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The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Thu Nov 26, 2020 11:01 pm

The username is based on a book by Albert Camus, which is based on an ancient greek myth. I love greek mythology, and this one is a cool metaphor for self improvement. There is nothing new under the sun.

I already introduced myself a bit on the mandatory thread.

My physical health has deteriorated since the quarentine started. I don't know why. I've been trying to lose weight but I can't. I have been eating daily 1500-1800kcal for the past 2 months (I do moderate cardio, about 40 min a day running a bike, so my daily kcal expenditure should be 2000 kcal)but I'm stuck at the same bodyfat level (12%).And I seem to be getting progressively weaker. I can't even do 2 pullups, I used to be able to do 15+. I don't even do anaerobic excercise anymore because of the frustration. I think it's an underlying problem that has been going on for years but now intensified. I've felt worst after doing keto or fasting. There might be a thyroid or adrenal issue going on. I did a stool analysis to discard the possibility of parasites, I'll have the result tomorrow. I will go to a functional medicine doctor that takes seriously these concerns. When I have the money I'll do a heavy metal hair test, a saliva nitric oxide test and a genetic sequencing.

My mental health has also deteriorated. I'll not go into much detail, but the takeaway is that I went back to mental masturbation habits and lost momentum. But, on the good side, I took a lot of time to review what I want in life, what are my beliefs, philosophies, goals, values, etc. I took a final stance on religion, I'm a hardcore atheist, I distrust any spiritual belief whatsover and distrust anyone that tells me that they have the secret or the answer to anything. There's no answer, there's no essence or definitive meaning. Meaning is subjective to the individual and to the society/group. Words don't describe reality. I think philosophies/spiritual beliefs can be cool if you read them in a symbolic way, they can have some glimpse of "the truth" in the sense that they describe patterns that tend to work. But if you take them at face value (say, the idea of "karma") they can be dangerous and someone else can use them to manipulate you. Self improvement is full of that crap. I have found relief in metal music that I listened in my teenage years and good literature. Art can give some sense of purpose.

The best thing is to be pragmatic, what you can do now to improve your situation, in one year, in two years, 5 years max and stop worrying about "legacy" and things like that, find a structure that works for you, work on something you love, have sufficient money to fulfill your needs, have friends with similar values, have good health and that's it. So I took some time to "Define what success is before you spend years chasing it". At the same time, trying to find perfect clarity is a excuse not to do anything, it's better to figure things on the way. For example I don't know exactly what kind of art I want to make, whether I want to be a "real" artist or a commercial illustrator, whether I want to do just art, or art and music, etc. All I now is I need to move out of my parents and earn a living doing images.

Another area where I became less idealistic is politics. I used to be left winged and hold all sort of ideals of how things should be, argue with other people, etc. Over time I challenged some of those beliefs. But overall I decided to be a total hippocrite, as Chris would say. Of course self improvement clashes with a lot of those beliefs. But who cares. I prefer to be amoral. It is not like anyone will give you a prize for not being selfish. I don't owe anything to my family or my highschool friends, or my country. Perhaps I can reevaluate some of those beliefs once I've "made it", but right now they are detrimental.

There are things that didn't went my way this year. Apart from the loss of strength and mental health, my piercings didn't heal well so I took them off. I loved them, but I didn't react well to them. I will try again in the future, but for now I won't use piercings. They are a bother for doing Muay Thai, which I haven't been doing this year for that reason.
My concrete goals right now are:
-make 5 good portfolio images (I have made accounts on upwork, fiverr and freelancer. I need some original work to show instead of just study pieces)
-Get to 66kg 8% body fat (currently 70.5kg at 12% bodyfat)

General mindset goals:
-be more positive/grateful. take things less seriously.
-be more pragmatic/realistic in my thinking and goals.
-keep my ego in check. for example, logo designs are more in demand than illustrations, but I haven't done it beause of ego.
-be less lonely. rely more on other people. learn to work with other people.
-be more clean and tidy (from my bedroom to my work)
Last edited by Sisyphus on Tue May 23, 2023 3:04 am, edited 12 times in total.
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:23 am

I give myself up to 1/15/21 to fulfill the goals stated above (8% body fat) and 5 good porfolio pieces. If I don't achieve this, mods, feel free to give me a temporary ban. I'm broke so I don't have money to put on the table. Perhaps I should do some free work for someone here if I don't achieve my goals.

Right now I have to study for some finals. I procrastinated a lot with academics this year. I think I subsconsciously tried to burn the ships so I don't have other options rather than to leave college. There are topics I like to study, like for example Piaget and Vigotsky (psychology of learning). The problem is that the end goal is completely unapealing (working as teacher in elementary school...). I have mixed feelings because it partially feels good, to teach kids, "contribute to your community". But at the same time, I must chose, and I want to paint, commercially or not, but not live off of lessons, and even less working for the state, specially knowing the opportunities there are in this day and age with the internet and such.

