LArcher- progress log, need help with pictures for dating profile

[LArcher]

Hello, this is my progress log which I will be updating on a regular basis to record the progress I make while achieving my goals.

Since this is my first post I may as well lay out who I am and where I am coming from before going into what I hope to achieve and how I’m gonna go about doing that. The background segment is pretty long as is this post, I wanted my first post to be as thorough as possible in terms of full disclosure and self-honesty about where I’m coming from, where I intend to be and why and how. There is a TL;DR at the top for anyone who wants a short version, also if you just want a TL;DR and don’t care for the long story you can just scroll down after reading the TL;DR until you see this:
ACHIEVING GOALS

BACKGROUND
TL;DR, diagnosed 26yo Scottish sperg whoremonger/ recent uni graduate still living at home with parents trying to jumpstart/fix his life after fucking things up

I am currently a 26 yo recent university graduate from Scotland who is still living at home with my parents in the same exurb I grew up in. I am also a diagnosed ‘sperg’/’autist’, got said diagnosis when I was around 4 or 5, spent the first few years of my schooling at a specialized school for children with learning difficulties in Edinburgh, it was a nice enough place but it didn’t exactly leave me prepared for when I started getting integrated into a normal school in my hometown which I eventually started going to full time. My experience there sucked, a lot of the kids there came from rougher backgrounds and unsurprisingly I was an easy target so got given a hard time, which continued into High School for the first couple years, still got shit from so called friends afterwards but things started to get better around my 4th year. I even managed, in spite of my borderline untouchable status to land some opportunities with attractive girls, either in the year above or below, I fumbled them all though, I made the mistake of talking about banging the first one in the year above to one of her orbiters in my year who of course told her so she decided she wanted nothing to do with me, another girl (exchange student) preferred for obvious reasons a popular, handsome tough guy in her year with anger management issues who bragged about yelling at a girl with learning difficulties until she started crying at his McDonald’s job, the most painful one I will get into in a bit. I had no clue what I was doing. I had discovered RP but I could never apply it properly, the fundamental social skills weren’t there and porn made it easy to be sanguine about sex and relationships somewhat, I also wasted a lot of time on youtube when I wasn’t pity following my more popular peers on FB, both of these became ongoing ways for me to waste time which I am still trying to kick for good.

In my final year I made friends with someone I had spoken to but had mixed feelings about who invited me to hang out with him one day at his house, I was desperate for friends other than lame, often surly unpleasant nerds who gave me shit so I overlooked the fact he was clearly developing a drug problem on account of his girlfriend leaving him for the leader of a friend group he had been a part of who had all, save for one, taken said leader’s side and abandoned him in the wake of his grandfather’s death and the fact a normal conversation with his mother consisted of him yelling abuse at her. He was a pathological liar who tried to regale me and anyone else who would listen with tales of his many (fictional) sexual conquests and became obsessed with bodybuilding later, I’m pretty sure this is because the guy who stole his girlfriend had been doing this since he was 14 and he was insecure enough to let that fester in his head. Through him I eventually befriended that orbiter who screwed me over with that one girl a couple years prior, he was the sole kid who hadn’t abandoned my other new friend, we actually became rather good friends ourselves, the wannabe womaniser ended up screwing me over with a girl I thought I had a chance with, and I will give him some credit because he was smart about it. I made the mistake of saying I was headed to her house, I stupidly told him her name so he made sure to message her on FB creating a sob story for me about how girls had mistreated me before and he was looking out for me and wanted to make sure she treated me right, this completely killed any chance I had. Then he got his own invite to her house, turns out this girl that I had met while volunteering at a charity shop had a drug problem and was probably an undiagnosed BPD headcase so naturally she went for him, I found out when me and my new friend got invited over to her house. As painful as it was, she ended up cheating on him with another mutual acquaintance from our school days when he refused to get LSD for her so karma was delivered there, it came for the guy the exchange student went for too, last I heard he’s gotten fat and was still working at McDonald’s, very cliché I know but that’s what I heard.

