace

-Coaching:
--I really enjoy coaching others with this stuff. Started with my sister and friends, and then girls I'm seeing, and then
--Andy asked me to help out with the coaching group, and it's been super rewarding the past few months (I still feel like someone let me backstage and I'm not supposed to be there)
--Things I love to coach people on:
---happiness, loving yourself, doing "The Work"
---insecurity/jealousy with women
---building better relationships, honesty with women
---exploring BDSM and non-monogamy
---porn addiction, ED, sex

-Future Goals:
--Improving the health of my body
--Create Financial Abundance

I've done 2 interviews on Andy's channel,
--one about my first 3 months in coaching:
--and one about my first 3some:


I am so grateful for this community and that there is a group of people like you. Looking forward to continuing to crush it with you all!

[MakingAComeback]

So glad to have you here bro.

Looking forward to being able to follow your journey again.

Ravi

[Taylor]

I'm experimenting with posting my life updates here

Consent

This was a new experience for me. I had sex with a new person, who I screened hard for being into bdsm and threesomes, she had a great personality and was cool.

She kept asking for a certain sexual thing, which I didn't want. I firmly said "no" like 8 or 9 times, and not in a "beg me for it" kind of way, as well as she physically tried to do it even after I'd said no.

That felt not good. I feel fortunate that most of my sexual experiences have been so much better than that.

[Taylor]

Life Update / Wins 9/4/23


Big Goals
Improve the health of my body
Financial abundance

Health

I stopped everything else a couple months ago to just focus on my health.

I traveled to a specialist in the type of cancer I had been diagnosed with and found out I was misdiagnosed. I had actually believed the cancer diagnosis because I was in a lot of pain and had no energy. I was crying when I shared the news on the phone with my mom. It feels like I get a whole second life.

My body/energy/pain has started to feel better since I've been prioritizing it, but it's nowhere near where I want it to be. There's still something (likely something chronic/rare) up with it, and getting that diagnosed is still my highest priority.

Legal

I went to the initial hearing for my legal case, caused by my confrontation at the dance club a couple months ago, and the prosecutor dropped the case.

This is huge-- that was gonna be a big energy/money sink for me. I don't know why so many good things happens to me.

I'm now in the process of apologizing to anyone who was involved in that incident since the legal no-contact has been lifted.
Sex / Dating / Relationships / Jealousy

Just got back from a 10 day flying/backpacking/packrafting trip with Natasha on a route we created.

The route was significantly more difficult than anticipated-- days of bushwhacking, climbing, dangerous river crossings, only managing 2 miles some days we had thought 10 would be easy. I got stung by a bunch of wasps, our stove broke, I lost one of the paddle shafts (que without a paddle joke), and I wrapped the plane up in the trees on a landing.

We were both pushed to our physical/mental limits and had to work as a team a ton, do a lot of route-finding, trust each other a ton, and make actual life-or-death decisions. The kind of stuff that normal life/dating insulates you from.

This was incredibly efficient for architechting a relationship. We got to see the sides of each other that are normally not revealed for many months/years in conventional dating.

Natasha really really impressed me with her positivity, mental toughness, physical strength, route-finding abilities, and decision making. We trust each other on a whole different level now.

We decided that we wanted to be in a relationship and had a lot of deep talks about what that meant for us

I'm now exclusively screening for girls who are down for a threesome

Natasha is traveling right now with an old fwb, and I don't have any jealousy; I'm happy for her, which is super nice for me, and she's thanked me a ton for it

Social

Went to Salmonfest, Alaska's biggest festival. Been going for several years

I went by myself (without a girl) for the first time this year. It was the first time I remember feeling like "I am enough" just how I am, I don't need a hot girl on my arm to feel like enough. That was a big deal for me.

Danced and camped with one of my best friend's girlfriends since we were both there solo. Really nice.

Hung out at the "decriminalize psychedelics in Alaska" booth and made a ton of good connections. Really cool shit.

Coaching

Really finding helping out with the coaching group to be fulfilling. I feel like the matrix fucked up, I'm backstage and I wasn't supposed to be.

I feel like I've progressed a lot very quickly in my ability to give some value to others. I'm really grateful for that, it's something I've wanted my whole life. Thank you all.