I am more emotional than I would like. I'm afraid of what my parents would think if I tell them I want to drop out college. I'm afraid of being alone, of "quiting" society. I desperately want reassurance that "this is the right path", I ask for advice to my friends. Of course they don't think working as an illustrator online is a good decision. They think getting a secure job is the right thing.

I'm also a rational person. So let's evaluate some factors:
-Earning $300 monthly doing illustration and logo design is not a crazy amount. There are people here that earn 10x doing more profitable skills, so it's not unreasonable to think I'm able to earn 1/10 of what they earn doing something less profitable. The argentinian peso is devaluated and is going to be more devaluated. 1 dollar=200 argentinian pesos. Earning 60000 pesos a month is not bad, it is almost middle class income. Even if I can earn half that amount, it would be sufficient to convey to my parents that this "works" so they let me do my thing until I can rent a place for myself. Once I break that barrier, it will get easier and easier.
-I have been drawing, and reading about drawing and illustration, etc since 2016. I went to two ateliers during most of that time, so it's not like I was fumbling in the dark. I can draw conving things from imagination. I know how to research reference. I know how to make multiple iterations of an idea.

One thing I'm afraid of is not being able to meet deadlines. In this sense, this should have been a reason to do better in college, to tell myself that my word is of value. I really need to improve this, there's no other way around it.
-I know at least 3 people from that atelier that could get jobs as an illustrator either freelance or in house

Next steps: take these sketches to a finished/fully rendered stage (attached, if you have any sugestions or ideas about what it reminds of, what movie or game or story do you see this characters in or a feeling that it makes you feel, or things that look off). What they must convey: understanding of fundamentals (lighting, perspective, anatomy) and interesting/original subject matters or designs (not just your average misty mountain). Also: record a time lapse of the process.
(also: Draw full body shots. Draw animals)

November 26th

Calories: 1500kcal
Drawing: 1h
Studying for college: 2h
Productivity: 6/10
Mood: 7/10
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
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Reservoir
Posts: 311 | Thanks: 48
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2020 8:02 pm
Name: Dimitri
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30

Fri Nov 27, 2020 6:00 pm

Hey, Gabo from GLL! Nice to see you here. I've lurked on your AA log back on that site and feel a lot of respect for your dedication.

Hope you sort out your medical issues.
  • Goals:
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User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Sun Nov 29, 2020 1:18 pm

November 27

Woke up 9:30am
Rode bike
Studied 4 hours
Ate 1800kcal
Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10

November 28

Fucked around with a composition file on gp5. Music is not my number 1 goal so it was action faking
Ate 1500kcal
Studied 5h
Wasted 7h (composition, playing guitar, listening to music, watching funny videos...)
Jerked off
Productivity 6/10
Mood 7/10
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Wed Dec 02, 2020 2:06 am

November 29th

Woke up 9:30am have wakeup earlier
Bike: 10km (I burnt about 500kcal). Was extremely tired afterwards
Drawing: 2h
Studying: 3h
Productivity 6/10
Mood 8/10

November 30th

Woke up 9:30 am. Have to wake up earlier.
Failed a final (decided not to do it)
Felt like lazy piece of shit.
Studying: 3h
Drawing: 2h
Productivity: 6/10
Mood: 5/10
I remember that Andy once pointed out my main flaws:
-I go one extreme and then the other. This is true, it is partly a personality thing that I don't want to change, but it is also a limitation and a excuse ("if it's not 10 I prefer not to do any effort than do an effort and achieve 7"). This a very childish thing. I also relate this to"above average b plus". I'm always trying to get straight As and end up doing nothing. I have two modes, doing something at an A+ level or doing nothing. But A+ requieres a lot of time and attention, so I'm always late or always at stage of development, without any concrete results, just "potential".
-I always try to jump straight ahead. My mind is ahead than my body. I always have all of these big ideas but then there are factors that clash with the ideal strategy, such as my own emotions. When I first started at this, I used to say things like "If I talked to 60 girls in a day I would get laid every other day". But, if it was so easy, everyone would do it. Truth is, things are usually harder than expected. Instead of doing baby steps, I try to do Giant Steps that are possible in theory but not in practice. I'm a mind in a less than ideal body, that has feelings, emotions, finite amounts of energy, etc.

A couple of months ago I was worrying about what kind of legacy I'd want to have, if being a millionaire greedy capitalist was the right thing... but I can't even wake up early, keep my bedroom clean, stop wasting time on the internet...
A defense that I use is being skeptical about the ultimate meaning of anything. But this just an excuse to avoid engaging with the world right now. There is big gap between who I am and who I want to be and this is probably always going to be the case. I have to either accept this or use the frustration to grow. But will always be frustrated unless I'm okay with the impossibility of certain things. I am trying to achieve impossible goals while I still haven't mastered the fundamentals. In 2018-2019 I improved a great deal with social anxiety. I used to be weirder more shy and have less fun in social situations. I overall overcame that obstacle. 2020 was a time for reflection, but I honestly felt that I went backwards in many areas. This year (2021) I want to master these basic skills:
-work ethic. This includes many sub skills, such as: tolerance of discomfort, time management/organization (which implies scheduling time for rest and fun, instead of saying that I will study all day but lie to myself and fuck around in the middle), consistency (I'm always trying to find new ways of doing things, but sometimes it is better to keep a system that works and don't change it even if there seems to be room for improvement) and focus (I have way to many interests, I need to narrow my focus and be good in a few key skills that I do over and over), punctuality (if I say this is gonna be done at this point in time, I must do it, otherwise it is best not to make promises).