Anyway I got into drugs (not as bad as my two new friends) and fucked up my final exams so couldn’t go to uni, went to college instead and got a qualification which I used to get into a course at a less prestigious uni than the one I had fumbled my chance to attend in the first place. I made some attempts to make new friends here but I had gotten complacent hanging around with a new social circle consisting of the two aforementioned friends and the social circle we had created, said social circle dwindled back down to me and those two by the end of my first year. I made several acquaintances but nothing that got me invited to any parties beyond the first week, I drove there since I decided to stay at home instead of moving out and living in the dorms, go a retail job in my hometown to have enough money for the car, said job sucked, I had to be up for a 6AM start which made it rather easy for me to excuse myself for not trying to go out and enjoy the nightlife in the city on Fridays and weekends, not that any of my friends would do this anyway, they preferred to hang around our hometown at someone’s house to get wasted. It was another dumb excuse of course. As it happened I ended up dropping out after the first year since I failed out, I got myself fired from my job and since I didn’t have enough money to pay for needed repairs for the car it got taken apart and sold off as scrap.

So I managed to get another retail job, this one with better hours in the city and started attending an online university and studying from home, I tried to talk to girls at my work but nothing really came of it, my social skills still pretty much sucked and my lack of confidence in general just didn’t help. Apart from a couple times going out I still didn’t go out much, I either dicked around online or was watching porn or hanging out with my two friends who were getting increasingly addicted to harder and harder drugs, the orbiter who became my best friend became more and more abusive and violent to his parents and started going in and out of jail and I distanced myself from the other guy after he decided to accuse me of attempting to steal drugs from him so he could rob me. We ended up hanging out again after about a year, no problems after that but he was getting into heroin, crack and occasionally crystal meth (tried the last two a couple times, nothing bad happened thankfully but obviously I do not recommend). I ended up failing my 2nd year of the 3 year uni course but was able to try again. I decided to start cutting drugs out from my life in 2019 after an incident while doing some coke with my best pal, we went to a pub round the corner from mine and started drinking, then I started to feel funny like my heart was racing, I went outside to catch some air, that helped but I didn’t feel so great so I went home with my pal to sleep it off, woke up feeling like shit the next day, while watching a movie my heart starting pounding at what felt like 100 beats a second like it was going to burst out of my chest, I panicked and called my dad for help and he had me lay down, it eventually went away and didn’t return, nothing like that happened again but I developed fairly bad anxiety which lasted the rest of the year. It didn’t help that my best friend managed to get himself locked up for about 10 months about a week later. When he got out we reconnected with someone else from school who was a mutual friend of him and the wannabe alpha guy, my best friend was going to start sorting his life out and distancing himself from said wannabe alpha who was now also abusing steroids along with other hard drugs (dude was a hardcore poly-drug user, he would mix and match all kinds of crazy shit) and still inventing ridiculous stories about his life. We were going to sort our social situation out and start going to raves, nightclubs, etc. This was 2019. In late January 2020 I decided to just bite the bullet and lose my V-card to an escort, first one was pretty sucky, she was a lot more average than her pictures suggested so I booked another one to make up for that, 2nd one was significantly better, very attractive, nice girl, about the same age as me at the time, I ended up lasting longer than I expected to and she even asked me to restate how many girls I had said I had been with. She dug her nails into my thigh while I was spooning her at one point, in hindsight I think she might have been getting genuinely turned on but at the time all I could think was that it kinda hurt, mostly because it was unexpected, I let her know and she released the claws. Again looking back on it, I actually kinda wish I had just been less of a little bitch about it. That time couldn’t have gone better. So I was feeling a little better about girls now and was feeling optimistic for 2020.

You can probably guess what happened.

