The Ballad of BoneyG

[BoneyG]

Yesterday, at around 18:00, after my Day 9 AA drills, I sat down to open my Progress Log here. I began with my life story, as fully and as truthfully as I've ever told it.
At 00:00 I was still writing. Hunger and guilt finally forced me away for half an hour to eat half a pizza and obtain those pesky 3000 daily calories.
I came back, fully intent on going to bed after some light edits and revisions.
At 06:00 I was still writing. The birds of dawn started chirping outside my window and I reluctantly stuffed myself into bed, even as my stomach growled.

The work is not complete. I doubt it is even halfway done. I wrote as the muse sang and though she is quiet now, I know she will sing again.
It is long. It is messy. It is painful and funny, profound and mundane.
It is my masterpiece.

But, in the interest of pursuing the goals I've outlined in my introductory post, I cannot let it become a distraction.
I will continue to work on it but in the meantime, I will open this topic to track the Now rather than dwell on the Then.

As I write these words the day wears on and I wonder whether I have the time and energy to attempt Day 10.
Writing the above sentence makes me realize the commitment I've put forth and now I shall stop, listen to Chris's audio, and embark without delay.

With bitter determination in the face of physical and psychic exhaustion,
BoneyG

[BoneyG]

Guess who just got banned from a college campus. Well, not so much banned as in told that it is "private property" and that I must "vacate."
I'm ashamed to admit, dear readers, that I felt a twinge of relief mixed in with the regret of losing my best location so far as it was positively brimming with hot art chicks.

You see, I live within walking distance of two campuses (though I always bike there): one fairly ordinary community college and one high-brow "Art Institute."
As I'll explain later in more detail, I had my breakthrough with the AA program on Day 8 at the art school and hoped for a similarly euphoric experience today.

One of my biggest issues with the AA program is that of insufficient volume. Not only are there not many girls out when I do these drills, but I'm constantly obsessing over whether or not I've done the drill on this girl already and whether I'm seen doing it by girls I've approached or might approach next. I can feel the obsession easing little by little the more I do the drills but it's still very much there.
Naturally, this is all amplified by a setting like a college campus. There, as I wander in search of girls, I'm almost guaranteed to run into the same girls more than once. I try my best to remember and recognize faces so I don't repeat girls but they start to run together after about the fifth approach.
I've even started rationalizing why it might be fine for me to be asking these questions, ranging from fairly standard, "I need the time because my phone is dead," to wildly convoluted, "I'm asking nonsensical questions to gauge reactions as part of a psychological experiment I'm conducted for a class," which, if you think about it, is actually not too far from the truth except the reactions are my own and the class is the AA program.
Now these rationalizations aren't bad, per se, as they are helpful rather than harmful. They encourage me to do rather than to not do. But they are still crutches, I realize.

Nevertheless, as the campus cop approached me (haha) and proceeded to kick me out, I felt a ripple of relief at having an official, legal excuse for not going to the art school anymore.
As I've alluded to, I'm afraid of gaining a reputation as the weirdo going around asking girls for the time followed by some random unconnected bullshit. Yes, to a certain extent I still care what others think of me, though that is eroding day by day, I'm happy to say. Not quickly. Bit by bit.
More so, I care about my reputation in how it affects me. I mean that if the whole campus knows me, I'm not sure how the latter drills would be affected. After all, they're intended for new girls every time who don't even suspect of my existence until I make them (pain?)fully aware of it.

Thinking back, I should have pressed the cop on some things like how he seemed to know I wasn't a student or told him I actually do have a friend (of a friend) who goes to the school (which is the truth, though he wasn't with me nor did he invite me nor have I talked to him in over 4 months).
It's fully possible someone reported me (for doing what exactly?) and the cop didn't say. I believe I only told one girl today I didn't go there when she asked but she seemed chill (more on her later). I told more girls two days ago on Day 8 but that was two days ago.
Suffice it to say I could have fought for my welcome or extracted valuable information but the old BoneyG I'm trying to suffocate momentarily took control. Still, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be when I was eventually kicked out (matter of time, I thought, and was right). Just a little sad, a little relieved, but mostly calm.

Such a shame today was only my second day at the art school. I had planned on alternating campuses daily to reduce risk of reputation, but now I must find greener pastures (or hunting grounds, if you will). I have yet to try the mall during the week but I doubt the volume will compare. I also have to try going sooner rather than procrastinating till 16:00 as I have most days.

I'm planning to post the reports for all the previous days of the AA program, including today's, once I get the time to copy them from my journal.