-mental/emotional stability. I don't think I am in a position to talk about happiness or meaning or higher purpose. I need first to avoid getting in  existentialist mental masturbation loopholes and try to keep a reasonable good mood everyday. Also, I need to get better at not letting my emotions affect my decision making.

-social behavior. I beat social anxiety, but I still have a very asocial behavior. I need to get better at working on teams, communicating with other people and have fun with other people. I need to stop thinking that hanging out is a waste of time.

If there is someone younger reading this, I want him to learn from my mistakes.
1) my first mistake was of course spending way too much time playing video games and watching porn, this was true for me from 13-20 years old.
2) my second mistake was watching/reading too much self improvement content. This was true for me from 20-now. Social anxiety, internet addiction, porn addiction, conspiratorial thinking (including TRP) are only secondary problems, but the main problem is isolating your self and avoiding real life in general, and I'm afraid self improvement in excess is just another escapism. Gll/approaching, going to the gym, certain hobbies like drawing or guitar and people I met along the way were good things but self improvement itself did very little to improve my life.

Self improvement is a sort of caricature of life. It looks like life but it is not real life. It is an idealized model that tells you that if you go to the gym, stop jerking off and take cold showers, your life is going to improve (with no scientific evidence). I have done all the above, I did 150 days of no fap in 2017 and 80 days of no fap hard mode this year. In 2020 I also took cold showers almost every day (after warm showers). None of that improved my baseline level of discipline (which was the outcome I expected). If you focus on self improvement, you'll get good at self improvement, thats it, it doesnt neccesairly transfer to the rest of your life. Getting into self improvement requires a kind of a videogame mentality.

-be more useful. Learn to pay bills, manage a budget, clean the house, keep my family car in good shape, etc. Perhaps this is already too much for one year. Overall, it's about being less autistic.

December 1st

-woke up 8:00 am
Drawing: 4h
Studying: 2h
Mood: 7/10
Productivity: 7/10
Ate 1700kcal
Wasted little time on social media. Wasted time playing guitar. It is kind of a waste of time because for me is a like a videogame or a hobby. But at the same time I look past the hours that I spent playing guitar and I think they are worth it. I think I find it hard to be productive studying because I've sort of mentally checked out of college. It's a weird place to be in and I'm bad at doing an average job at things, which is what I should do now.
But I find myself very productive at drawing, I can do it without music or distractions although sometimes I do listen to something in the background. I guess I just formed the habit over the years and I have positive feedback loops. But I've been just sketching something fun like cute anime girls. When I'm done with exams I'm gonna attack my portfolio pieces with all guns blazing.
I need to smile more.
I need to learn to wash my clothes
I need to be less hard on myself on things that dont matter
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Mon Dec 07, 2020 4:08 am

December 2nd

Woke up 8:30 am
Wasted 90min watching youtube videos
Ate 1800kcal
Productivity: 8/10 (varied a lot)
Mood 8/10 (varied a lot)
Failed amother exam (decided not tp do it). After that,
Fucked around for another 90 minutes, this timecplaying guitar and uploading art to a daily art challenge.
Important to remember: amount of effort doesn't equal amount of productivity. I have spinned my wheels real hard trying to study, and the outcome is very poor, because I dont actually want it. It happens with everything I actually dont want that mucj, like being an entrepreneur or being rich
I dont think I need more than 50k dollars a year. That's a good amount to aim for.
After some point I want to have a youtube channel or a blog and "give back" but not now, not before having actually achieved anything.
What I do want to do is to live on a first world country for a while. I need to be in that position in order to decide. Right now I cant take an informed decision because I'm too influenced by my background and my current situation. Freedom to travel is important. My main plan to do that is to get an in house job at a videogane studio in US, Canada or Europe. But first things first, I have to get out of this city and out of my parents' house.
Remember: I dont owe anything to my society, to my friends or my family. I give myself permission to be selfish
One of the reasons I do want money is to buy courses and attend seminars. A lot of seminars are scams, but some are worth it because of the people you meet there and the mindset shift you experience.
I think 100 girls (cold approach, social circle and dating apps) over the next 10 years is a very realistic amount.
I HAVE FOUND MY VISION. DON'T-CHANGE-IT, Gabe. Stay at it. Stop doubting yourself. Stop attempting so many things, do one thing and then go to the next. You know what you want and how to achieve it.