It started in early February with the news that my best friend had been found dead in a flat in the city, drug OD, we were able to sort out a funeral and attend before the lockdowns started a month later, I still had to go to work, a supervisor who had had it out for me since he had started working there the year before tried his very best to manage me out of the business by putting me through this performance improvement plan which he was clearly setting up to try and build up the justification he needed to fire me. It didn’t work, I managed to get support from a very good union rep and got to enjoy a 2 and a half hour final meeting where said supervisor would go over my performance where I am sure he hoped to fire me at this meeting and would have, were it not for the union representative who just sat there quiet while said supervisor stumbled and mumbled his way through the entire two and a half hour meeting. My union rep occasionally asked some pointed questions, it helped that I always made sure to get documents from previous meetings and when this supervisor tried to pull me up for things I did wrong I made sure my version of events was recorded (he liked to exaggerate or outright lie about what employees he disliked did during altercations he had with them) so this was also useful. I kept my job, he eventually got laterally promoted to get him out of that store because he was becoming too much of a liability (the other managers were beginning to hate him along with about half the non-management employees).

Through all of this I hardly saw my newest friend at all and lived to go to work and vegetate at home, ruminating on my friend, my work situation and how much more of my life would pass me by. The only two real positives were that I completely stopped doing any kind of hard drugs or drugs at all (save for one instance which I will get to) and dumped out the entirety of my rather meagre stash. The other was that I also deleted FB in 2021 and never looked back, that was another positive. My school performance suffered so I had to push some of my 2nd year modules back to the following year, I managed to handle things better in the new year so finally completed my 2nd year and was able to move into my final year. During this time two more things happened, one was that my grandfather, who had Alzheimer’s for some time now started to deteriorate to the point he could no longer look after himself and his partner was unable to cope with it on her own so he moved in to my parent’s home and took my younger sister’s bedroom (she had moved out to a flat in the city with her long-term bf, she’s still with him, the bf’s a pretty swell guy, I like him). What this meant was that we had to keep an ear out for him at night incase he woke up to make sure he didn’t try to open up the stairguard and fall down the stairs, or wander into my room/ my parents’s room or later on, fall out of his bed and potentially seriously injure himself or soil himself. On top of this, he was the kind of Alzheimer’s sufferer who would on occasion become violent and since it was typically my mother who was alone with him most of the time she bore the brunt of it, unsurprisingly this made the home situation rather miserable for some time. Eventually in 2022 he would be placed into a nursing home where he would die in November, the wannabe alpha friend who I had stopped seeing during the lockdowns died of an OD as well the year prior, he hadn’t handled the lockdowns or the death of my best friend well at all since the two of them were close and had been since they were little kids. His mother found him in his bedroom.

During this time I kept seeing prostitutes, this I justified to myself with the fact that there was no places to meet girls because of the COVID response and I figured any online dating wouldn’t work because girls would just use COVID as an excuse to flake and just farm for attention without meeting anyone(things stayed shut here for a long time and it took a while for things to recover to their 2019 levels, which they finally did earlier this year). I started hanging out with my new friend more regularly as things slowly eased up, we got too comfortable spending time indoors and never did try to sort out our social life and really build up a kickass one together, it became easy to just get complacent and comfortable, I regret not pushing it harder, I am not entirely sure we would have gotten far initially for a whole host of reasons not all of which were related to the ongoing COVID response but I should have tried harder.

During this time I got into a sugar-esque relationship with a high end escort (prices were lower than you’d think but still pricey for me, prostitution is legal here, I suspect that might have something to do with it, the girls can’t pull the legal risk card to justify higher prices so a lot of them keep things lower than most other places, they have crept up as the years have gone by though, I suspect they’re just keeping up with inflation, or maybe that’s just what they’d say if you asked, who knows) who was older than me by about 3 years although her profile would have you believe she was the same age as me, go figure, she could plausibly pass for younger than her stated age with her overall demeanour and looks though, she was a bit spacey and strange (she had a picture book of The Art Of War for example), in a good way, mostly, she liked to tease and poke at you but in a cute, fun way. She was ridiculously kinky and was genuinely up for anything you suggested and I do mean anything. How it worked was that I would bring cash for a 1 hour meet and I would typically stay over for longer than that free of any extra charge, would have sex outside of the paid for hour, drink champagne bottles I bought together, once smoked a blunt together, she let me rawdog her a couple times, sleep over one night, would go out to coffee places or outdoor bars on occasion, order pizza, listen to me ramble about whatever I wanted to ramble on about, it was kinda like having a gf, she didn’t ask for the money until I was about to leave, usually after a while she would kick me out. That ended last year when she decided to move to London, supposedly to pursue a Master’s. I also occasionally saw a stripper who worked in a brothel establishment of sorts (think ‘sauna’) who was a couple years younger than me who would let me rawdog her for a bit extra, it was dumb of me to do but she was hot and willing to do it and I wasn’t really thinking much at all. I don’t see her anymore.