Crying sore with abject woe,
Never more to see an art hoe,
BoneyG

[pancakemouse]

Any reason you can't just start approaching girls right now?

Why even see the program to its end?

Best way to get rid of AA is to approach girls.

[Squilliam]

Any reason you can't just start approaching girls right now?

Why even see the program to its end?

Best way to get rid of AA is to approach girls.

Speaking from experience, overcoming the initial hurdle of AA without any baby steps is quite difficult.

I always joke how the first time you dragged me into that 2-set, I felt like I was being taken into an execution chamber.

It's possible to use the method of "flooding", doing tons of approaches and battling the intense anxiety. The problem is, you typically need to do this for 100+ sets to actually have a significant reduction in AA. It's very tempting to quit during that time. You know that I've quit CA like 3 separate times.

Of course, it depends on how much initial AA OP actually has. I started out with an above average level of AA, it might not be as hard for someone with less severe AA.

I agree with you overall though, it's best to jump into real approaches as quickly as possible. Actually getting some numbers or a date will help motivate you to continue. Drills don't motivate you.

[BoneyG]

Any reason you can't just start approaching girls right now?

Why even see the program to its end?

Best way to get rid of AA is to approach girls.

I've thought about it. I never really tried. Perhaps I should tomorrow. If I can't, I continue the program, if I can then I consider leaving it.

I have approached indirectly in the past, maybe once or twice, and it was a shitshow. Knees quaking (literally), voice trembling, spaghetti everywhere. Traumatic stuff.
What I like about the program so far is that 1) this hasn't happened 2) I resonate with the message of achieving pure social freedom through exposure therapy.
And I've seen some good results, even for being just 10 days in. I can generally throw myself into an interaction with little forethought (an excess of which probably killed my approaches) and I can meet random people's eyes automatically where I couldn't before.
I still let some girls get by, especially the hot ones, and this problem would probably be magnified if I stopped drills and really went after it.
Also Chris is quite convincing in the audios about why I should do the program ;). Not like he's really selling anything either.


Looking back on what I just posted, I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking me a pretentious fuck, what with all the elaborate sentences and all.
I'm not guys :) At least I would like to think not. For some reason, that is just what comes out when I start to write. Too much time spent writing essays, I suppose.

A humbled
BoneyG

[Sisyphus]

I disagree. The AA program is great. It helps to install a lot of good mindsets, specially if you hear the audios (I think the aren't available anymore).

It really helps to have 0 outcome attachment. You're just doing drills so your focus is only executing, not feeling anxiety and creating positive reference experiences.

I would probably not be able to approach at all today if not for the AA program.

It's also good practice to commit and finish stuff. Jumping ahead and not doing the drills soon transforms into "I guess approaching doesn't work for me anyway I need to go to acting lessons first and get to 8% bodyfat". And then the brain jumps from one thing to the next and the next.

Maybe bend the rules a little bit and keep talking to girls after the drill and try to get their number so you don't deal with in set anxiety in the future.

@pancakemouse you're extremely extroverted naturally. That's super rare. Just approaching doesn't work for most guys.

[BoneyG]

Great discussion, appreciate it.

@Squilliam, you're right that numbers and dates would work wonders for motivation, but I've had some drills where I had genuine fun.
Think it came when I really let go and just started messing around. Some girls' reactions are priceless (coming soon) at least for me at this point.

@Sisyphus, think you nailed the intent of the program.
And yes, I think Chris's website finally went down for good, taking the audios with it. I had already downloaded them however and am happy to share!
He had more audios and videos there I didn't download for which I'm kicking myself. If anyone happens to have them, please let me know.
Also there were some interactions that in some inexplicable way just felt right where I probably could have gotten the number if I tried. I stuck to the program, haha.

[Squilliam]

@pancakemouse you're extremely extroverted naturally. That's super rare. Just approaching doesn't work for most guys.

You are correct about Pancake. He is in like the 0.01% of people who don't have any AA. Hence why I wanted to interject my opinion here.

However, I do wanna say that "just approaching" worked for me. I still have some AA but it's been lowered to a point where if I go outside with the intention to approach it's virtually guaranteed I will do it.

It is possible but it certainly isn't easy. Doing my first 100 approaches or so is possibly the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

I have approached indirectly in the past, maybe once or twice, and it was a shitshow. Knees quaking (literally), voice trembling, spaghetti everywhere. Traumatic stuff.

Yeah this is normal if you have considerable AA. My first few dozen approaches were absolutely abysmal. I still get some weak knees before my first approach of the day and I'm 400+ approaches in.