Going forward, I would like to do more to help with the coaching. I feel like the highest leverage thing I could do besides what I'm already doing is to make more content, probably youtube, that encourages people to sign up.

Next Things

I feel like the main thing keeping me from actualizing my full potential right now is financial. I would feel way better if I had more of a handle on creating my own financial abundance.

I could get another job right now, and a high-paying one (for me) just came up in my old line of work (aircraft mechanic), but then I would be thinking about how I want to be doing my own thing.

I'm making this my main focus besides my health right now. I'll make a separate post about this.

[Taylor]

Giving Value / Making Money

I've been thinking a lot about how I can give value and support myself at the same time.

I've basically made a contract with myself that I won't be happy until I can support myself from "my own thing." That and raising children with a partner are the last 2 things in life where if I did them, I could say I died with 0 major regrets in life.
A lot of times, I feel like I am jumping from thing to thing, and not getting very far with any 1 thing, and usually just feeling overwhelmed with all the amazing possibilities but not taking action.

I talked through this with my spiritual coach, and he was basically like "You need to have it all figured out, is that true?" "You need to figure out the right thing to work on, and just work on that, is that true?"

So now I'm thinking I doesn't super matter how much of each individual one I do, just do long as I'm taking action every day and not quitting. I am just using "feeling ready," "having a plan," as forms of procrastination.

I've been feeling a lot of guilt about not having some "bigger purpose / plan" for my life. About having a bunch of potential and wasting it. I have daily arguments in my head, "no, the stuff you want to do IS meaningful. You're just scared to actually accept it and move forward with it."

The only thing that matters is moving forward and towards fear. Taking action.

Things I definitely want to do:

-Offering 1 on 1 coaching
-After the opportunity I've been given to help with the group coaching, and having a few people say I genuinely helped them, even though I still have "imposter syndrome," I now feel pretty confident that I can help people and feel okay charging a modest amount for that
-Creating Content, both written articles and YouTube.
-focus on helping 1 person. Try to genuinely give value
-This can funnel to the group coaching or my 1 on 1 coaching

-Selling a physical product
-I've wanted to do this since I was little. I don't think that desire is gonna go away.
-I really enjoy the design/prototyping/parts sourcing portions. I know nothing about the sales/marketing portions. That's the stuff I want to be taking action on.
-I have 1 product that you guys helped me get to the "MVP" stage where it's ready for videos of me using it and probably a kickstarter. I would like to move forward with that.
-I can reward myself by letting myself prototype new products. That part is truly fun to me, like a video game.

-Altered state guide
-This feels like a very meaningful direction for my life
-at this time I feel like I don't want to make money from this. I want to make money in other areas so that I can offer this for free.
-I have a couple people wanting journeys, and I've been putting off moving forward with them because "I don't feel ready," but there's no need for that


Other things I could do:

-Wedding videography with live Zoom broadcast
--I did this for my sister's wedding, and I enjoyed it. It was a bit of a scramble to figure out, but I feel confident in my ability to do it now. I could offer this as a paid service.

-Contract Aviation Maintenance
--I've done this before and know the landscape well.
--It would make me the most money up front of anything
--I would feel a little bit like I'm not learning/evolving though
--On the other hand, if I did a good job with it, I could eventually hire helpers/other mechanics and level it up

-Getting a sales job to bolster my sales skills

-Getting literally any job

[Taylor]

I had a very high-paying (to me) job opportunity come up in my old industry, although I'd have to move to central Washington for it. That pointed out several things for me
-I love having a home base in Alaska, I want to live here most summer / spring, probably for the rest of my life
-I'm really happy building something Natasha, don't particularly want to give that up, and excited for the threesome dynamic that we both want to explore (though would be fine if I did, there's always another amazing girl)
-I love freedom to damn much, that's a big part of why I want to do "my own thing"
-If I got another job similar to my old one, I would just spend my time obsessing about doing things that scared me / where I was growing, just like I did at my old job

[Adrizzle]

Mate go on the product. If it’s already at the launch stage all you need is the website, supply and market.