I met a domme fetish girl who was into anime who offered normal vanilla meets as well and had a threesome with her and the spacey girl (my last time with the spacey girl before she left to go to London). Again, don’t see her anymore, I started seeing in December 2022 and was seeing through 2023, an Irish escort who regularly tours across the mainland now, tall, attractive, very kinky herself though not quite as much as the spacey girl, I liked that she’s hot and the sex was good but I didn’t vibe at first but she’s grown on me as far as vibing goes, helps that I ended up finding some erogenous zones she wasn’t aware of by accident while trying to give her a massage to warm up which made it ludicrously easy for me to give her orgasms, she’s quite thin, kinda bony but not too bony, still has fat distribution but what little there is all went to her ass and her tits, the erogenous zones are basically where her bones stick out a bit, hips etc, all I did was rub them the right way and by the 4th meet she was telling me I was one of the best guys she’d ever been with. I stopped seeing her for a bit to try and save up money to attend a week long tech conference in Portugal, managed to see her again the night before I left and it was crazy, she was telling me she loved me, kept complimenting me non-stop, telling me whatever girl ended up being my girlfriend would be so lucky, I only booked her for an hour but when I had my clothes on she jumped up onto me and pushed me back onto the bed and started straddling and making out with me with her sexy Halloween outfit on. When I did leave I realized I had forgotten to pay her (she also now doesn’t ask for money until the end), she hadn’t asked me for money and I was so overwhelmed and frankly, emotionally drained it slipped my mind completely. I, perhaps foolishly told her, and I say foolishly, because she told me over text that her forgetting must just be because of how much she enjoyed our time together. I just said that it was a good thing I remembered and “I guess so”, she immediately switched to a slightly less personalised tone letting me know how I could get that money to her. Then I did something more dumb, I started trying to walk back the ‘I guess so’ part of my text, FWIW she sent me a text the next day saying she never took it the wrong way and that she thought it was sweet, we still see each other and she’s still quite friendly. The next time we met I decided to try and see how she would respond to meeting in a cocktail bar (she used to be, or still does, bartending, cocktails specifically), anyway when she showed up, she introduced herself to the barstaff as my girlfriend and asked them where my table was. Since I had mentioned offhandedly before I would like to have more threesomes and kinda joked about having a harem she also brought up her escort friend she was touring with in another city and called her up in the cocktail bar to arrange a threesome booking with us, she had me send a voice message on her phone. And when the booking was over she knocked off some of the fee, claiming that social time costs less (which isn’t mentioned anywhere on her profile). I dunno what to make of it, a part of me thinks I’m reading far too much into things with a pro who’s just very good at her job and has a soft spot or if I’m either fumbling or fumbled a shot at a hot gf, whatever I guess. I’m gonna try not to get hooked on her, part of why I started seeing escorts like this was as a means of prioritising quality over quantity since I figured if I was going to pay for it, I should make sure I’m not blowing every last penny I have on them. If I have a great time I’ll feel satisfied for longer, and it works, the only thing is this newest girl is quite open about her life which is cool but it’s hard not to feel a sting when she talks about hookups or travels abroad since I’ve never done that, I don’t hold it against her though as it’s my own set of problems which I need to deal with, it’s one of the big reasons I’m here.

I managed to graduate earlier this year and even managed to buckle down enough to get a decent but not amazing final grade for my degree, however, one of my module results was delayed on account of an ongoing assessment marking boycott carried out by staff which meant I didn’t get my results or my degree until late October. I did manage to scrape up enough money to go attend that tech conference in Portugal and meet up with people there so I am not worried about employment.