Books to read:

Wolfflin
Craig mullins
Solomon solomon
Charles moreau vauthier
Hugh p laurie
Richard schmidt

Do mentorship with Anthony Jones!

There is a huge amount of people in this world, and we tend to underestimate that. A lot of things make much more sense if we take this into account

I'm doing a mindfulness course. It's useful.

After I decided to fail that exam, I'm pfficially free from academic 'obligations'. Put my ass into gear and did 90 min of a digital painting study (that I left unfinished a couple months ago). I'm still slow but the only way tp get faster is practicing. After that, I'll work on porfolio pieces.
I'm really feeling the pressure of having made the final jump out of the 'system' but I'm enjoying it.

December 3rd

The results of stool analysis are ready, I have chists of giardia lamblia(a common protozoan parasite). It is good to know that I'm not crazy, that there are underlying medical issues for my fatigue and weakness. But at the same time it sucks, no matter how much I think I can force myself to do things, there are many things out of my control. Gosh, we are so vulnerable to so many things. This further motivates me to check for other infections, like dengue, lyme, bartonella, check for heavy metal levels and a host of other things. Perhaps I'm a little bit hypochondriac, but we overestimate how developed  we are as species. Or better said, we have unequal levels of development in different areas. We have been developing at a crazy rate in terms of technology and communication, but still struggle with public health issues.

This is one instance where having money is really important, you need a good diet, a good healthcare provider, access to tests. The other instance is learning (courses, seminars, mentors, etc). So there you have it, health and education, it's cliche but true. Instead of thinking about money as a way of buying a lamborghini, you think about rationally increasing your quality of life and those around you, it suddenly becomes a way less superficial thing than popular culture wants you to believe.
Had chances to approach but wasted them. As I said in my intro post, I won't bring girls home and probably wouldn't have sex in the girl's home either, due to living with my parents and coronavirus (they are concerned about me going to social gatherings). Therefore, getting laid is not a priority. But I still want to approach so I can keep chipping away approach anxiety for future real approaches. I also want to have cool interactions, and approaching is almost a moral duty for me at this point. I swore myself in the past that I'm not going to be a pussy and there is not going back to that.

There is no completely unbizarre approach opportunity.

I'd say I forced myself with a 8/10 willpower force.

Drawing: 5h
Productivity 8/10
Mood 8/10

Ate 1500kcal
Played guitar, learnt a new riff (a couple actually)


December 4th

Went to downtown to buy something for guitar. Set myself a timer to approach. Wandered around for ~45minutes and let a couple of girls slip by. 0 approaches.
Tried to do it with 8/10 willpower. AA is pretty high. I'll still maintin the habit of going downtown with my bike and try to do these practice approaches. I burn calories and at least remind myself that I have a long way to go in regards social freedom. Society's pull is very very strong. No one understands what I'm doing and I feel autistic and stupid. My own mind sets traps too. Important to remember: Don't think! Apprpaching is a sort of a mindfulness practice
Ate 1600kcal
Swimming against the tide is the hardest thing about self improvement

December 5th

Ate 1400 kcal. Felt hungry most of the day
Drawing: 5h. I also did a lot of mental effort+reading.
Wasted little time on social media.
Hung out with friends a little bit
Felt a little bit burned out and doubted myself a little bit.
Grabbed some coffee and I wanted to talk to the waitress but I chickened out.
Productivity 7/10
Mood 8/10

December 6th

Ate 1400kcal
Wasted little time on social media, but jerked off and played too much guitar on the morning. At the afternoon I was more productive. organized photo references and my working space.
Productivity: 8/10
Mood: 7/10 (lots of self doubt). Better prepare to be criticized.
Stop wanting to do music and art at the same time. Accept that it is going to take a lot of work.
Not being healthy is not an excuse for not working. Cervantes wrote/thought Don Quixote when he was in jail, without one arm. And there are countless examples

Attached current thing I'm working on. This would be the first image of the portfolio. There are a ton of things I dislike, but I'm new to digital painting, so, as Andy would say, "give yourself permission to suck". I need to put in a ton of work
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
SIGMA_1234
Posts: 951 | Thanks: 328
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2020 9:13 am
Goal: Digital Nomad Income
Age: 26
Motto: Action > Perfection

Mon Dec 07, 2020 5:00 am

Sisyphus wrote:
Thu Nov 26, 2020 11:01 pm
-make 5 good portfolio images (I have made accounts on upwork, fiverr and freelancer. I need some original work to show instead of just study pieces)
Just saw this log now. I see that you are an artist. I know you sell images and pictures, but do you have in mind what result you are specifically selling to clients?
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Follow my lifestyle journey log

Fitness:
-) Cut to 56 kg, then bulk after

Sex Enhancement:
-) Bathmate & Kegels

Learning goals:
-) 10 books
-) more note-taking & reviewing of past materials

^^Lifestyle habit tracker can be monitored here.