I’ve always wanted to make a thing that helps people do something better that gives another person a job too

[Taylor]

Gratitude
I just was going through some old papers and found several thankyou letters that I had written some of my teachers/mentors when I was younger. I never sent them at the time, because I was scared to be that vulnerable.
I just went ahead and sent them. It feels really good. Thank you to Andy & this coaching group for teaching me that good things happen when you express gratitude and vulnerability.

[Taylor]

Big Goals
Improve the health of my body
Financial abundance


I'm trying out the exercise Andy recommended on the call.

5 reasons it would be okay if I didn't get my health goals:
Everyone's body eventually decays and dies. Life is decay. I'm really just fighting timelines.
I've had an amazing life and moved forward in so many other areas whilst having whatever this is for the past several years. If I just kept doing that for the rest of my life that would be a great life.
Everyone deals with something. Maybe this is just my thing. Last time I went to the hospital I saw a guy who was missing his leg. I wouldn't trade things with him.
Whatever this thing is, it forces me to be very in-tune with my body's stress levels. That's actually quite a helpful skill.
If I can't do all the stuff I want to do physically like climb mountains and do long hikes, then maybe I just focus on what I can do with my brain. That could be okay even though I'm reluctant to give that up.
After the bike crash today it again puts it in perspective that this isn't nearly as bad as being paralyzed from a car collision.

5 reasons it would be okay if I didn't get my financial goals:
I know tons of people who live very full lives having worked normal 9-5 jobs their whole life.
I can do jobs that are fulfilling. Lots of jobs are less soul-draining than other jobs.
I can always keep doing the stuff I find fulfilling for free (coaching, psychedelics, making stuff) and feel a ton of fulfillment from that, it doesn't have to be the stuff I get paid for.
When I die, I doubt I'll care what my net worth is.
I can still have a happy family on normal job wages. In fact, it's probably easier than ever before in history to do so.
I still feel a lot of resistance to giving these goals up, but I do feel a little more freedom now. I'll keep thinking about this.

Actually I think I feel a lot better.

Alex Hormozi says a desire is basically a contract with yourself that you won't be happy until (___goal). I feel like I've been wanting that contract-- like I don't want to let myself be happy until I achieve these 2 goals. It would be a relief to let that contract go a little bit.

[MakingAComeback]

All will be well brother.

We got your back.

Keep sharing, we will listen.

Ravi

[Taylor]

Life Update 10/8/23

Big Goals
Improve the health of my body
Financial abundance

Health
Slow and steady progress.

Sex / Dating / Relationships
Natasha been traveling for a month+.
Been an interesting experience, did the work on missing her and not communicating as much. Been a good opportunity to think more objectively about if I want her in my life.

Had sex with a couple girls since she was gone. One was fun but I didn't like her smell.

The other one was a long time friend (we've had sex several times over the years), and it resulted in some "weird" feelings even though I was extremely up front going into it. I just met her for tea and talked it out. I'm grateful that I'm way better at talking about feelings and sex than I used to be-- In the past I would've either had a ton of anxiety for this conversation or just not had it. It didn't feel like a big deal this time.

I feel like I'm not able to get new girls quite as easily as I want. Feeling a bit of the pain of niching down so hard (only girls that are into threesomes/bdsm/potential to be retained). Also Alaska in the winter = not as many hot girls.

I did some cold approaches too. I'm sure I won't care as much in a few days when Natasha's back, though I do want to be able to create threesomes easily.

It's a good reminder to work on my appearance and photos. Almost all the photos I use are from before I changed my appearance.

Overall, I'm grateful for my relationship with Natasha. We have a great ability to talk about the deeper stuff and grow.

My experiences with coaching and altered state guiding have really fed into my ability to be a rock for her and help her as she goes through her own intense personal stuff.

Kati
Went out to a bar 2 nights ago to do some approaches, and ran into my ex, who I haven't talked to. I had a bigger emotioinal reaction than I expected, had to go stand outside for a bit. We ended up sitting down and talking.

She had been drinking a bit (thank God I drink water at bars these days). I said what I felt like saying-- which was to apologize for me making things pretty messy and confusing and painful at the end of our relationship (I was doing my best). Saying I cared about her, thought she was an amazing person and hoped for good things for her etc.