So now that my background has been outlined it’s time to talk about my goals and how I’m gonna achieve them.



ACHIEVING GOALS

To sum things up, in short, I want to do all the cool, fun things, young people do while I still have a decent chunk of my youth left before me, I want to travel, go to festivals, raves, concerts, nightclubs, pull hot girls and have fuckbuddies without needing to pay for it, maybe get a proper gf or two at some point, build up a kickass social circle, move out of my parents house, drop my few remaining bad habits, build up a proper financial nest egg, achieve the freedom to live my life on my terms, become someone people respect who doesn’t have to take shit from anyone, in short, I want to fix my life. I fucked up and I want to fix it while I still have time instead of being in the exact same position 10 years from now when it’s going to be even harder.

As for how I get from here to there that’s what this section covers:

First things first, time to quit porn and wasting so much time dicking around on the Internet, the latter I think I can actually do fairly easily by just keeping myself busy and focused on accomplishing goals, the former is trickier, I have The Easy Peasy Method so I’m going to read that and follow what the book says to do. I feel confident this will actually work, having read a little bit already what I saw fills me with confidence regarding this approach.

Looksmaxxing: I’m going to focus on getting fit, I’m skinnyfat at the moment so I’m going to focus on cutting first before trying to build up some muscle, going to fix my diet, and use it as an opportunity to learn how to cook properly and actually prep my own meals, I have a workout routine with dumbbells I was doing before as far as exercise goes that I need to start up again, gonna get a gym membership as well since that’s going to work out better in the long term I think, grooming, going to start shaving more regularly since I think clean shaven works better for me, I got a 3 in one razor for Christmas so that helps a little, going to start practicing a skincare routine, drinking water regularly (I’m mostly good for this but occasionally I slip up still) and making sure I get the right amount of sleep.

Stylemaxxing: I’m going to see if I can pick up anything that looks good from any thrift stores the lockdowns didn’t kill and see if I can get a proper hairstyle that works for me, maybe get a couple accessories I can wear like a necklace or a watch (might need to wait until I have more money for that though) and start trying out different scents that might help me stand out in a good way as opposed to just using generic aftershave and deodorant all the time.

Talking to girls/getting laid: I’m going to follow Andy’s Tinder guide and set up dating profiles on the apps, the one big hurdle is that I basically have no pics that I can use because I don’t really have any pics, full stop, I need to go out and take some, I don’t have the money for a good camera or to pay for pro photos right now so my phone will have to do, will avoid selfies, I will use the aforementioned Tinder guide along with any other tips from people on the forum to try and quickly screen for girls who are DTF who will hopefully be able to let me go to theirs, although there are days when I have the house to myself but only during the day, if that works I’ll try and get them around on those days as well, later on once I get a handle on that I’ll begin doing cold approaches so I can truly maximise my options with regards to my dating/ sex life

Getting a remote job that lets me travel/ moving out: I’m going to learn to code and aggressively apply for any and all remote jobs I can find as well as network through people I met at that conference in October to try and find something that will let me save up enough money to begin bouncing around and travelling or even just give me the means to move out, might focus on the former though, I think travelling will facilitate my goals more in terms of building up a good social/ party life as well as building up an elite sex life, I’m also going to start learning about investing and begin using that to build up a nest egg for my future as well as securing for myself a portion to be used for emergency funds

Building up a kickass social circle/ elite sex life: as far as the first part goes I think the best place to start off is by making friends at whatever gym I get a membership with and later on building up a friend network through travelling abroad to various locales, I think that last point will probably help for building up an elite sex life along with getting to the point where I have fuckbuddies who will just introduce me to other girls and embedding myself in a party scene that will make it extremely easy to meet girls that are DTF
To assist in achieving these various goals I will be making use of Andy’s articles and any threads from other users on the forums who have been in similar positions to learn from what they did to get myself from here to there as well as trying out any recommended books or courses of action from said users

As I said above I will update this fairly regularly though probably not everyday since daily updates won’t be all that interesting, I have a lot of work to do so I’m going to take a baby steps approach so I don’t go overwhelmed initially to ensure I stick with it while also looking out for/ trying to create opportunities for myself to make significant leaps in terms of progress quickly, I expect that the bulk of my subsequent posts will not be this long which I’m sure will be appreciated, anyway, that’s my intro, I suppose all that’s left to do is to say to The New Year, Happy New Year and let’s make this a year of crushing goals and killing our inner loser/ keeping that fucker dead and buried as the case may be.