Learning Chinese Mandarin:
-) Mandarin 365 Project, monitor here.

Follow my business journey log

$ Goals:
-) US$3k/ mo nomad income
-) US$10k/ mo nomad income
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Wed Dec 16, 2020 1:52 pm

December 7th

Fucked around a lot. Played way too much guitar.
Did random doodles.
Worked like 1h hour at painting project and made some critical  changes.
Spent most of the time gsthering references and researching. It was tedious work that I felt I had to do.
Felt pretty tired
Mood: 7.5/10
Productivity: 6.5/10

December 8th

Ate 1600 kcal
Drew 5h
Organized learning material and reference
Felt very tired
Productivity: 7/10
Mood: 7/10

December 9th

Ate 1700kcal
Had opportunities to approach, but I'm still a pussy.
I like capitalism. I like money. I like malls. I like places that look good. I like places that smell good. I like huge cities were things are happening.
Went out, had opportunities to approach but pussed out
Challenges are good, they help me get hyped, they kickstart my ass.
Driniking a lot of water helps me feel a lot better. No wonder, one of the symptoms of giardiasis is dehydration
I am procrastinating working on my portfolio, instead just making studies and looking for reference.

December 10th

Signed up to a couple of art challenges.
Difference between drinking A LOT of water and not drinking a lot of watee has been huge. Went from barely being able of doing pull up to doimg 8 with ease. I'm excited, perhaps I can reach again or even surpass my 20 pull up rep max.
Rode bike for 90 minutes, acordding to fitness pal I burned 900 calories (there were a lot of uphill segments).
Ate 1500kcal
Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 7/10

December 11th

Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 7/10

Rode bike, burnt 500kcal. I
Ate 1800kcal

December 12th

IMAGINE THAY YOU HAVE KIDS AND YOU HAVE TO PAY A MORTGAGE. WORKING ON YOUR NUMBER 1 GOAL ALLOWS YOU TO PAY THAT MORGAGE. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. NO TIME WASTING.
I'm slowly undoing the colectivist mindset I was raised to accept. I'm giving myself permission to be selfish, that I have no moral obligation whatsoever to give back to my community, being superior to my competition in what I do is not stepping over them. I don't need to hold back. Bad things are not going to happen for cutting ties with certain people. Karma doesn't exist. But, conversely, I'm accepting the implications of being 'on my own', the harsh realities of this competitive world. Ideally, I agree with a lot of the criticisms towards capitalism/individualism. But adhering to those ideals has only brought more suffering to my concrete life. The red pill helped me see this contradictions. I had great resentment in highschool towards these upper class kids that had these left winged ideals... but no matter how hippie or rugged their clothes were, they were still popular, "above me" in coolness, they got the girls, etc. In other words, hierarchies are very much inevitable. Whether you agree to hypergamy or not, you have to admit that there's a lot of inequality in the small amount of guys that get sex/intimacy/attention from the majority of girls (it follows the pareto principle), and it has very little to do with effort or any factors that are under your control. Over time I stopped being resentful and just accepted the reality, and that if I was in their place I would do the same, stopped trying to higher ideals that don't exist and instead focus on how to improve my situation now. I choose to be kind because sometimes I feel like it, and it's a very  convenient of behaving in social settings, but not out of fear of being punished or rejected. I acknowledge that all those good morals are artificial  and in reality very few people care about me (and I care about very few people).
Ate 1700kcal
I need to get to bed earlier

December 13th

Ate 1600kcal
Drawing: 7h
Productivity: 7/10
Mood: 7/10
Energy: 6/10

December 14th

Ate 1800kcal
Drawing: 8h
Productivity: 7.5/10
Mood: 8/10
Energy: 6/10

December 15th

Drawing: about 8hs, with relatively high levels of concentration even though I was feeling pretty tired. I need to sleep earlier.
Productivity 8/10
Mood 8/10
Energy 5/10

Muscled through the study (1st portfolio piece). There are still things to finish, but the main bulk of work is done. I don't think it is good, for the amount of work that I spend in it. I learned a lot though, and, as Andy would say, I should give myself permission to suck, considering I'm still new to digital media. At this point it's better to move on another image, I have signed up to 3 art challenges, which is great, it forces me to generate ideas and execute them. Healthy competition is great too. I asked for feedback on this piece on a discord server with professional illustrators. I'll finish the piece with a more fresh mind and after receiving this feedback.

@SIGMA_1234 That's a good question, one that I have asked myself. Here's a list of the most common projects on freelancer:
-small icons and images
-logo designs
-coloring
-caricature
-[introduce famous person or deity] artwork
-illustrations for mobile app
-image edit (remove background)
-children book illustrations
-poster design
-photo illustration
-book/music album cover

intuitively I would say, the goal of the image is to improve the presentation of the client's product so I becomes more profitable, or it is a personal caprice of my client. In many cases, as one artist that I respect says, it's something that the client "could have done themselves if they weren't busy doing more important things". I'm probably investing way too much effort in a work that's probably end up being the vision of the client, and not mine.