Chris did say that guys with extreme social anxiety should not approach until they've dealt with those issues and improved on them to some extent. Do you have a lot of general social anxiety? If so, then you might want to tackle that first.

But really if you can do it then you should. It's not easy but it is worth it in the long run. I never want to go back to online dating

[colgate]

in my experience, do whatever gets you out the fuckin door lol

[BoneyG]

Chris did say that guys with extreme social anxiety should not approach until they've dealt with those issues and improved on them to some extent. Do you have a lot of general social anxiety? If so, then you might want to tackle that first.

Yeah, I remember reading one of his posts on that. Based on a self-assessment he gave in it I have a bit, but not a lot. I agree with that.
My main problem is AA. Taking care of that should hopefully smooth out any lingering social anxieties.
Also, the drills up to this point have been very doable, even some of the more recent, weirder ones, and I can feel my confidence growing.

What really pushed me over the edge and into the program, before even finding this forum, were two instances where I went out to party with the intent to approach and was so stifled I did nothing except scold myself about doing nothing and scolding myself about... and we all know where that spiral goes.
It was in a more nightgame-like setting, but AA still stood between me and those girls.
And so I decided to learn how to approach no matter what with the program and expose myself (haha) to approaching over and over till it becomes as natural and automatic as possible.

As for online dating, I'm putting that on a distant backburner till I get at least AA handled properly.
I have no time to distract myself with futzing around with pictures and cameras and poses when I'm too scared to talk to women. That comes first.
Beyond AA I really want to learn the physical screening "game" Chris talks about. I've read and watched other PUA material but his sticks out to me.
His is simple and direct: Look Good + Aggressively Approach Girl = you Get Laid or she Gets Lost. Simple, but not always easy, of course.

[Squilliam]

Yeah, I remember reading one of his posts on that. Based on a self-assessment he gave in it I have a bit, but not a lot. I agree with that.
My main problem is AA. Taking care of that should hopefully smooth out any lingering social anxieties.
Also, the drills up to this point have been very doable, even some of the more recent, weirder ones, and I can feel my confidence growing.

What really pushed me over the edge and into the program, before even finding this forum, were two instances where I went out to party with the intent to approach and was so stifled I did nothing except scold myself about doing nothing and scolding myself about... and we all know where that spiral goes.
It was in a more nightgame-like setting, but AA still stood between me and those girls.
And so I decided to learn how to approach no matter what with the program and expose myself (haha) to approaching over and over till it becomes as natural and automatic as possible.

As for online dating, I'm putting that on a distant backburner till I get at least AA handled properly.
I have no time to distract myself with futzing around with pictures and cameras and poses when I'm too scared to talk to women. That comes first.
Beyond AA I really want to learn the physical screening "game" Chris talks about. I've read and watched other PUA material but his sticks out to me.
His is simple and direct: Look Good + Aggressively Approach Girl = you Get Laid or she Gets Lost. Simple, but not always easy, of course.

If it's working for you then I don't see the harm in sticking with it. I just think that you should start approaching girls ASAP, as soon as you've lowered your AA enough.

[BoneyG]

How I squander the waking hours. Without fail. Anyway, here's my first official AA program report. Decided to completely redo Day 10 after getting kicked out of the art school in the middle of it last Friday and barely scratching out one 3-rep set while seeing close to zero approachable volume in the mall on Saturday.

Day 10

• Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)

• Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Leave

• Time, Do you know if there is a movie theater near here?, Have you seen any good movies lately?, Leave

Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 15 girls in total.

Told myself I'd get to the community college campus at noon. Nope. Got there a bit before 15:30, just as a ton of people were leaving. Got my first few reps pretty easily from stragglers but then the campus was empty like I've always seen it going late like this. Ugh. At least I know there's more volume if I go earlier. Have to really kick my own ass tomorrow.

High spirits today, was smiling much of the time. I suspect the warm weather here (nearly 30 C) had some hand in this. My mood is doubtlessly directly proportional to the temperature. Regardless, I got some of the weirdest reactions today I've ever had, especially to the time question.

One of the first girls gave me some estimation then asked why I wanted to know. Another girl completely ignored me. Another claimed to not have her phone, patting her pocket (something tells me she wasn't lying though). Another blew me off in what might have been a foreign language; I did not even understand what she said. The very last girl knew neither the time, nor if there was a movie theater nearby, nor had she seen any good movies lately. "Awesome," I said to her at the end.

Sure, some of the above were probably my fault. The one who ignored me I had trailed for a while wondering whether to catch up and if it would be weird before finally catching up at the top of a staircase and, guess what, it was weird. Seems to be a good lesson here to act immediately and quickly instead of trying to manufacture some "chance" encounter that is obviously not. I have to own it. Yes, I'm running you down to ask for the time and movie theaters. And?