[LArcher]

Ok, I'm back, I read The Easy Peasy Method and was instantly blown away, I definitely feel like quitting porn is going to be significantly easier to pull off this time around compared to past efforts, I've flip-flopped between feeling on cloud 9 and wanting to do stuff and feeling depressed about where I am vis a vis people younger than me in terms of social experience, I think this is just 'the little monster' trying to induce stress so I'll feed it so I've been trying my best to just push those thoughts aside.

I have been trying to look up some information regarding good skincare products, I haven't taken the plunge to buy any yet since I want to make sure I get the right ones for my skin so I don't do any significant damage, I think I'm going to try and find a good channel that talks about this sort of stuff and spend an afternoon doing a deep dive so I can pick out the best products that suit me, in the meantime I'm drinking more water and washing my face with warm water in the morning and night, also fixing my sleep routine.

Besides that I've been busy with work so not much else has been happening, I am aiming to start losing weight through calorie cutting and picking my workout routine back up again in earnest this weekend along with trying out the 3in1 shaver I got for Christmas.

Over the next week I'm going to go over my CV, update it, and begin applying for a new job while teaching myself how to code, I'm hopefully seeing a friend that week so I might try and get some pictures I can use for the dating profiles I'll need to create. I still need to try and save up to get a good camera so I'll have to use a phone, but anything is better than nothing at the moment and I can make time to do cold approaches also and get some practice just talking to girls.

[LArcher]

I've been busy with work and getting back into a workout routine along with teaching myself to code that I've forgotten to post updates on this log, not a lot to say, I'm going out with that friend tomorrow night, will try to grab a picture or 2 that I can use for my dating profiles, it's been little baby steps, I haven't looked at porn since reading The Easy Peasy Method, I'm at the point where I'm actually surprised when I find myself thinking about it, I'm feeling confident that I've kicked that for good, been drinking my water and doing some basic skincare and feeling good about that.

That's it for now, we'll see how my night out tomorrow goes.

[LArcher]

So the night out didn't happen, it's been pushed back to next week since that's when me and the friend are next able to get a night off at the same time, in the meantime, I've just been carrying on with my basic skincare (sunscreen and washing face in the morning and evening)and my dumbbell workout routine, I'll need to try and fix my sleeping schedule tonight, I've been waking up too late in the day to really begin making progress on other goals.

[LArcher]

Ok so time to go over the first week, didn't update my CV or start doing job applications, fucked up and binged porn today, went back over the EasyPeasy book and am picking myself up and pressing forward there.

I'm going to focus on learning some coding and getting my workout routine started up again properly this week, I had to order some lip balm cause my lips are dry, that arrived today, applied it, working out so far.

I think I might be allergic to some material in the soap at work in the bathrooms because the knuckles on my right hand are mildly irritated, applied some ointment I ordered months ago which appears to be working, as I have gained some motivation to start fixing my shit from not watching porn as much I've also been trying to fix this issue with my feet, I've had it for a while.

It's like a patch of brownish red spots on my right foot, much smaller one on my left that flares up a little when I'm in the shower, I wanted to go to a GP to get it looked at but of course my local GP doesn't do drop ins anymore and they're almost impossible to get for appointments.

Add it to the list of reasons I want out of this hamfisted soon to be third world country.

I've been doing a ton of overtime, trying to get money for a potential trip to Thailand to meet some people from the tech conference I stayed with in Portugal in April, one of the guys lives out there and can host us and a 4-some with that Irish escort and a couple of her hooker friends/ colleagues, whatever at the beginning of February). The escort thing is probably stupid but I feel better knowing there's some guarantee of a lay in my near future, makes me care less when I get cold feet when it comes to approaches with regular girls.