Long term, I'd like to do concept art for videogames and/or movies. The image would be part of a more complex line of production where someone has an idea, a 2d artist (me) does a rough sketch of how that idea would look like, then a 3d models it, then a programer codes it in to the game, and so forth. But first I have to do these small, not ideal jobs. If I want to succeed big, I have to succeed with small things first.
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Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
Thebastard
Posts: 408 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2020 7:16 pm
Goal: ....
Age: 18
Motto: ....
Location: ....

Wed Dec 16, 2020 9:10 pm

Welcome! Scary shit about the parasite! Lymes or something like that is what immediately sprang to mind. Thank zeus you didn't have that as far as you know. I also thought maybe your hormones were out of back (testosterone etc.) but you becoming that weak definitely indicates it would be something way worse.

I wouldn't necessarily see guitar playing as a waste of time. If you got really good perhaps you could capitalise on it? Maybe not now because of corona but I knew a guy who literally could make 200 euros a day busking (while evading city council agents no less but still).
For my free 2016-2017 Golden Eagle Project pdf with commentary, PM me

2023 Goals
Sort my shit out
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Tue Dec 29, 2020 3:48 am

December 16th

Went to the doctor. Was lucky to find a good one.
She gave me pills for giardiasis and a blood test for thyroid hormone (not only tsh, but also t3, t4, reverse, etc)

Ate 2000kcal, reallt fucked up the diet.
Went to bed very late, also, couldnt sleep.

December 17th
Woke up early (6:30). Did blood test. Walked a lot and did tedious chores
Ate 1800kcal, but burnt 300kcal walking so I'm still at a deficit
Drawing: 5h

Productivity: 7/10
Mood: 6/10
Energy: 5/10

December 18th

Arrived late to appointmentFuck. This must not happen anymore. If you are late to a place, you burn in hell for eternity
Drawing: 5h
Productivity: 6.5/10
Energy 7/10
Mood 7/10

December 19th

After a ton of procrastination, did sketches for artstation challenge. Had a lot of fun with it.
Productivity: 9/10
Mood: 9/10
Energy:6/10
.
December 20th

Advanced my artstation challenge. Drew a lot, like 8h, with a lot of  concentration, still played guitar a bit. Hope I can keep this pace. Wish I started this challenge sooner!
Didnt count calories today, way to focused on this thing, probably towards maintenance.

Productivity 9/10
Mood 9/10
Energy 6/10

December 21st
Didnt made it to the official challenge on time, but will keep with this project anyway. Today I struggled a lot more to draw. Probably 4h of focused drawing at best.
I'm wasting time with youtube, not so much with instagram. It's okay to listen a stream while I draw, not to watch videos without drawing.
I also wasted time talking/friendly debating with a friend
Ate 1800kcal.

Dec 22nd

Wasted a lot of time and energy going to an electrocardiogram appointment, ran into bureaucratic issues and had to postopone it
Ate 1700kcal


Dec 23rd
Ended giardiasis antibiotics cycle
Thyroid results are normal.
Drawing: 4h
Could have done more.
Had trouble concentrating
I wastr time watching youtube videos and chatting with a friend. The latter is good and necessary, the former is not.Those seconds dont come back. Get used to the boringness of life.
I must keep pushing. I have no choice. I am an slave to my goals, not to youtube algorhythm.. I am my own employer and my own employee. I

Productivity 7/10
Energy: 4/10
Mood: 7/10
Ate 1500kcal

December 24th

Productivity: 6/10
Energy 4/10
Mood: 7/10
Drew like 1h
Felt with little energy but also got distracted
I read about golden ratio, fractals, aesthetics and self similarity in art and objects in nature, which took probably somw cognitive effort, but it is still a shit excuse for procrastination. Ate 1600kcal

december 25th

Did 7h of drawing but I also got distracted. Stop being lazy
Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 5/10

December 26th

Exactly the same as yesterday, was somewhat productive but it could habe been more.
Wasted too much time debating with a friend
I also researched a lot about ancient history, ancient technology and the roman empire (completely out of curiosity).

December 27th

After a round of antibiotics, I dont think giardiasis has been cured. I'm still tired all the time and have constipation. I'll have to try another type of antibiotics and or check my water source/provider
Was somewhat productive
Productivity: 6.5/10
Mood: 7/10
Energy: 4/10
Productivity
December 28th

Wasted a lot of time in the morning and afternoon

Productivity: 6.5/10
Mood: 6/10
Energy: 4/10
Ate 1600kcal

@Bastard I see how doing recreative activities can transform into something productive. However, you can say that about a lot of things. A lot of things could be transformed into a lot of things in the future "potentially", and I tend to justify lazy behaviors with these kind of explanations. We, as human beings, are EXPERTS at making rationalizations. That's the problem with being self employed, or self taught, you don't have an "independent observer" with his own goals that calls you out on your bullshit. My tendency is to jump on one thing, and then to the next, then to the next, and never finish anything. Potential means nothing. Something not finished was never worth starting.
Attached some things I've been working on.
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Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
Reservoir
Posts: 311 | Thanks: 48
Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2020 8:02 pm
Name: Dimitri
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 30

Tue Dec 29, 2020 10:29 pm

@Sisyphus If your doc tested for reverse t3, she does sound competent. That's a very niche test, only docs who know thyroid hormones well would bother doing it. Most only know TSH and don't even bother testing T3 + T4 (and even less care about free T3 + reverse). I had to ask to get these done a few years ago.