Similarly for the dubious foreigner. I had noticed her getting out of a car and had contrived to wait around for her to come my way in an obviously non-obvious way. Needless to say she probably noticed me beforehand and when she came close and I finally approached she wanted no part of it. It's probably not too far of a reach to make these subpar approaches and reactions an argument in favor of direct over indirect approaches. What's cool is, even though they went somewhat awry, I didn't really care in the moment. Thanks Chris!

Another memorable approach went a good deal better. This chick, moderately attractive, was coming down some stairs while I was roving about. She met my eyes twice, if I recall correctly, before I stopped her with a "hey." I couldn't keep a massive grin from my face as I went through the questions, and she mirrored, even as she walked away (during my questions, rude! but she answered them all). I had probably convinced myself she already liked me (completely possible) and temporarily lost what vestigial "need to please" I still have and just had fun with her. Would that more of my approaches become like this!

On the subject of mirroring, most girls would mirror my smile when it came, usually, around the third question. These didn't give me the same playful dynamic as the above girl. As for why, part was in my not setting of that frame, and part was no doubt in them for not having the same (suspected) attraction. Further evidence for the universal effectiveness of simply approaching more girls.

I can feel my frame solidifying, plowing through "bad reactions" without care and minimal notice. At times I feel it crumbled, like when I falsely justified my questions ("I haven't seen a movie in a long time too, that's why I want to go to the movie theater" even though I have no desire to see a movie and wasn't really asked to explain), I redid the rep.

The frame crumbled, but not nearly as much as I'd feared, near the end when it finally happened. I approached the same girl and she remembered. I hit her with the second rep and she responds normally, but as I'm walking away she asks, "Didn't you ask me for the time already, or was that someone else?" Oops, I think and say, "Yeah maybe; no watch, no phone, you know how it be," while smiling. Absolutely no memory of her, haha. Whether I had asked her today or some other day, whether it was about just the time or more, I haven't the foggiest clue. Felt compelled to pull the justification out of my ass, but it was true as I don't carry my watch or phone on these drills (probably because I'm a bitch). On the bright side, I wasn't instantly eviscerated, or at all actually. Nevertheless, I redid that rep on someone I hadn't already talked to (or who at least didn't admit it).

What this says about my campus's "approach saturation," I'm not sure. I hope that by going earlier tomorrow and hitting some good volume I can get lost in the sauce, as they say, rather than sticking out as the weirdo criss-crossing the campus empty campus and talking to every girl he manages to corner.

Whew, that was quite the post. In conclusion, good day overall, perhaps I may say even great. None of the girls had seen any good movies lately, haha.

[BoneyG]

Day 11a (Mr. Nosy)

• Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)

• Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, Leave

• Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Leave

• Time, Is there a place that sells cell phones around here?, What phone do you have?, Do you like it? Leave

Repeat this 5 times today, you will speak to 20 girls in total.

Managed to get to my "favorite" campus about an hour earlier than yesterday but arrived in a bit of a foul mood, partly because I had wasted the previous hour talking about nothing in particular with my friend on the phone (how fitting). Volume was even worse today, even an hour earlier at 14:30. Really have to try for noon tomorrow.

Mood matters. None of the few interactions I had today measured up to the excitement of yesterday. I didn't want to be there and it showed. Together with a large serving of anxious paranoia about repeating girls, I let far too many slip past and bailed on two hotties I really wanted to talk to.

I barely managed to scrape out 2 sets in 90 minutes where yesterday I had done all 5 in around the same time. In the end I got disgusted with the total lack of volume and with myself and called it a day. I intend to repeat one or both of these sets tomorrow given my poor performance today, volume allowing.

The last two interactions were the only ones that stood out in any (small) way. In the second-to-last I ended up asking if she liked her phone without realizing in the moment I was not supposed to. It just felt natural. I decided to not ask this question in the last to make up for it and had to fight against the urge that came up again. This last girl was heavily made up and I expected a total bitch judging by her outward appearance but she was genuinely so sweet and smiling after the RBF fell, even to my admittedly retarded questions. Like who seriously asks about nearby movie theaters and places that sell cell phones on a college campus?

Another observation is that I am starting to feel weirder not talking to girls walking by. This is good. Also that sitting on or leaning up against something and asking girls walking by for the time never leads them to stop and I then give up on the rest of the questions. Really should have recaptured attention with "wait" and plowed but somehow it felt wrong, as if I was ambushing them. I feel better on my feet directly confronting them so I'll stick to that.