Speaking of which, it happened again on Saturday, I get stressed at work and recently I've been finding myself getting extremely angry and entertaining violent fantasies in my head for hours as I work, I left and was a bus stop, still angry and was in my own head when I noticed an older blonde looking at me so I looked her in the eye and walked past her, I was still half in my head and not even really looking at her properly so I think it came off more aggressive than I intended it to and I was closer to her than I realized I was too.

She turned around to look at me, I looked at her again, this time more normal, neutral, she looked away, I went to the line for my bus and that woman brushed past me lightly bumping my arm to get on ahead of me and was looking at me as I got on and made my way along to get a seat. When I got off, she got up ahead of me and got off at the same stop, I went in the opposite way from where she was going, I turned around out of curiosity and saw her walking fairly fast, some random old guy and a woman I think were close by, they spoke to her for a bit then moved out her way to let her past them and she sped up.

I was thinking about following her to try and talk to her when I saw her turn around and look at me before turning away again and suddenly I got cold feet and thought better of it, I'm still unsure if I did the right thing or not, my brain says yes, a small part of my gut says I should have shot my shot anyway, consequences be damned.

I hate it, I had something similar, I was looking at something on my phone at a bus stop during the day when I looked up and saw some girl, closer to my age, looking at me like she was checking me out, she smiled at me and I was too surprised at what I was seeing to even smile back, I didn't even get up to follow her and I still kick myself for that.

I'm too stuck in my head, seeing young couples doesn't help either, it just reminds me of what I flubbed when I was younger and even though it's a limiting belief it feels like such an uphill journey to get to something even approximating what, from what I can see, is coming easy to these guys and then I think about that escort and the time she told me about fuckbuddies and the crazy shit she did with them and I just remember I'm paying for what other guys get for free and I get even more mad and depressed, mostly just mad these days, I'm pretty sure the shift towards anger is the only reason I'm still able to push myself to keep going these days.

Apologies if that's all a whine fest, there's some other good things, I'm doing fasting again to cut down more rapidly and I'm thinking of just borrowing my parents camera to snap some pics for a dating profile. I've only done a 24 hour fast just now, going to do a 36 hour one this week, a 2 day one the following week and a 3 day one the week after, I've done 3 day fasts before and managed when when going to work, I just made sure to drink a lot of water.

I should be able to see that friend this week maybe, if not oh well and I have the beginnings of a skincare routine going, drinking plenty of water, sunscreen, washing face with warm water in the morning and evening, changing bed regularly, ointment for lips and my hands.

I'm also beginning to get my diet back on track, eggs, protein (meat, some nuts), need more fruit and vegetables, could probably stand to start trying to add more fish and maybe getting some vitamins.

My sleep routine is still fucked, I'm pulling an all nighter to fix it tonight and get it back to normal so I can get up in the mornings, on the plus side in spite of this I'm reading more books, getting through them faster, the books are on the small side but I've already read more actual books this year than I did last year, still an abysmal number but that's internet induced ADHD for you, anyway, I'm gonna call it a post here. I will update again in a couple weeks.

[LArcher]

That last bit should say a couple days, not weeks, my bad

[LArcher]

So I haven't had much to report, that redhead escort from what I can gather from her Twitter has no interest in actually dating, guess she was pretending to retain me as a client, been working on losing weight, don't realy have a job that lets me go all in on dating apps yet, still working on that, in the meantime, I have discovered I have only 2 photos that I could use, wondering if anyone has any advice on how to go about getting more photos, my income atm is about 750 pounds a week absent overtime, have about 800 pounds in BTC i could potentially liquidate but would rather not if I can avoid it.

[LArcher]

Also does anyone know how to access an archive of GLL for the logs or even if it would be possible to access the log of @TheBastard, saw him mentioned a fair amount in @MakingAComeback's log and he's Scottish like me so I take an interest since he managed to move abroad which I also want to do.