Regarding youtube, I use an extension called Youtube Unhooked for firefox. It hides all video suggestions + comments. Which means the only way to find a video is to type something specific in the searchbar. It prevents me from mindlessly hopping from one video to the next, and I recommend it.

Good luck with your intestinal infection, hope you get better.
  • Goals:
    • 1 cold approach lay
    • 5 approaches in 1 day
    • 10 approaches in 1 day
    • 20 approaches in 1 day
    • Reach Milestone: 20 lifetime lays [29/20]
User avatar
enjoyablehat
Posts: 282 | Thanks: 48
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2020 4:15 am
Name: George
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 26
Motto: Consistency is key
Location: Boston

Thu Dec 31, 2020 4:24 pm

Sisyphus wrote:
Wed Dec 16, 2020 1:52 pm
December 7th

I'm slowly undoing the colectivist mindset I was raised to accept. I'm giving myself permission to be selfish, that I have no moral obligation whatsoever to give back to my community, being superior to my competition in what I do is not stepping over them. I don't need to hold back.
Love this man - gotta put yourself first. How can you help others or your community if you haven't made yourself a better person? Taking yourself seriously and a you first mentality is key - keep pushing!
Current Goals:
Get a new job
Fix Sleep
Stay consistent with eating and improve health habits
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:31 am

December 29th

Did 1h of drawing in the morning
Metronidazole is the name of the antiparasitary that I used. I dont feel better, I actually feel worse.
Did about 6hours of drawing
Ate 1500kcal, rode bike and burnt 500kcal
Drank a lettuce and orange juice/smoothie, I think it helps. It has a lot of fiber, magnesium, potassium, and other micronutrients that are good for the gut. Also, I think, it's one of the best carb sources.
Challenging myself makes me feel good. I feel like I have a purpose, a mission. There are few things in life like leveling up
Productivity 7.5/10
Energy 6/10
Mood 8/10

December 30th

Ate 1700kcal, burnt 400kcal biking.
Drawing: 6h
Productivity: 7.5/10
Mood: 8/10
Energy: 7/10

December 31st

Ate 1600kcal, burnt 300kcal riding bike

Fucked arpund a lot but resolved an important painting problem, after lots of frustration.

Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 7/10

January 1st
I was struck with lots of self doubt and frustration. Pushed through and I had productive results. Drawing: 4h

Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 7/10
Ate 1700kcal, burnt 500kcal riding bike

January 2nd
There is one thing I've learned this year: DON'T JUMP OFF THE TRAIN.
As exhausting and absurd this treadmill of life can be, there is more suffering if you rest too much. Keep going. Keep your momentum. Life is pretty much all about working on your goals.
Drawing: 5h
Productivity 7.5/10

January 3rd

Woke up feeling extremely insecure, criticizing myself for my past failures
Drawing: 8h
Productivity 9/10
Mood 8/10
Energy 7/10

Ate 1700kcal
Just. Keep. The. Fuck. Going.

January 4th
Stop understimating the amount of rice you eat. You eat DOUBLE. Burn more calories do more excercise. Therefore you have calculated a lot of things wrong.
Fuck, I can barely do 5 pushups.
Ate 1500kcal
Did 50 burpees, which burns about 25kcal, although I guess it increases your metabolic activity.
Probably the most secure thing is do 1hr of bike daily
Installed a cold turkey blocker, and I have an app block in my phone. Not looking back
Finished a very long and tedious project and posted on level up facebook group. 4 more left...

January 5th

I seem to be unable to gain any strength, in fact, I keep losing strength
But I'm making some cardio gains at least, so I'm gonna focus on that.
Signed up to Muay Thai everyday.
I often wonder why the fuck I chose doing art, instead of something more practical and profitable. Sometimes I think it was a bad decision I made years ago, based on youthful emotions and an ignorance on the real possibilities of making money on the Internet and creating your business, and I keep going a stupid path rationalizing it as "working on my passion", "finishing what you started", "not giving up", while in fact it is a mix of sunk cost fallacy, gambler's fallacy, survivorship bias and choice supportive bias. The reality is that it's hard to think logically, pragmatically and long term, on a daily basis, and our emotions also play a part on our happiness.
Created an instagram account for photography. I'm very interested in photography aswell.
Wasted a lot of time going from one place to another. Spent time reading a book but still didnt draw much.
My family put a netflix series on tv. I succesfully resisted the temptation of wasting my time watching it. I still have to work more. I specially need to work on be able to work more.
No more laziness, no more timecwasting. Just.fucking.grind.
Burnt 600kcal riding bike and doing muay thai.
Ate 1900kcal.