She went through a full range of things. From saying she wanted to say that she hated me and that I need therapy to saying that she'd wanted to kill herself after I broke up with her to saying that she'd never forgive me or understand me to saying that she loved me and wanted to be with me, giving me a big hug and kissing my head when we parted ways.

She said she had wanted to hit me or key my car, so she'd signed me up for a bunch of spam emails instead because she knows I hate junk email. Including one for a yeast infection cream. Which honestly I though was hilarious.

I gently said that I cared about her a lot, that I was honest about everything when we broke up, that it was more natural for me to be non-monogamous, and that I didn't think we were compatible.

She tried to bait me into getting petty and argumentative-- I'm really glad I was able to recognize and not go there. I'm also grateful I didn't try to have sex with her, as that's why I was there, and I miss having sex with her if I'm honest.

The universe seems to give you exactly what you can handle when you can handle it

I'm extremely grateful for the coaching and Byron Katie, without it I'd be having a much tougher time. It was hard to see her having a tough time bouncing back and believing a lot of her stories.

Social
Meeting cool people regularly, but feeling a lack of deeper friendships. It gets a bit more difficult in Alaska in the winter as people leave, get depressed, and outdoor stuff isn't as poppin.

I'd like to be running more group meetups, but it's not as high of a priority goal right now.

Altered State Guiding
I've guided 3 journeys now. Learning a ton as things come up.

Got a new teacher here teaching me about a new medicine, exciting stuff.

Attended an indigenous Alaska Native ceremony yesterday, something I've really been wanting to do but not known how.

Going to California soon for a group ceremony with a well-recognized teacher within this space. Really excited for that.

Been doing stuff with the local Decriminalize Nature organization. I thought it was a bunch of people, but it's really not, so it's been easy to step up and be part of the core group. Shooting my 2nd youtube vid for them soon.

Been feeling the pull to go to Peru for Ayahuasca, been holding back due to money.

Overall this area of my life is going awesome.

Financial
I've been feeling the crunch to make more money. Been racking up more debt than I want to, and it's stressing me out.

I applied for a bunch of jobs last week, and then I went door to door. Aviation is easy for that: all the businesses are located at the airport.

Over the course of 2 days I talked to everyone at 1 out of the 3 airports here in Anchorage.

Everyone wanted to offer me a job. I think that's mostly a result of the current job market and me being a perfect candidate on paper for Aircraft Mechanic jobs. Although I'd like to think it's at least partially because I'm pretty decent at talking to people now.

Between all the job offers, I can basically have whatever schedule I want. I could fly planes again too if I want. I also found some hangars that I could rent if I want to be my own aircraft maintenance business.

None of the jobs excite me. I don't really want to work in aviation right now.

The most exciting jobs were:

-a design/manufacturing job
--I love doing this stuff
--would help me learn how to sell my own stuff
--they said it would take them a few months to decide however

-an aviation job where I would be in charge of creating and administering a training program for aircraft mechanics
--it would be a new opportunity to learn new things
--however, it's a corporate job with rigid schedule, which would make it harder to go trip balls in the jungle on ayahuasca, which is important to me. I don't do well with the "2 weeks vacation per year" deal that's common in the US.

-An airplane mechanic job where I would get to do a little bit of part manufacturing when things are slow
--I might take this one as the "least bad option"

I'm really hesitant to take a job that I'm not feeling enthusiasm for.

It frustrates me that I will go all-in like this and go door to door to sell the product of "my time as an employee," but I haven't done it for the products that I'd rather be selling: my time as a coach, and the physical products I've made.

In fact I've been spending time developing another physical product, because that's the part that I find fun and doesn't have all the fear around it. I'm recognizing that this is a pattern for me.

That brings me to a question my sister asked me, which I didn't have a good answer for: "Why is it that we know the steps to take to get us where we want to be, but we don't do it?" I'm guessing that for me, it's because I haven't given myself enough permission to suck.

[MakingAComeback]

Bro so fucking good but I gotta be honest I laughed out loud here in Starbucks when I read the bit about the yeast scream

LMFAO

Good post and glad to read it

Ravi