Preocutivoty 8/10
Mood 8/10

January 6th

Productivity 8/10

January 7th
Ate 1600kcal, burned 200

January 8th

Drawing 8h
Productivity 8/10
Stay on the path
Write 100 comments
Do personal branding.

January 10th

Lost a bit track of calories last few days
Today I ate 1600 kcal

January 11th

Ate 1650kcal
Drawing: 8h
Productivity 8/10
Mood: 8/10

January 12th

Woke up 6:30
Started again muay thai and drawing atelier (virtual). Feels good, feels like I am back on track

Janiary 13th

Woke up 6:30
Went to Muay Thai. Drawing: 4h. Listened to video/tutorial
Wrote 10 comments on social media. Writing comments is a way of doing good use of social media so I slowly increase my following.
Burnt 250kcal
Ate 1700kcal
Productivity 7/10
Mood 7/10
Energy 6/10

January 14th

Woke up 7:30, missed Muay Thai lesson. Felt pretty tired and muscularly fatigued. I need to get in bed earlier. 12am is not early early enough. 6:30 hours of sleep is not enough. Slowly I'm catching up "hard work momentum" though
Ate 1500kcal


January 15th

Woke up 6:30
Went to bet at 23. Felt pretty fatigued and used that as an excuse. It was also raining. Another excuse. I also missed the bus by 30 seconds
Another excuse, it is not "bad luck", you should have gone out earlier.
Ate 1600kcal
Reading draeing book: 2h
Drawing: 5h
Productivity: 7/10
Mood: 7/10
Energy: 5/10
I said I was going to to have 5 pieces in my portfolio and be 8% bodyfat by this date. I failed. I think I tried hard, not my hardest. Something between 70% and 80%.
I overestimated my starting point. In fitness, I was a higher bodyfat than expected. I am at 69.5kg, not even 10%.
In drawing, I still lack understanding of fundamentals. However giving myself the challenge to do portfolio pieces helped me a lot to see where I am lacking. I have reached my limits, I now my strengths and weaknesses. Now I am more purposeful when practicing fundamentals, I have a goal in mind, an end result to achieve, not just random studies. There's no point in making x amount of pieces and taking forever to do something mediocre or bad. You need to really stand out in this field. Completing things doesn't guarantee anything. What matters is the skill level that allows you to produce a lot of good content fast.
15/2/21 for being 8% bodyfat.
15/5/21 for a decent portfolio
15/12/21 for an almost pro level portfolio.
I am mainly going to focus on art this year, while I keep trying to integrate cold approach in my lifestyle, which has been the hardest for me, I was only able to approach when I went full in and had the as program momentum.

Attached pics of current physique and other pics of pieces I've been working with.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
User avatar
Lostcause
Posts: 586 | Thanks: 173
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 1:23 pm
Goal: New toys
Age: 23

Sat Jan 16, 2021 10:16 am

Sisyphus wrote:
Thu Nov 26, 2020 11:01 pm
Fuck, I can barely do 5 pushups.
Sisyphus wrote:
Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:31 am
15/2/21 for being 8% bodyfat.
Is there really a point in further cuting at this point? Sounds like you should rather focus on building lean muscle mass. It kinda sounds like you are burning through your muscle for the sake of reaching the goal
User avatar
Sisyphus
Posts: 199 | Thanks: 165
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:32 pm
Name: Gabo
Goal: Be a millionaire artist
Age: 27
Motto: Follow your gut

Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:16 pm

Lostcause wrote:
Sat Jan 16, 2021 10:16 am
Sisyphus wrote:
Thu Nov 26, 2020 11:01 pm
Fuck, I can barely do 5 pushups.
Sisyphus wrote:
Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:31 am
15/2/21 for being 8% bodyfat.
Is there really a point in further cuting at this point? Sounds like you should rather focus on building lean muscle mass. It kinda sounds like you are burning through your muscle for the sake of reaching the goal
I'm burning through my strength, based on photos when I started the cut I have kept my muscle mass. The loss of strength has more to do with an overall loss of health and stamina that I have been experiencing for the last 6 months or so, which was probably caused by a parasitic infection that I'm treating right now. Luckily, this doesn't affect my muscle mass, but it does affect my strength, endurance and overall performance. I don't care too much about my lifts, I train mostly for aesthetics, and I know I will regain my strength in the future. I'm going as slowly as I can in my cut in order to avoid muscle mass loss.
Number 1 goal: Earn $1000/month (300000 ARS)
Number 2: Fuck 10 girls from cold approach (5/10)

Number 3: get to 72kg at 10% bodyfat.
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